Chatoyance daily!

One quote from Cross the Amazon I want to bring up again:

"Well, for one thing, I realize that I've been wasting my life. There are things more important than playing video games and getting to splurge on the elite stick... on the credit of the eli... get stuff free. There really are bigger things, it isn't just pointless and empty... at least not where you come from.

This is my feeling, right now and since some ..years. There are much bigger things I somewhat must do - even if my videogames are about compiling videoeditors and 3d drivers, and all I get is little more 12 000 rubles per month. There IS bigger stuff right now, yet I feel way to powerless against anything of this calibre - global problems ... may be even teh videogames can help - if only people used them for building alternative networks of cross-care, and not just game bands ..... But 'humans in denial' still very popular 'game' among humans. I'm not sure at this night hour WHY I should fight for _their_ future while they all assume there is no danger for them .. and their kids! Why I can't just let it all go???

Another link to my favourite pony:
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/517347/cross-the-amazon-special-feature

What matters is trying, even if the situation is hopeless. If anything defines the human condition, it is hopeless struggle despite the odds. My stories. This video. Trying to get people to comprehend.

- Chatoyance

So, I will try ... until I'm dead.

PS: but right now my living space looks a bit like:

The piles and piles that overflowed from the trash bins. In the dim lights everything appeared just like it had always been for a seeming forever of time.

. No vodka here ...and no porn (if you don't count all those dolphin videos as porn. perhaps in my case they are!). But it hard/impossible to explain to anyone I have biggest problems w/o resolution in sight. And cleaning up my room will not make THOSE problems magically disappear.

It really is something I dislike, but can't apparently explain - people cling to clean externalities, but give little attention to that is inside. myself is other way around. may be humans are not bad. But their idea of 'sensitivity' (I asked some if they so offended by smell of my dog to help me bathe him - they all refused!) is not my idea of the same term ... I'm not a pony, very far from it. And my late time with ageing not so nicely dog is exposed side of my character I'm painfully aware about. But I don't want to kill him just because somewomen told me so (she told me same last year, we still alive). people want me to maintain facade of respectability, or their version of hygiene. I'm not failing into complete self-destruction mode, but I really ...can't stand those demands for nice clean exterior. Because its fake. It will be fake. And I hate this seriously. Not like this is serious stand against anything importnat or for something important. Grey (my dog) is important, hopefully. But explaining to random human male WHY I'm so unhappy and don't want to lie about it is beyond me, at this point.

pps: random human male having wife and two kids .... welcome to year 2080, kids .. if you made it that far! : /