Alrighty, here's anudder rant/vent · 6:45pm Mar 13th, 2021
Alrighty, so, I recently got a special somepony and I told my parents and now I am living to greatly regret that because I am now terrified because I might have to break up with her, and I'm not even supposed to be dating yet, and it's all my ducking fault. Just another thing I screwed up on I guess.
Y'know, I always end up happy for a while and then it's taken from me, always happens. Since I've been with her I have genuinely been happy, but now I think I'm coming to terms that we might not last and it hurts. It's almost like death, except the only thing that's dying is my emotions. I was scared and numb yesterday, and everything seems just just be slowly falling apart.
I hate feeling like this, not being able to understand why the world seems to be out to get me.
First, quarantine hit. Then I became lactose intolerant. Then my siblings started fighting. Then I became lactose intolerant. Then I had surgery after months of being stuck in quarantine, which is right about the time I discovered MLP. Then I got to go to public schooling again, which was a good time, until I got severely sick for some reason. Then, when we went in to the doctor's, we found out that my immune system was attacking my thyroid, and that the lactose intolerance was the first symptom. Not only that, but I found out I had a Vitamin D deficiency. Time continued forward for a little while, before I had to do online schooling and all that crazy jazz. Slowly my mental health started decreasing from staring at a screen for hours on end, and became less and less motivated. Then I met her. Everything seemed brighter, I was happier, and now this happens. All in the span of a year... And my 14 year old flank thought he could handle it all. Guess what? I CAN'T.
Life seems to hit us the hardest in our teenage years, doesn't it. And most of it is our own cursed fault. Hahaha very funny joke, Life, cut it out. I'm done with it. I'm sick of your laughing at my failures. I just want to be happy for once.
My time with her didn't last long... And it's my fault because I said something. When something is someone's fault, it's because they did something to cause it to happen. Go ahead, tell me it isn't my fault. I know it is.
"A real man admits his mistakes," my dad always says... Well guess what, I don't feel like a man at all...
I know it's never this simple, but remember, this is your life, and I'm pretty sure you're old enough to make decisions for yourself now. Falling in love is a part of life, and when it happens it happens. God and the angels and whoever else is looking out for us aren't going to blame you for something that's written into the laws of nature. I'm not usually a rebellious pony, but this is one of those times when I think you should forget the rules, forget "You're not supposed to be dating" and do what you want. Failing that, you might have to let your special somepony go, but make sure she knows it's not because of her, or you, but fate said it was not meant to be.
Most important thing: Never, and I mean never give up. You need somepony to talk to? I log on to Fimfiction every day. You've got Devonus too, and countless others. We're here for you.
5474517
I agree.
I... I'll be honest, I don't like such a rule being unconditional. I sincerely apologise if this is offensive, I really do. But...
I can't quite see sense in it. This is a natural part of life, and I don't think it goes against any view or religion (well, simplifying things), no matter whether I share it or not...
It is not protecting anyone, because it is unvonditional, and so doesn't go against the threat, but the very concept, which in this case is not dangerous in itself.
I... am not sure what to comment, really, other than to agree with Angel and tell you to be you. Because that's who you are and will be no matter what. No matter what rules are set up, what you're told, what is accepted; believe me, I know. And I also know at the end of the day it tends to be nothing but good.
I'm sorry if any part here seemed harsh or agressive. It wasnkt supposed to be...
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5474517
As per my parent's quotation, I am still developing and learning, and my hormones are not fully developed, and thus I cannot have anybody to love because I don't understand what love is.
I wish I could argue, I really do, but they'd find out again either way... I'm just not fit to love anyone, probably never will be. I might as well accept the truth of it and move on.
It's what I've always had to do. Just bury it and keep going. Just bury it and not think about it. Just bury it and forget about it. Experiences are nothing but learning tools.
Ha, the only learning I'm getting from this is that life is cruel and unjust and I don't think I'm fit to understand anything.
5474744
That stinks. I would drop that "not fit to love anypony or find my way in the world" in a massive slurry pit, but it's up to you. Your parents want the best for you, but they're not immune to making errors. You might be the kind of pony who wants a nice quiet life and listens to them because you don't want a massive argument, which is fine. I just think it's wrong for them to get involved and tell you to cut the relationship dead when young love is actually a wonderful thing that you should experience.
Experiences are learning tools, but they need to be enjoyed too. I've buried my feelings up until now, and now that I'm not doing that I feel great. Don't let them stop you being you.