Dassa Lotta Damage · 12:08am Jan 17th, 2021

Co-written with Melody. This may be a bit long.

Hero walked through Ponyville, on his way to the School to hang out with Melody. He smiled happily.

But as he walked, he looked up at Twilight’s castle...

...Thing.

Hero grimaced at it.

“So sparkly… I hate it.”

"Your opinion has been established."

Hero turned around. Twilight Sparkle was headed toward him.

He sighed. “What is it?”

"We need to talk, Mr. Elytron."

He cringed at the pronunciation of his last name. “About?”

"The songs you write for the 'Fang Gang' seem to be gaining popularity in my school."

“Oh thank Chrysalis. They can listen to somethin’ other than your lectures.”

"That's the problem, your lyrics are inaccurate and you have terrible grammar and spelling."

Hero blinked. “How? I mean, it’s historically accurate to a T, and the Fangs fix the bad grammar.”

"They're an inaccurate description of the pony side of the story, and they've been causing my students to miss questions on tests."

“How? Or are you just saying that because it sounds racist?”

"Just fix it."

“What do you mean? Lie about the legacy of the Lunar Guard? Tell tall tales about the Hive Massacre? Cover up the Battle of Sire’s-bucking-Hollows?”

"How about making songs that show both perspectives of the battles?"

“That’s what most of the songs are! Fields of the West and The Battle of Sire’s Hollows talk about both sides of the conflict!”

"Yes, but they favor the changelings!"

“...Griffon and Glory? The songs about the Celestial-Lunar War and Lunar Revolution?”

"Those are exceptions, not the norm."

“Then what about The Queen’s Hive? The one where you guys burned down the hive?”

"No, the Lunar Guard did under the orders of a corrupted Luna."

“Civilians and RGs joined in too! And Celestia! You know jack-shit about Equestrian History!”

"I know more than you."

“Prove it. Why did the kirin declare war on Celestia?”

"They mistook the guards sent to settle the land as an attack."

Hero rolled his eyes. “How long was the Battle of Western Equestria?”

"I-Thirty years."

Hero blinked. “...it was thirty three days. You fucking idiot.”

"I knew that! You're throwing me off!"

“Yeah right, what day were Changeling Tanks brought onto the battlefield?”

"Why would I know changeling history?"

“And I’m dumb. Fine, how long was the Battle of The Everfree? And on which day was Luna banished?”

"A month, and October 31."

“...Three days, and October the 10th.”

"Wah-argggh!"

“Okay, final question and I’ll consider you a history buff. How outnumbered were the Lunar Guards during the Battle of Canterlot? Not invasion, Battle of Canterlot”

"Five to ten, I believe."

Hero shook his head and magiced up an old journal. “Ooh, what’s this? Oh! According to Silverfang herself, they were outnumbered fifteen to one.”

"What-you're lying, that can't be a real war journal!"

He showed a stamp on it, one of the Canterlot History Museum. Meaning this was a real journal from over a thousand years ago.

“You don’t understand the hoops I had to go through to get this.”

"You probably stole it."

He held out a receipt that read over five hundred bits.

“Actually, your students purchased so many albums, we got enough to purchase this old relic. Go check with Temp and Phar, they have the actual paperwor—”

Twilight grabbed the journal. "Either way, I prefer cultural history, not war history."

“Hey! Give that back! That’s expensive!”

"And doesn't belong in your grubby hooves."

“But your students gave us the money from the songs! And the concerts! Give it back!” Hero made a lunge for it.

"Not until I'm done. It doesn't matter how accurate you can be, you still have horrible spelling, shouldn't songwriters know how to spell?"

Hero was taken aback. “I… I just—”

"Can't spell. Stop corrupting my students."

He whimpered. “I-I’m not… I just want to tell them stori—”

"Stories that are incredibly one-sided and full of so much stupid lyrics and spelling mistakes that they shouldn't be turned into music!"

Tears filled his eyes and his ears drooped. “B-But you ponies sing every other Tuesday! Why can’t I—”

"At least we know how to sing good songs."

“Aw…” Hero looked away. “I… I just wanted to—”