fJd Review: The Fallen 6 by Eevee932 · 4:50pm Nov 1st, 2020
Overview:
A snowballing forest that takes the lives of all the Mane 6.
My Thoughts:
Well. It was a short read, the chapters were tiny, and the writing was rather telly. You really didn’t have to think too hard to figure out what was coming next, except for the final chapter. I didn’t see it coming.
The “Gore” tag isn’t misplaced, but neither is it used to its full effect. It’s fine that the descriptions are lacking, but the build-up, the suspense, and the general darkness and despair of the atmosphere is also quite lacking. That is problematic with a story like this, or really of any kind, but particularly like this.
Based solely on my attachment to the characters from their canon, I was somewhat dismayed at what I was reading. It didn’t draw me in, put me there in the scene, or give me any sort of chills. The scene with Twilight was the closest thing to actual Nightmare Fuel in the story, but even that was mild. It had to be based on that, because there wasn’t much in the fic to draw me closer to the characters before they perished and make me really feel it.
I’d say the writer should keep trying, of course. It’s really a solid story skeleton, an outline of events that could be covered in greater detail and depth if written out. There’s lots to learn, just look around and read some of the higher rated fics and see what makes them tick, maybe even ask questions so you can understand more.
Characterization:
All Of Them
The story is rather short, very fast, and ultimately spends little time really highlighting any character traits. While Rainbow is definitely the athlete, Pinkie the party pony, Fluttershy the caretaker, Applejack the workhorse, Rarity dramatic, it is Twilight’s overall characterization that puzzles me. Until the final chapter. That, at least, explains it.
Character Development:
I can’t really say that there was much development. Excepting the points where characters are driven to drastic measures, there’s not much going forward with them.
Theme:
Gore, death, suicide, and self-harm were all prevalent in this fic. So it was a dark fic, with a twist ending, that reads too fast and offers too little build-up to give the characters’ deaths much meaning.
Logic:
Logic was lacking, for numerous reasons. I’d stop and ask myself “And why didn’t she arrest her momentum immediately?” or “And since when do Fluttershy’s animals get that vicious?” but then I let go and continued to read. It doesn’t seem to be very well thought out, more the writing of someone excited to share their ideas with the world. I’m seeing potential, though, and hope to see this author continue to write and expand on their ideas.
Rating:
Story Idea: 7.5
Writing Style: 4.0
Entertainment Factor: 4.0
Inner Logic: 3.0
Final: 4.63
Feedback/Final Thoughts:
It’s a very rough story that feels more like a story outline or skeleton. It’s unfortunate, but then I think of it this way: What we have here is the foundation of a better story, where details and logistics can be worked out, tension can be properly built up. It has the makings of a fine bit of horror, it just needs a lot more detail and polish.
So did you leave the Pens and Couches group or something? If you don't mind me asking, what happened? Sorry if I'm asking something you don't want to answer, but I'm autistic too so sometimes I have a hard time with figuring out when it's appropriate to ask questions.
5390208
In general, questions are rarely inappropriate for timing and more for content. At any rate, you aren't pushing, and yes, I did leave the Pens and Couches group. I'm just going to call it irreconcilable differences for now, that's easier to deal with.
Thank you for being so considerate.
5390228
I get it. It can be hard to work with people you fundamentally disagree with. I guess I should remove my story from your folder then since your not in the group anymore.
5390243
I'm still finishing those that were left in my folders, but they'll be posted to my blog. Though feel free to call on anyone else there for a review, there still are good reviewers there.
5390258
Oh, ok, I just wasn't sure if you were still reviewing the stories in your folder.