Friendship is Card Games and Witchcraft: Read It and Sleep · 12:49pm Feb 7th, 2021
This week, we’re winding back the clock a bit in terms of source episodes. There were hints of this Twilight’s delusions last week, but now we’ll get a better sense of the depth of the rabbit hole… but not a complete one. That will come in time.
First, a confession: This episode title is so good, I have consistently confused it with “Look Before You Sleep” for most of the past decade.
Ah, all the background ponies saying the names of things they’re interacting with.
Yup. All the background ponies. And Rarity.
Ah, shades of Order of the Stick dwarves. The trees cannae be trusted, lad.
“But we have nothing in common. I come from a rich family, and you eat apples.”
One of the strengths of this series has always been Jenny Nicholson’s delivery on these non sequiturs.
Vaccine jokes are a bit less funny in Current Year, but the disease being disco fever helps.
“Uh… There. Dance on that table. Should come natural to you.”
Wow, Applejack. Wow.
And the first hint of the war, one of FiW’s more disquieting background elements. Especially Applejack’s role in it. We’ll get to that in time.
That “Not her!” should tell you… well, not quite all you need to know about this Twilight, but a fair amount. Especially since even Rarity and Applejack agree on the point.
Oh, Spike. Things will not get easier for him…
“The last time it rained this hard, I broke out in jives!”
Okay, that’s a good pun.
“The storm blew some bolt cutters onto my phone line,” on the other hand, is a brilliant obvious lie and warning sign. Especially given the deranged laughter as Twilight fetches her fan fiction.
I’m honestly surprise Applejack didn’t run home in the rain, but after calling Rarity a deserter, I suppose she recognized the hypocrisy.
And the Cult of Smooze, another of the notable details of this setting. Again, we’ll come back to that. (Heh. Hadn’t thought about Fluttershy being okay with Our Town in this context. Or the way the Smooze actually showed up in G4. Imagine if your significant other manifested your god as his plus-one to make you jealous.)
Shades of Misery… if the crazy woman had actually written the story she so obsesses over. Which is frankly more terrifying.
“You wouldn’t want to end up like Twilight’s old friends in Canterlot, would you?”
This has aged all too well since “Amending Fences.” Now we can appreciate the magnitude of Twilight’s sins. Though I have to wonder how Rarity heard about that.
Okay, Twilight’s whinnying giggle is admittedly cute. Or would be in less psychotic circumstances.
… Huh. I wasn’t expecting Undertale to come to mind, but then we hit that timecard. Go figure.
Interrupting the classic “It. Is. On.” Brilliant little subversion. And the following music, with cymbals for each pillow impact, is great as well.
“I’ll play Rarity’s innocent victims!”
Ah. I’d forgotten about that line. And again, I have to wonder how others heard about this. Though in both cases, the answer may be “a public trial.”
Ah, Rule of Threes.
One thing to appreciate with the battle for the sheets—aside from the amazing Sleep Song—is how much both combatants use their mouths as manipulators. Which is kind of funny, given the earlier moment with Applejack's sticky hooves.
Okay, the lightning and levitation make sense, but what’s it like when Twilight loses control over the power to read books or write fanfics?
(Also, Twilight calling up weather to trap her friends. Now we’re getting omens of Pony Life.)
Spike’s “not again!” in the repeated footage is funnier than it should be.
Honestly, a hat that turns into a lasso seems like just the kind of thing Applejack would appreciate.
“What in Lee’s ghost are you doing?”
Well, there’s something that will take some unpacking. An Equestrian Civil War raises all kinds of questions… though if it was the one fought ten years ago…
I mean, even in canon, Rarity seems equally skilled at fashion and precision target elimination. She doesn’t need to use the latter skill set very often, but it’s there.
We never did see the topiary spell again, sadly.
Nice touch with the credits commemorating all the lives lost in the Great Equestrian War.
And that’s “Read it and Sleep.” While “The Perfect Swarm” gave us an overarching sense of the characters, here we took a deep dive on a select few, to the peril of everyone but Twilight. This will be a theme. But for now, on to the cards. And I won’t even trap you on this page to read them!
Shellshock W
Enchantment — Aura
Flash
Enchant creature
You can only choose a creature that attacked or blocked this turn as this spell’s target as you cast it.
Enchanted creature can’t attack or block. (This won’t remove a creature from combat.)
War Trauma 1W
Sorcery
War Trauma deals 4 damage to target tapped creature.
Flashback 3WW (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.)
Rarity quickly grew to hate fireworks.
The Sleep Song U
Enchantment — Song
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a verse counter on The Sleep Song.
1U, Sacrifice The Sleep Song: Choose up to X target permanents, where X is the number of verse counters on The Sleep Song. You may tap or untap each of those permanents.
Pegasus Nephotect 1U
Creature — Pegasus Citizen
Flying
When Pegasus Nephotect enters the battlefield, look at the top card of target player’s library. You may put that card on the bottom of that library.
Pegasi assemble weather with exacting precision.
1/2
Insurance Claim 3U
Instant
Draw a card.
Gravestorm (When you cast this spell, copy it for each permanent put into a graveyard this turn.)
Agencies soon charged premiums just for living in Ponyville.
Abandoned Cemetery 1B
Enchantment
Zombies you control get +1/+0.
2B: Create a tapped 2/2 black Zombie creature token. Activate this ability only if you have one or fewer cards in hand.
Like mold or rats, zombies are only a problem if left alone for long enough.
Disgraced Deserter 1B
Creature — Unicorn Coward
Disgraced Deserter can’t block.
“Call me what you like, but only after your turn in the trenches.”
3/1
Isolated Unicorn 1BB
Creature — Unicorn Warlock
At the beginning of your end step, if you control no other creatures, each opponent sacrifices a creature.
Friends, like everything else, are harder to make than unmake.
2/3
Fluttershy’s Devoted 2B
Creature — Unicorn Cleric
Lifelink
XG, Exile Fluttershy’s Devoted from your graveyard: Create an X/X green Ooze creature token. Activate this ability only any time you could cast a sorcery.
“Praise Smooze.”
2/2
Headless Abomination 5B
Creature — Horror
Menace
Madness 3B (If you discard this card, discard it into exile. When you do, cast it for its madness cost or put it into your graveyard.)
Far from the worst of Twilight Sparkle’s crazed fantasies.
4/4
Deranged Laughter 1R
Instant
Discard all the cards in your hand, then draw that many cards. The next madness cost you pay this turn costs 2 less.
“It’s funny because it has to be!”
—Twilight Sparkle
Disco Fever 1R
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature attack each combat if able.
Whenever enchanted creature attacks, it deals 1 damage to each creature its controller controls.
Burn, baby, burn.
Mudhole Wallower 2R
Creature — Pony Warrior
When Mudhole Wallower enters the battlefield, exile all land cards from target player’s graveyard. Put that many +1/+1 counters on Mudhole Wallower.
“Darn it, Tarp, this why other tribes call us names!”
—Applejack
1/1
Wartime Atrocity 2RR
Instant
Cast this spell only after blockers are declared.
Wartime Atrocity deals 4 damage to each creature that didn’t attack or block this turn and is controlled by a player who attacked or defended this turn.
Storm Brewer 3R
Creature — Unicorn Wizard
When Storm Brewer enters the battlefield, it deals 4 damage to target non-Wizard creature chosen at random.
“I don’t harness lightning. I let it run wild.”
4/2
Strike Twice 4R
Instant
Strike Twice deals 3 damage to any target.
Rebound (If you cast this spell from your hand, exile it as it resolves. At the beginning of your next upkeep, you may cast this card from exile without paying its mana cost.)
Ghost of Rebellious Lee 5R
Legendary Creature — Pony Spirit Soldier
Haste, menace
Whenever Ghost of Rebellious Lee attacks, tap target creature defending player controls. Gain control of that creature until end of turn. It is attacking that player.
4/3
Crushing Impact XR
Sorcery
Choose one. If X is 4 or more, choose up to two instead. If X is 8 or more, choose any number instead.
• Crushing Impact deals X damage to target creature.
• Crushing Impact deals X damage to target planeswalker.
• Destroy target artifact with converted mana cost X or less.
Branchmender 3G
Creature — Unicorn Druid
When Branchmender enters the battlefield, you may return target land card from your graveyard to the battlefield tapped.
“Regrowth is as natural as destruction. I just speed up the process.”
2/2
Siegemaster Oak 3G
Creature — Treefolk Warrior
Forests you control have reach and vigilance.
3G: Put a +1/+1 counter on each land you control.
5GG: Untap all noncreature lands you control. Until your next turn, they become 2/2 creatures and gain haste. They’re still lands.
3/3
Interrupting Impact UR
Instant
Counter target activated or triggered ability of a creature or planeswalker. Interrupting Impact deal 3 damage to that permanent. (Mana abilities can’t be targeted.)
The “hoof to face” school of countermagic is just as effective as any other.
Diamond in the Rough 2RG
Enchantment — Saga
(As this Saga enters and after your draw step, add a lore counter. Sacrifice after III.)
I, II — Target creature you control fights up to one target creature you don’t control.
III — You gain life equal to the total power of up to two target creatures.
Disciple of Oko 2(gu)(gu)
Creature — Unicorn Wizard
When Disciple of Oko enters the battlefield, another target artifact or creature you control loses all abilities and becomes a green and blue Unicorn creature with base power and toughness 3/3. (It loses all other card types and creature types.)
3/3
Fluttershy, Chosen of Smooze 3BG
Legendary Creature — Pegasus Cleric
Flying
Whenever Fluttershy or another non-Ooze creature dies, create a 0/0 green Ooze creature token, then put a +1/+1 counter on each Ooze you control.
“We all feed the Unstoppable in time.”
3/3
Wrath of Smooze 3BBG
Sorcery
Destroy all non-Ooze creatures, then create an X/X green Ooze creature token, where X is the number of creatures destroyed this way.
“And the volcano erupted, not with rock, but with hatred.”
—The Fall of Dream Valley
Just when I thought the "Abridged" style of re-dubs couldn't get any more deranged… I think the part that got me the most was the bits with the Smooze.
Inside Baseball Alert: Ah, mudholes. What would we do without them? The same thing we'd do with them, unless we get an earth pony to wallow in them; it's one of the most infamously useless cards this side of One With Nothing.
Inside Baseball Alert: Wartime Atrocity is, of course, bombarding civilians with more force than you're likely to be using on the actual combatants. 4 damage is actually kind of a lot.
Convergent Design Alert: Interrupting Impact reminds me of a counterspell I haven't gotten around to fully designing yet named Firemind's Retort and flavored in more or less exactly the way you'd expect if you have any knowledge of who the character in question is (even as little as would be gained by clicking the link).
5449539
It will get more deranged from here. Quite a lot more!
Ah, FICG is back to covering things I've actually seen. A pleasant surprise.
Gotta say, over the years I've come to the opinion that The Mentally Advanced Series was funnier, but I always preferred Friendship is Witchcraft's songs. The series had such a catchy musical style.
Okay, Siegemaster Oak is great.