October in Review · 2:11pm Oct 30th, 2020
This month has been... a more difficult one than September.
Thinking about my debt depresses me. Thinking about money depresses me. Thinking about anything to do with money depresses me. I get depressed over not having enough money to afford a better mic for my YouTube vids, not being able to support friends who need money, having to reduce my Patreon sponsorships (and if I'm being honest with myself I should eliminate them entirely for now).
I really have reached a state of personal comfort and acceptance with the current state of my life. If the rest of my life is cleaning the apartment building, eventually one day doing it on my own, and on my own time I run a YouTube channel I create content for, I think I could be happy with that. My Lore of Final Fantasy videos are very small, but I'm proud of the work put into them and through them I am achieving what I want for myself - being able to create informative and entertaining content that I am passionate about.
That said I've a long way to grow my channel for monetizations to reach anything approaching a salary. I'm not even at 10 bucks a month right now. So if you're not already subscribed to my channel, feel free to do that. I'm mostly transitioning to a pure FF channel again but am certainly not ruling out more Pony content in the future. My shortterm goal is to hit 5000 subscribers, I'm at 4300 now, so every sub helps. And there's still my Patreon with one person on it. Again, I make no judgments of anyone who cannot afford to sponsor me. But if anyone has ideas for rewards or incentives I could offer that may entice people to do so, I am very open to suggestions.
My life would be content now if not for the fact I have $12,000 in debt to pay off and my salary is less than $400 a month. But, that may change, the company that runs the building, their rep for the buildings in this area resigned and a new person took their place who is seemingly much nicer and has acknowledged her predecessor was not the best at building good relationships with employees. She's taken stock of all we do around the building (technically we are not superintendents since we don't handle rent or rentals, but we do everything else - put up notices, mow the lawn, do minor repairs, clean apartments for people moving in, take out the trash, vacuum every week, regularly sweep and mop) and has said she would talk to her boss about a pay increase when my mom brought it up. And my parents have said that any pay increase we get would go to my share of the salary, so fingers crossed that pans out, even an extra $100 a month would be a blessing.
Seeing my doctor about my emotional problems and asking to talk to someone got me an increase in my medication. Only been a couple days, but I'm noticing I've been more stable than usual through them - if that's because they've just been good days for me or because of the meds, hard to say, but if the latter I welcome it. And I hope I can find someone to talk to in the future to deal with my self-esteem and confidence issues, so I can more openly put myself out there to try and find work where I can and maybe grow my YT channel a bit better.
Finally there is Dream's Horizon. I planned on getting into it in September, but I wanted to really push my huge FF6 vid out because that was my baby and the biggest project I've ever done for my channel. Then October came and after a brainstorming session with TheAlbinocorn I ended up whipping up an impromptu Halloween fic. But now, it is November, NaNoWriMo. I have nothing else on my plate, so I am very eager to return to DH and write as much as I can in it. I'm still very excited for this story, I needed a break to reflect on how the first part hadn't gone quite as I'd wanted and gain clarify on how I want the rest of the story to, but I've done that and I remain eager to keep writing and develop the world and characters I have in store.
So, yeah, been in a mood very often this month but there is hope for improvement in the future. Just have to see how things pan out.
I could have written the first half of this blog three years ago. :C
Granted, I'm not any better now, it's just that my worries have shifted considerably.
Hope things get better for all of us.
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Here, here.
Just subscribed to your channel, hope you hit the big 5K