Twilight Sparkle attempts observational stand-up comedy · 4:45pm Feb 14th, 2021
"I just gotta say—what's the deal with pegasi? Eh? Eh? That mare knows what I'm talking about! You, ma'am. Right there."
"No, not you. That's not where I was pointing. Although..."
"No, I'm sorry. I take it back. You also know what I'm talking about. Sorry. The stallion next to you also does, on further reflection."
"Most of that row knows what I'm talking about. Seats A2 through A17. There's an empty seat at A18 which we can discard and two occupied seats at A19 and A20 but clearly neither of them get it. A21 returns to ponies who get it except for A25, who does not get it. A26 gets it."
"Moving on to the 'B' row..."
(clock wipe)
"Cross-referencing the seating chart (taps card table) obtained from the box office with my observational analysis of which ponies get what I'm talking about reveals some fascinating statistical insights, which we will now summarize in brief. First..."
Pfft. That is exceedingly accurate.
Okay, there needs to be an option for upvoting blog posts.
Nailed it.
"You suck!"
"Actually, I did read something fascinating about negative pressure seals the other day..."
It’s the most basic of jokes.
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You're the most basic of jokes!
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I wanted to say that!
You'd be amazed how funny a pie chart to the face can be.
She could be hilarious, just not on purpose
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But I got the comment notification so neener.
I guess when you're an alicorn you have racial immunity for all three kinds of jokes.
No... wait. I think it's the other way around. Oh dear. Sparkle's in trouble...
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Your system can keep me away from Harwick-sempai's notice for only so long! One day I will make a great offhand comment in the random blog of someone else and maybe, just maybe, he'll notice and maybe let some air out through his nose and (gosh I'm starting to sweat here) gives me a... a... thumb up? I mean it would be totally presumptuous of me to think he might actually, you know, answer me or anything. I mean that would be totally awesome, but I wouldn't know what to say or I'd make a stupid fool of myself so it's better that he doesn't talk to me but it would be nice if he did notice me. I think.
Stage Hoof: "Where's Apollo? I keep turning the red light on and off but he won't show her off stage."
Manager: "I had to let him go. Last week she signed a bill outlawing jobs that are needlessly unfriendly."
Stage Hoof: "If it was any other pony, I'd say it was "convenient"."
Manager: "Well the bill was presented by Rarity and seconded by Rainbow Dash."
Stage Hoof: "She didn't test her act on them, did she?"
Manager: "An independent fashion stage is not terribly different from a comedic one."
Naked Singularity flashbacks intensify
Can you imagine her workshopping the materiel?
======
"Twilight, darling, this seems... well... how can I put this..."
"This'n is borderline racist, Twi. A unicorn can't make jokes about pegasi bein' 'like that' these days. It's ain't the done thing."
"I'm an alicorn! That makes me a pegasus!"
"You're kind of a pegasus."
"You guys are overreacting. I'M a pegasus and I think this materiel is hilarious. Twilight, I officially give you permission to use your pegasus privilege."
"Rainbow, dear, I feel like... mmm... how to put this... I feel like this is a prelude to you going back to making jokes about unicorns and their horns, and then Twilight will feel like she can't be mad at you because you gave her permission for her own comedy stylings."
"You're so suspicious, Rarity. But I guess we can't expect better from someone with a counterclockwise horn spiral."
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Pinkie agrees and will love to get in your face!
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This is starting to get into GAPJaxie/Gardez territory.
I mean, I was laughing. :D
(...And I may also be a little curious what those statistical insights were... :D)
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I wish I'd written this.
Is she going to go into full-scale Seinfeld territory?
"What is the deal with hay-bacon? Is it hay, or is it bacon? Is it both? We're herbivores, why would we even want to eat something that resembles meat?"
Obviously I am horrible at observational humor, or trying to replicate it.
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Everyone always writes about unicorns being racist, but there's a deep, rich seam of Aragonian humor to be mined from ponies being racist against unicorns!
The phrenology references you can do with the horns alone, I mean.