TTISI: Pokémon Games (pt 1?) · 4:18am Dec 31st, 2020

I sigh as I finally get home, and plop onto my bed. I crack an eye open and see an orange game boy cartridge. Pokémon Fire Red.

Me:... Fuck it. Memory lane, let’s go.

Little did I know, something triggered the moment I booted up the game...

BeeP

Oak: What was my grandon’s name again?
Me: Asshole.
Oak: Ah yes!
Me: no- I’m calling you an asshole. How do you not know your grandson’s name?
Oak:..
me:... *sighs*... It’s Gary.
Oak: Ah yes! Gary!

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*at the end*
Gary: I see, your whole team is a bunch of water types. Send out the first one!
Me: *sends out a Magikarp*
Gary: Ha! I can counter that fair and square! *defeats it* Send out your next Pokémon!
Me: *sends another Magikarp*
Gary: A...Magikarp? Ha! I can still beat it! *does so*
Me: *sends out another fucking Magikarp*
Gary: Don’t tell me your whole team is a bunch of Magikarp.
Me: It’s not.

After beating all five of my Magikarp, he sighs

Gary: Okay- seriously, if your next Pokémon is another damn Magikarp-
Me: *sends out Blastoise(
Gary: okay, finally.
Me: *fucking slams his entire team*
Gary: OH WHAT THE FUCK!?!?
Me: I tried to build up a bunch of water pokémon. Only caught fucking Magikarp. The sins of this game is unforgivable. The judgement of god is-

BeeP

Pokémon Heart Gold, because I like being followed by Totodile

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Me: I’m taking the baby alligator.
Elm: You mean the Totodile?
Me: did I fuckin’ stutter.

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Police: What’s the rival’s name?
Me: Jehova.
Police: That’s oddly specific.
Me: Because I’m Jehova’s witness.
Police:... You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be held against you in the court of law-

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Jehova: WHY DID YOU CALL ME JEHOVA!?!?
Me: BECAUSE IT’S FUNNY!!!

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Lance: So, you’ve reached the- *sees my team*... They’re... oddly cute... aside from the Feraligator-
Me: THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT MY GATOR!?!?

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Pokémon Omega Ruby, because I actually couldn’t find the original one soooo... this is close enough.

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*banging from back of a cargo truck*
Mom 2: Oops, forgot that I listed him as a fragile vase to cover for immigration.

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Professor Birch: I haven’t been this savagely attacked since Pokemon Rubyer.
Me: No one cares.
Birch:... Now that’s just mean

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Maxie: And now- watch as I reshape the world in my own design. Nothing could possibly-
Me: *barges in with Sceptile* FIFTEEN MINUTES CAN SAVE YOUR FIFTEEN PERCENT OR MORE ON CAR INSURANCE!!!
Maxie: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?!? COURTNEY!!!
Courtney: Sir, it’s fifteen percent. Car insurance has never been so low.
Maxie: FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!

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Steven: Ah, so you’ve- what the hell are you doing?
Me, and Courtney, wearing Sceptile merchandise shirts: Fifteen minutes can save fifteen percent-

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Pokémon Pearl-
Getting stronger

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Mom 3: Why are you crying?
Me: Because this one was where it all started, and it won’t ever be remastered.

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Cynthia: Hi, I’m everyone’s waifu.
Me: Not mine.
Cynthia:... Anyway, so I need you to jump into this-
Me: way ahead of- *stops as I see various forms in front of me. Two of them is a Pokémon, a small Totodile, but one’s a shiny. The others look like different versions of me*... Had no clue the ugly convention was in town.
PMD Me: Pot’s calling the kettle black.
Ace Combat Me: Ha, fuck y’all, I’ve got a pilot’s mask on. So I’m fine as fuck.
Writer Me: Hm, funny, shouldn’t a joke like this be cut off at some point?
PMD Me: Yeah, I kinda need to get back to Rio. I look away for five seconds and the kid’s be eating glue and crayons.
Writing: a yeah, and people are pissed off at me for not writing enough chapters.

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Cynthia: Okay, you might have taken out hell’s guardian, but I-

Me: *slams her*
Cynthia: Okay, you know what, most people would love to hear me talk more.
Me: Sure. Bye.

BeeP

Pokémon Black and White and BnW 2-

He can’t go unchallenged-

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I like this generation the most.

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N: Open your eyes to the truth!
Me: YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!! *slams him*
N: *struggling* I know why you’re here, Yellowtail.
Me:... I’m not sure who you’re talking about.

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*jamming out to VS Legendary music (I sincerely encourage you to go out and listen to Black and White’s soundtrack. It’s drip is stupendous)*
Alder: THIS ISN’T EVEN MY THEME!!!
Me: Sentinel (Golurk), shut him up.

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A television crew in Poké start studios pause as they see me walk by. They could’ve sworn they saw a star like me somewhere before...

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Iris: Wait... Yellowtail... where have I heard of you before?
Me: *flashbacks*... It’s a name from what feels like forever ago... * clenches fist* but it’s a name I’m going to better. Now let’s get this over with.
Iris: What happened to your attitude a second ago?
Me: This game’s end is nigh. Sentinel. *gives a glare of determination* Let’s wrap this up.

BeeP... BeeP... BeeP

Pokémon Y
He needs to be challenged

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Lysander struggles with frustration as he sees me challenge Yvelta, cackling as it goes down. This feels similar, somehow.

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A king from long ago kneels as I claim victory. His modern clothes were good for deceiving who he was, but never for how he feels. He looks up to see my impatient gaze, growing more frustrated by the second.

???: You’ve suffered in your own way, haven’t you?
Me:... It’s a mistake I’m correcting.
???: You haven’t suffered my fate. You haven’t lost anything. What could ail you in all of this?
Me:... *clenches a poke ball, feeling anger rise up* The loss of memories, but remembering the emotions. I’m correcting one flaw in all of it.
???: And what’s that?
Me: *turns away* none of your concern. Don’t you have a reunion to go through?
???, smiling: I have a feeling that I’ve gone through this many times.
Me: You’re not wrong. *walks away* you’re not wrong at all.

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Pokémon Moon

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Me: ahold up, lemme just say something to you Guzma.
Guzma: ?
Me: So, Golisopod is a shorthand, it stands for Goliath Isopod.
Guzma: *smirks* you bet it does. Ya boy Guzma-
Me: I’m not done. Because then I’d dumb it down even further.
Guzma: To what?
Me: Big ass rolly poly.
Guzma, cracking his knuckles: Looks like I’m gonna be crackin’ your noggin’.
Me: The only thing cracking is gonna be your Team Skull in a second. *throws a poke ball to begin battle*

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Kukui: Yellow, you need to slow down-
Me: *one shots another pokemon* No, let’s hurry this up.
Kukui: This is what happened last time- you can’t- *winces as I one shot another pokemon*
Me: yes I can. I can be different this time.

BeeP

Pokémon Sword...
It’s time...

BeeP- Warning, contingency climbing! Warning! Warning! BeeP

The crowds are going wild, as they watch Leon and Yellowtail duke it out with their Pokémon.
Yellowtail: Come on Sentinel! Just a little more!
Leon: Charizard! No!

With a final buffet from a sandstorm, Leon’s Charizard falls. The stadium is nothing but noise, cheers and applause. The new champion, has won. He smiles, snickering as he twirls to look at the hundreds of thousands of people watching him. However, his smile drops, as he sees everyone’s disappeared.

???: Hey fuckface!

Yellow turns around to see me, walking up. I glare at him as he snickers.

Yellow?: Oh look, the wannabe’s here. What, crawled out of your cubby hole long enough to see me win?
Me: No, I’m here to stop you.
Yellow?: Stop me? But I am you.
Me: No, you don’t care. You just want to win.
Yellow?: And what’s wrong with that?
Me: There’s no enjoyment. No love. No sense of pride.
Yellow?: heh, I’ve got plenty of pride. *starts walking away*
Me: Don’t you dare run you asshole! I want to fight, fair and square!
Yellow?: *stops*... So that’s what this is about... *looks down to see a text box with a single question*... No tricks, no clever tactics, no effects to wait out? Simple strength vs strength?
Me: The hell do you think I meant!? I want to be better! Not just stronger! *clenches fists* So don’t you dare turn your back on me! I deserve a voice as much as you do!
Yellow?:... *scoffs*...

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BeeP
BeeP
....
Pokémon Trainer Yellowtail-H challenges you to a battle, accept?

Who’s to win?

Yellowtail-H

Yellowtail-M

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