• Member Since 20th Dec, 2013
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David Silver


You can get your own story written or push a current story for more updates at his Patreon!

More Blog Posts419

  • 3 weeks
    A Story Elsewhere

    https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B0CWRBD54T
    So, do you like LitRPGs? Here's one set in the modern day as a catboy (there are reasons for that) discovers a whole new world of trouble, and a job.

    Written by me, for anyone to enjoy if they click above.

    3 comments · 82 views
  • 3 weeks
    March Schedule

    We have some stories shuffling about, and a new one hitting the ground at a gallop! Have an idea you want to see come to life? Claim a new tier to make it happen! Your support fuels my creativity and allows me to keep writing for our community. Support here and let's create some great stories together!

    Here's what's updating and how often:

    Read More

    0 comments · 184 views
  • 5 weeks
    Overflow tier


    I made a new tier for folks who want the author foal tier but it's full. It gets you an update per month on the story of your choice(existing or new). 2,000'sh words!

    https://www.patreon.com/davidsilver

    0 comments · 78 views
  • 5 weeks
    Write With

    Not sure if folks know this is an option, but writing alongside me is also an option for my writing, if you want to work on a story at my side instead of just handing it off to me and having me do the words alone. Better if you want to keep a hand on the wheel directly, and it gives you immediate viewing of the work as we'd both be on the same document, plugging away at the story.

    Read More

    13 comments · 161 views
  • 8 weeks
    Febuary Schedule

    We're starting a new story. One story ended, so a sequel is coming as the patron demands and I'll gladly provide. This one will be far less reader driven though(the last being a one course CYOA). Have an idea you want to see come to life? Claim a new tier to make it happen! Your support fuels my creativity and allows me to keep writing for our community.

    Read More

    3 comments · 190 views
Nov
18th
2020

It Happens · 10:46pm Nov 18th, 2020

[Adult story embed hidden]

So, hey, this story, released today. Ooof, not a favorable vote ratio. Did I mess something obvious up? Give me a clue!

Report David Silver · 196 views · Story: Going Featherbrained ·
Comments ( 8 )

Well you probably know why I didn't touch it, though I didn't bother downvoting. Dunno about anyone else though.

Read it. It’s... well, the stream-of-consciousness writing style isn’t bad, per se, but when the consciousness written is that scatterbrained, it makes a reader’s eyes want to cross in sympathy. Wait, who are you trying to turn into Derpy here, again?!

And that their reaction to either slowly metamorphosing into a pony or (as nobody else reacting to the “changes” ought to immediately have suggested to them) hallucinating that they’re metamorphosing into a pony with “hmm I need to keep my shit together until the weekend and then maybe I’ll think about seeing a doc” is just not very believably rational.

Long story short, the main character isn’t really sympathetic—not in what’s available to read yet anyway—so he’s not really likeable. Add in that Mister Unlikeable is becoming the ever-adorable Derpy, and... I expect that’s half the downvotes right there. IIRC, this Dr. Fetlock replaces dead ponies? So you killed off Derpy?!!
:fluttercry:

5400785
Fetlock has created living ponies several times already.

I think that Midknight hit the nail on the proverbial head. As a standalone piece of work, it is difficult to understand which bits are plot points, and which is narrative. It is straight-up tough to read.
Upon first encounter, there is little to no setting, an intro that does not make sense in and of itself, and a very non-linear narrative. These are not bad points, per se, given where I think the story is heading and if you are coming from the other stories in the series, but if taken in isolation it is quite jarring.
However, I believe it is likely that the folks who downvoted the story are those who haven't read the other stories in the series.
I also believe that there are a total of 24 people that automatically downvote every story on the site, and therefore the first 24 don't count. So take what I say with a grain of salt :P
I think that if you delayed the release until you had a few more chapters to back it up, the stories launch would have had more appeal, and thus a better reception.
I believe that some may have been drawn to the subject matter and cover art. For them, this single chapter wasn't worth their precious time or razor-sharp wit, and so they pressed their thumbs down from on high up above.
So don't let it discourage you from continuing. Don't change a thing. You have a story here, tell it. If you don't like how it is written, or how it was received, learn from it for your next piece.
My one actual piece of useful advice may just be this. Suggest that the reader reads your other stories first. This is far from a stand-alone story as it is written (all one chapter of it...), and by the time that they get through the backlog, you'll have written more than the protagonists' confused fall from grace, and have something with a little more meat to chew on before they feel compelled to vote.
And with that, I am out of Jade wisdom to impart.
(Jade Corp warns that consumption of Jade Wisdomtm is done at the customers own risk, and may have confusing unintentional results like chewing on plush toys, licking of windows, and/or occasional fits of clucking like a chicken whilst spinning on the floor).

5401436
A warning may be indeed called for. I'm on the case!

5401436
Tweaked, how's that?

5401526
Probably too far on the warning side of the house, but the core of it is really good! If you're looking for something a little more subtle, try:

I was just riding home and got in a little accident. I got myself back up and walked the rest of the way, no big deal. Was that a pony over there? Why is my vision going funny? Something's going on and I don't understand what went wrong!

A human soul is pulled into Doctor Fetlock's schemes to fill a hole for her paying customer. He answered the call, so he must be the right one to play the part of a mail mare for her client, who demands a pony to teach him the secrets to success.

Reading the other stories in the series is not essential but is recommended.

5401877
Shamelessly used! Thank you for being a good pone. <3

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