• Member Since 3rd Feb, 2017
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Cara


Spitfire is best pone, Rarity is worst, and no, I'm not changing my mind. Art by Cyonix

More Blog Posts12

  • 1 week
    It's over. I'm out.

    Didn't think I would be making one of these, but here we are.

    I can't do this any more.

    I'm putting down the pen and walking away.

    I'm leaving the creation/social side of the fandom. I admittedly was never super present for the creation side, but I have no real reason to remain.

    Read More

    4 comments · 38 views
  • 7 weeks
    Follow up time

    So, here I am again, and you probably think that I have something to say.

    You're right. Gold star.

    Read More

    1 comments · 53 views
  • 19 weeks
    Why I wrote Troubled Griffs

    I did promise a blog about Troubled Griffs.

    So, here goes.

    Read More

    4 comments · 146 views
  • 26 weeks
    Poggers

    Meaningless blog here, just here to say y'all are poggers and to antagonize Brick by saying poggers.

    Poggers, PogU, Pogchamp, Pog, and a healthy dose of dabbing.


    (Source)

    3 comments · 76 views
  • 27 weeks
    Youtube Channel

    Hey guys,

    I sometimes do readings of stories from Quills and Sofas, so here's my youtube channel if you want to listen to those. Eventually I am going to branch out into other content.

    0 comments · 55 views
Feb
7th
2021

Why I wrote Troubled Griffs · 5:47am February 7th

I did promise a blog about Troubled Griffs.

So, here goes.

Troubled Griffs was originally written for the basic contest I hosted in Quills and Sofas, with the prompt "Just breathe, we'll be okay". Even before the contest launched, I had a vision in my head that involved Gallus discovering that he was polyamorous and going to Trixie in order to cope with the feelings. They'd talk and Gallus would eventually come to terms with his sexuality.

In hindsight, maybe it wasn't just a story.

Gallus is far and away the easiest of the Young Six to connect with for me. He's slow to make friends, but when he does he's incredibly loyal. Neither of us have many close friends, so we hold on tight. He was an orphan that was taken in by Gruff. I was an orphan who was adopted (by an admittedly wonderful family, which is more than can be said for our favorite cat-bird). He's snarky and tries to be tough, but underneath the walls he built up in Griffonstone, he's a softy.

I guess it's not surprising then, that I view him almost as a self-insert. Actually, it's less of an insert and more of a 'we have parallels so I can easily imagine myself in his place', if you want to get technical.

It's probably pretty obvious where this is going, if you've read the story.

This was originally written back in November of 2020, and as of the writing of the original, I had a small crush on someone. Normal, right? I didn't think anything of this story, it was just something that I hadn't seen written before that I wanted to write. It was something that I could contribute to the community.

A couple weeks later, I developed a crush on someone else. At this point, I was starting to realize that just maybe I wrote Gallus the way I did because I wanted to be in that position, with someone I could go to if I needed to talk through and process things.

While I do have a loving family and great friends, I feel lost, almost. I don't have a Trixie figure in my life, I don't have someone sworn to patient-caregiver confidentiality. I don't have other poly people around me that I can turn to to ask questions about it, hell, I don't even know if I am poly. Maybe I am, two simultaneous crushes might indicate that. I might not be, and it's entirely possible that I'm confusing a squish and a crush.

Basically, Gallus is a reflection on myself. The self-loathing bits are honestly things I feel sometimes, which Flashgen covered really well in this story. It's part of the reason I quit Quills and Sofas, the feeling of inadequacy and being a nuisance or burden on those around me. I'm not trying to garner sympathy or make attention grabs with this, but rather just explain Gallus's thought process.

He is what I wish I could be. Confident enough in himself to accept himself, and humble enough to go seek out guidance. Yeah, he has insecurities, but he also is strong enough to overcome them. I don't want to be weak, I want to be able to take the world in stride, and deal with problems as they come along instead of getting hung up on things for months on end. I don't want to be 'carrying the torch' for however long it takes for feelings to fade.

Looking back on it, three months after the original draft and a month after the final went live, Troubled Griffs was somewhat of an experiment for me, exploring myself via other characters, and honestly, I think it kind of worked. When asked about myself, I clam up; I don't want to come off as overbearing or narcicistic, so writing Gallus as a vessel for myself (however unconsciously I did it in the original draft) helped me convey what I was experiencing, in a way.

Hopefully this wasn't too boring, but I figured it was time to release this blog.

Comments ( 4 )

Wishing you all the best, Cara. Miss you lots and hope we can chat soon some day. I’m glad you’ve been able to find some comfort through your writing.

hugs
Didn't know you were going through such things. Glad writing that story helped you with it. If you need someone to talk to, my DMs are always open, and even if you don't need to I'd still like to chat with ya more.

Wish you the best. If you ever need to talk about something my inbox is open

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