Friendship is Card Games: Pony Life, Week 12 · 1:26pm Dec 6th, 2020
Thanks to some scheduling hiccups–more dry heaves, really—we’re still looking at Pony Life. I’m also taking suggestions for future card blogs. See here for details. But for now, let’s dive in.
Pie vs. Pie
The docupop (that’s “dough-cuh-pop,” not “dock-you-pop,”) is a very Pinkie concept. Especially how the cupcake stays perfectly balanced atop the lollipop through what I can only assume is some combination of sugary adhesion and fell magicks.
I have several questions about Twilight consuming that lollipop as quickly as she did. Silly alicorn tricks, or can anypony crunch through the things with nary a care?
Ah. Reminder that Applejack is not, in fact, the Bearer of Loyalty. Also, I have to wonder how good the free sweet actually are. You do get what you pay for.
Apparently Pinkie’s binoculars also function as a directional microphone. And the unexpected return of Shutterfly.
Okay, definitely alicorn appetite at work. Easy there, Twilight.
Ah yes, the mysterious brother Pinkie alluded to during the Baba Yaga flashback in “Death of a Sales-Pony.” And I immediately want to punch him in the face. The Flimflam brothers may be fast-talking snake oil salesmen, but Octavio Pie has the air of a sleazy dot-com-bubble-era entrepreneur. I also appreciate his evil, purple alligator. And his following the Pie family’s usual color scheme. really, this is a great bit of character design all around.
“Pie was my name and my game first.”
Huh. Pinkie finally another younger sibling. Or does she? Octavio and Marble have virtually identical mane, coat, and eye colors. Different cutie marks, yes, but the same could be said of everypony between Friendship is Magic and Pony Life. I’m not saying Octavio is definitely a trans stallion, but the resemblance is uncanny, even more so than that between Pie siblings. A cursory check of Derpibooru shows no sign of Marble in Pony Life itself. A different upbringing could have had very different effects. Heck, I’ve even proposed something similar.
Okay, moving out of the forest of epileptic trees and back to the actual footage.
Ah, industrial espionage and legally distinct knockoffs. I’m not at all surprised.
Gummy won the fight with Octavio’s gator without a scratch. In other words, Flawless Victory.
Nice to see some lasting effects in Twilight from the docupop binge. Hopefully she won’t eat into the profits.
… Okay, when I made the Mortal Kombat joke, I wasn’t expecting health bars to show up soon afterwards. I do appreciate how Pinkie’s aware of hers. I wonder if she’ll weaponize it Deadpool-style.
You know, this isn’t what I expected when I wanted to see more overt earth pony magic, but I can’t say I’m complaining.
“You know he copies you because he admires you, right?”
I mean, that’s certainly one way of looking at it. “Pinkie’s creation is sure to sell” can be seen as a form of admiration, or at least respect.
Octavio wanting to emulate Pinkie only adds support to the Marble hypothesis.
Well, that turned out better than expected. Especially since Gray Pie almost always win these conflicts, at least against White Pie and Black Pie.
Superb Six
So… did Pinkie consult with any of her friends before declaring them celebrity life coaches?
Out of all ponies to import to Pony Life, I was not expecting Snips and Snails. I assume the latter won’t show any of the wisdom he attained in the later stages of Friendship is Magic. Though those two preparing for a major social event raises a number of questions in either series.
Rarity’s description of the Meet’n’Gala (Meet’n’Gallop?) only raises further questions about Snips and Snails’s attendance. Especially if they’ve been there multiple times.
Rarity certainly works on fashion patrol. But Twilight?
The pegasi on dance duty doesn’t just make sense, it’s been done before. Don’t forget “She’s All Yak.” And the earth ponies as cooking crew is just sensible. But again, Twilight providing fashion advice?
Okay, I admit, this made me smile.
… Huh. Given relative sizes, especially when one considers the Crusaders, are Snips and Snails meant to be adults here? That answers a few of my previous questions, but raises others.
Okay, i have to admit, the “sum of all cuteness” routine was a good bit of Raritwi collaboration.
Oh hey, Bulk Biceps is still a thing. And doesn’t appear to have experienced an art shift, based on the gym’s sign.
Also, why is there a giant flamingo on the roof?
I could live a long, happy life without seeing a pony perform pelvic thrusts. I’ve seen catacombs in Amonkhet that were less cursed. Though the fabric tearing sound when Fluttershy and Dash do the splits was an amusing counterpoint.
Okay, so unless my ears deceive me, Snails has his FiM voice actor, but Snips doesn’t. It leads to a very disconcerting effect.
I could maybe, maybe see spray cheese working in a savory dish. But that seems a bit outside the little boy components’ skillset. Really, I’m just wondering why the can of aerosolized dairy-adjacent pseudofood is even there.
“Being a tip-top attendee means being true to yourself.”
I mean, yes, being true to one’s self is important, but Snips and Snails explicitly tried that last year and it ended in disaster. This moral’s feeling more than a little confused.
And now, the dances of several peoples.
The Debut Taunt
Four-by-four checkers seems like it has a number of issues.
I was wondering how Rarity was dangling from above. I didn’t expect to actually get an answer. Poor Opal.
Sorry, Rarity, this show doesn’t really do musical numbers.
Cutthroat maneuvering for the family legacy and fortune. Hmm. Not sure if Hoofsession is based on any fiction in particular. Drawing a blank on this one.
“A Bitscoin always collects their debts.” Ah. Wasn’t expecting My Little Pony to make Game of Thrones references in two consecutive weeks, but here we are.
“And I stole every scene!”
That’s not necessarily a good thing, but hey, the director did let it happen.
Feeding this Rarity’s ego seems like dangerous business, but she has earned here. Obviously, it’s going to go wrong, but I look forward to finding out how.
That stylist has the perfect look of somepony who is not being paid enough to put up with marshmelodrama.
Wow. Even putting aside the snub, that is objectively terrible television. Why even have the character physically present?
Yeah, there were even odds of Rarity weeping or going on the warpath with this one.
Huh. Unexpected show of sympathy from Opal. Which is to say any hint of sympathy.
Oh hey. They dusted off their stetsons from “How Applejack Got Her Hat Back.”
Yeah, that’s literally a twelve-second monologue. Why would you cut that?
All in all, probably the best way to handle the situation. Certainly one of the least bloody.
Flutterdash
Cool your jets, shippers, not like that.
Oh! This is a new location. Is it Pony Life Rainbow Falls?
The clearly motorized bus undercuts the Gummy chariot station wagon from earlier… though it admittedly isn’t the first evidence of motor vehicles in Pony Life.
Huh. Is this the first explicit mention of hoofball as a thing in canon? Probably not, but I do have to wonder…
Okay, why in the name of sanity is Nightmare Moon’s helmet part of Rarity’s luggage?
Did Spike actually know which cabin was theirs, or was he just pointing in desperation caused by pack mule duty.
“I won’t even have time to sleep!”
Very healthy schedule, there, Rainbow. Though I’m sure there are some convention veterans who can empathize.
Apple tennis? That’s just applesauce with extra steps.
Oh. So much for Bulk not getting art-shifted. With those proportions and that mane, he feels like a Jojo reference.
“Think of my reputation as the sportiest pony in Equestria!”
First off, when was that established? Secondly, are the Wonderbolts a thing in this setting? I sense the answer there is no. Thirdly, pursuing bad ideas for the sake of reputation… Yeah, just ask human Twilight how that turns out.
Ah, a recolor potion. Good thing they packed that. And brewed it in the first place. The stopper shaped like Dash’s cutie mark is a nice touch. As is Fluttershy keeping her own mark, just with more colors. Her eyes haven’t changed at all, which is an interesting wrinkle itself. Now it’s just a question of whether this counts as an illegal, abusable substance.
“Not this dream again!”
I have several questions. One of which being why Spike and Rarity took a walk together.
“I’m ready to punt that helmet across the starting line!”
Oh, Dash’s expression when Fluttershy says that is priceless. Like Rarity, Fluttershy knows at most one sport: Buckball. And it’s unclear whether she’s ever played it in this timeline.
Neither Fluttershy nor Spike knows the meaning of the word “dash.” 
This may be a painful few minutes. Though at least we’re seeing a bit more of FiM!Fluttershy peek out from Pony Life’s usual take on her.
Also, Sweet Apple Acres is apparently doing well enough to advertise at the Sportacular. Most impressive.
After the first time, Spike should really consider not delivering Dash’s “advice.”
A triskelion cutie mark? If that mare weren’t a unicorn, I’d think she was Steela Oresdotter.
And we get to buckball, and no, this Fluttershy hasn’t ever played it. Also, she’s in the earth pony position for some incomprehensible reason.
Also, the other pegasus on her team has no right to glare it her like that. You’re the one responsible for guarding the basket, missy.
Ah. I see this version of buckball isn’t going by the “first to five” rule. Also, I feel like gigantomancy is, if not illegal, at least poor sportsponyship. But no, the ref’s looking at this horrific rampage and smiling. Maybe Rarity paid him off. or, given how this is the stallion who cut her out of Hoofsession, this may be an act of self-preservation.
Aside from a flubbed moral, this was a good batch. Let’s see what I can do with it:
Dressed for Excess WW
Enchantment
Each creature you control gets +1/+1 for each permanent attached to it.
“Sometimes your fashion statement has to be heard from the other side of the country.”
—Rarity, Bearer of Generosity
Faux Pas 1W
Instant
Destroy target creature that’s attacking or blocking and isn’t enchanted or equipped.
“Fashion is a question, and saying nothing is almost never the right answer.”
—Rarity, Bearer of Generosity
Immense Bouffant 1W
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+2.
When enchanted creature dies, return Immense Bouffant to its owner’s hand.
A good manestyle always bounces back.
Indifferent Promoter 2W
Creature — Pegasus Advisor
Flying
Artifacts and creatures entering the battlefield don’t cause abilities to trigger.
“Presenting whatever, I guess.”
1/3
Delectable Hybridizer 3W
Creature — Pony Rigger
Tap three untapped nontoken artifacts you control: Create a Food token. (It’s an artifact with “2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”)
T, Sacrifice two Foods: Delectable Hybridizer assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)
2/3
Disguise Potion 1U
Instant
Kicker 1G (You may pay an additional 1G as you cast this spell.)
Target creature you control gains all abilities of another target creature you control until end of turn. If Disguise Potion was kicked, the first creature’s base power and toughness become equal to the second creature’s power and toughness until end of turn.
Giant Flamingo 4UU
Creature — Bird
Flying
When Giant Flamingo enters the battlefield, you may return target blue creature to its owner’s hand.
Critical for keeping the giant shrimp population under control.
4/4
Shameless Knockoff XU
Instant
Copy target spell you don’t control with converted mana cost X or less. You may choose new targets for the copy. (A copy of a permanent spell becomes a token.)
Octavio offered his sister only the sincerest flattery.
Soulsteel Helm 2B
Artifact — Equipment
When Soulsteel Helm enters the battlefield, exile any number of target creature cards from your graveyard.
Equipped creature gets +1/+1 for each card exiled with Soulsteel Helm.
Equip 1B
The Nightmare’s devoted are always with her.
Pastry Psychic 3B
Creature — Pony Warlock
When Pastry Psychic enters the battlefield, each player creates a Food token.
Whenever a player sacrifices an artifact, look at the top two cards of that player’s library. Put one of those cards into that player’s graveyard.
3/3
Frosting Blast 3BB
Instant
Target creature gets -4/-4 until end of turn. You gain 4 life.
“Once I understood that sugar is just another crystal, lessons from the rock farm made a lot more sense.”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Sportacular Jouster 1R
Creature — Pony Warrior
Whenever Sportacular Jouster deals combat damage to a player, if it doesn’t have double strike, put a double strike counter on it.
“There’s nothing quite like that first gold medal.”
—Rainbow Dash, Bearer of Loyalty
2/1
Burning Rivalry 1RR
Sorcery
Burning Rivalry deals 5 damage to each player.
Harmony takes years to build what hatred can destroy in moments.
Live Audition 2R
Sorcery
You may put a creature card from your hand onto the battlefield. That creature gains haste. Shuffle that creature into your library at the beginning of the next end step.
“Very nice. Keep your schedule clear.”
Magus of the Crop 1G
Creature — Pony Wizard
Whenever another creature enters the battlefield under your control, look at the top X cards of your library, where X is that creature's power. Put one of those cards on top of your library and the rest on the bottom of your library in any order.
1/1
Descendant of Steela 2G
Creature — Unicorn Warrior
Renown 1 (When this creature deals combat damage to a player, if it isn’t renowned, put a +1/+1 counter on it and it becomes renowned.)
When Descendant of Steela dies, if it had a +1/+1 counter on it, put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control.
3/2
Catastrophic Play 3G
Instant
Choose target attacking creature you control. Destroy all artifacts and enchantments defending player controls with converted mana cost equal to or less than that creature’s power.
Fluttershy’s exuberance did horrible things to her opponents’ morale. And to the scoreboard.
High-Gear Gator 4G
Creature — Crocodile Pilot
Haste
T: Target Vehicle you control becomes an artifact creature until end of turn.
Amateur pilots worry about the complexity of the controls. The enlightened get out and pull.
2/5
Chubbawumber
Artifact — Contraption
Whenever you crank Chubbawumber, until your next turn, each creature you control assigns combat damage equal to its toughness rather than its power.
Menacing Monologue (ub)
Instant
Target player mills X cards, where X is your devotion to blue and black. (Each U and B in the mana costs of permanents you control counts toward your devotion to blue and black. A (ub) only counts once.)
Autophobia (rw)
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature can’t attack or block alone.
Though surrounded by competitors, Fluttershy felt terribly isolated.
Greedenia, Bitscoin Scion 1WB
Legendary Creature — Unicorn Rogue
As a land enters the battlefield under an opponent’s control, that player may pay 2 life. If they don’t, it enters the battlefield tapped.
“You’ll give me what I want. It’s just a matter of how long you’ll drag it out.”
2/2
Wild Moves XBR
Sorcery
All creatures get +X/-X until end of turn.
Proper stretching is essential before any major dance party.
Sportacular Arena
Land
T: Add C.
T: Add one mana of any color. Activate this ability only during combat.
Thundering hooves and roaring crowds blend into a symphony of exertion.
She's a fashion pony and used to be Nightmare.
At this point it's just math.
That proves precisely nothing. Breaking the fourth wall is no longer just a Pinkie thing, remember?
Yeah, we don't need to kill Rainbow Dash when her lifestyle will do it for us.
Pardon me Rares, but you don't usually wear clothes.
Inside Baseball Alert: Oh look, a Magus that seems to have forgotten that the card it's emulating is optional.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: There's enough time between Wild Moves resolving and combat damage being dealt to kill anything that's been reduced to 0 toughness or less. Please dance responsibly (or just use it as a boardwipe, I won't judge).
very nice; i like that these are enjoyable even without context, but having context makes them that much better.
wishin you well tidings :)
Shame on you for not going with 'jumbo shrimp' in Giant Flamingo's flavor text
Sooo... we're not going to talk about how
a) They're playing 2-a-side buckball, and
b) Two of the players are alicorns?
I couldn't blame you for not noticing because the continuity is rather terrible in that scene, but there is definitely a shot where the two airborne team members are alicorns. No third team members are visible even in wide shots. Even weirder, the buckets are being levitated, but no horn is ever seen to glow.
5410901
No, we're not going to talk about all the things in Pony Life that make no damn sense, because there aren't enough hours in a day cover it all.
I approve of Rarity keeping that helm. I need to incorporate it into my stories at some point. Also, interestingly enough this one has cover over the horn rather than the traditional hole. Also also, as close as we've gotten to PL Luna's existence being confirmed.
I eagerly await the reactions to the last week of the show.