Fic recs, December 7th: Halloween in April edition! · 2:38am Dec 8th, 2020
Flash Fiction Online is saying farewell to its long-time editor-in-chief, with an issue including puppet hell and peeling off your ghosts.
VisualPony's done a reading of ocalhoun's Princess Celestia Is in Your Bed!
This one's for anyone still playing Super Mario Maker 2: check out my not one but two new levels! The Cave of Crystal Daggers (QWV-FHX-FQG) is an action platformer that will have you dodging falling swords on your way to defeat an evil spirit. And if that's too stressful, you can relax with Naptime (JDL-0HB-L3G), the only music level I will ever make. >:B
I know I said earlier this year that I was done with chasing contests, but I think I might have just been giving myself permission to avoid all but the ones I was really interested in. :B And though it is no longer April, nor the month of Halloween, that means it's the perfect time to get spoopy with the Barcast's last contest!
Unlike usual genre-specific contests, I am not assuming the horror tag for all these stories. I will mark them as needed, because you better believe not all of them qualified as such. Also, some of y'all need to learn when the Mature rating is necessary.
Hopefully the next edition won't take quite so much time to finish. (This is 16 pages long!) To the reviews!
H: 10 R: 16 C: 10 V: 4 N: 13
Anthropomorphic by PaulAsaran
Mature: Gore, Violence, Death
Genre: Adventure/Body Horror
Daring Do brings Lyra (and Bon-Bon) along on a trek to find a human-related artifact.
Starting with the top finalists for some reason, so it's all downhill from here. :') This was #2, and it combines two of my favorite things: Daring Do adventures and Lyra loving humans. Can't believe I've never seen that before! And of course, Lyra's obsession with humans turning dark is another excellent trope for horror stories. The horror here comes not from what's going on — it's foreshadowed, and pretty obvious otherwise — but from a long, dangerous trek through unknown jungles with Bon-Bon forced to carry two ponies and enough gear to see them to civilization. Also, the gross stuff happening to Lyra and Daring. It's tense and terrifying all the way through, with an ending that, as promised, will stick with you.
Highly Recommended
There's a Monster Under the Stairs by Grimm
Reading by anonpencil
I think anon is the first person whose voice I've heard face-to-face before hearing it in a reading. If you're not watching the Barcast already — and it's possible, I mean I'm not c.c;; — they're not primarily a fic-reading channel, but they do have a short list of narrations. This one's especially good, though I suspect many of the others are live readings, so quality might vary. But hey, I'll throw 'em on the list and rectify my oversight in time. This was really good.
Genre: Pants-Shitting Terror
Ditzy is a good filly, but the monster under the stairs is noisy and she can't sleep.
There's no horror quite like the horror in your home, and nothing so terrifying as a child's helplessness in the world of grownups. This story is tooth-shattering tension from the word go, and what would be a great horror story already is made even better thanks to fantastic child narration. You just know what's going on (though I didn't expect all of it!), and it's only a matter of waiting until the truth is brought to light. It's quite easy to see why this won the contest.
Highly Recommended
Unblinking by Leafdoggy
Mature: Gore, Violence, Death
Genre: Dark
Soarin has an encounter on what should have been a walk in the park.
A little more weird than scary, this presents us with an original monster and has it do weird, creepy stuff. It's fun! A little more atmosphere might have helped turn this toward full-on horror, but as a straightforward monster of the week type deal, it's got its merits.
Recommended If You Like Creepy Stuff
Hunted by EffervescentEquine
Reading by Lotus Moon, et. al.
Mature
Genre: Dark
The writing in this story is flat, rushed, and above all, confusing. There are so many misused words, I have to assume the author either isn't a native speaker or doesn't know how to use a thesaurus properly. Details are added in willy-nilly, contributing nothing. Add to that the narrative, where things just happen for no reason, and it turns into a reverse The Purge? (I think?) And then there's a twist with zero impact. I would have expected a little better from an author with over 100 published stories.
Not Recommended
Fangs in the Garden by PaulAsaran
Genre: Psychedelic/Light Shipping
Fluttershy is trapped in her own cottage, all alone with the poison in her veins and what might be outside.
I can't say I've ever read a story about a pony essentially fighting off a bad trip. As horror, I felt it was lacking something, since we know from the start that everything she's going to experience is likely to be a hallucination, and there weren't quite enough clues to make me question whether it wasn't. If anything, the major fear was 'how much is Fluttershy going to hurt herself before this is over?' Still, I also don't think I've read any stories using this particular fandom trope (likely because they're all just porn), and this was a well-written, unique story that explores its themes in an interesting way regardless.
Recommended
Hungry by Rated Ponystar
Genre: Horror
No matter what my instincts are telling me, I must fight the hunger. For my friend's sake.
You know what's great about this story? The main character is a dragon. Not a changeling, not a vampire or some made-up monster that needs to eat to survive, just a dragon fighting his instincts because failure means eating his best friend. How do you deal with the conflict between your survival and someone else's? The writing could use a bit of a cleanup, and the formatting was narmy, but honestly, I liked this, and the climax is visceral and disturbing.
Recommended
Forbidden Tombs by Buttery Biscuit
Mature: Violence, Death
Genre: Horror
Twilight is lost in a catacomb.
This didn't need the Mature rating, for reference. Look, I get it: writing horror is hard. If I'm being honest, I've never done it successfully myself. But I can safely say this does not work. The writing is flat and to the point, there's no mystery or tension or lingering fear. The monster is shown, which does nothing for the narrative. There's a kernel of a good idea when the scenario is suggested to repeat by the end, but what came before that left no impact on me, so it didn't matter.
Not Recommended
The Storyteller by BradyBunch
Genre: Horror
A stranger more strange than most shows up at Sweet Apple Acres seeking shelter for the night.
I'm of two minds about this. On the one hand, the narration does a good job setting up why this storyteller is so unsettling, and I really liked the final scene, which reveals his motivations and the truth behind his story. On the other hand, just about any time someone spoke, it broke the tension with narm. Also, though it maybe makes sense afterward, in the moment, I was rather put off by this old fucker telling a story like that in front of Apple Bloom. And then there's the punchline. <.< But on the whole, it wasn't bad? Definitely has an interesting concept.
Recommended for Fans of Spooky Stories
The Terror of Starvation: The First Feast by The Sleepless Beholder
Mature: Gore, Violence, Death
Genre: Grimdark
The writing in this is very poor, in just about every way imaginable. As for the story, it's just a monster eating ponies, blood and gore rather than actual horror. Did not have the intended effect.
Not Recommended
Thalassophobia by Jade Ring
Reading by Lotus Moon
Genre: Horror
Rarity tries to get to the bottom of Applejack's fear of deep water.
This does a remarkable amount with very little. A single repeated word, a pond, a trail, a memory, a scene, and then one moment of pants-shitting terror. And yes, what happens at the end might bring a cry of characterization to the forefront of your mind, but… If that's how Applejack, the Applejack we absolutely know and love, handles what happens? That's even more terrifying.
Recommended
Anxiety by jmj
Genre: Psychological Horror
Lyra wakes in the middle of the night.
This is one of those stories that takes a deep look into mental illness, and does so quite effectively. We're trapped in Lyra's head along with her and her plethora of irrational fears and paranoia. Among problems like the dark or the strange sounds in the walls, one of those fears is losing Bon-Bon due to the toll those very same have on their lives. If you can deal with a few typos, including one in the first paragraph, this is totally worth the read.
Recommended
Unnatural Sun by TheBronyKnight
Genre: Grimdark
So Twilight watches Canterlot literally get nuked. As in, by an atomic bomb or something similar to it. Chaos, panic and confusion ensue. This is another author who could use an editor, as this is nothing but writing mistakes. It also doesn't work as horror because, while the ponies don't know what just happened, the readers do. Yes, there are unexplained questions, but they feel more like the author just didn't want to bother giving us anything rather than anything to be feared. This is not how you do 'fear of the unknown'.
Not Recommended
Expelled by the dobermans
Genre: Horror
Concerned about the fate of Cozy Glow, the Student Six consult the Tree of Harmony.
This was great. What seems at first to be yet another "oh, poor Cozy" story turns out to be a meditation on just how creepy the Tree of Harmony was as portrayed in canon, and how the Student Six in particular do what it says without question. In fact, nothing about this story seems like horror until you get to the very end, which is just the right way to do it. Add to that some excellent characterization, and you've got yourself a strong entry!
Recommended
The Marionettist by QueenChrysalisForever
Genre: Sad/Horror
Discord knows a way to bring the dead back.
I wanted to like this one, but it's got a lot of issues. Too large for its wordcount, it skips over building atmosphere or tension in favor of giving us a blow-by-blow of what happens. The plot is ultimately something I've seen before, though using Discord as the entity bargained with was a nice touch. And the ending is made of a convoluted series of twists that made my head spin. It just doesn't take enough time to set itself up for an impactful reveal.
Not Recommended
Presto and Me by MisterEdd
Genre: Poor, Pathetic Trixie/Scary Murderdolls
Trixie's attempt to change up her act lands her with a new, very strange partner.
Really, this story is a pile of tropes and references, but the writing is strong enough that I have to say it makes good use of them. I mean, talking dolls are about the creepiest thing you can have in a story, if you ask me, and ventriloquist dummies are even worse, so it's got that going for it. The pacing is a bit fast, but not too fast, likely a result of the contest's low word count. I liked this one.
Recommended If You Like Creepy Doll Stories
Meatlocker. by leeroy_glBZ
Genre: Dark EQG
No way is Rumble going to pass up an invitation from the woman of his dreams.
This story leaves a lot to be desired, from systematic typos to the giveaway of what exactly Adagio is via the narrative thanks to poor POV and the ending which comes out of nowhere. And yet, there's merit here. Though the setup is pure teenage wish fulfillment, the fact that this is a punitive kind of horror story works against it. Rumble spends the whole time thinking with his dick, in other words, but the message is "don't think with your dick, some lady will eat you". And despite the flaws in the writing, it's obvious the author tried. A line describing the way a bulb hangs from the ceiling in particular stuck with me. This is the kind of author who just needs encouragement and a helping hand, not a string of downvotes, for all that I must recognize not many are going to be satisfied with this piece. EDIT: The author has since deleted the story, and I'm actually really cut up about it. :(
Vaguely Recommended
The Fears Inside Us by Penelope Anne Ink
Mature: Gore, Death
Genre: Horror
Things at work have been stressful lately.
I don't think this one works. It's interesting, and it does some things well. Word choice, for instance, is a strong point, helping to build atmosphere and tension. Unfortunately, both of those are undercut by the first paragraph telling us outright that the main character is afraid of his workplace, instead of letting the story do the work for us. And then there's the ending, which comes out of nowhere. Honestly, it could have worked as a rug-pull, but only if it had been built up to in any way. There really aren't any clues that anything is wrong at this guy's home, so it ends up making the rest of the story feel like pointless misdirection. I dunno, it's not awful, maybe try it yourself and see what you think.
Vaguely Recommended
Discursive Formations: Headfirst for Halos by The Red Parade
Genre: Horror
They say ponies who visit the cave come away changed. That's what he could use right now.
That supertitle is intriguing, but I'll save any thoughts on it for after I've read the next story. So, at heart, this is a very simple kind of horror piece: you go, "gee, X would be scary to have happen to you" and then have it happen to someone. What makes it work is the writing, the way the narrative slowly works into the main character's depression only to be repelled with a mantra of "think happy thoughts". This might actually be allegorical, come to think of it. Effective!
Recommended
Discursive Formations: phantoms forever by The Red Parade
Genre: Sitrep/ARG/SCP Crossover
The transcript of an exploration by the Wonderbolts into an unknown portal which appeared in the Everfree Forest.
Okay, so I still don't know what the "discursive formations" are, but that doesn't matter. This is one of the most unsettling stories I've had the pleasure to read lately, and it's also a multimedia presentation with some puzzley bits for the keen-eyed to discover. I hate to always bring up the SCP Foundation when I'm reviewing horror stories, but… Oh wait, I just clicked on something, turns out this is actually an SCP crossover. o.o Well, that explains a lot! (And don't worry, you don't need to know anything about the SCP to enjoy this.) The format of the story is a familiar one, a military unit exploring a creepy place, and it's even better than that because we only get Spitfire's dialogue through the entire thing. I am a real sucker for stuff like this, and this is the best one I've seen on this site since Broken Bindings.
Highly Recommended
Trapped by ShadowSprint
Mature: Death, Profanity
Genre: Shipping/Psychological Horror
Rainbow Dash hasn't been the same since the accident.
I wasn't expecting much going into this, but boy, was I wrong. The narrative voice is extremely strong, though I would characterize this as a first-person Rainbow Dash story that doesn't necessarily sound like Rainbow Dash. The emotions, descriptions and writing in general are all pretty good. It's also fairly intense, dealing with the aftermath of an accident that left Applejack paralyzed from the neck down and Rainbow Dash suffering from migraines, hallucinations and lost time. I will say I don't feel like the ending was quite as strong as the rest of the piece, possibly because the author was swiftly approaching the word count limit, but this was a really solid horror story with a good twist.
Recommended
A Simple Question, a Terrible Truth by The Sleepless Beholder
Mature: Death
Genre: Dark AU
The answer to the question that's been bothering Twilight is more terrible than she could have imagined.
For all that this ends up in familiar territory by the end, this has a really original concept. The question is a different kind of immortality angst, and the answer is nothing I've ever seen before. That said, the writing does leave something to be desired, with a lack of whitespace and the slapdash fast pacing indicative of an "I just needed to get this idea down" sort of story. But if you can look past that, well, I think this is pretty neat. :)
Recommended If You Value Function Over Form
Friendship Is Magic by Buttery Biscuit
Mature: Gore, Violence
Genre: PoE/Transformation
Twilight goes to Earth to make some friends.
Two reasons this doesn't work: gore isn't scary, and telling us something is creepy immediately stops it from being so. The writing is very plain and simple, and this is just a long sequence of Twilight being crazy — for a good reason, at least — and turning a bunch of people into ponies. An inversion of your standard wish-fulfillment "going to Equestria" fic would be a good starting point for a horror story, but this doesn't hit the mark.
Not Recommended
Surface by Razalon The Lizardman
Genre: Adventure/Thriller
It's bad enough I'm stranded alone at sea. What's that I keep seeing in the water?
I've never actually seen the movie Open Water, but this has a similar premise, albeit with a single protagonist and the ever-looming threat of an unknown monster trailing him through the water. It's tense and delivers chills in classic survival horror style, though if you're starting to tire of all the doom and gloom, I will spoil that this has a happy, if sharp-edged, ending. Also, the writing is quite good!
Recommended
Fake Skins by GallaicusBrony92
Mature
Genre: EQG Horror
A story about Skinwalkers has Sunset Shimmer on edge at Camp Everfree.
Clearly written by a young writer, judging by the flat, simplistic storytelling and consistent writing errors. To them I would say, look into how dialogue tagging works, and maybe get someone to preread your stories before you post. As for the story itself, it's at least got a neat central idea, even if I was a little miffed by mention of "the natives" in Humania. (Though I guess those would be human Buffalo? Still brings up uncomfortable questions.) Unfortunately, where the story ends is just on a big question mark and nothing really comes of the fairly standard "ghost story comes true" setup. Wasn't really scary at all, even discounting the issues with the writing. Though its greatest sin, of course, is glorifying smoking. I mean, honestly.
Not Recommended
Ghosts in the Graveyard by Jade Ring
Genre: Ghost Story
One of the perks of becoming friends with the Cutie Mark Crusaders is joining in on their Nightmare Night games.
Easily one of the best written entries to this point, if this has anything to criticize, it's that there's not much mystery to it. You don't meet normal fillies in a graveyard on Nightmare Night, and I'd almost call the ending hokey. But this has excellent atmosphere, plus reformed Diamond Tiara, and it really captures that childhood feeling of being scared past the point you were expecting to be.
Recommended
Cold as Iron by Nailah
Genre: Dark
Maybe it's just me, but listening to a madpony explain to his next victim just why he's crazy is not exactly my definition of horror. Especially not if said madpony's name is "Iron Waffles". That just made this hard to take seriously. But the writing is flat, the dialogue is emotionless, and even the author admits the overall setup is very reminiscent of Cupcakes, so this really did not accomplish what it set out to do.
Not Recommended
Masked by Omegathyst
Mature: Sex, Gore, Violence, Death, Profanity
Genre: Dark Shipping
Gabby and Spike are engaged. Rarity has some feelings about this.
I went into this thinking, oh boy, here it is, the apotheosis of the pile of bad ideas that was Dragon Dropped. But it's actually so much worse? The writing is fine, but the story. It's nothing but changeling-induced whiplash. Rarity's jealous about Spike and Gabby getting married, so she kills Gabby, but she's not Rarity, she's Ocellus, so Twilight breaks Ocellus's neck, and things go back to normal except Rarijack was randomly happening in the background, and now they're having issues, and Rarity makes a move on Spike, who rejects her, so she kidnaps him, except she's never been Rarity this entire time, she's actually… Chrysalis? Thorax? Honestly, I don't know, the ending is a muddle. All I know is that a summary of a story is hardly a review, but that's the best way I could really communicate just how what this piece is.
Not Recommended
Life, Death and Afterlife: The Tale of a Vampire by Nature Pastel
Genre: EQG Supernatural
Fluttershy has a secret.
Definitely not a horror story, this made me wonder why the word 'vampire' was used at all. What happens to Fluttershy is more akin to a werewolf transformation, except that her bestial form is even more unique than that. Who cares if she craves human blood, embrace your original concept! Anyway, the writing leaves a lot to be desired and actually gets worse as the story goes on, but the author's been extremely active since they joined the site back in February, so hopefully they're quickly improving!
Not Recommended
The Canopy by Flashgen
Genre: Atmospheric Horror
Starlight and Trixie travel through a forest south of Equestria. And it keeps getting thicker…
I bet there's not another story quite like this. :) It's a classic setup: take a fear — in this case, getting lost in a forest — and stretch it to its ultimate end. And that's done without any real monster, just ominous dreams, mounting panic, and the unending forest itself. I love how it affects Starlight and Trixie differently, and I love how the various motifs continue to appear throughout the dreams and reality. Flashgen remains one of the best horror writers on this site!
Highly Recommended
Threads in the Dark by Compendium of Steve
Genre: Lovecraftian Horror
An expedition to the kirin village takes a turn for the fatal.
I mean, it's not actually Lovecraft, but between the learned speech of the letter-writer and the horrors found in a cave-based society, I got solid old-timey feels off this. And it's quite good! Good epistolary writing, an original, creepy setting, and a tragic end for all and sundry. I do wish I got the reference at the end, but I guess it's maybe inspired (I just typed 'inspider' omg) by another property.
Recommended
The Otherplace by Randomspagetti
Mature: Violence, Death
Genre: Experimental
Okay, this is honestly interesting, I'm just going to try and spill my entire train of thought about it, because it gave me a lot of thoughts to think. For starters, it's 2020, "the real Pinkie got sent back to the Mirror Pool" is a pretty over-and-done concept, just to get that out of the way. The first scene, letting us know exactly which Pinkie was the real one, is flat and telly, but the addition to the Mirror Pool rhyme is actually pretty good? Which leads us to the body of the work: the same two lines of narration, repeated over and over with gradual adjustments that make the scene darker and darker, occasionally separated by cries for help. For instance, "the trees were decorated with beautiful lights" becomes "the trees were decorated with HELP ME", Rainbow Dash becomes "that traitor", and so on. The changes don't remain static, either, and it's actually kind of effective, if narmy on some level. The main problem with this is that these changes are written in heavy Zalgo text, and quickly become unreadable. As I said in my comment, this is the rare story that could have been improved by use of colored text. EDIT: The author took out the Zalgo text, so the changes are now just all-caps. Which ultimately leaves the question: Does this work? I'm not sure. But it's certainly more than the sum of its parts. Kudos to the author for trying something different.
Recommended If You Like to Watch Authors Experiment
Overcast by Lupine Infernis
Genre: Horror
Why are pegasi falling from the sky?
The writing in this piece is far from the best I've seen in this contest, but it's also far from the worst. Regardless, I found this fascinating. I was honestly completely taken in by the strange sights it presents us, the lingering doom wrapped up in grey stratus clouds. The monster is shown, but not thoroughly described, and whatever it is, it's both original and terrifying. It's another story that reminds me of the SCP Foundation, or even the X-Files, just introducing us to this really weird, surreal creature and the effects it has on people. Overall, quite memorable!
Recommended If You Like Creepy, Unexplained Stuff
Winter Heat by Trick Question
Mature: Sex, Gore, Non-Con, Violence, Death
Genre: Horror
In the Grove, foals grow up.
Our third place finalist, soon to be deleted if recent blog posts are anything to go by. :/ I hope not, because this is really good. It honestly comes down to the writing just being excellent. The atmosphere is thick with tension, our young protagonist and her friend are both self-aware and completely innocent of what's about to happen to them, and… I think perhaps most importantly, I said earlier that "gore is not horror". But this story shows how it can be. It's visceral and gross and has a very strong message as it explores the terrors of growing up. Highly Recommended If You Don't Mind Gore
Recommended
Freeze by BronyWriter
Genre: Dark
Apple Bloom wakes in the middle of the night and finds a light on in the clubhouse.
Doubling up again, the last of the actual finalists is the Honorable Mention, and it's a real brain-tickler. It features an original monster (or does it?) which constantly blurs the line between real and dream. It's got a fairly standard "trapped in a dream" setup that leads the second half to be a little predictable, but nevertheless throws in a curveball later on. If anything, the ending is really great, happening in just the right spot to maximize lingering dread. So yeah, really notable, obviously worthy of that HR.
Recommended
A Nightmare to REMember by ajvasquezbrony28
Genre: EQG Dark Mystery/Shipping
Students have been dying in their sleep. Rainbow Dash and Twilight try to keep each other awake.
The writing in this needs some fixing up, but it's got a really strong narrative arc. This could almost be the "you found this footage online" kind of horror story, save that we're seeing that footage being recorded in real-time. It's neat. I'm not sure how I feel about the ending, but Dash and Twilight are both written well, and that's while under extreme stress and not having slept in days.
Recommended for Fans of Dark EQG Fics
Panatrophia by WritingSpirit
Mature: Gore, Death
Genre: Tragedy/Body Horror
It all began when Fluttershy stopped breathing.
Whoa. This one really caught me off guard, with riveting writing and a one-two punch of horror at this terrifying affliction killing ponies and Twilight's horror at being unable to understand what's going on or do anything about it. Everything culminates in her epiphany in the final scene, which is one of the most terrifying things I've encountered in this contest. Don't skip this one!
Highly Recommended
A Red Miasma Hangs Over Main Street by Eagle
Genre: Dark
A local lord returns to his town with dire news of a mysterious illness.
Take classic Twilight Zone episode "The Monsters are Due on Maple Street", combine it with the COVID pandemic and you get this story. I'm not sure it's meant to be allegorical in any way, but the author does a good job building up to the panic and hysteria. That said, the writing's a little stilted, possibly because this is meant as something of a just-so story, which isn't really obvious until the end. Also, with the odd names and somewhat generic medieval feel of the town, I get the sense the author might have wanted to write in another setting. Regardless, this does its source material justice, for all that it hits really close to home.
Recommended
Coccinellidaephobia by Muramasa
Genre: Horror
Twilight has a thing with ladybugs.
Okay, this is really creative. The tension is built via Twilight's fear of ladybugs as experienced by Fluttershy. I can't say I've seen a horror technique quite like that. (I especially connected with it due to my own knee-jerk spider killing reflex, stemming from lifelong arachnophobia.) And yeah, the middle part is a dream, not to give it away, but it's so visceral and, more importantly, leads to a really effective ending. This is superb.
Highly Recommended
The Hide You Stole by SaddlesoapOpera
Genre: Fantasy Horror
A magical gift from the Deerfolk finds Rarity's fortunes on the rise.
The first scene of this story is nothing but Rarity sniping with Suri Polomare, and I just dearly wish I could write drama this well. Everything about this story is fantastic, from the character work to the Welsh-infused world-building of the deer at the start. I think the best part is, this isn't one of those morality stories where the protagonist is given a magical gift meant to make them go crazy. This is more about appreciating what you have, and Rarity — especially an aging Rarity — is the perfect pony to fall into that trap. What a story.
Highly Recommended
Breathtaking Banality by Ice Star
Genre: Dark Character Piece
Nurse Redheart begins another shift at Ponyville General.
This was a really neat way to approach a horror contest. The first half or so of the story just seems to be caught up in the minutiae of day-to-day life working a stressful, demanding job like healthcare. Redheart has bad dreams, she has to decide what food to bring with her, she deals with general banality, as the title says. Then you hit the end of the first part and realize, oh, there's a bit more to her than perhaps was obvious at first. I was impressed with how well the little details of her darker side roll out in the narration, and by the end, it makes for a very effective and chilling conclusion.
Recommended
An Icy Trek by mokaevans
Genre: Thriller
Applejack should've stayed with the yaks.
The writing here needs some work, and in general is far too straightforward to make the scene of Applejack being chased through the snow by a giggling shadow really work as horror. Still, I can't fault the author's effort. This is a decent first attempt at writing horror.
Vaguely Recommended
The Claw by GallaicusBrony92
Mature: Violence, Death
Genre: Classic Horror
Starlight makes friends with the griffin who moved into Ponyville.
There are two major problems with this story. First, the author is a native Spanish speaker and really needs to get an English-native editor, because the writing is pretty dire in places. Second, this is based off an 18th-century story by Guy de Maupassant that I am unfamiliar with. It really does seem to have all the trappings of a story written in that era, but a link provided in the comments did not work, so I can't evaluate how closely the author stuck to it. In other words, I can't say whether this is a good style emulation or a rip-off. And that's really bothering me.
Not Recommended
A Monster by Dafaddah
Genre: Sad
To live in the forest, you have to follow the rules.
Of all the non-horror stories in this horror contest, this might be the least horrific, but it's still a good story. I think the thing that maybe kept me from connecting more strongly with it is that I figured out the 'twist' so early on, I have a hard time considering it to be a twist in the first place. I mean, literally why is anything happening in this story if the main characters aren't timberwolves? So it becomes a nice piece of survival fiction with a dark ending that… maybe I didn't fully buy? Like, it happens the way it does solely to maximize the poor patheticness of our main characters. But okay.
Recommended If You Like Outside Insight-Style Stories
One by MnM
Genre: Dark AU
Twilight wakes to find Ponyville deserted.
That AU tag really made me wonder from the outset; suffice to say, it becomes clear why it's there only in the final scene. So this is written in both letters to Celestia and regular prose. I kind of wish it had stuck to letters, at least until the final chapter, not only because it was a little jarring to switch back and forth, but also because the letters are written better. Regardless, for all the signs of struggle and death and the all-pervading loneliness of this piece are pretty horrifying, I can't really classify it as horror, just because all the fear of the unknown evaporates by the end. Also, it has some pretty dire implications for Twilight as a person. Still, it was a good read.
Recommended If You Like a Tragic Mystery
A Steep Learning Curve by ObabScribbler
Genre: Dark Thriller/Body Horror
Starlight Glimmer isn't the best at other ponies.
The first third or so of this story perfectly encapsulates all the things about Starlight Glimmer that have made me equate her with the absolute worst parts of myself. It was great. The rest is an action-packed thriller that was completely gripping, followed by a dark and chilling reveal at the end. Scribbler reads a lot of horror, and she's real good at writing it, too. :D
Highly Recommended
Full Moon by Algernon97
Genre: Supernatural
Berry Punch has problems around the full moon.
For being hastily written, this isn't too bad, the haste manifesting itself mostly as a horrendously rushed finale. But it kind of works. I do really wish the author hadn't given away the ending in the description, not that it would be too difficult to figure out 'werewolf' from context. If anything, this just has some really good slice of life scenes, which I admit is an odd compliment to give something in this contest.
Recommended If You Like Werewolf Fics
Seraphim by Seer
Genre: Psychological/Alicorn Angst
In her dreams, Twilight sees a mare who shines so bright, she burns.
As I write this, I'm a day or two past having read What If Horses Had Gods, and I just… If you want to mix your Abrahamic religions with ponies, this is how you do it. I don't know why the internet, or the slice of it I see every day, has recently latched onto "angels as written are actually really creepy", but it's used to good effect here. And as horror stories go, this one's unique, dealing with a very internal sort of horror based around Twilight's dependence on Celestia for everything, basically Twilight letting Celestia smother her, all of which is eventually revealed as PTSD. In terms of entries in this contest, it may not be the scariest, but as a story? It's fantastic. Have I mentioned Seer is one of the best writers on the site?
Highly Recommended
One Night by Equimorto
Reading by matededdneddy
A new reader? Let's go! This had some quality issues, the microphone often giving that underwater popping effect. This didn't help given the reader's odd speaking cadence and tendency to mumble or slur words. So I guess what I'm saying is, this didn't work for me, though it's not a bad place for a reader to start from.
Genre: Dark
The Everfree Forest is not the greatest camping destination.
I really wish this had been about Twilight's parents. A story featuring a couple comprised of an adventure-seeking wife and less enthusiastic husband sounds like them, right? Because then it might actually have offered something beyond "these ponies are doing something stupid and they're going to pay for it by the end". Like, there's zero suspense here, you know that's what's going to happen, and though there is a twist at the end, there's not really enough buildup for it to have any impact.
Vaguely Recommended
Spilled Milk by TheCrystalRing
Genre: Super Fucking Creepy
The baby is crying. Time to feed her.
Holy shit, do not read the character spoiler tags at the start of this story. I didn't, and the blow at the end was phenomenal. This is so goddamn fucked up, so thoroughly shot through with a sense of wrongness, and trying to puzzle out who the main characters are only amplifies the tension. This isn't going to be for everyone, but if you're into unreliable, creepy, psychopathic narrators, oh boy, don't pass it up.
Highly Recommended
Cold by Equimorto
Genre: Mystery
Twilight knows that dreams aren't real. But this one is different somehow…
I feel like this one's given me a lot to think about. And the only reason I wouldn't label it horror is, well, because I'm not completely sure about what's going on. I mean, I think I get it, but there was no dawning terror of realization moment. Regardless, this is quite good, buoyed along by strong imagery and an overwhelming sense of surreal wrongness to the dream sequences. The major confusing bit is the short snatches of unattributed dialogue that separate each scene. I'm honestly not sure who was ever speaking there, and that's probably why this didn't completely work as horror for me. It's still pretty damn good, though.
Recommended
Vertical Vertigo by Flashgen
Genre: Surreal Horror
Rainbow Dash encounters a strange door in the Castle of Friendship.
Twilight's castle really is an untapped well of horror fodder, y'know. It just sprang up out of nowhere, it's huge and seemingly endless inside, no one knows anything about it. Why wouldn't there be a secret hallway that swallows ponies somewhere in its depths? So this uses the unknown, along with action and repetition, to prey on fear of falling, fear of the infinite, and claustrophobia, all things that aren't frequently explored via text. I will say it didn't quite seem to have an ending, and while it could be said that's part of the horror, it still felt like the story just stopped. Doesn't keep it from being a unique entry, though.
Recommended
The last artifact of the first Alicorns by TheBronyKnight
Genre: Mystery
The Cutie Mark Crusaders unearth a strange metallic object.
Though the same writing caveats as the author's other entry apply here, I can say this is a better idea. Not that it's necessarily a better story, but ancient machines showing up in Ponyville combined with a bit of Amigara Fault and Machine of Death (not to oversell this) is at least more interesting than 'a nuke'. Can't forgive the bad poetry at the end, though.
Not Recommended
Primal Instinct by Muggonny
Mature: Violence, Death
Genre: Dark
Chrysalis has chosen a vessel for her power.
Last and… well, not least, but it definitely needs an editor. In fact, the writing issues in this story were pervasive enough that they made reading it extremely confusing. Which is a shame, because I really wanted to like this, the setup is an excellent idea. Alas, it just does not work, and so we close out with a whimper.
Not Recommended
This is a pretty pog thing to see the day before my birthday!
You'll be even more disappointed to hear that not only did I have an editor, but I had two (and a pre-reader). Still I'm happy you wanted to like it! I personally don't care for the story, but I am working on a spin-off that's far less befuddling to make up for it.
You can expect it sometime within the next 10 years.
Glad to see you enjoyed it well enough. Yeah, kind of cliche beginning and middle, but I think I nailed the ending.
Thanks as always for the review! I know it takes a lot of work to do these.
Thanks for the review! Malik get relatively easy to figure out what was going on was part of my attempt to generate a feeling of dread building to an unavoidable tragedy.
Thanks for the review. I'll try and work on my editing ... I just hate it so much.
Very surprised you recommended my story. I think it may be the first time you have. Not that I don't appreciate your reviews on the others even if you didn't like them.
Thanks for always being here and doing what you do.
Thanks for the review! Hard to believe I wrote these fics in April, feels like a lifetime ago, and I almost forgot that they existed for awhile. To answer some of your questions, awhile ago I considered doing my own version of SCP with anomalies being referred to as 'Discursive Formations,' and around that I'd build a world involving reality shifting, clandestine government agencies, and all that fun stuff.
But it never really panned out and I think I just got bored of it and moved on :U
Also, Headfirst for Halos actually did get an audio reading by Zachmovefan that I don't think you mentioned, so shoutout to him as well.
But I do agree with you: Flashgen and Seer are some of the greatest writers on this site and I'm honored to be friends with them!
Thanks again!
Appreciate the kind words and reviews, PresentPerfect.
Vertical Vertigo definitely fell victim to the fact that I wrote it second, and that I didn't spend as much time planning out the conclusion. I think if I could go back and re-do it, I would either pick a different character to get lost in the halls, or draw out the confrontation at the end a bit longer.
Also, The Canopy got a reading, in case you weren't aware and wanted to give it a listen. I love how it turned out.
Let’s see *holds my breath after the last time I had something reviewed here >.>*
Aaaahhhhh.... 😟....
What looks to almost be the higher end of recommended, as always my English;
So I’ll take that as a major victory for me as an author!!!
🤩 🎉
Yeah, kind of came up with the idea after watching an analyst video about how, in theory (key word there), Freddy Crouger is on of the most terrifying movie monsters. So I thought; why not try writing Elm Street but without the guy/cheese? Also didn’t hurt I had Sparrow, aka, brony master of horrors, help on this one ^^’
My only regret is you thought the ending was to be desired. Really tried my best being inspirers by Dont Open The Door, which gave me a new found love of those kind of endings in horror fiction :/
Still, was glad you found enough to enjoy to give the score you did
Man I need to get back to writing
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This seems like a reasonable time frame, I use it myself. :)
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It's actually the second full recommendation you've gotten from me -- I checked! -- and, I would say, the best story of yours I've read to date. :)
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Zachmoviefan's on the list for later. :)
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She's also on the list! I only included new readers in this one. :B
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Nightmare on Elm Street, but without Freddy? What a cool idea. :D And I do think that central concept worked, regardless of any misgivings I had about the end.
I was looking forward to those reviews, and I am not disappointed. You've even pointed out some things I didn't realize regarding Fangs in the Garden, which I consider the superior story. So thanks for that!
This is kinda making me want to do that Rainbow Factory story I conceived of ages ago...
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked this one, and I'll be sure to check out some of the other stories as well. I'm a big horror fan and it was blast to finally write a horror story on the site.
Hey thanks for the very kind story review mate! Particularly your note at the end there, coming from you that's very high praise indeed, and I really, genuinely appreciate it. I've got a particular soft spot for Seraphim among my stories this year, so I'm really thrilled to hear you enjoyed it :)
Super happy to see all these horror stories reviewed! I'm a big fan of horror in particular so it's so wonderful to see contests and review blogs like this keeping enthusiasm in the genre alive. The handful I tried from this contest were very strong indeed, and this has given me the kick up the arse I need to start checking more off my list! Particularly excited for Red's SCP fic, a fic from him is always worth getting excited for and this one sounds amazing!
Thanks for the review! I honestly never expected to hear anything about the story after April, which feels so long ago now. I think the ending is just as horribly rushed as you do, but I'm glad you liked the slice of life bits!
Merry Christmas.
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No lie, AuroraDawn released a new Rainbow Factory sequel recently and I'm kind of really interested. c.c
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ORLY? I may have to look into that, myself.
Well this was a pleasant surprise for me to find in my notifications, an early Christmas present. Thank you so much for taking the time to write a review on my story, Trapped. I am glad that you enjoyed it, and very grateful that you also recommend it. It's been so long since I wrote this, but in regards to the ending, I do agree with you and I remember doing some fiddling with the ending as I worked on it. I also originally wrote past the word limit, and had to edit the story down. No major changes that I remember making (I do remember the ending getting a bit shortened up), mainly tweaking some phrasing here and adjusting paragraphs there to make the writing more concise.
Thank you again for taking the time to read not only my story, but all the others as well!
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I get the sense quite a lot of writers were tripped up by the word count. It's remarkably low for a contest!
Huh, I vaguely remember April…
Once again you win the genre tag olympics
.
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But at this point I suppose I’m just complaining that I couldn’t match a Dont Open The Door style ending 
still, I suppose for a first try at it, and having the story get what could be seen as a high C low B from you (where last story of mine you touched got an F 😓) I can be proud enough with how things turned out 
.
What you’d have about it?
the main idea behind it was how the situation pushed Twilight so far, she actually gave up. Which I can see how it would leave some, but I tried to justify it by her giving herself a chance, and leaving it open ended that she might of survived. Although the details on her almost discovering the cause was actually all Sparrow if that didn’t help.
I'm glad you liked both. Me, I've grown fonder of 'Ghosts' as time has gone on.
Curious what you found "hokey" about the ending, though.
Now that some time has passed: in your review for Freeze you say, "worthy of that HR" but then give a Recommend instead, which seems like a possible error.
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I meant the contest's Honorable Recommendation. :B Which, y'know, if my recommendations can be considered honorable, still holds true.
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...that's a big if.
I'm glad you liked Winter Heat. I'm not sure how I feel about leaving it up given the obvious content issues it has, but I'm still mulling and haven't taken anything down yet.
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I honestly can't see a reason to take it down. I of course am greatly opposed to artists removing their work from the internet, but the choice is up to you. :B
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The story contains young foals, sexual/genital mutilation, torture, murder, and extreme defilement of the sexual organs of a dead foal. I'm not sure how you could miss that. There exists a vocal group of authors on Fimfiction who feel very, very strongly that stories with such themes, and the authors who write them, should be permanently banned from Fimfiction. Since that isn't likely anytime soon, some of them will go to creative lengths to achieve that goal in piecemeal fashion.
I've been dealing with a lot of bullying online in general. Some of my bullies actively want me dead, and this story is just ammunition they can use against me. In this case, the controversy is probably lessened because "horror" is a genre understood to be shocking. Most people don't consider the sexual elements in a sexual manner due to the overwhelming effect of gore (but honestly I think that makes it much worse). The controversy may also be lessened because the allegory I used is very clear, unlike how I typically do allegory in most of the stories I write. Concern about being bullied further is the reason why I made the allegory in this story so vulgar (I'm using the word vulgar here as in "very direct"). I think it lessens the story, but I was afraid of what I had to deal with in the Writeoff happening again (and that story was far less offensive or disturbing).
I'm tired of fighting people who want to see me hurt, I hate myself, I suffer from mental illness, and most of the time I don't enjoy being alive. I'm struggling to convince myself I can keep stories like this up, but certainly you can understand the conflicts here even if you can't put yourself in my horseshoes.
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I certainly didn't, and I think it's reasonable to expect readers to take context, tone and allegory into account when judging something like this.
I can. :( All I know is those people are in the wrong, but you gotta do what helps keep you safe.
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I think if you'd gone back and forth more regularly, like chapter 2 being prose, chapter 3 being a letter, it'd have been less jarring. But really, the only problem for me was the apparent difference in writing quality, which I can't honestly explain. o.O
What a great list! It's taken me a few days to work through it and going to take a few more to finish it, but its full of pleasant surprises. Horror is not my usual cup of tea, and i super appreciate having a curator for it, because as you can tell, its the hardest to judge based on author/description/rating.
I think theres a chapter book with Starlight about this?