Techie's SPICY Smokin' Toasted Self-Roasted Reviews #48: [Lab Horse: Redux]! · 8:16am Oct 22nd, 2020
Mmm... I love the smell of reboots in the morning.
I should probably put some work into this fic now that Splintershard's on hiatus, shouldn't I? I mean, I'm already here, roasting it, so I'd might as well take the step and actually write another chapter, right?
Nah. I'ma roast this thing and then probably go to bed or something. Or lurk on Discord for another hour.
Anyway.
The rambling, tiny, talking (and incredibly self-aware), smurf-horse makes a return!
Gadget is and will always be smurf horse.
AHEM. Hi, I'm a freaky-deaky tiny talking horse-unicorn-thing named Gadget. I like wearing this little labcoat thingy that Delmar got for me a while back, but lately, I've been wondering a lot about where I came from, and how I even got here.
Did I mention the labcoat? Uh... yeah, I did. Anyways, Mr. Delmar said that he got it from a pet store during Halloween, but then realized the next morning that he didn't have a dog to put it on, so he just stuffed it in the closet until I came around. I have no idea what he sees me as either. On one hand... hoof? Whatever... on one hand, since I can talk and all, he seems to treat me kinda like a daughter. But on the other hand, since I'm a large dog-sized filly, it almost feels like he's completely clueless about what to do with me when we're in public.
Oh, you're new to the story universe? Lemme just melt your brain out of your ears with some incredibly self-aware infodumping!
Y'know, sometimes I feel like there was another me out there at some point. Someone who might've already found out who she was or something, or maybe even went on an adventure or two. Me? I'm personally just in a blanket burrito on my bed, talking mindlessly to a screen that's probably destined to kill my eyes with light while I'm watching a movie or something.
Projection!
Another day, another... day.
More specifically, a Monday.
*garfield intensifies*
Anyhow, back to my morning. As I type this, I'm eating breakfast. Nothing says "great day ahead" like good ol' bacon and eggs!
...
Yes, if you're wondering, I do realize that I eat meat. I know, I know, I'm supposed to be an herbivore, but bacon!
Gadget's a carnivore now.
Run.
Oh, and I made a new friend as well! His name's Ranell, and he's a student that transferred over from a school on the other side of town!
...How come it feels like I've met him before?
And in this story, Ranell loses relevancy in the story quicker than I axed Into Equestria! (For real though, he appears less and less as the story progresses 'cause there's a lot less happening that can involve him in any way.)
Well, I'm not wearing the horse pants today. But on the other hand (hoof?), I still have the trouble of everyone confusing me for Smurfette. Except horse.
*laugh track plays*
Hey, Gadget. What's up?
Not much. You?
Just watching TV. Anything you wanna do after school tomorrow?
We could maybe see if there's anything we can do on the school computers!
Sure.
You can't see it here 'cause I'm too lazy to copy it, but colored text!
Sorry for the long wait. Updates will hopefully become a bit more consistent again!
So that was a big lie.
"Maybe... we could see if we could get past the firewall and play some games on them!"
More projection!
... Ahem. So, yeah. I guess we're building a radio then. But... don't they, like, need a dial or something? Or maybe a buncha buttons and a screen to pick stations and show you which one you're on? The screen would definitely be something expensive. I've seen the one in the car of our neighbor. His car has this cool-looking "T" logo on it and instead of having all these knobs and stuff on the dashboard it's just one big humungo screen and--
*Tesla intensifies*
"Gadget? Was this diode glowing before?"
I shrugged. Mister Delmar shrugged too before putting it back down.
"Eh, probably just something in my mind. Anyhow, let's start!"
And that's why Delmar lost his job!
I nodded my head as he put an earbud into my obviously-too-big-for-human-ear-products-filly-ear.
Ah yes, small horse proportions
"Mister Delmar?"
"Hm?"
"Is the antenna supposed to shoot a rainbow laser into the sky?"
He looked up just in time for the crystal thingy to pop, sending out a little wisp of magical smoke.
"...What?"
And just like that, Gadget and Delmar are now wanted in 23 countries for possession of a weapon of mass-destruction.
Ooh! Food!
I don't think I have any main character OCs that aren't foodies.
Mmm... burger. And fries, too! And it's not tasting like cardboard like the cheap ones do, either!
"Mister Delmar, where'd you get the food from?"
"Lyra's Finger-lickin' Burgers and Fries. Why?"
Hmmm. Lyra? Fingers? I feel like there's some kinda connection with that restaurant and whatever version of Equestria that I come from... Ah, heck, it's probably just a weird coincidence.
This is the part where Lyra steals your fingers.
I heard a loud zap come from outside as the lights flickered out. Me and Mister Delmar were eating in the dark now.
...I mean Delmar and I. Um... yeah, grammatically correct. Yeah.
Yay, grammar in a blackout!
...Holy crap, I think I might've opened a portal to Equestria.
And just like that, the story has now skipped over an entire middle story from the original Lab Horse trilogy!
"So," Ranell began, wheeling himself up next to me, "What made the big rainbow laser thing in the sky?"
"My radio."
Wow!
Ranell blinked, staring at the scrapheap of parts that my radio was and then back at me. Radio, me. Radio, me. Delmar, radio, the silly clown man in the storm drain, me.
Wait, what?
Wait, what?
"...naged to open an interdimensional line of communication. My name is Twilight Sparkle. I repeat, this is the seventy-eighth thousand, three hundred sixty-seventh time I am sending this automated message. I have rigged this spell to alert me if I receive any response. Broadcasting message for the seventy-eighth thousand, three hundred sixty-eighth time. Hello the..."
yay copypasta
We both stopped talking and listened to the radio.
"...ree hundred sixty-ninth time..."
"Nice," we both laughed, "We could wait until she hits 420 too!"
Look, it's the funny number! I'm relevant kind of!
"Well screw science anyway, we're working with magic!"
mAGiC
We all turned to face the small crater that the radio was now in.
Told ya. Weapon of mass destruction.
"Wild guess. Though, I'm definitely curious: how the buck did you-- ow! Pinkie--"
"CHILD FRIENDLY!" I heard Pinkie yell before giving Twilight another smack.
We just witnessed Pinkie murder a mare.
"You fit under a couch."
"Used to. I... don't exactly fit anymore without making a complete mess. Just ask Delmar."
"I'll stuff you under the couch if you don't behave!"
IT'S TWIBRIGHT SPORKTACLES!!1!!11!1!
I wanna see someone draw this.
Holy heck what if I'm human? That'd be the most interesting thing to happen to be in a looooooong time.
guess what?
HOLY HECK I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRIED JUMPING THROUGH IT. WHAT THE HECK ARE ALL THESE FLASHY RAINBOW LIGHTS DOING?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
"Gadget!"
--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-huh?
"C'mon, snap out of it!" Delmar dusted off my lab-vest thingy. "Don't go trying to jump into portals while they're still forming! You're lucky you only smacked into the side of it instead of going through!"
What's with my characters and jumping through portals at horrible times?
"Gadget, can you tell me why I'm a small horse all of a sudden?"
I looked at Delmar. Then I noticed my hand.
...
...
...
"HOLD ON ONE FREAKIN' BIT. DID I JUST STEAL SOME GIRL'S BODY?!"
Gadget is a body snatcher confirmed.
"Stop freaking out about your natural hair color!"
Okay.
I'm pretty sure that this narrative sass got directly carried over into Splintershard.
"If my guesstimations are correct, then going off my hunch, that means that you--" she pointed her hoof at me, Ace Attorney style "--are in reality Zoey Wayve, daughter of Michael Rowe Wayve, a currently incarcerated former businessman who tried to have you killed by a powerful magus because he wanted a male heir!"
*King Henry VIII intensifies*
Holy crap, I'm human. Like, this is beyond my ma-- er... hair color. I... I guess you could say I'm an Equestrian Human then. Or something.
Hey, that's the title of the third story in the old series!
"Friends?" Twilight snorted. "I mean, I guess you could count my study group as my friends, but--"
Oh, so it's one of these Equestrias. Nice, nice, time to get digging! Ooh, this is exciting! I wonder what happened here to make Twilight not have friends?
I am concerned that Gadget knows so much about Equestria but at the same time knows practically nothing
"Rainbow Dash has been in a coma ever since that incident. I only know her because she's the reason why I have a cutie mark in the first place."
Well, that got dark quick.
whoops.
Spike held up the tray, staring back at me without a word. I wonder if he's mute?
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
"I'm saying it, and if I have to, I'll tell Twilight to say it too. Sleep, Gadget."
"Aww, fine."
"Good."
Guess what? I didn't. Guess what I did do?
If you're guessing jump out the window and run around town to explore the world, you are absolutely correct!
We've got a madlass here
Twilight raised a brow. "...Yes? I mean, with both her parents dead and gone and her not having married yet, she's the sole ruler of Equestria. Hence the title."
Wow! Royal lineages!
Yeah ok so I think I'ma end this log here 'cause Twilicorn here is dragging me to bed whether I like it or not.
( ͡• ͜ʖ ͡• )
Like, all of it. Forget any of that ever happened, 'kay? 'Kay.
'Kay.
"So, moving onto food."
Oh boy.
"We eat meat!" I grinned, showing off my teeth just like I used to do to Delmar after I brushed my teeth. "Do you like hamburgers, Twilight? 'Cause I like them!"
MEAT MEAT MEAT
"This," Delmar turned around the laptop to show off what I'd honestly have to say is an absolutely 100% terrible stock image of a horse. "...is a horse."
Twilight made a face. "A horse in your world is a motion-blurred rectangle with legs?"
motion-blurred rectangles with legs are my favorite mode of transportation.
"Twilight! Why am I a horse again?" Delmar shouted behind me. Oops, guess there's still some stuff to work out.
embrace horse
Why yes, I'll gladly take the opportunity to scene-transition out of this mess.
Stuck in a tight spot? Try scene skips!
...Hold on just a sec, does that mean we're living in that alternate universe? How long is it gonna be until the war? Or... hm... I know that there's no Luna in this world... was there a Luna in that AU? I don't remember exactly at the moment. Guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, then.
Burn the bridge.
Wouldn't be the first time