Fighting Depression and Stress: The 'I'm Fucking BACK' Edition · 10:00pm Dec 12th, 2020
Yup yup, you read it right, I'm actually returning to this website, finally! It's been so much of a mental battle and uphill climb to get to this point after what was easily the worst and most potent burnout period and financial stress of my life, but I can safely say at this point that I'm beginning to see a way to get back on the horse, but it involves all of you.
Things still aren't easy for me, not gonna bullshit you guys. They're... kinda really shit still, especially with Christmas looming? BUT I actually think I can—for the first time in years—start to work through that and give back to everyone I care about on this site! That's the thing that's keeping me going right now. I have a real, honest to god desire to actually push my way through all the bullshit and start to put out good, enjoyable content for my readers again, just like I've always wanted to. It's thanks to you guys I'm able to say that.
In the spirit of things, I've written a story to mark the occasion. It's twinned with this blog, essentially, as beyond being a fun little character piece and what I think is some pretty good smut (if I was to compare against my own standards) it is chiefly an apology to all of you.
In the story, I'm Spitfire. You know it, I know it, and I want you all to know that I'm sorry that I've been dealing with all of this shit, that I haven't been able to produce, that I've asked for help, that I'm still asking for help, but I promise that I do care and I promise that from now on I will be trying my utmost hardest in order to deliver on that assurance.
But that said, yes, I am vicariously sucking you, the reader, off right now through the story I just posted. Here's hoping you guys enjoy blowjobs.
There's a few things I wanna talk about here, considering I'm finally about again and have a chance to speak. Of course a massive thank you is in order to everyone that's ever been patient and understanding with me up until now, has helped me out in any other way, or has simply read and enjoyed my work! All of you make coming back to this more than worthwhile for me, but the truth of the matter is that I also need to manage to make it sustainable for myself.
I was really hoping I wouldn't have to mar my—as I saw it—inevitable return blog with talk of how broke I am currently, and how desperately I need your help to sort that out, but in all honesty, it's a really big concern right now. I hate doing this, I really do, even when people have been so welcoming and willing to help out in the past, the fact that I'm put into a situation where I can't afford to live right now and that it's impacting my family as well as me makes me feel like a massive failure. I burn out, I find it difficult to work, money gets tight to the point that there is none, and then I find it even more difficult to work because I'm under a ton of pressure. It's a vicious cycle that's persisted for a long time that I'm incredibly determined to break now, because I need my life to be more than this. I need my mum and little brothers to have a stress free life again.
I'd even like to know what it's like to have some form of disposable income again, selfishly. It's been over a year since I've bought anything for myself besides tobacco, caffeinated drinks, and the very occasional KFC. Rest of my money just goes on rent, shopping, and bills, and still doesn't cover it.
As such I've racked up a pretty large debt to mum, and it's getting to the point where some housing officer is increasingly badgering her about rent arrears, we've got bills coming out of our earholes, no money for Christmas, and to top it off, I'm meant to see my dad and my little sisters and baby brother (I say baby, he's around six now) around Christmas-time and I don't have any money for them either, let alone my brothers at home.
All of this makes me feel like a massive prick. There's a list of other expenses and issues and concerns that are plaguing me too, some of which have been for a while, and while I know that not everyone is in a position to give and that some probably think I'm not worth their money, if you are able to do anything, it'd pull me from what is honestly a situation I can't climb out of alone and hopefully help me keep above water.
Personally, I've chosen to look at it in a different light at this time of asking. If people are able to put their faith into me and help me out of this hole, then I'll consider that an investment in my future on this site. I'll be writing regardless of anything, I've solidly decided that I'm back and I'm not letting anything stop that, but any assistance will guarantee that I'm able to keep on going.
Any donation is greatly appreciated and means more to me than you could possibly imagine. The honest truth is that to really get to the stage where I could wipe out most of the looming debt and feel financially solvent again I'd need thousands, but absolutely anything is greatly appreciated. Can't see mum crying over money again, can't have another year where I can't give my younger siblings presents.
And I really do mean anything. If you're unable to donate, and you could instead signal boost this blog somehow, that's a massive help, as it lets other people know about my situation, and that I'm back. Even a comment that you're thinking of me, a Merry Christmas, a comment or like on the story, anything you can do is amazing and more than I deserve.
But in terms of continuing off from where I was, let me tell you how I want to go about things from now on.
If you're wondering about incomplete stories? Here's the long and short of it: I'm in what you could call the 'assessment phase' right now. In other words, I'm deciding which ones I'm going to be making more of an effort to finish, which I'll be trying to wrap up quickly, and which I no longer have any interest in finishing. A big thing I realised during the course of my break from FimFic and for the greater part, writing in general, was that there are too many stories I've written that I simply had no drive to continue because the idea didn't bring me excitement or joy. As such, I've decided that the result would be much better for both me as a writer and you as the reader if more often I was able to approach stories with a more certain and committed take on whether it was something I wished to stick with and how much I truly cared about making that story work.
In other words, the idea is to make it to that I'll be throwing out less concepts just to see what sticks or holds my interest overall, and doubling down on ideas that I'm certain excite me and am fairly sure will in the long term. This will probably also result in me writing more short stories than longer concepts, which I've generally had a lot of success with up until now, so I believe this change is gonna be pretty healthy!
It's also going to lean towards me making a habit of writing flash commissions specifically in the future—shorter stories on a first come, first served basis. I figure that this will help me to get back in the groove of writing more overall. There are certain commission stories I'm still working on and in the process of updating or getting through, but if I'm going to be putting new stuff on my plate, I'd much prefer they were shorter things that I can complete quickly and efficiently, stories that I can have to a client in a matter of days.
Of course, in an effort to carry on raising some money and try to make a living, I am gonna be opening myself up for new commissions shortly, though I'll be trying to keep them under 10k words as a rule until further notice. If you'd like to order a commission or simply speak to me about an idea, please get in touch! I'm only a DM away, and I'm always happy to speak either here or on Discord!
Speaking of Discord, I have a Discord server that became almost inactive with my disappearance. A couple of awesome people have kept the place generally running and well-oiled since my time away, so it seems ripe to bring back to life alongside this blog! If you're looking to join a community filled with people that enjoy smut, erotic writing, or my work in particular, please feel free to join and help me bring the place back to life!
Yr. Pals, The Boys is a Discord server ran by my really good friend B_25 where I also spend a lot of time. If you read my content, there's a good chance you know who he is. Join there as well if you wanna catch me wherever!
I'm gonna have another story in the works soon. Got a really fun comedy collaboration with B_25 (an amazing friend that very much helped me get through this tough spot in my life) that should ship soon, so be on the lookout for that, and I'm going to be dropping another one-shot at some point in the near future, as well as working on getting another chapter of Seducing a Nation up, for those who follow that story, and a new chapter of Staying Put too, for those that wish to see more of Jason's journey.
For the record, Staying Put is a story I will finish. Just wanna make that clear in case anyone thought that was one of the ones I was considering giving up on, it certainly isn't! That story was a parody of a ripoff of a shitpost but in the end it turned out to be incredibly fun to write. I just lost my way with everything for a while. Expect updates on it for sure.
There are likely other things I'm forgetting about here that I'll mention in future blogs, but yeah, getting here's been a journey. 2020 was a year that really, really made me wanna quit being alive, what with my own stresses, being in one of the worst lockdown areas for Covid-19 with an at-risk younger brother, and being on top of each other for almost the entire year in a small house as four people, my mum home-schooling my little brothers who've basically been out of school the whole year, total lack of social interaction beyond the internet. It's been insanely difficult to even keep sane at times, and that's even without worrying about money and stuff on top of that.
I'm sorry, I know my problems with Covid wouldn't compare to those who have actually had to deal with having had it, or a loved one having it, and my heart goes out to all of you. I hope no one feels as if I'm trivialising their situation by explaining my own, I promise that's not my intent.
But all of that aside, I think this is a fairly suitable place to wrap up. Ending on a high note, I wanna say one more time that it's thanks to each and every one of you that I'm finally able to say that I'm back, and confident about my future as a writer. I'm looking very much forward to being able to write more content for all of you!
I'll leave a link to my Ko-fi and Discord here for ease of access, as well as another link to the story above. Check it out if you haven't already, please consider helping me out if you're able, or reblogging this if not, join the Discord if you wanna hang out, and have a wonderful Christmas, each and every one of you beautiful people!
So glad to be back. Here's to three years of being Spitfire, and plenty more to come!
Glad to have you back! I saw too many good stories canceled because their authors just left without a word
Donated some money
Hope things go well for you.
Missed you, King!
Hope things work out for you!
Enjoy your coffee... Maybe at least you'll have an enjoyable Christmas
Keep up the good fight, champ
ninjaedit: thought there would be a review screen before donating, 'keep climbing,' wasn't intended to be all of itI missed you, and I hope things get better for you.
I'm glad you're in a better place now with your life, and I hope things get better for you.
Best Wishes!
Glad you're doing better & welcome back!
I'm glad things are getting better for you.
bby
Glad to see you're hanging in there. Sent some money your way so I hope you and yours have happier holidays than what it's looked like.
Hoped that helped, and Merry Christmas!
P.S. PLEASE give us another chapter of Photo Shoot.
Glad to see you're back. I've always liked your stories. Hope a little bit helps.
I am glad you're back! And you don't owe us a thing. Write horse words because you want to! We will love you all the same!
Glad you’re back! I’m sorry I couldn’t donate, but I’ve sent the link to everyone I possibly know, and some of my good friends are planning on getting you some coffees
. I hope they could help, even if it’s just a little bit!
I'm really glad your back, unfortunately have a case of the broke but ill be sure to spread this around as much as i can
5414342
Glad to be back! Appreciate the well-wishes man, Merry Christmas!
5414381
You're awesome and I hope you know it. Hope your Christmas is wonderful, mine's gonna be that bit better because of you! Thank you so much.
5414393
You're a king! Cheers man, much love, hope you stick around to enjoy the updates!
5414399
I think it's gonna be that much better if only for the fact that people like you are around to make that the case. Thanks man, from the bottom of my heart. Hope yours is just as enjoyable if not better!
5414427
I'll try my best! Honestly I thought it was some kind of League based meta joke at first and that you were one of the people who knew me from my LoL addicted grind in 2019. Curious what the full message would've said, but you don't have to tell me! Thanks ever so much man, Merry Christmas!
5414428
I missed being here! Feels lovely to hear that though, really appreciate you dropping me a message, hope your holidays are awesome, dude!
5414434
Best wishes to you too man! Thanks very much for the kind and supportive words, feels so much more natural easing myself back into writing when I have lovely people like you around!
5414437
Trying my best! Thanks ever so much. Merry Christmas!
5414439
Life has many doors, just trying to open the right ones. Much love!
5414442
Damn straight. A million thanks for all the times you've been there dude.
5414525
You're a legend man. People like you are part of the reason that I can still find the will to do this even when things get really hard, and I hope you know that. You're a wonderful person and a big part of my inspiration to keep going! Hope your Christmas goes great as well!
5414558
It does help, very much, thank you! Yet another wonderful person I'm blessed to have around me.
You know, I don't usually (ever, honestly) make promises concerning story updates because I know how difficult I can find it to stick to them, so I'm not gonna make a promise here. However, I can say with some confidence that there's a good chance it'll at least get a couple of updates from now. It's a story I've been wanting to come back to, and B's bagered me about updating it enough times that sooner or later it's just gonna happen. Here's hoping for sooner!
5414560
Every bit helps, thanks very much for what you gave! Appreciate the compliment, and I'm glad to be back!
5414578
Incredibly heartwarming comment. People like you remind me why writing is so rewarding; people like you are special! Hope that nevertheless I can write a thing or two down the road that'll keep you enjoying my presence!
5414588
Good to be back, thank you! This is a wonderful thing to do and I appreciate you taking the time to do it so very much. Any signal boost is really appreciated, I hope you know that you're awesome for what you did. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas, cheers!
Welcome back, 2020 is saved
5414600
You are very welcome!
5414600 That's all you can do. Happy Hearth's Warming. *Boops your snoot*
Happy Hearth's Warming, man. Happy to donate a little.
5414634
I really, really appreciate this, but I can't live on coffee alone, man.
Merry ChristmasHappy Hearth's Warming, my guy!Glad to see you come back, much awesomeness ^_^
I just want to say I know what your feeling. I got evicted a couple of months ago and I’m currently leaving with my sister (much to her husband’s wishes) and only just got a job. It also doesn’t help that I have also had family pestering for money the month I got a job again so I haven’t even been able to save any to pay off the debt I own my previous landlord. They haven’t called or said anything but it’s so frustrating not being to spend money. The last time spent money on myself was last year buying a year of Game Pass for Xbox (that’s ran out now) that I finally said fuck it and bought myself a game instead of giving my mother more money (she’s watching my cats as my sister and her husband refuse to keep them in there house) and just got myself something. That something happens to be cyberpunk (I know it’s not the best but I can’t be a beggar)
Here’s hoping 2021 can be a better year for everyone.
Oh my god, welcome back.
5414637
*hugs*
Good luck! I hope the holiday season and beyond go well for you.
well, merry christmas, at least. i don't have money to spare myself, but i can try to get this out there. i can see you need all the help you can get. again, merry christmas, and i hope the new year will bring some luck your way.
Kinda broke, so I can't spare anything, but I do wish you the utmost amazing holidays possible.
Now, onto more.... interesting matters...
Sent a little bit your way. Merry Christmas to you and hope things get better!
And yes, I do love blowjobs, thank you~
This is great.