ELECTION DAY IS UPON US! · 3:06pm Nov 1st, 2020
THAT'S RIGHT, MY FELLOW FIMMY FICER'S, IT'S THAT TIME ONCE AGAIN. WE HAVE BEEN WORKING HARD ALL YEAR, AND I THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT THROUGH THESE TRYING TIMES.
I'VE COME TO YOU ALL WITH EMPTY PROMISES AND BROKEN DREAMS, YET WE PUSH ON, AND WE SURVIVE, SO DO NOT FRET. I WILL WIN THIS ELECTION, FOR YOU. YES, YOU, BECAUSE THIS WHOLE CAMPAIGN IS ABOUT YOU, NOT ME, BUT SORTA ME EXCEPT REPLACE YOU WITH ME AND THEN IT'S ABOUT YOU!
WE HAVE NEIGH IMPOSSIBLE HURTLES TO JUMP OVER, AND I FOR ONE, ONCE ELECTED AS A FIMMY FIC MOD, SHALL MAKE SURE TO KNOCK DOWN THOSE WHITE AND BLACK BARS A NOTCH SO THAT WE HAVE FAR LESS JUMPING INVOLVED, YET STILL ENOUGH TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE WORK.
I WILL SLACKEN GUIDELINES, SO THAT BASICALLY ANYTHING CAN GET POSTED AS A STORY. I WILL BRING ABOUT EASIER CLICK BAIT STORY TAGS SO THAT THE BOX OF SHAME IS ONLY FOR THOSE WITH NO SHAME LEFT, AND THOSE WHO ACTUALLY TRY CAN WEEP THE REWARDS OF KNOWING THEY'RE SO GOOD, THEY'RE BASICALLY IGNORED, LIKE ACTUAL FAMOUS ARTISTS. OR PEN STROKE. (jk love you no homo)
YOU SEE, THE OTHER MODS WON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE SO MUCH AUTHORITATIVE MADNESS, YET IT WILL BE SO, BECAUSE I SAID SO, TO YOU, THAT'S ALSO ME, BECAUSE I'M YOU FOR YOU AND ME, AND THEN WE ALL ARE WINNERS, NOT WEINERS.
I WILL MAKE SURE OUR ENEMIES FEEL THE FULL WRATH OF FIMMY FIC, NOT JUST THOSE WE DON'T LIKE, BUT THOSE ASSHATS OVER AT REDACTED AND REDACTED, THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS, WE'LL TEACH THEM A LESSON. I MIGHT NOT KNOW WHO THEY ARE YET, BUT THEY'LL KNOW IT WHEN I KNOW IT, BECAUSE I'LL ALREADY BE KICKING DOWN THEIR DOORS WITH MY SIZE TWELVE BOOTS AND SWINGING A CHAIN, SWINGING A CHAIN!
THIS IS A VERY CRITICAL TIME IN OUR WEBSITE, WITH ROBOTS TRYING TO SHOOT LASERBEAMS INTO OUR EYE HOLES OR PESKY ADDS TRYING TO SELL US MARITAL AIDS AND HOOF SANITIZER. THAT'S THE WORK OF THE DEVIL RIGHT THERE, AND AS A GOD IGNORING INDIVIDUAL I'LL ASSURE YOU THAT THEY BOTH WILL COWER BEFORE ME, WHICH IS YOU ALSO, AS I, ALSO YOU WHILE ME, LEAD FIMMY FIC INTO A NEW AGE. ONE OF PROSPERITY, PUBERTY, AND HOPEFULLY POVERTY, BUT UNTIL THE ROOF COMES CRUMBLING DOWN WE WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT!
MOD ABUSE HAS BEEN RAMPANT, BLATANTLY SO, AND I PLAN TO ENSURE IT GOES FULL CIRCLE. SO BAD THAT IT BECOMES GOOD. SO GOOD THAT YOU'RE ALL JUST BANNED AND NO ONE DOES ANYTHING, AND THE SITE REMAINS PURE. I WILL BE THE PURITA FILTER FOR THIS WONDERFUL SITE, AND I WILL NOT FORGET TO ACTUALLY CHANGE THE SCREEN EVERY 5 YEARS.
WE NEED A MAXIMUM SECURITY WALL, AND I WILL PERSONALLY FUND IT. EVERY FIMMY FIC USER WILL HAVE A STIRDY LINCOLN LOG WALL BUILT AROUND THEIR COMPUTERS, SO THAT NO ONE CAN CROSS INTO THEIR INTERNETS AND POLUTE THEIR BROWSERS, OR SMUGGLE CLOP ACROSS OUR BORDERS. WE NEED TO KEEP IT LOCAL, BUY LOCAL CLOP, AND SUPPORT OUR CLOPPISTS AND CLOPPERS.
WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU, BY THIS VERY MOVING AND TOUCHING SPEECH, IS THAT WITHOUT ME AS A FIMMY FIC MOD, WE WILL ALL BE IN RUIN. THIS SITE IS FALLING APART. I HAVE LITERAL PIECES OF IT LITTERED ON MY BATHROOM FLOOR, LABLED "JACK DANIELS" AND "SUNKIST". CLEARLY THESE ARE IMPORTANT TO THE SITE, OR ELSE THEY WOULDN'T BE SCATTERED AND EMPTY, LIKE MY SOUL.
AND PROBABLY LASTLY, WE NEED TO HIRE MORE MODS. THAT'S RIGHT, THE MOD ABUSE CIRCLE NEEDS THAT LAST SLICE OF LITTLE CEASARS STUFFED CRUST HOT 'N READY TO BE COMPLETE AND FULL. THEY NEED TO HAVE SKETCHY BACKGROUNDS, BECAUSE AT LEAST WE'LL KNOW WHAT WE'RE GETTING INTO, WHICH IS PROBABLY ONLY GOOD THINGS. THEY NEED TO UNDERSTAND HOW TO RUN THE INTERNET TUBES SO WE CAN KEEP THEM CLEANED, AND HOW TO REMOVE STORIES THAT WE DON'T DEEM APPROPRIATE, LIKE ANYTHING ABOUT ISEKIA'S, BECAUSE STORIES ABOUT A CHEAP FURNITURE STORE ARE BAD.
I AM ALL FOR THE HARDEST OF WOODS. STIRDY, RIDGED, AND ABOVE ALL STIFF, HARD WOOD. FURNITURE WHEN IT WAS MADE GREAT, LIKE ME, WHICH IS ALSO YOU, WE, US. WE ARE ALL STIRDY, HARD WOOD. WE ARE THE LEGS THAT HOLD UP THE COFFEE TABLE, ALL CONNECTED BY ONE COMMON TOP TO PIN US DOWN AND KEEP US THERE. THAT'S WHAT I'M ABOUT, WHAT WE ARE ABOUT.
EQUESTRIA DAILY... YES, YES, I KNOW, BOO. THOSE BIG BUTT SNIFFERS, ALWAYS HIGH AND MIGHTY, WELL I SAY WE NEED TO MAKE THEM EVEN MORE SNOOTY. THAT'S RIGHT, PUSH THE THROTTLE FORWARD, AND JUST MAKE THEM CLIMB UP UNTIL THEIR HEADS EXPLODE. ONLY SPECIFIC PEOPLE CAN SUBMIT TO THEM, AND GET FEATURED THERE. THEN WHEN THEIR CAPITOL IS ALL USED UP, WE BUY THEM OUT AND MERGE. WE'LL BECOME FIMMY FIC 2: EQUESTRIA DAILY BOOGALOO. IT WILL BE GREAT, FREE SEATING, AND ONLY 50 CENTS FOR A SODA, BECAUSE ANYONE WHO CHARGES A DOLLAR FOR ONE SHOULD BE SHOT I'M AFRAID TO SAY. POPCORN HOWEVER WILL BE 5 DOLLARS BECAUSE I'M MAKING IT, USING MY FREEDOM HANDS, IN MY FREEDOM CLOTHES, MADE BY FREEDOM. FREEDOM, LIKE FIMMY FIC, ALL BEGN WITH F'S, AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS MOST HERE, BECAUSE THAT'S OUR CURRENT SCORE. BIG FAT F'S AROUND THE BOARD.
BUT I'LL CHANGE THAT, OH YES, WE'LL JUMP UP TO AN EASY C-, PASSIBLE YET NOT FLAUNTY. SEE? SEE? ANOTHER F. NO, WE SHALL BOYCOT THE LETTER F. REMOVE IT ROM OUR TERMINOLOGY. WE DON'T NEED IT, NOR SHOULD YOU, WHICH IS ALSO ME, SO WE, WE DON'T NEED IT, NOR CAN WE LIVE WITH OR WITHOUT IT. I HAVE LITERALLY TAPED OVER THE LETTER, SO NOW IT DOESN'T EXIST. THAT'S HOW GOOD I AM AT THIS.
SO REMEMBER, VOTE ROB AS IMMY IC MOD 2020. I'M HERE TO SERVE ME, WHICH IS ALSO YOU, BUT MOSTLY ME, AND KEEP OUR AIR SITE SAE ROM THOSE DAMNED COMMIES. YOU ALL KNOW WHAT TO DO, SO DO IT. DO IT NOW. REACH OUT TO YOUR CLOSEST MOD, GRAB A CHEEK, AND TELL THEM YOU WANT ME, YOU, ROB, AS THE NEXT GREATEST MOD 5EVER.
VOTE ROB IMMY IC MOD, 2020. MAKE IMMY IC GREAT(ER) AGAIN!
WOW, WHAT A MOVING AND COMPELLING SPEECH. I'M SPEECHLESS, YOU TOOK MY SPEECH FROM ME AND SPEECHED IT ALL OVER MY FACE. I KNOW WHO I'M VOTING FOR.
5390075
THANK YOU COMPELLING AND VERY ATTRACTIVE INDIVIDUAL WHOM I DO NOT KNOW AT ALL. YOU'RE VOTE MATTERS! AND SO DO YOU, WHICH IS ALSO ME. WAIT, NO, YOU'RE NOT ME, BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE SILLY.
...
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
media3.giphy.com/media/ApmVMk6n1hxug/giphy.gif
Don't do cocaine, kids
derpicdn.net/img/2018/7/16/1781925/full.gif
WEEoooEEEoooEEEoooEEEooo!!!!!!!!
I am thrilled to hear that me, as part of equestria daily, can reach even newer, loftier heights of snobbery!
5390081
Do do cocaine, kids.
derpicdn.net/img/2019/10/25/2178651/large.png
Once again I am asking you for more capitals.
BROTHER
I HAVE MY TORCH IN MY RIGHT HOOF
AND MY PITCHFORK IN MY OTHER RIGHT HOOF, FOR I AND MY CAUSE ARE RIGHTEOUS ENOUGH THAT THERE IS NOTHING BUT RIGHTS, FUCK LEFTS, LEFTS DON'T EXIST IN A RIGHTEOUS WORLD
POINT IS THAT I SHALL CHARGE HIND-LEGGEDLY TOWARDS YOUR FOES WITH THE UNRELENTING ZEAL BROUGHT ABOUT BY YOUR VISION OF A GREATER FUTURE
PURGE THE MODS AND PURGE EQD
LONG LIVE THE CAKERANISTS
[EDIT: ON BEHALF OF THE GRAND AND UPSTANDING NATURE OF OUR SOON-TO-BE LEADER, I HAVE DECIDED TO RENAME THE "CAKERANISTS" AS THE "CAKERNAUGHTS." HE HAS MADE A HUMBLY SELF-DEPRECATING JOKE ABOUT THE GROUP BEING NAUGHT FOR THE WORLD, AND SUCH GENIAL HUMILITY HAS ONLY SERVED TO FURTHER ELEVATE HIM AND HIS CAUSE IN THE EYES OF THE FAITHFUL. LONG LIVE THE CAKERNAUGHTS!]
Jim carry 2020
Don't blame me, I voted for the other guy.
He promised a car* in every garage and a chicken** in every pot***.
*Matchbox
**Rubber
***Does anyone here know any tricks for unclogging a rubber chicken from my toilet?
vote Mayor Mare
[Battle Hymn of The Republic on kazoo intensifies]
I'm ROBCakeran, and I'm running for the US Senate.
Wow. That’s quite a platform. Can’t get elected without a platform. Nosiree!
Seems legit. YOU HAVE MY VOTE!
"Many years ago, before this administration took power, we were struggling to keep our heads above water. And today, we are still struggling. But, at least, we HAVE learned how to breath under water!"
very cool rob
As the old saying goes...
“I have no idea what you are taking but I reckon you either need to take quite a bit more or a hell of a lot less!”
I will reserve my vote until your running mate is confirmed... if they seem too sane then I shall see that as casting grave doubts on whether you truely deserve my vote as a true Representative of the Very Silly Party.
5390292
I don’t think the US Senate is prepared for that. I don’t think anything could prepare us for the madness that would be Rob as a senator.