Tales From the Trash Bin #13. A Lovable Little Villain. · 1:46pm Jan 29th, 2021
I’ve seen a few comments on SMoTE about Skeletor not being the “real” Skeletor and people being disappointed by it. I’m not annoyed by these comments, and I can understand that some people were disappointed by my choice to have a random joe stuck as Ghost Rider’s ugly brother. I’ve been disappointed by a few stories because the character doesn’t act like their costumed character, and I’ve also fell in love with stories that gave their character a unique personality. I can understand them being disappointed because I’ve been disappointed by it too. So, instead of being upset by those comments, I began to wonder, could I write a villainous character like the real Skeletor?
After that, I went on TV Tropes, looked around for a character as evilly lovable as Skeletor, a character who spoke evil, saw evil, did evil, and praised their villainous nature. And guess what I found. Nothing. Skeletor was by far the best character on that list, with the second best being Aku (fight me). So, I went looking a bit longer, searching random pictures of villains from the early days of cartoons, searching for the most dastardly character I could think of. It took a while, but I eventually found a faint memory of a boastful villain who was part of my childhood.
I think I was able to write an “evil” protagonist pretty well, but it was more of a test than an actual attempt at a story. Like all my other stories on my blog, this is up for adoption. PM me and it’s yours.
Anyway, I hope you can enjoy…
The Mighty Overlord!… of a small village.
Good and evil are not always black and white, despite what one “evil” simian has to say about it. After being defeated once again by a trio of trifling heroes, Mojo-Jojo attempts to return to his evil mountain lair and sulk. However, by some twisted sense of fate, the depressed villain is flung into another world where he crashes into a grey town full of downtrodden ponies. With renewed vigor, Mojo-Jojo plots to conquer the alien planet and return to his own world with an army standing at his side! Will the evil simian be recognized for the evil mastermind he is, or will his villainous plots reveal something else to him?
Don’t Monkey Around.
An Ugly Person is Just a Pretty Money
Monkey Business.
More fun Than a Barrel of Monkeys.
Monkey’s Uncle.
Cheeky Monkey.
Don’t Pay Peanuts to a Monkey.
I Am The Monkey.
Brass Monkey… (An indicator of extreme weather or temperature.)
Gorilla Warfare.
A Bad Baboon.
Monkey Bars.
Heard it Through the Ape Vine.
Chapter 1: Monkey See, Monkey Conquer.
The city of Townsville, a monument to the world’s collective failures, was a place far far away from where the actual story begins. Specifically, it was 238,900, give or take a few hundred, miles away from where everything began to go terribly wrong.
The evil rental moon lair on the moon was a desolate place on a desolate rock, overlooking a world filled with simple minded creatures called humans. Several screens inside the moon base displayed the pathetic populace of the Earth going about their lives, ignorant of the evil simian that was watching them all.
Mojo-Jojo, the most evil, nasty, repulsive, and utterly vile villains to ever villain in history, sat in contemplative silence as he watched a particular screen. The incompetent mayor of Townsville waited with the town, watching the sun fade over the horizon as the moon began to rise so that the humans of Townsville could celebrate the first night of the year. Unbeknownst to them, however, that night would never come.
With the press of a button, the rockets attached to the moon ignited, sending the natural satellite in the opposite direction of the planet’s orbit. The first night of the new year would never pass, allowing the previous year to run on forever, and as such would also prevent three certain brats from ever having another birthday party, meaning they couldn’t graduate kindergarten, which meant that they would be stuck in kindergarten forever!
“Genius!” Mojo-Jojo shouted gleefully as he enjoyed the fruits of his labor. “Poor, poor, stupid, Powerpuff Girls, trapped inside kindergarten for the rest of their lives, being forced to learn basic math over, and over, and over, until they become so disillusioned with classes that they eventually skip classes and begin to skimp on their homework assignments, leading to them coming rebellions, which means they won’t be heroes anymore! Victory is mine, Professor!” He gloated as he thrusted his hands into the air.
“Warning, warning. Cute projectiles approaching at an alarmingly adorable rate,” a robot voice rang out, as all of the screens switched to show three little heroes flying out of the Earth’s orbit.
“Ah, and now for them to arrive. Foolish girls, it will take years to even find my hidden moon lair on the moon, because my lair is so hidden that not even I could find it for months even though the directions the owner provided clearly said it was two miles west of the rock that looked like napoleon if he was wearing a chef’s hat. By the time they find my lair, I will already be gone, free, far away from—”
A sudden crash through the ceiling broke off his monologue as the annoyingly high-pitched voice of Blossom said something stupid that could barely be heard over the sound of his deposit being taken away.
“Curses…” Mojo-Jojo groaned as he lamented his slowly dwindling bank account.
“Give it up, Mo-Joke! Put the moon back where it belongs before we kick your butt!” Buttercup threatened as her sisters glared at the evil simian.
“Give up? Ha! That is where you are mistaken, because I, Mojo-Jojo shall not be the one to give up today, because it will be you who gives up, because you cannot stand up against me, for I have a seeeecret weapon prepared just for you three stupid little girls!” Mojo-Jojo retorted as he pulled one of the large levers on his control console. “Behold, the secret unknown method to your downfall and the end of you all, my new giant robot!” He gloated.
The door behind the three insufferable children slowly drew open, revealing the treads of Mojo-Jojo’s latest invention before the door got stuck a quarter of the way up.
Mojo-Jojo quickly threw the switch up and down as he grumbled at his horrible luck. The only thing that made matters worse was the incredulous and bored stare that the trio were leveling at him, silently judging him for factors that were out of his control.
“Dude, just give up and put the moon back already,” Buttercup groaned as she lazily crossed her arms. “My tv show is on in like, twenty minutes, and I’d really prefer it if the town wasn’t in trouble when it came on.”
“No! I will get this door unstuck and you will fight my giant robot!”
“Do we have to?” The third sister, bubbles, asked. “I mean, how many giant robots have we broken? Seriously, how many? We’ve only learned to count to a hundred in class, and I feel like it’s a lot more than that.”
“It is not! You have not defeated anywhere near one hundred of my giant robots!” He shamelessly lied. It was undoubtedly over a hundred, probably over two hundred too, but it wasn’t like he would ever admit that aloud. “And this robot… Is…. SPECIAL!” He shouted as he violently thrusted the lever forward. The door behind the three girls rose a few more feet but was once again stopped before it could even go half way up.
“Rrrrrrr. Curses! Curses! Curses! Curses! Curses! Curses! Curses! Curses! Curses!” He shouted with each pull and push of the lever.
The leader of the three heroes sighed heavily as she rolled her eyes. “Mojo, you know how this is going to end, you should really just save yourself the trouble and give up.”
“I will not! I will defeat you today, I know I will!” He declared as he banged his fists against the console. The door hiding the robot flew off of the wall as a blast of energy propelled it into the air, allowing his creation to be freed from the oversized closet. “HA! Now you will face the full fury of—”
The trio of sisters, abandoning any sense of chivalry and cordialness, turned and instantly blasted the robot apart with their collective heat vision, reducing his robot to a smoldering pile of ashes almost instantly.
Mojo-Jojo only stared at the remains of his robot in dumfounded silence as the girls all looked at him with clear boredom. It had been a long time since he saw genuine fear in their eyes whenever he arrived with a new plan. Even when they would mock him and belittle them, there were always hints of fear that danced in their eyes and jumbled their words. But now, there was only contempt and boredom.
“I-I… I spent a week building that robot,” he admitted lamely as he watched the ashes crawl towards the floor. “That… I…”
“Mojo, just give up,” Blossom ordered with a tired voice. “It’s not like you can actually beat us, so just put the moon back and go home.”
“Never! I will never turn off the rockets! They—” The three once again didn’t bother to let him finish as they all flew out of his lair and raced towards the rockets that are pushing the moon. In a matter of moments, the large rockets were reduced to space debris as they were torn apart and crushed by the Powerpuff Girls’ tiny hands. With their job done, the girls kicked the moon back into its proper orbit and flew back down to Earth, leaving Mojo-Jojo to his own devices as he simply stared at the many computer screens.
They didn’t even bother to actually fight him, or send him to prison, they just foiled his plan and flew off. He watched the girls bask in the praise of the people of Townsville, taking their latest accomplishment in stride as they embraced their father and began to celebrate the first night of the year.
After staring at the screens for longer than he cared to admit, Mojo-Jojo turned off the computer, shut down the moon lair’s power, and slowly shuffled into the escape pod that the owner provided. He set his coordinates back to his evil lair in Townsville and closed his eyes as he slumped into his chair. A defeated and tired sigh escaped his throat as he was carried off of the moon base and flew back home.
Despite his best efforts, the words of his technical siblings replayed in his mind as he rested his eyes.
“It wasn’t a hundred,” he muttered. “Stupid girls, stupid, stupid, stupid… Stupid monkey…”
As he rested in his chair, lamenting his latest and arguably worst failure against the terrible trio, he opened his eyes to look at the world. He only had a moment to look at his home planet grow closer before a portal suddenly opened up in front of him and swallowed his escape-pod whole.
“What the?! What’s going—”
The village of Hope Hollow, a sleepy town on the edge of Equestria’s western border. It was a forgettable town filled with ponies who rarely smiled or even hoped for a nice day.
The oppressive mundane hopelessness that hung in the air was thick, filling the ponies of the town with dread as they dragged themselves out of their dreams to return to their colorless lives. The town mayor, Sunny Skies, slowly crawled out of bed as the call of his alarm clock forced him to abandon the colorfully fantastical world of his imagination.
He sighed as the memory of a green luscious field faded away, leaving him with only thoughts of what he would need to do for the day. Boring paperwork, signing forms to allow ponies to erect taller fences, another visit to his lab to work on the uselessness hunk of metal that his father left him, and then he could return to the blissful world of his dreams. Perhaps he would get lucky and have a nightmare so that he could speak with Princess Luna, but even that was a hopeless fantasy. The Princesses had already sent their best magicians to the town long ago, hoping to fix the problem that had drained all of the color from thee town but it was, as everything else was, hopeless.
With great reluctance, the lanky and grey coated unicorn rose out of bed and turned off the incessant alarm clock that rested on the nightstand. The monotone blacks, whites, and grays of his room greeted him with silent contempt as he left his bed. Outside, he could hear the town’s local tumbleweed finish its nightly patrol of the empty streets. He idly wondered where the lost tumbleweed always went in the morning, but brushed off his curiosity as he resided himself to his boring schedule.
It was going to be the same bland and boring day as all the ones before it, a monotonous cycle of paperwork and depression that ate away at his soul. At least, that was what he was expecting before a low whistle outside his window caught his ear followed by a loud scream.
"OOOOOOOoooOOOoooOOOooonnnnnn?!”
Before he could once again shake off any sense of curiosity, a thunderous crash shook the foundation of his home, causing the loosely hung pictures and bland decorations to clatter to the ground as Sunny Skies braced himself against the loose support posts of his bed.
His racing heart nearly leapt out of his chest as his quick breaths desperately filled his lungs. When the small earthquake left as quickly as it came, the young stallion rushed over to his window to look at whatever caused the explosive quake.
The usual grey and dilapidated streets near the entrance of the town were reduced to rubble and dirt as the path of destruction led to a giant ball of warped metal that dwarfed the trees nearby.
After staring at the wreckage that sat on the edge of their town, the mayor quickly threw on his grey colored top hat and bowtie before he galloped out into the streets.
When he arrived, a crowd had already begun to gather around the smoldering pile of mangled metal and loose glass, watching smoke waft from the remains of whatever crashed into their town. Whispers of worries flew in the air as everypony tried to make sense of the situation. Not a soul dared to approach the strange and tangled mess of torn metal.
“Mayor! Mayor Sunny Skies!” A mare’s voice called out, as a grey coated unicorn trotted up to his side. He took his attention away from the anomaly to look at the earth pony, a beautiful mare named Petunia Petals, who was wearing a look of worry and horror as she watched the smoke from the wreckage rise into the air.
“What… What is that thing?”
“I dunno, Petunia. But I don’t think it’s good. Do me a favor and grab Torque Wrench. I got a feelin’ that we’ll need her ta help with this,” he ordered.
Petunia nodded and was about to fetch the town’s resident mechanic when a tired moan reverberated from inside the hissing metal. She stopped in her tracks as everypony else fell silent.
“Is somepony trapped under there?” Petunia asked as her face grew pale.
“I sure hope not. Better get Dr. Doctor too, just in case.”
“Can anypony even survive under something like that?”
“I… I don’t know. But we can hope, an—”
The sound of metal being torn adapt stabbed their ears as the metal cried out in defiance. Sunny Skies’ hooves flew up to his ears to cover them when the deafening screech threaten to destroy his hearing. When the noise finally stopped, the all watched in worried anticipation as a small white gloved hand suddenly shot through the metal, ripping it open to allow a gremlin like monster to jump out of it.
It was a bipedal creature that was slightly smaller than the average pony, wearing a purple cloak that frayed at the edges and was littered with tears. His face resembled that of a monkey, but was colored green and framed by glistening black fur that shined in the glowing heat of the structure behind him. The oddest feature of all was the reflective white dome that sat atop his head, which made up about a third of his height.
“Curses…” The strange creature muttered as he looked at the mangled metal. “Blasted Powerpuff Girls, foiling a scheme that was not supposed to be foiled because it was a flawless plan that I devised after weeks of preparation for my ultimate plan to take form. If only those stupid heroes would just stop being so annoying and just fail like I had planned, then I would not be forced to devise a new plan to take over the world,” he complained as he kicked a large metal plate.
The crowd around him stood in silence as they watched him grumble under his breath, bickering about rainbows and puppies as he surveyed the remnants of the hulking metal monstrosity.
“… What are you looking at!” He demanded as he suddenly turned his attention to the crowd of fearful ponies.
Every head in the crowd suddenly turned to the one pony they all expected answers from, hoping that their silent pleas and questions could be heard by the one pony they all believed would help. Unfortunately, that pony was Sunny Skies.
He swallowed a lump in his throat as he trotted closer to the possible alien spaceship that crashed into the border of their town. The simian creature walked towards the stallion as well, meeting him halfway between the crowd and the wrecked shuttle that brought him to Hope Hollow.
“Um… Hi?”
“Hello. What are you and where am I? Also, do you have the components necessary to create a quantum compressor that can contain the oppressive force of a black hole, so that I, Mojo-Jojo, can use it to convert my doomsday device into a transportation vehicle so that I may get inside of it and leave this place?” He rambled.
“I’m a… I’m a unicorn, my name’s Sunny Skies, and I’m the mayor of Hope Hollow. Uh… I don’t know about the other thing you were asking for.”
“Curses! What about an Alpha ray Accelerator with a cooling system?”
“Noooo?”
“A Pendote Illuminator with a Dyne Dilutor and Dielectric Curie?”
“Uh…”
“A pack of double-A batteries?” He asked with an annoyed tone.
“I’ve never heard of that either,” Sunny Skies said, causing the alien’s apparent aggravation to suddenly turn to confusion.
“You… You’ve never heard of batteries before?”
“Nope,” Sunny Skies answered. “But maybe we could find them? Hey, anypony ever hear of a battery before?” He called out to the crowd, only to receive head shake and quiet no’s.
When he turned back to look at the strange simian, Mojo-Jojo wore a sinister smile.
“Reeealllly? Well, in that case….” He trailed off as he pulled a small metal box from his back pocket. After a second, the box opened and a large cannon covered in colorful lightbulbs sprung out of it. The artificial low baritone hum of a unicorn horn slowly rose in volume as Sunny Skies stared down the barrel of the large weapon. “Have you ever heard of a death ray?”
“N-n-no,” he stuttered as he fell to his haunches and tried to back away from the "death ray."
“Can you guess what it can do?”
“A-da-da-y-yeeeaaaah?”
“Well then, I think you know what I want,” Mojo-Jojo said as Sunny Skies’ fur was kissed with fearful sweat.
“Um… W-we surrender?”
Chapter 2: I’ll Be a Monkey’s Secretary.
The town of Hope Hollow was abuzz with fear, and Mojo-Jojo reveled in it. While it wasn’t as fun as watching a human run in fear, it was still fairly enjoyable.
He missed the days when children wouldn’t be so bold as to play in his moat, when people would cower in fear at even the whisper of his name, and when the Powerpuff Girls were genuinely scared of him. It was rather nostalgic to feel every worried and fearful stare on him. A simple glance was all it took to dispel their prying eyes, and a light smile would send them running for the hills as soon as they saw his jagged teeth. Mojo-Jojo loved every second of their misery as her walked through the town with the pony whose name he didn’t remember.
He knew that the unicorn was the mayor, former mayor now, and that was all that mattered. No one in Townsville even bothered to remember the Mayor’s real name and Mojo-Jojo wasn’t about to try to remember the stallion’s name either.
Mojo-Jojo’s smile never wavered as he strutted through the town, basking in the prudent dread that filled the air. It was only natural that he, a super intelligent and handsome evil villain, should be recognized as the threat he was.
As he enjoyed the many cautious looks that were thrown inn his direction, Mojo-Jojo took stock of the captured town and noted all of the important shops nearby. The most noteworthy establishment he could see was a rather large building with a wooden sign that depicted a wrench overlaying a gear, which was possibly a logo for whatever the apparent machine shop worked on. The second most noteworthy store was a clothing shop that had large open windows for displaying various clothing accessories.
If he was really going to take over the world, then he would need an ample supply of materials for building his machines, and a decent collection of clothes, which brought forward the issue of his current funding. He knew very well that he could threaten both of the shop owners to obey him, but doing that usually meant that he couldn’t be a repeat customer, and he always did hate having to get his costume remade by a different tailor. It took time and effort to craft a nice pair of white leather high heel boots, and he couldn’t expect quality craftsmanship from someone who had a gun pointed at their head.
Speaking of which, Mojo-Jojo was rather grateful that the stallion guiding him was stupid enough to fall for his trick. If the stallion had actually refused and stood his ground, then he may have learned that Mojo’s “Death Ray” was actually a vomit inducing ray that he was meaning to sell. If his bluff had failed, then he would have been on the receiving end of a lot of angry hooves.
Thankfully, everyone in the town appeared to be a fearful idiot, much to Mjojo’s relief. Even the mayor wasn’t to hide his worry as he led Mojo through the town. If they couldn’t tell the difference between a Death ray and a Barf beam then they deserved to be conquered.
“W-well, here we are,” the grey unicorn said as he gestured to a two-story town house.
“Here, where?”
“Uh, t-town hall. I surrendered, so you’re the mayor now, don’tcha know? I-I hope ya like it!” The stallion said with a desperate smile.
Mojo turned his attention to the far too modest town hall, taking note of the various broken boards and loose bricks. It idly reminded him of Fuzzy Lumpkins’ house, only slightly more well-kept which wasn’t much of a compliment.
“This is the mayor’s office?” Mojo asked in an incredulous tone.
“Yes sir! I hope ya like it!”
“I do not,” Mojo said plainly as he walked up the steps. “It is far too small for my preferences, but it will suffice for now until I build a larger lair that is truly worthy of being my domain. At the very least, it’s better than an alley way,” he rattled off.
The front door of the building chose that specific moment to fall off of its hinges and clatter to the floor, causing every head in town to turn towards the sudden loud bang. The unicorn stallion visibly flinched and shrunk away as Mojo simply looked at the broken door with disinterest.
“… It’s better than a few alleys,” Mojo corrected as he stepped over the door and explored the building. There was nothing of note on the first floor aside from a comfortable grey couch, a grey kitchen, and just more grey colored pieces of furniture.
Mojo idly wondered about the world’s grey tones, but dismissed it as a difference between dimensions. From his long, or short depending on a person’s perspective and if they were a Gemini or not, sleepover in HIM’s realm, he learned about a lot of interesting differences between dimensions and realities, such as certain concepts like gravity, time, oxygen and karaoke being completely non-existent between worlds. Mojo simply chose to believe that the world he was sent to was one that didn’t have the concept of different colors, which mattered very little to him.
The only issues he could imagine were his wardrobe turning grey and that all of his future inventions would lose their vibrant colors. Though, both of those were easy to fix with a color infusion ray gun, he’d just need to invent one.
After giving the bottom floor a cursory glance, he walked up the stairs with the old mayor in tow and entered his new office.
Mojo’s smile lightly waned at the room. Modest was a word that could be used to describe it. Lackluster was a better one, though.
Mojo chose not to comment on the room’s lack of decor and flat and slipped into the Mayor’s Chair. His smile melted away as he pressed himself into the chair, before he slammed his back against the seat several times before looking down at the floor.
“This chair does not recline,” Mojo observed irritably. “I have never heard of a mayor’s chair that does not recline. Ugh, this world only continues to annoy me. You! Pony whose name I don’t remember, I demand a proper office chair.”
“Oh, I, uh, I-I uh… Sure, yes-yes sir!” the frightful pony agreed before he quickly turned to trot out of the room and get away from his new master.
Mojo’s smug smile returned with a vengeance as he listened to the cowardly stallion race down the stairs.
“I can get used to this,” Mojo mused as he propped his feet up on the table and relaxed.
The Royal Capital of Canterlot was brimming with joy as the ponies of Equestria went about their day and committing themselves to make a better Equestria.
One such pony was Back Ear, a royal guard assigned to Canterlots incoming and outgoing magical letters. Anything that was sent through was inspected, appraised, and sent to the appropriate department. He felt proud of being able to help his country, submitting letters to the princesses themselves on rare occasions, and making sure that Equestria’s letter network was safe and secure.
The only exception to this rule was letters sent to Princess Celestia by the other two princesses and her personal student, Twilight Sparkle. Back Ear could only imagine the vital information that was sent under the guise of “Friendship Reports,” as Celestia’s prized pupil worked tirelessly to help Equestria prosper.
As he inspected several documents, scanning them for poison, drugs, or dark spells that could have been entwined between the lines, a new letter materialized nearby for him to review. Unlike the other parchments that he inspected, the newest letter was made of dark grey paper.
Back Ear opened the letter and read it to himself. He blanched at the poor hoofwriting that was quickly scrawled on the paper and squinted as he searched for a few legible words.
“… An evil monkey alien crashed into town and became our mayor… Celestia damnit, I hate prank letters,” the guard muttered before he tossed the obviously fake letter away and returned to his duties. Back Ear made sure to note to the other departments that they would want to keep a lookout for grey letters and warned them about the trivial pranksters.
After warning a few of the other guards on duty, he returned to work and inspected another letter. He couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the previous letter. An evil monkey becoming mayor? If that didn’t describe politics in a nutshell, then he didn’t know what did.
Chapter 3: Monkey Wrench.
The Town of Hope Hollow, a boring town turned upside down by their, as of fifty minutes ago, alien overlord.
The usual mundane and uninterested attitude of the town had turned into a flurry of worry and distress as the ponies of the small town did their best to hide from Mojo-Jojo. All except for an earth pony mare in overalls and a hairband.
Torque Wrench, the town’s local handymare, lifted large hunks of metal into a wooden wagon to drag them away from the town’s main entrance. She was a mare who took pride in her job, and her job was to make sure that Hope Hollow looked nice and didn’t break. Come rain, snow, or sudden alien invasion, Torque Wrench would throw herself into her work to make sure the town didn’t suddenly fall apart.
Working was always a good distraction from her life, and over the years, her work had become more important than her own life or safety. What would matter if one mare got her tail stuck in a turning gear or her hoof was nearly sliced off by a broken magic conversion motor. So long as the town had clean water and power to keep the lights on, she was… Well, she wasn’t happy, but she was a little bit more than content.
…
“Speak of the monkey…” She muttered sardonically.
…
“I require building materials that only you, Torque Wrench, can provide so that I, Mojo-Jojo, can create an evil weapon of mass destruction to continue my inevitable conquest of your pathetic pony world so that I, MOJO-JOJO! Can be emperor of your world!”
…
“Of course, I, Mojo-Jojo, can repair your hologram projection device!”
“A hollo-what now?” Torque Wrench asked as she looked at the irritable primate.
“A hologram, a projection of light scattered from a lens to create an illusion of an image that can be used to create a intangible object that appears real but is actually just a collection of lights that have assembled to create a three dimensional image,” he explained. “It’s simple child’s play. All I would need is two minutes and I could repair this hologram projector easily.”
…
“Obviously, for you are not Mo—“
“Mojo-Jojo, yeah, yeah, we get it,” Torque Wrench interrupted. “Yur sayin’ you can fix the Rainbow Generator, right?”
“Yes, AND DO NOT INTERRUPT ME!”
“Then fix it!” She demanded.
“Do not order me around! I, Mojo-Jojo am in charge, not you! You do not get to order me around because I am the boss and you are not. You are bellow me, because I am superior, which is why I am the leader and you are not, so do not question me or my leadership because you are not fit to question me!”
“… Oh, I get it. Yur just lying about bein’ able ta fix it,” Torque Wrench said as she looked at her front hoof idly, checking for imperfections as Mojo-Jojo’s eye began to twitch.
“Uh, s-she didn’t mean it Mister Mojo, sir!” Sunny Skies intervened. “S-she’s just goofin’ around, don’tcha know? That’s Torque Wrench for ya, always a big kidder.”
“I’m not kiddin’. If’n he can’t fix it then he should jus’ say so an quit wastin’ our time.”
“What?”
“Yeah, if’n ya could really fix it in two measly minutes, then ya’d probably do it already. But, if’n ya can’t….”
“Of course I can fix it! There is nothing Mojo-Jojo cannot fix, repair, restore, mend, or overhaul in the world. I would have no issues making sure that this pathetic device could function properly.”
“Suuuuure ya could,” Torque Wrench said sarcastically.
“Heh-heh, Torque, what are you doing?” The old mayor asked nervously.
“I’m just sayin’ that since he can’t fix it—“
“OF COURSE I CAN FIX IT!”
“Then prove it.”
“I WILL!” He shouted as he turned to storm out of the room and slammed the door behind him.
The two ponies stayed silent for a few moments before the door was forcibly thrust back open and revealed a still upset Mojo-Jojo behind it.
“And do not think that Mojo-Jojo has not noticed your pathetic attempts at reverse psychology, either! I’ve noticed them, and I am not fixing your stupid hologram projector because it worked on me, I’m doing it because I want to!” He shouted before slamming it shut once more.
Before Torque Wrench could say anything to the frozen stallion standing beside her, the door flew open again.
“I also require directions to your pathetic hologram projector!” Mojo-Jojo ordered, before he slammed the door closed one last time.
…
Sunny Skies released a breath that he didn’t know he was holding as their simian overlord left. He breathed deeply as his shaky legs struggled to hold up his body.
“What... What was that! Why did you antagonize him?!” Sunny Skies demanded as he caught his breath.
“Hey, it worked, didn’t it?” Torque Wrench asked as she shrugged her shoulders. “We get the Rainbow Generator back and he gets ta show off.”
“He could have killed you!”
“But he didn’t.”
…
Chapter 4: ? (Funny Monkey related pun)
The Town of Hope Hollow, a sleepy village that suddenly woke up to a nightmare.
…
The ponies of Hope Hollow waited in unease for the threatening alien to do something.
…
Despite the height difference, Mojo-Jojo felt like he was a towering god overlooking a colony of small ants.
…
“Must I do everything myself?!”
…
“I require leather to make a proper rolling executive chair that I may sit in! I will not sit on a black leather chair. Black lather irritates my fur, and thus is not suitable to sit in because I would be extreamly uncomfortable and would not be able to focus on the work that I would need to complete focus on so that I could properly enjoy the feeling of a brown leather chair after a long day of working.”
…
“That is clearly grey!”
…
“Foooooolish ponies! You dare to defy the word of Mojo-Jojo, the word of evil that come out of my mouth and thus must be listened to because I, Mooojo-Jojo, am the most evil, and am your leader!
“You are not allowed to not listen to me, because I am in charge, and you are not, because I am your leader.
…
“Enough! Your constant squabbling annoys me,” Mojo-Jojo bickered as he rubbed the glass casing on his had. “You are giving me a migraine with your indecent whining and moaning.
….
“It would be easier if the wires inside of this device were accurately colored!
…
“… You know what color these wires are?”
“Sure do!” Kerfuffle chirped happily. “Why, that one’s red, and this one here is blue, and that one’s a lovely shade a green, don’tcha know?”
…
“Stop that!” He demanded.
“Uh… Stop what?” She asked as she turned to look at Mojo-Jojo.
“That! Stop walking, your artificial limb is constantly squeaking and it annoys me!”
…
“This is the best they were able to give you? Unacceptable! Any lacky of Mojo-Jojo cannot wear such garbage, for it is a stain on the evil presence that is Mojo-Jojo, and a blemish such as that cannot be scrubbed away with by simply ignoring the issue that grows and grows until it is too big and eclipses the supreme awesome and evilness that is Mojo-Jojo!”
…
“Here, put it on!” He commanded as he tossed the new leg at Kerfuffle, who clumsily caught it in her hooves.
…
“None of these are ripe.”
“How can you tell?”
“Because they do not smell ripe, you insufferable idiot. These are clearly too fresh to be used to make anything edible, and I refuse to eat meals that are not suitable for a being as great as I.
…
the broken Rainbow Generator and began tearing off the metal casing.
…
“Tremble, equines of New Mojo-burg! For I, Mojo-Jojo have proven once more that I am the superior being! Behold!” He yelled as he dragged the tarp off of the very large Rainbow Generator.
“This is but a glimpse into the future that I, Mojo-Jojo, shall bring to you!”
...
“A-HA! I told you it was a hologram projector!”
“And how did a holo-whatzit make everypony’s colors return?”
“I… Uh… Mojo-Jojo doesn’t actually know. And I also don’t care,” he dismissed easily as he turned to walk away. “What matters is that I, Mojo-Jojo, have proved that I am superior to any inventor on this world, and that this world shall bow before the superiority of Mojo-Jojo! Today I have repaired a simple trinket, but tomorrow I shall build a doomsday device to conquer the world!”
…
“I am Moooojoo-Jojo, I speak evil, I hear evil, I see evil, and most importantly of all, I am evil, not good. I am the
…
“Dear Princess Celestia, I would like to inform you that the small town of Hope Hollow shall secced from the Equestrian Empire after falling to the will of MOJO-JOJO! Who is me, I am Mojo-Jojo, current emperor of Hope Hollow, (soon to be renamed Mojo-Burg, pending a village vote) and have decided to cut ties with Equestria, for I, Mojo-Jojo, do not need to rely on your lackluster society to create a mighty empire where I may build an army of devoted soldiers to conquer my home planet and prove once and for all that I, MOJO-JOJO, AM THE BEST, AND THAT EVERYONE SHOULD BOW TO ME!
“Sincerely, Mojo-Jojo, future emperor of your world.”
Chapter?
The gleaming city of Canterlot was ...
….
Back Ear looked at the letter for a few moments before he carelessly tossed it away.
“Damn pranksters,” the guard muttered as he turned his attention to a letter about a mayor’s missing cat.
….
For some reason he couldn’t help but to think of… HIM when he saw the strange amalgamation.
“Are you related to HIM?”
“Who?”
“HIM.”
“Him Who?”
“No, not Him Who, HIM!”
“When?”
“HIM! Are you related, by blood or by bonds of marriage, perhaps third cousins of some kind, are you related to HIM?!”
“… Why?” Discord asked.
“Because I demand to know!”
“Know what?”
“Are you related to HIM!” Mojo-Jojo demanded.
“… What?”
“ARGH!”
…
“What are you doing?” Mojo-Jojo asked, causing the stallion to stop his light laughter.
“Um… Well, you were laughing and—“
“Exactly! This is Mojo-Jojo’s lair, and only the owner of this lair, which is me, Mojo-Jojo, is allowed to laugh in it. I don’t come into your house and laugh, do I? No, I do not because your house is not my lair, which is here, not your house, and it is rude. So do not interrupt my laughter again!”
“Sorry,” Sunny apologized as he shied away from Mojo-Jojo.
“Do not repeat that mistake again,” he warned before laughing into his fist and returning to his evil cackling. “Mu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Mwua-Ha-Mu-ha. Mwhu-AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
…
helmet shattered as her hoof struck it.
“Ha! Is that the best you have? I, Mojo-Jojo, shall not be so easily defeated by a weak pony who —“ all of his words fell on deaf ears as Rainbow Dash stared at his visible brain.
“—For I am better, I am the winner, I am—“
“I’m so sorry!” Rainbow Dash interrupted as she flew over to him and carried him off to the town’s hospital. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’msorry, ’msorry, ’msorry, ’msorry, ’msorry, ’msorry!”
…
The hospital of Hope Hollow was filled with the wails of dozens of ponies as they waited for a doctor to examine their mayor.
….
“… Um… Does anypony wanna talk about that?” Pinkie Pie asked as she rubbed the back of her head nervously. “Cause, I don’t really wanna talk about it, but I know talking helps a lot of ponies when they’re feeling down so that they can vent their frustrations and stuff and then it gets off of their brain— oh, I probably shouldn’t have mentioned brain since we all kinda saw his, which is really weird since I don’t think I’ve ever seen a brain before, except that one time I had a nightmare about being in a basement with a pegasus and there was a metal table and a saw blade, and—“
“Pinkie,” Applejack interrupted. “Now… Now ain’t the time, sugarcube.”
“I probably killed him,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “Sweet Celestia I… I didn’t know,” she said as tears began to well up in her eyes. “I-I just thought, th-the helmet and, and he was monologging and th-the l-letter…”
“Shh, shhh, it’s okay, Rainbow,” Fluttershy consoled her. “We know you didn’t mean to do that, Rainbow. I’m… I’m sure that Mr. Jojo will be alright,” she lied.
Meanwhile, the mastermind of evil simply sat in his bed, completely dumfounded at the excessive treatment he was receiving
….
“Of course I’m fine. You dare question the validity of my health when I am telling you that I am fine? I am fine and that is the end of our conversation about my health, because I have just varied that I am fine and I do not need a break from our fight just because you broke my helmet! Now, I am going to find my pants, put them on, and we are going to continue our fight!”
…
“Release Mojo-Jojo at once! This is cheating!” He demanded as his arms flailed wildly in her telekinetic grasp.
“We’re not going to fight you, Mojo,” the purple unicorn stated firmly. “As the Bearer of the Element of Magic, I hereby place you under arrest and will confide you to your hospital bed, where we will wait for you to make a recovery before… Before we sentence you to trial… Or something.”
“You are fools to think that an unguarded hospital bed will be enough to prevent me from continuing my plans for world domination, for I will escape the confides of that bed and return to my lair to plan!” Mojo-Jojo confidently stated. “You may think Mojo-Jojo is a pitiful monkey, but that is where you are wrong! I am Mojo-Jojo, I speak evil, I see evil, I hear evil, I do evil, I eat evil, and I am evil! You cannot stop me, for I am a force of nature, I am the mastermind of darkness, I am the simian supreme, I am Mooooojo-JOJO! And you—“ Mojo-Jojo’s words were silenced
“I placed a muffling spell on him,” she explained to her friend’s questioning faces.
…
He shrugged. “Sometimes they’d throw me in a prison cell with it still exposed. I learned how to make more glass helmets fairly easily, so I was able to use the materials provided by the other prisoners to cover it,” Mojo-Jojo explained, as if comparing it to something as simple as getting a bandaid.
…
“Dear Princess Celestia… Do I add Princess Luna to it too… Eh, why not? Ahem. Dear Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. I, Mojo-Jojo, am sending you this letter to give you an advanced notice about my plan to kidnap Princess Cadence during her wedding ceremony and….”
….
Celestia unfurled the scroll, expecting a lovely friendship report from her student or her friends, but was surprised to find Jojo’s handwriting instead.
Dear Princess Celestia, (And Princess Luna too if you're there, hello.)
Firstly, I would like to begin this letter by gloating about my ability to replicate the spell used to send private messages to you…
Ha! I, Mojo-Jojo have surpassed the limitations of your abilities and broken the barriers that prevented other creatures from contacting you without the aid of magical fire, and I have proven once more that I, Mojo-Jojo am the superior and that you are the inferior, I am the alpha while you are not even the omega, I am the villainous master mind and you are the small hamster struggling on an endless wheel of…
She skipped the next few lines, passing by most of his rant until she reached the end of it.
—evil cheese on your grocery list!
Now that I’m finished gloating, I would like to talk to you about something very concerning that I noticed when filing my taxes.
Celestia had to re-read that line a few times to make sure her eyes still worked before she continued.
I noticed that there is not a villainous tax, or any deductible for doomsday devices. This is an outrage that I can not accept! Without my villain tax, how can I be sure that my taxes will be used to adequately repair any damage committed by villains, such as myself, in a timely matter. I will not stoop so low as to invade a town that is still under repair, and I refuse to have my evil deeds not be recognized! I am a villain, I am not a citizen, I pay evil taxes, not normal taxes! Also, I am still searching for a villainous union to join but I have not found one. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SCHEDULE MY EVIL DEEDS SO THAT I CAN AVOID ANOTHER SITUATION LIKE CADENCE’S WEDDING?! I was the one who sent a threatening letter to prepare you in advance, I should have been the only villain there! As far as I am aware, I was the only villain scheduled for that day since you didn’t send a reply letter telling me that there was another villain scheduled, so the blame falls on you for not correcting the problem in our schedules when I sent you that letter a week in advance.
If, for some stupid reason, a villain union does not currently exist then I will make one, and I expect you to contact the other villains to let them know. I also would like a list of every registered villain, along with their addresses, so that I may contact them and properly convey my desire for a schedule that will not impede our various plans for world domination.
Thank you for taking time to read my letter.
Sincerely, Mojo-Jojo, future ruler of your world.
“… Huh,” was all Celestia could say as she glanced at the letter’s contents again.
Celestia had to admit, his suggestions were both interesting and convenient. If she knew the exact day when some towns would be threatened then it would be much easier to prepare for the cost of damages. In a way, it was very considerate of Jojo to give her ample warning so that she could allocate funds for repairs to the towns that she knew would need it.
As she read the last few lines again, she noticed a small note attached to the back of the sheet.
P.S. There should be a letter and a number at the bottom of this note. When mailing a reply to me, 1 Evil Road, Hope Hollow (still pending name change, I at least convinced them to change, ugh, “mane” street to Evil Road) please write down that letter and number combination so that I may know which test letter made it through intact so that I may use that same method when sending letters in the future. The letter and number should indicate which experiment this is, allowing me, Mojo-Jojo, to know which method to use when sending letters to you so that they are not faded, burnt, destroyed, or lost. Thank you again, Mojo-Jojo. A-3.
Before Celestia could properly piece together what that meant, another parchment appeared next to her, followed by another partially burnt parchment that landed on her head, which was followed by a pile of ashes that appeared over the first letter.
In a matter of moments, her dias was filled with a hail storm of parchments in various states of disrepair that clattered to the floor.
“Mojo-Jojo,” she cursed as one of the parchments was impaled on her horn.
….
Celestia smiled at the small irate simian.
“Hello, Jojo, how are you doing today?”
“I am doing fine, thank you for asking. Now, prepare for Equestria to fall under the might of Mojo-Jojo as I unleash the full power of my giant robot on the Elements of Harmony!” He gloated.
Celestia hissed through her teeth as she sucked in air. “Oooh. Sorry, you just missed them, they’re currently fighting another villain right now,” she apologized as she stirred her tea.
“What?! That is unacceptable! No one informed me that they we’re attacking the Elements of Harmony today! This is why I created a villain union!” He complained as he slammed his fists against the controls of his machine. “Curses, curses, curses!”
“Sorry, but King Sombra and the Crystal Empire returned a few days ago. I expected that Cadence and Shining Armor could defeat him, but there were unforeseen circumstances. The Elements of Harmony are assisting them right now and should return in a few days.”
“Days? DAYS?! I have waited a week to unleash the terrible fury of MEGA-MOJO-JOJO on them!
…
“So, what exactly is a villain union like?”
“Well, we don’t see each other much except for the occasional party or villain team up. We mostly message each other over the internet or call the others to make sure all of our evil schedules line up. It was HIM’s idea to get the villains of Townsville to be more organized and it stopped us from fighting each other most of the time.”
“Interesting. Who is ‘Him’ if you don’t mind me asking?”
“My rival for the position of number one villain,” Jojo spat out as he placed his pawn back down on the same square that it was resting on before. “All of us were arguing about who the greatest villain was, and we put it up to a vote.”
“And no one cheated?”
“Of course we cheated. I’ve never heard of an election that didn’t involve cheating, and I doubt there will ever be one. HIM and I were just better at cheating than the others, so we confronted the Powerpuff Girls and demanded them to vote as well. Of course, I won thanks to a hypnotism ray that I built beforehand.”
“You hypnotized your greatest rivals… Just so they could say you were the better villain?”
“HIM started it first! They attempted to use their magical abilities to manipulate those stupid children so that they could win, but my superior abilities and technology was better, so it was obvious that I deserved to win even if neither of us used hypnosis! Also, check,” he said as his rook somehow managed to move diagonally across the board. Celestia wasn’t sure if he was purposefully cheating or if he just didn’t know the rules, but she decided to play along. It had been far too long since some creature actually tried to cheat at a game with her.
“I see. So, what did you do afterwards?”
“I gloated about it to the others and then went to get a cake to celebrate.”
“What about the Powerpuff Girls?”
“What about them?”
“… You hypnotized them, right?”
“Yes.”
“And you didn’t… Do anything after that? Make them serve you, force them to fight each other, command them to attack Him?”
“While those do sound like good ideas, I wasn’t on the schedule that day. It was a free day since the other villains and I were sure that there would be a monster attack later. The stupid reporter lied though, and it only rained a little bit. Stupid human. Also, check again.”
“I take it that monster attacks are common in Townsville?” Celestia asked as she maneuvered around Jojo’s latest move and claimed his teleporting knight piece. She was fairly certain that he had already lost both of his knights a few turns ago.
“Too often. It’s why we have a villain tax, otherwise, we would be the rulers of a smoldering crater.”
“I’ll have to remember to bring that up on the next council meeting. Oh, checkmate by the way.”
“… I demand a rematch.”
…
“…I was once a lab assistant to the most brilliant mind on the planet, Professor Utonium.
“He purchased me from a laboratory that was running experiments on animals, training us to fetch beakers and clean up messes while our ‘masters’ worked on their tests. I…I was the worst one. I tested worse than the other animals, and thus was the cheapest option. At the time, I believed that the Professor chose me because he had hope in my abilities, but the truth was that I was just more affordable.
“I worked hard to please him, cleaning his lab and assisting him like a good little monkey. Then, one day, I caused an accident that resulted in the sudden creation of three superpowers children, my… My sisters. That accident also increased my intelligence, allowing me to be more helpful in the Professor’s experiments. I thought he would praise me for my efforts, show me the same love he showed those crying babies.
“But, he never did. He didn’t even notice when I ran away. I slept in alleys, hid in the shadows, and… I survived. I saw how cruel the world was, how it shunned me for only looking like a monster when I was a genius! I could have made the world so much better!.. I could have helped… All I wanted was to be recognized, to be appreciated but… I never got it. The world hated me, so I decided to make it fear me.
“And it did, they were all terrified of me, even The Professor!… But he didn’t even recognize me when I saw him again,” Mojo admitted glumly. “To him, I was just a monster. But I wasn’t!… I was his monster, I was the monster he made! I wasn’t just some freak from Monster Island, I was his mistake!”
…
“I have friends,” Discord argued.
“Really? Who?”
“Mojo-Jojo,” the draqanaques replied easily.
…
“Tirek played us like a fiddle,” Mojo grumbled. “The villains of this world all suck!… Uh, present company excluded,” he amended.
“Present company not excluded, actually. I’m the worst villain in Equestria,” Discord lamented.
“What? No, you are one of the greatest villains I have met here! In fact, you are the second best villain I know!”
“I’m guessing the first one is you?”
Mojo remained silent.
…
“I do not over-explain, I explain the correct amount, which is the amount that is adequate for you to properly understand the words that I am saying so that I am not misunderstodod and my words are not misinterptured I—“ He caught himself at the edge of a rant
…
Tales From the Trash Bin. (Dani Phantom. Pt. 1)
Tales From the Trash Bin. (Dani Phantom. Pt. 2)
Tales From the Trash Bin. (Scott Howl)
The First Tales From the trash Bin. (Pearl)
Tales From the Trash Bin 2. (Zurg)
Tales From the Trash Bin 3. (Two-Face)
Tales From the Trash Bin 4. (Venom)-ADOPTED
Tales From the Trash Bin 5. (Music Meister)
Tales From the Trash Bin 6. (Flash Sentry)
Tales From the Trash Bin 7. (My Street)
Tales From the Trash Bin 8. (Iron Golem)
Tales From the Trash Bin 9. (Anon-A-Miss)
Tales From the Trash Bin 10. (Tirek)
Another brilliant piece that has quite a lot of potential as a fully story in my opinion, plus really loved how you wrote Mojo. :)
Though for the record don't know why some people are complaining about Skeletor Master of the Empire, I think it's a wonderful story and your MC is proving quite interesting.