It Happens · 10:46pm Nov 18th, 2020
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So, hey, this story, released today. Ooof, not a favorable vote ratio. Did I mess something obvious up? Give me a clue!
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[Adult story embed hidden]
So, hey, this story, released today. Ooof, not a favorable vote ratio. Did I mess something obvious up? Give me a clue!
Well you probably know why I didn't touch it, though I didn't bother downvoting. Dunno about anyone else though.
Read it. It’s... well, the stream-of-consciousness writing style isn’t bad, per se, but when the consciousness written is that scatterbrained, it makes a reader’s eyes want to cross in sympathy. Wait, who are you trying to turn into Derpy here, again?!
And that their reaction to either slowly metamorphosing into a pony or (as nobody else reacting to the “changes” ought to immediately have suggested to them) hallucinating that they’re metamorphosing into a pony with “hmm I need to keep my shit together until the weekend and then maybe I’ll think about seeing a doc” is just not very believably rational.
Long story short, the main character isn’t really sympathetic—not in what’s available to read yet anyway—so he’s not really likeable. Add in that Mister Unlikeable is becoming the ever-adorable Derpy, and... I expect that’s half the downvotes right there. IIRC, this Dr. Fetlock replaces dead ponies? So you killed off Derpy?!!
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Fetlock has created living ponies several times already.
I think that Midknight hit the nail on the proverbial head. As a standalone piece of work, it is difficult to understand which bits are plot points, and which is narrative. It is straight-up tough to read.
Upon first encounter, there is little to no setting, an intro that does not make sense in and of itself, and a very non-linear narrative. These are not bad points, per se, given where I think the story is heading and if you are coming from the other stories in the series, but if taken in isolation it is quite jarring.
However, I believe it is likely that the folks who downvoted the story are those who haven't read the other stories in the series.
I also believe that there are a total of 24 people that automatically downvote every story on the site, and therefore the first 24 don't count. So take what I say with a grain of salt :P
I think that if you delayed the release until you had a few more chapters to back it up, the stories launch would have had more appeal, and thus a better reception.
I believe that some may have been drawn to the subject matter and cover art. For them, this single chapter wasn't worth their precious time or razor-sharp wit, and so they pressed their thumbs down from on high up above.
So don't let it discourage you from continuing. Don't change a thing. You have a story here, tell it. If you don't like how it is written, or how it was received, learn from it for your next piece.
My one actual piece of useful advice may just be this. Suggest that the reader reads your other stories first. This is far from a stand-alone story as it is written (all one chapter of it...), and by the time that they get through the backlog, you'll have written more than the protagonists' confused fall from grace, and have something with a little more meat to chew on before they feel compelled to vote.
And with that, I am out of Jade wisdom to impart.
(Jade Corp warns that consumption of Jade Wisdomtm is done at the customers own risk, and may have confusing unintentional results like chewing on plush toys, licking of windows, and/or occasional fits of clucking like a chicken whilst spinning on the floor).
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A warning may be indeed called for. I'm on the case!
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Tweaked, how's that?
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Probably too far on the warning side of the house, but the core of it is really good! If you're looking for something a little more subtle, try:
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Shamelessly used! Thank you for being a good pone. <3