• Member Since 30th Apr, 2019
  • offline last seen 12 hours ago

MlpHero


Where headcanon becomes absurd and canon absurder

More Blog Posts2173

  • Monday
    Current Projects

    This is a list of ongoing or planned projects

    Firstly, I have a new saga that’s not MLP!

    Introducing

    Journeys

    This is a new fic series based on a Pokémon AU I’ve had for some time now, but it’s out now on Ao3! Two chapters so far, but many more to come!

    Read More

    1 comments · 25 views
  • 1 week
    There Do Be a New Chapter

    Already? Surprisingly, yes

    0 comments · 22 views
  • 2 weeks
    The wait is over

    Lads, lasses, and those in between or out, I welcome you to the official

    Blue Fang, Reignited

    This is long past due, and I hope you’ll enjoy my recreating of the story that started my writing journey.

    2 comments · 21 views
  • 5 weeks
    I live

    I have like three chapters ready to release but I'm waiting on me to get the cover art done.

    Unfortunately, me is very not intellimegent

    0 comments · 41 views
Sep
30th
2020

Hero Tries · 11:28pm Sep 30th, 2020

“Okay Zen, welcome to Changeling Mating 101.”

“Yay!”

*Chuckles nervously* why couldn’t Hive teach you this...? “Okay, okay. So, I assume you know what your ovipositor is, right?”

“Mhm!”

“Heh, okay. So, I should probably teach you about orgasms.”

“Org-what?”

“Orgasm. It’s what happens when you have intercourse.”

“Wait, why would I need to know this? The chances of me and Flutters having—”

*Covers ears frantically* “No! No Zen! No! I don’t need another mental image! I’m still trying to get over the one with Smolder and Ocellus!”

“What?”

“It’s a long story that involves a lot of blackmail, and a whole lotta tickling. Anyway, we have two orgasms. First is the eggs. See, unreformed ovipositors call split open the a flower. It’s called a blossom, and it’s how we implant eggs into our mate.”

“Ooh.”

“Eeyup. Reformed changelings have it harder when it comes to eggs. Then, we have the liquid form, which we call 'fertilizer'.”

“Why’s that? Do we use it on plants or something?”

“What? No! We use it to fertilize the eggs! Why would you— what?! How do you slay demons and use bullet weapons, but not know the basics of sexual intercourse?! I bet Flutterwings knows more about this field than you!”

“How do you know?!”

“I don’t wanna know! Why can’t Papa Pharynx teach you about this?!”

*Breaks down the door* “Hell no! I already taught Flutterwings what the buck a lesbian was, I’m not teaching Zen how to fuck someone!”

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck yourself!”

“Bet!” *Raises butterfly knife over his ovipositor*

“Hero, no!!!”

Report MlpHero · 90 views · #Hero #Zenex #Pharynx
Comments ( 14 )

I've never seen someone take the phrase "Go fuck yourself" so literally before.

5367754
That’s my charm!

:rainbowlaugh: Hilarious! Nice callback to Pharynx What The Buck Is A Lesbian, too!

5367758
Heh, glad you enjoyed

5367759
Heh, of course, that was hilarious

5367770
Heh, of course Bez

:pinkiehappy: Smiling the whole time... untill the end...
:facehoof:

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