Duty of a Knight of Equestria · 9:22pm Oct 10th, 2020
Of course being a Knight of Equestria, sometimes Shepherd gets called in for... Unconventional problems.
Shepherd: "You seriously called me all the way up here... Because you got stuck in your bathtub?"
Celestia: "Nngh! It's a prank of Luna's-She won't undo it-Get me out of here, please Shepherd!"
Shepherd: "Once again: You called me up here, for this? I'm a human! I'm not some super powered alicorn who can't even get out of the tub!"
Celestia: "All strength is just a matter of leverage! Nngh! Now please! I'm going to be late for dinner!"
Shepherd: "Maybe you just need to lay off the cake."
Celestia: "You would make a terrible diplomat! Now just get me out!"
Shepherd: sighs, leans over and tries to get a hold of her "Stop squirming!"
Celestia: "Nngh! Your hands-Are very-AH!"
Shepherd: "That wasn't my fault! That was YOUR fault! Stop it!"
Celestia: "Well stop... Your hands... Feeling so good!"
Shepherd: "I have now groped you, Princess. Way more times than I needed to-ACK! AH!"
Celestia: "Well now I've returned the favor! Hee hee!"
Shepherd: "All right that's it! Time for regicide!"
Celestia: "Oh no! A lone human is trying to tickle me to death-AH! AHAHAHAHAHA! N-No, stop it! AHAHAHAHAHA!"
Shepherd: "It's working so far! Take that! And tha-!"
Celestia's flailing leads to her kicking him... Through the nearby wall.
Celestia: "Oh... Dear..."
Later, in the hospital...
Twilight: sob "DO YOU WANT ME TO BE SINGLE FOREVER?! IS THAT WHY YOU KEEP HURTING MY COLTFRIEND!"
Celestia: "Twilight, he hasn't actually agreed to be your coltfriend and of course not!"
Shepherd: groans
Twilight: "It's all right sweetie. I'm right here! I'll help you heal, I'll find every way I can to make it go faster! And somepony is going to be more careful with her pranks!"
Celestia: "Really, this is all Luna's fault-"
Luna: "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CONSORT?!"
Celestia: "IT'S YOUR FAULT!"
Shepherd: "Why is it my bones that get broken and never my fucking eardrums...?"
Reminder that stories of William H. Taft getting stuck in a tub are myths. He might have overflowed tubs from time to time and flooded the bathroom, but getting stuck never happened.
And he deserves to be remembered for more than just being the fat one.
5375413
After the presidency, he was on the supreme Court, and apparently was a hell of a judge, which is what he wanted to be all along.
Did Luna magically shrink the tub when she was in it, or was it magical adhesion of some sort?
Celestia. You can teleport. If you want Shepherd to manhandle you, I'm pretty sure you can order him to.
5375413
Didn't he have something to do with the Panama Canal?
5375462
Yeah. His disposition as a judge was noticably more cheerful than his disposition as president.
5375481
Probably the latter since she couldn't teleport out apparently.
"Life is pain, get over it!"
-Some Juggernaut, UT2004
Equestria may never know...
5375527
It was famously Theodore Roosevelt's pet project, but Taft was involved. Wiki says he was only Secretary of War at that point.