Friendship is Card Games: Pony Life, Week 10 · 1:35pm Nov 15th, 2020
We’re back in Pony Life this week. Let’s see what wonders and horrors await.
Don't Look a .gif Horse in the Mouth
Making a bold claim on the pronunciation of the file format in that episode title.
Huh. There’s something karmically satisfying about Twilight inflating like an unsummoned Pinkie clone.
Good to see that Pinkie’s still considered a party pony. Given this series, it wasn’t clear. Even so, she does seem a lot more devoted to the bakery.
So… did Pinkie track down the first clipboard Twilight ever had, or did the Princess of Organization seriously not have a clipboard until now?
I appreciate how the others are picking up on Rarity’s anecdotes not necessarily syncing up with the actual topic at hand. I’m less appreciative of that being a trend.
Seriously, the Pony Life writers have absolutely no idea what to do with Rarity and it’s a disgrace.
I was wondering when they’d remember the potions. You know, the thing this whole series is built around.
Um, I was thinking more telepathy, not a potion that turns you into Pinkie.
So… were Rarity or Twilight holding up Applejack, or was she just ignoring gravity?
Okay, AJ went with my plan. Though that's not what I’d expect to see in Pinkie’s mind, especially given the glimpses of Pinkie mindscapes we’ve already seen. This one seems much more serene than the human’s. Of course, this one is baking at the moment. She’s enjoying a personal moment of Zen.
That went better than expected.
A remix of the theme song… Well, it’s not like Friendship is Magic never indulged in that particular form of self-indulgence. I think. Pretty sure they pulled that at some point.
Pretty sure there’s a gift tag on the side of the box, Twilight. Bit of a tipoff about who it’s from.
An interesting representation of Pinkie and the concept of gift-giving in general. Though the episode title feels very forced.
The Root of It
You know it’s bad when Applejack is the one complaining about circumstances being dull and unchanging.
Okay, if AJ’s at that level of dialogue prediction, either these ponies are in a rut the size of the Grand Canyon, or she’s in a time loop. Possibly both.
“We’re a bunch of has-beens who never do anything new.”
… Well. This got real uncomfortable, real fast.
Ah, something drastic without being risky. Of course. Next up, something nostalgic that doesn’t feel old or derivative. Never mind that skydiving is mostly harmless fun for Dash.
Huh. That’s the second time in two episodes that Applejack expressed concerns about expenses. I guess financial troubles followed her through the reboot. (Or at least imagined financial troubles. I like to think Big Mac handles the budget on Sweet Apple Acres.)
Given some presentations I’ve seen of the EqG world, Twilight talking about a Matrix-like immersive simulation is amusing on several levels.
I am immediately made uncomfortable by Applejack’s reaction to that styling montage.
I’ll be honest, this hairstyle isn’t a good look for any of them, but at least it kind of works for Applejack’s color palette. The others not so much.
Rarity doing a cameo on Friends… Unfortunately, I don’t know enough about the show to actually make a joke here.
The mistaken identity joke does not land when all the coat colors and voices involved are still different. To say nothing of the presence or absence of horns.
I really wasn’t expecting them to double down on the Friends reference. Especially when it’s missing the mark of the target audience by a few decades. I do appreciate the couch made of hay bales, though.
Interesting to see everyone acknowledge and even interact with the giant produce scattered about the landscape. What is the story there?
I kind of get what they were going for with this one, but it’s somewhere between nothing-burger and accidentally highlighting the worst elements of Pony Life, along with some dated references. More than anything, this feels like a case of “We’re out of ideas, so here’s an episode about being out of ideas.”
The Mysterious Voice
Once again, we have some confusion over where Twilight actually lives. We’ve now seen her set up in both Golden Oaks and this ruined castle… though the former was in a flashback. If we assume any kind of continuity for Pony Life—and there is some to be had—she really did blow up the treebrary herself in an alchemy accident.
Also, there are a lot more open pizza boxes than I’d expect from Twilight. Between the cheese and the risk of getting grease on her book, this just feels wrong.
Comrade Sparkle’s five-year plan will lead Equestria to dominance over decadent West.
Okay, the balancing books joke made me smile. But seriously, Twilight, spend some time with your little brother.
Oh yes, very mysterious voice. No telling what’s going on at all.
Dang. We need to get some top men on sorting through Applejack’s barn. And possibly an intervention on her hoarding tendencies. Though I do have to wonder how many of those cherished memories involve her parents.
Ooh, first look at Dash’s place in Pony Life, and I quite like the design. Nice use of the incongruously floating islands, and the rainbow smoke coming out of her chimney’s a very nice effect.
Given Dash’s boredom, Spike probably could’ve just asked her to hang out, but he’s already on a roll.
I mean, ooh, mysterious voice. Enigmatic motives. Oooh. 
So… there aren’t any charitable organizations AJ can donate her stuff to? I figured when Spike suggested giving it away, he had a recipient in mind.
Twilight. Do something. Don’t just stand there and scream for a good twenty seconds.
Oh. Wow. What a shocking revelation. I am shocked. This is my shocked voice.
Again, Rainbow Dash has nothing to apologize for. Based on what we’ve seen, Spike never even tried with her.
Obvious twist aside, it is nice to see the cast spend time outside of Sugarcube Corner, to say nothing of Spike actually getting to do things. I wish there were a lot more of this throughout Pony Life. If you’re going to try to rebottle the lightning of Friendship is Magic, this is how to do it.
The 5 Habits of Highly Effective Ponies
And, of course, we cut back to the Corner. 
Given some of the rush orders we’ve seen, Pinkie selling her thousandth cupcake doesn’t seem like that monumental an achievement.
Oh. Or, given her behavior with the new customer, the catch is selling her thousandth cupcake as opposed to the dozens of thousands of free samples.
Yes, blindly copying others’ methods without any deeper understanding is sure to succeed.
Confetti-filled autodetonation is best left to the professionals, Fluttershy. Also, that cocoon may be dead.
Somehow, even with all the distressing lines Pony Life has given Fluttershy, hearing her say “special sauce” still threw me off.
The fertilizer’s one thing, but how does Applejack control sun and rainfall? (Indeed, one could argue this is a demonstration of how optimal agriculture is a group effort between the three tribes.)
Okay. This is definitely the worst thing I’ve seen come out of this franchise so far. Especially the implications of Applejack raising lifeforms intelligent enough to understand and appreciate praise as foodstuffs.
Well, at least snoring’s a sign of life. I’ll just ignore that butterflies don’t work that way at any part of their life cycle.
No matter the world, Rarity still has an incongruous sock.
I do wonder how many people who riff on Hamlet’s most famous soliloquy realize he’s contemplating suicide.
Ouch. Someone had to be the last resort, but it being Rainbow Dash… Yeah, good thing she doesn’t know what Fluttershy’s trying to do or who she’s already consulted.
Gentleness is usually a winning strategy for Fluttershies in my experience.
Ah. We’re working with Pokémon logic. Everything glows, especially when it changes forms.
A good lesson, and some of the better Fluttershy characterization in Pony Life… which a bit like saying the best meal at the hospital. Still, not bad.
Mixed bag this week, really showcasing the spinoff’s high and lows. Let’s see what I can do with them.
Avatar of Serenity 3WW
Creature — Avatar
Creatures can’t attack you or a planeswalker you control unless their controller pays 2 for each of those creatures.
Even the wildest heart contains a trace of calm.
3/6
Bolstering Swarm 4WW
Sorcery
Create a 1/1 white Insect creature token with flying for each creature you control.
Suspend 4—1W (Rather than cast this spell from your hand, you may pay 1w and exile it with four time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter. When the last is removed, cast it without paying its mana cost.)
Gravitic Loophole U
Instant
Target creature gains flying until end of turn.
At end of combat on your turn, if two or more creatures you control dealt combat damage to players and/or planeswalkers this combat, return Gravitic Loophole from your graveyard to your hand.
Consult the Bearers 1U
Instant
Look at the top X cards of your library, where X is the number of colors among permanents you control. Put one of those cards into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.
Thirst for Structure 2U
Instant
Draw three cards, then discard two cards unless you discard a card with converted mana cost 6 or greater.
“Sure, first things first. But which ones are the first things?”
—Twilight Sparkle, Bearer of Magic
Virtual Infiltrator 2U
Creature — Unicorn Rogue
Metalcraft — At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control three or more artifacts, surveil 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put that card into your graveyard.)
“You really should’ve read that EULA.”
3/2
Twilight’s Sanctum 2UU
Enchantment
Spells you cast cost 1 less to cast as long as you’ve drawn two or more cards this turn.
Whenever you cast your first instant or sorcery spell each turn, draw a card.
Workaholism B
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
At the beginning of the end step of enchanted creature’s controller, if enchanted creature is untapped, that player sacrifices it.
“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”
Unseen Presence 1BB
Creature — Spirit
1B: Target creature gains menace until end of turn.
Uncertainty is more terrifying than anything else, for it can be everything else/
2/2
Increasing Disgrace 2B
Sorcery
Target opponent sacrifices a creature. If this spell was cast from a graveyard, that player sacrifices two creatures instead.
Flashback 4BB (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.)
Liquidate 4BB
Sorcery
Destroy target creature. Create a number of Treasure tokens equal to that creature’s toughness. (They’re artifacts with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.”)
Never wish to be made of money.
Passionate Leap 1R
Instant
Target creature gets +3/+1 until end of turn. If that creature is attacking, it gains flying until end of turn.
Pinkie treats the surly bonds of earth the same way she treats all other forms of surliness.
Essence of Pink 2R
Sorcery
Gain control of target creature until end of turn. Untap that creature. It gains haste until end of turn. If you control a Pinkie planeswalker, that creature gets +3/+0 and gains menace and trample until end of turn.
Unbalanced Books 2R
Sorcery
Unbalanced Books deals damage to each player equal to the number of cards in that player’s hand.
“If I didn’t organize my books, they’d sort me out instead.”
—Twilight Sparkle, Bearer of Magic
Stir-Craziness 3R
Enchantment
At the beginning of each player’s end step, if that player didn’t cast a spell, put a rage counter on Stir-Craziness, then it deals damage equal to the number of rage counters on it to that player.
Acorn Hauler 1G
Creature — Squirrel
Graft 2 (This creature enters the battlefield with two +1/+1 counters on it. Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, you may move a +1/+1 counter from this creature onto it.)
Whenever a creature you control with a +1/+1 counter on it dies, search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, and put into your hand. Then shuffle your library.
0/0
Massive Harvest 2G
Sorcery
Distribute three +1/+1 counters among one, two, or three target creatures and/or lands.
Awaken 3—4GG (If you cast this spell for 4GG, also put three +1/+1 counters on target land you control and it becomes a 0/0 Elemental creature with haste. It’s still a land.)
Apple Family Hoarder 3G
Creature — Pony Citizen
Whenever a card is put into your graveyard from anywhere, exile it.
When Apple Family Hoarder dies, you may pay 1G any number of times. Return that many cards exiled with Apple Family Hoarder to their owners' hands and put the rest into their owners' graveyards.
3/4
Heaping Fertilizer 4G
Sorcery
Delve (Each card you exile from your graveyard while casting this spell pays for 1.)
Search your library for up to two basic land cards, put them onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle your library.
Applejack puts up with a lot.
Prismatic Aetherspout 2
Artifact
Prismatic Aetherspout enters the battlefield tapped.
When Prismatic Aetherspout enters the battlefield, you get EE (two energy counters).
T, Pay E: Add one mana of any color.
Mirrorcoif (wu)(wu)
Instant
Choose target Aura attached to a creature. Until end of turn, each Aura attached to a creature that Aura could enchant with the same controller as that creature becomes a copy of that Aura.
Great manes primp alike.
Gift of Absence 1WU
Instant
Exile any number of target nontoken creatures. Return those cards to the battlefield under their owners’ control at the beginning of the next end step.
The only thing left for the mare who has everything.
Mind Dive 2UB
Instant
You may choose new targets for target instant or sorcery spell. You control that spell’s controller while it’s resolving. (You see all cards that player could see and make all decisions for the player.)
It never hurts to walk a mile in another mare’s brain.
Remote Sands
Land — Desert
Remote Sands enters the battlefield tapped.
T: Add C.
Cycling 1 (1, Discard this card: Draw a card.)
About as many as realize that Romeo and Juliet are in lust at best and both end up dead alongside most of the other named characters.
Inside Baseball Alert: Twilight isn't the first to have a sanctum with an "instants and sorceries matter" effect.
Inside Baseball Alert: Disgrace is far from the only thing to increase in that manner; this was a whole cycle.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Also, there are means to cast it from your graveyard other than its innate Flashback, overpowered ones. (It's just an inherently busted ability to grant rather than have, which is why flashback costs are so much higher than regular ones.)
Mirrorcoif and Massive Harvest are both great designs.
Yes, definitely not PL's strongest showing, this batch. But it gets better from here.
My own disagreement with the statement aside, get back to me on that next week. And speaking of next week, the first episode of the bunch might be quite interesting to work with on the card games side of things.
When you say franchise, do mean Pony Life specifically or G4 as a whole? Is it really worse than you-know-what? ~airhorns in the distance
I almost laughed out loud when I saw Dash's house, tbh
I'm also having fun visualizing what some of the card art would look like from flavor text alone
...
Okay. There are... many jokes I could make about that sentiment in regards to... many directly relevant things... and I hope you appreciate that it is taking all my self-control to refrain from doing so.
I follow a simple rule: If my food can ask me not to eat it, it is no longer food. When the pig starts proposing reasons why I shouldn’t eat it, I won’t (even if its reasons aren’t compelling in and of themselves), but until that happens? Bacon on everything.
And you know, an Apple is just like a pig. I can’t remember how, but that doesn’t matter; this comment’s a boar anyway.