just a ramble/vent of some things · 6:54pm Sep 29th, 2020

honestly, I'm tired of myself of explaining why this account is still inactive but I don't want anyone thinking I don't care about this account anymore when it's actually quite the opposite but my current mental condition has had no real way of improving so without any outside forces (sometimes that's not even enough) I just have no internal motivation or energy to push myself into achieving anything.

I find it's pretty easy for me to get an idea for pretty much anything when it comes to writing and drawing, but knowing how to apply the important things I need and want to go into said ideas...that is what keeps me stagnant from improving or knowing what to do along with the fact that I currently get no pleasure from writing any more it mostly gives me a headache and depressive feelings I normally try to keep down as much as I can. I feel that it's important to try to push through that if I really wanna achieve my goals but not knowing what I want (or not really not getting a feeling of accomplishment if I do finish something anymore). finishing anything just leaves me a bunch of questions, panic, and anxiety as after I'm done I never look at my finished work ever again from cringe at the fact that I wrote it (also writing and art has become something I have to force myself to do so much now I feel like I rush them and they come out bad), and I'm not sure that is how it really should be.

so I don't know these last few years of my life have been filled with a lot of confusion about my past, present, and future and I don't know when it will go away but I'm hoping soon because there is so much I wanna share on this account now that I finally committed to MLP and there are many new concepts and rairpairs I wanna experiment with.

Report Larrydog · 150 views · #vent

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