Friendship is Card Games: The Flash Sentry Papers, Part 1 · 1:17pm Dec 13th, 2020
“Oh FoME!” you cry. “Who is BEST AT PONIES?”
Well, that’s really a matter of opinion, but I can certainly tell you who claims to be. And he has strong evidence on his side. Tumbleweed does some great writing in and out of MLP, and his series starring pony Flash is no exception. The Flash Sentry Papers share pedigree with the Flashman and Ciaphis Cain novels, the memoirs of a decorated military hero revealing the cowardice (and unrecognized genuine heroism) lying beneath the publicity.
Beginning with The Prisoner of Zebra, Flash has to deal with political intrigue, mortal peril, murder mysteries, duels to the death, teenage angst, and far more ninjas than you’d expect. (Which is arguably half the point of ninjas.) Considered collectively, the stories are excellent reads and excellent card fodder. So excellent that I actually can’t fit it all in one article.
Given that, we’re going through about half of the collection here, from Prisoner through the third installment, Sentry at the Charge, along with Carabas’s dubiously canon contribution of Flash Sentry and the King’s Ghost, which is set during the same time period. Shall we begin?
Fallback Position 1W
Instant
Creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.
Morbid — Those creatures gain indestructible until end of turn if a creature died this turn.
Equestria’s covert ops has contingencies for everything up to and including total cosmic collapse.
Crystal Equerry 2W
Creature — Unicorn Advisor
When Crystal Equerry enters the battlefield, you gain 3 life.
At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control two or more black permanents, transform Crystal Equerry.
“Deliver us from our oppressors…”
2/3
Herald of Sombra
(B) Creature — Unicorn Warlock
Lifelink
When this creature transforms into Herald of Sombra, you may sacrifice a creature. If you do, search your library for a card, shuffle your library, then put that card on top.
“… and help the Dread King return.”
3/3
Thorax’s Decree 2W
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature can’t attack, block, or fight.
Thorax so feared reverting to the living nightmare of eternal hunger, he forbade his subjects from taking any aggressive action.
Ceremonial Guard 3W
Creature — Unicorn Soldier
Defender
When Ceremonial Guard enters the battlefield, you become the monarch.
When an opponent becomes the monarch, transform Ceremonial Guard.
2/4
Avengers of Canterlot
(W) Creature — Unicorn Soldier
First strike, vigilance
Before the First Invasion of Canterlot, the Royal Guard was seen as military theater. Afterwards, things got a lot more exciting.
4/4
Wonderbolt Support Wing 4WW
Creature — Pegasus Soldier
Flying
At the beginning of combat on your turn, up to one other target creature gets +2/+2 and gains flying until end of turn.
“Escort formation, colts and fillies. I want our guest to enjoy the view.”
—Spitfire, Wonderbolt commander
4/4
Meditative Kata U
Sorcery
Look at the top four cards of your library. You may reveal an instant, sorcery, or Monk card from among them and put it into your hand. Put the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order. If you didn’t put a card into your hand this way, draw a card.
Whiff of Aetherwine 1U
Instant
Tap target creature. It doesn’t untap during its controller’s next untap step. You get EE (two energy counters).
Flash realized the term was a local euphemism for chloroform just a moment too late.
Discreet Agent 1UU
Creature — Pony Rogue
Hexproof
When Discreet Agent enters the battlefield, surveil 2. (Look at the top two cards of your library, then put any number of them into your graveyard and the rest on top of your library in any order.)
Earth pony agents excel at undercover work.
2/2
Intriguing Allusion 2U
Sorcery
Draw three cards, then shuffle a card from your hand into your library.
“Flash Sentry’s memoirs drifted from topic to topic as he wrote them. Piecing them together into a readable narrative is no simple feat.”
—George MacIntosh Fresian
Royal Impersonator 2UU
Creature — Shapeshifter
When Royal Impersonator enters the battlefield, exile another target creature. Return that creature to the battlefield under its owner’s control at the beginning of the next end step.
Whenever another creature is exiled from the battlefield, you may have Royal Impersonator become a copy of that creature, except it has this ability.
2/2
Canterlot Intelligencer 3U
Creature — Unicorn Noble
You may look at the top card of your library any time.
Whenever you cast a Pony, Pegasus, or Unicorn spell, you may mill a card. (Put the top card of your library into your graveyard.)
“Once more into the breach, friends!”
2/4
Political Marriage 3U
Sorcery
Choose a creature target opponent controls. That player chooses a creature you control. Exchange control of those creatures.
The couple’s happiness is irrelevant. What matters is the happiness of the nations and their armies.
Chitinous Abductor 4U
Creature — Shapeshifter Ninja
Ninjutsu 1UU (1UU, Return an unblocked attacker you control to hand: Put this card onto the battlefield from your hand tapped and attacking.)
When Chitinous Abductor deals combat damage to a player, put it and target creature that player controls on top of their owners’ libraries.
3/2
Burrowing Gorbworm 1B
Creature — Worm
When Burrowing Gorbworm dies, you gain 3 life.
Changeling cuisine is an acquired taste. Those who ask too many questions about it rarely make the acquisition.
1/3
Zebrican Vizier 2B
Creature — Zebra Advisor
When Zebrican Vizier enters the battlefield, look at the top three cards of target player’s library. Exile any number of those cards, then put the rest back in any order.
“All viziers are plotting something. If you’re lucky, you’ll like the plot.”
—Flash Sentry
2/2
Silent Takedown 3B
Instant
This spell can’t be countered.
Destroy target creature.
“Quick. Simple. Efficient. I do it so the Bearers don’t have to.”
—Carrot Top, special agent
Heroic Reputation R
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature has trample and attacks each combat if able.
Whenever enchanted creature deals combat damage to a player, put a +1/+1 counter on it.
“Nowhere near worth the trouble it’s gotten me into.”
—Flash Sentry
Foppish Gambler 2R
Creature — Unicorn Noble
T, Pay 2 life: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, Foppish Gambler deals 4 damage to target player.
Gambling is illegal in Canterlot, which has only made it more popular among some levels of society.
1/1
Turn Tail 2R
Sorcery
Up to three target creatures become Cowards in addition to their other types until end of turn. Cowards can’t block this turn.
“I’ve always preferred ‘tactical advance to the rear.’”
—Flash Sentry
Perchetanian Duelist 3R
Creature — Pony Warrior
First strike
Wither (This creature deals damage to creatures in the form of -1/-1 counters.)
In Perchertania, duels are fought not to the death but to the first impressive scar.
2/3
Coward’s Desperation XR
Instant
Target creature you control get +X/+0 and gains first strike until end of turn. If you control no other creatures, that creature gains double strike until end of turn.
Anything that makes the mistake of cornering Flash Sentry doesn’t get to make more.
Deepwood Predation 1G
Sorcery
Destroy target creature with flying.
Awaken 3—4G (If you cast this spell for 4G, also put three +1/+1 counters on target land you control and it becomes a 0/0 Elemental creature with haste. It's still a land.)
Getting the Everfree’s attention never ends well.
Traditional Exorcism 1G
Sorcery
Target creature you control deals damage equal to its power to target creature you don’t control. If you own the creature you don’t control, gain control of it.
The earth pony answer to mind control is crude, but undeniably effective.
George MacIntosh Fresian WU
Legendary Creature — Pony Advisor
When George MacIntosh Fresian enters the battlefield, search your library for a Saga card, reveal it, and put it into your hand. Then shuffle your library.
Historic spells you cast can’t be countered. (Artifacts, legendaries, and Sagas are historic.)
1/1
Winged Baboons (gu)(gu)(gu)
Creature — Monkey
1G: Winged Baboons gains trample until end of turn.
1U: Winged Baboons gains flying until end of turn.
“Take a school of piranha. Give them lungs, wings, and thumbs. Then keep them away from me.”
—Flash Sentry
3/3
The Flash Sentry Papers 1RW
Enchantment — Saga
(As this Saga enters and after your draw step, add a lore counter. Sacrifice after III.)
I — Create a 1/1 red and white Pegasus creature token with flying and haste.
II — The Flash Sentry Papers deals 3 damage to each non-Pegasus creature.
III — Put two +1/+1 counters on up to one target creature.
Charge of the Flight Brigade 1GW
Instant
Destroy each creature with flying that’s attacking or blocking.
The Wonderbolts’ attempt to save the princesses from their changeling abductors was as valiant as it was doomed.
Sombra, Body Thief 2WB
Legendary Creature — Horror Noble
Menace
When Sombra, Body Thief enters the battlefield, exile target creature an opponent controls until Sombra leaves the battlefield.
At the beginning of each upkeep, the exiled card deals damage equal to its power to Sombra. If there are no cards exiled with Sombra, sacrifice it.
5/8
Flash, Unlikely Hero 2RW
Legendary Creature — Pegasus Soldier
Flying, first strike
Whenever you cast a spell that targets Flash, exile the top card of your library with a luck counter on it. You may play cards you own from exile with luck counters on them this turn.
Remove a luck counter from an exiled card you own: Exile Flash. Return it to the battlefield at the beginning of the next end step.
3/2
Top Family Patriarch 2GW
Creature — Pony Soldier
Other Ponies you control get +1/+1.
If a permanent entering the battlefield causes a triggered ability of a Pony you control to trigger, that ability triggers an additional time.
His shout from Hilltop can be heard at the lowest point in Bottom Valley.
3/3
Special Agent Carrot Top 2BGU
Legendary Creature — Pony Monk Rogue
Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, Special Agent Carrot Top gets +1/+1 and gains your choice of hexproof, trample, or deathtouch until end of turn.
Whenever Carrot deals combat damage to a player, you may draw that many cards. If you do, discard that many cards.
4/4
Gnollpoleon XIV 3BR
Legendary Creature — Hyena Warrior
When Gnollpoleon XIV enters the battlefield, destroy target creature an opponent controls.
Whenever a creature you don’t control dies, create a 3/3 black and red Hyena Warrior creature token with menace.
“Les horde, c'est moi.”
2/2
Palace Wine Cellar
Land — Mountain Plains
(T: Add R or W.)
Palace Wine Cellar enters the battlefield tapped unless you control two or more basic lands.
“Fortified, defensible, well-provisioned. You can’t ask for a better holdout.”
—Flash Sentry
Love the flavour text; thank you for bringing the series to my attention, I'm sure it'll be a good read.
Wishing you well futures in multicoloured magical thinking :)
30-minute-later-edit: Just checked to see where this whole schtick started and wow it was over 7 years ago, even longer counting the (presumed) cards in your first story on the site. These obviously mean a lot to you and I'm in a weird-tranquil-contentness that you've had this creative outlet and passion for so long. I again wish you a shining future, full of WUBRG dreams and mystical pennings.
Never read this series, but color me intrigued.
A delightful author and an exceptionally good series to go with some exceptionally good cards. Bravo.
This is fun! Thanks for putting it all together. I know ... very little about Magic, but a lot of this seems pretty neat. Carrot Top (or should it be Special Agent Golden Harvest?) looks like a beast, at least. Also kinda surprised at the Red designation on ol' Flashy-- then again Red's s'posed to be the color of rampant chaos, isn't it?
Though the best is the wine cellar land. Just *chef's kiss*.
... would a bottle of Chateau de Cheval count as an artifact?
Inside Baseball Alert: Tarkir is full of Monks that care about instants and sorceries. Narset is the most famous, but technically isn't one anymore because her spark ignited. (She's in white and trained in punching people, so they could give her the Gideon ability on a future card.)
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Due to how state-based actions work, a Traditional Exorcism will get you your creature back before it has time to die from lethal damage. I'm sure there are situations where this will matter, but even without that it's still tropey as ****.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Sombra's first triggered ability is not optional and returning things from exile is all but unheard of, so the second triggered ability should rarely apply, unless you're silly enough to cast it against an empty board (or a token, which might not even be silly it if that token is Marit Lage). For bonus points, target a noncreature card that's currently a creature for whatever reason so that it can't stab him from the inside. For bonus points against it, sacrifice the target in response, because you have time to and they don't get to pick a new one.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Wait a minute, editing check. Wouldn't Sombra's second triggered ability trigger and sacrifice him before his first one can even resolve?
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Oh, that's just the pony-flavored branch of things. I've been making up cards for longer than I'd like to think about. But I'm glad you're enjoying it!
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I do recommend it. Great blend of comedy and action, with fascinating character interpretations and equally interesting looks at Equestrian block ops.
5414653
Glad you enjoy them.
5414686
Good catch on Sombra. I moved the check to the upkeep trigger in order for it to, you know, work. And there is something poetic in Sombra and Marit Lage consuming one another. Or possibly finding a nice cafe somewhere to compare notes about their respective arctic banishments.
Also, I am wholly in favor of Narset stepping up to fill the "planeswalker who becomes a creature" niche.
5414671
Red is the color of freedom, the champion of "Do what thou wilt be the whole of the law." The chaos is more a consequence of that philosophy than an actual goal. It's also the color of emotion, which very much includes both fear and love. Flash's ideal lifestyle of peril-free hedonism might put him more on the black end of red... but that darn sense of duty keeps pricking him in the conscience. (It helps that white is as much a color of luxurious creature comforts as black, provided everyone gets them.) Red-white as a color pair is best described as using the tools of chaos to promote order, or vice versa. Very much in Flash's wheelhouse.
As for how Flash works, he has an ability that plays on the "heroic" theme of getting extras out of giving your creatures more attention. In his case, it's stumbling into resources that can either be used on their own, or cashed in for lucky breaks that let Flash nope out of the fight for a turn. Note that if Flash runs away, he'll lose any Heroic Reputation and benefits thereof he may have garnered.
Carrot is indeed both a physical powerhouse and a terrifyingly effective information gatherer. And I'm far more proud of the pun-based design of the wine cellar than I should be.
There's also one in Turn Tail: There are no printed Cowards in Magic, but there are creatures with an ability that gives them every type in the game, including Coward. They'd get hit by the "can't block" effect even without being targeted by it. The card isn't just Flash chickening out; it's also him using his reputation on changelings. 
And there is precedent for wine as an artifact, though that's a very different vintage.
If you have any other questions, feel free to ask!
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I should've guessed! You're very good at it, from a everything-but-basics-unknown perspective, (and probably many others too!) Spent the last couple of hours* going through the canals of card-history and just reading through a bunch of the blogses. Your commentary is really entertaining to read :)
*: that I really should be sleeping with given that it's 8am and I haven't slept yet.
Is Sombra's ability legal as written? Can things deal damage from outside the battlefield or the stack?
Also, because I don't recall whether it's intentionally bad grammar, I feel like I should point out that "Les horde, c'est moi" has mismatched number.
An excellent choice for a place to start.
Flash's card is truly interesting. And Carrot Top's shows off a frightening amount of combat prowess.
5414740
Off the top of my head, we've had emblems dealing damage.
Ah, alright, you're doing fic-based ones. I can dig it. Thorax's Decree is a card I'm shocked we haven't gotten already. But that's not the card which drew my eye the most:
Now we know what killed him. Poor Gorb.
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Addendum: I realize the Saga may be a bit hard to envision if you've never seen one, since they use a very different frame. Fortunately, I make sure to post a full mock-up of one card to Derpibooru each week. I think you'll agree I picked very suitable artwork for capturing the overall theme of the series.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2020/12/13/2508327.png
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Cards (as opposed to spells or permanents) can deal damage. It's just that most effects are written such that they don't. One of the best examples of an exception is Selfless Exorcist. The really wild part is that abilities that affect how damage works (deathtouch, wither, squirrellink, etc.) work in all zones. Having Sombra subsume something with deathtouch is not recommended.
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I see what you did there.
5414764
Gorb has ascended.
Delightful!
If you want a wonderful bit of cognitive dissonance, watch the pony Flash Sentry bits from the show with Tumbleweed's characterization in mind. Much more fun than the original!
5414816
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: You're in white, so there are ways around this problem... and they're mostly flavored in ways that turn this interaction into a serious flavor foul... but the card designed to police this sort of thing is powerless against it because neither ability targets, you can't counter continuous abilities anyway, and countering the triggered ability would still prevent the damage and preserve unlogic in the process.
Well, this has coloured me thoroughly intrigued. I've got to check this series out now!
I can see why Sombra has the "if nothing is exiled with it" line, but I have to suspect that WotC editing would just replace that sentence with a single word "nontoken" in the original targeting condition.
I'm glad to see you carding fics. Another idea I had for when your backlog runs dry is to look at your Derpibooru favourites list and try carding some of the images from there. A few of them might be things like fan comics that have their own narrative, but a lot of them would have to be just cards inspired by a single image... But I think that could work too.
Having now finally read all the fics contributing to this, I'm able to come back and look at the cards from a more informed point of view
I see you went for the "opposites attract" choice of colours for Flash and Carrot Top. RW for Flash certainly seems spot on. I'm not sure I'd have pegged Carrot as all of green, blue and black. U, B or W I could see, as the sneaky, deceptive royal agent. Why green? For her earth pony heritage? To complete the mirror of Flash's colours?
I love the subtle mechanical reference to changelings in Turn Tail. IIRC most of your cards for MLP's changelings have type Shapeshifter but not the changeling ability, but still, lovely. I'm afraid to say I don't get the pun in Palace Wine Cellar, though... Could someone point it out to me?
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I admit, Carrot being the complete opposite of Flash's color identity was a major factor for making her green, though sheer physical might and making peace with the seemingly immutable circumstances of life as a secret agent are both considerations as well. And yes, Turn Tail's inbuilt pun does work much better with Magic changelings rather than MLP changelings I've made into cards, but them's the breaks.
As for the wine cellar, well, it's your choice of vintage each time you tap it. Did you want your wine to be a red or a white?
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Oh, bwahahaha, of course. Superb!