Friendship is Card Games: Bad Thing No. 3 & Pinkie Pie: Hyper-Helper · 12:29pm Aug 16th, 2020
And we’re back to Pony Life, if increasingly behind. Well, it’s certainly one way to get a backlog. Let’s take a look at what we have to work with.
Bad Thing No. 3
Rarity opening her third eye concerns me on levels I hadn’t even fathomed before now.
Pinkie’s enormous nostrils didn’t really call for a splash panel. That’s fairly typical for her.
Huh. The wider shot of Ponyville shows just how many buildings are either modeled to look like food or have food-based embellishments in this town. Between that and the pink lemonade ocean, I’m ninety percent certain FiM Pinkie created this world while she held Discord’s chaos magic. It would explain a lot.
Also, the docks are home to either a tugboat or a yellow submarine in the Beatles tradition . Also a sailing ship with a Jolly Roger on the sail. That raises a number of questions. Not least is whether that head’s meant to be a pony or a cat; I legitimately can’t tell.
Pinkie knows kung fu. Whoa. And I have questions about the previous croissant caper.
Also, how did Rarity get into Sugarcube Corner before its only known employee? Either Pinkie forgot to lock up or a certain mare knows certain less than ladylike techniques with bobby pins.
Wow. And I thought FiM Rarity’s eyeshadow ran badly. This one’s halfway to looking like a panda.
Also, her speech apparently takes a turn for the Shatnerian when stressed. I think it’s meant to be between sobs, but the animation doesn’t quite line up there.
Rarity explicitly having the power to summon her drama couch is honestly fantastic.
Therapist Pie. We’re doomed.
Also, Fancy Pants continues to be a thing. We did see him earlier, but it’s interesting to see him actually have a plot-relevant role. Only the second time a non-Mane Six character from Friendship is Magic makes the transition to Pony Life, after Celestia herself.
Wait, I thought the contact telepathy needed a potion. Did Rarity just pick up that spell or did she down one while waiting for somepony to listen to her marshmelodrama?
Also, unicorns really shouldn’t go for sudden headbutts.
Ooh, nice casual use of a repair spell. I imagine that sees a lot of use for Rarity.
Also, unsurprising to see her use enormous crystals in her landscaping.
This Fancy Pants is definitely a lot more openly vain than the one we’re used to. I hope this doesn’t bode ill…
Ah yes, a slow-motion interlude with soundtrack inspired by a, ahem, certain genre of film. You know, for kids.
Yeah, this Fancy is making much less of a good first impression than his G4.0 analogue.
A headband of uncomfortable truths seems like an amazing cursed item in Dungeons & Dragons.
Fluttershy battering down barricades is honestly amazing. As is her fluttering away from a sitting position.
Fluttershy still being the most self-aware member of the Mane Six? Even more amazing. Also, shame on you, Rarity. For one, by your borrowed logic, that third misfortune has to happen to you, not just near you. For another, you’re taking pleasure in anticipating a friend’s suffering. Never a good look.
Prison changed Gummy, man. You haven’t seen what he’s seen.
Nice to see Rarity employing illusions. She got that one montage in “Suited for Success” and that was pretty much it.
Sorry, AJ, logic has no place in this plotline.
Oh boy. There is no Rarity, only Zuul.
I deeply appreciate Pinkie actually saying “rhubarb” over and over. (“Rutabaga” wouldn’t work. This is a dessert soufflé.)
Ah. This isn’t Ghostbusters, it’s Lord of the Rings. Which would explain Fancy Pants’s new cutie mark. Rarity must have her Precious. (Also, continuing the trend from the comics of Rarity being unfortunately susceptible to dark influences.)
Going mad with malice apparently gives you spider-climbing powers. And the ability to lick your own eyeballs.
I saw stills of Gummy and Rarity fighting before seeing this episode. I never would’ve guessed the context.
So… is the bearer of uncomfortable truths a separate entity who merely takes the form of thoose who wear the headband to deliver devastating insight? Actually, this bizarre cognitive realm is the same location as the very start of the theme song. This raises so many fascinating questions…
Twilight, now is not the time for scientific honesty.
Describing a stroll in the park as “going walkies” is bizarrely adorable.
Ah. This Fancy is a bit more… Blueblooded, shall we say.
A bit more explicit with the lessons here, but they’re still valuable: Don’t obsess over what could go wrong, appreciate what you have in the moment, and don’t be afraid to drop an attractive but self-obsessed jerk like a hot potato. Oh, and definitely don’t sabotage your friends’ aspirations, even if there’s no ex-con alligator there to protect you from your own worse impulses.
Bit of a niche lesson there, but no less valuable.
Pinkie Pie: Hyper-Helper
The “self pie-trait” being a cake that looks nothing like Pinkie bothers me more than it probably should.
Why do Pinkie’s nightmares always seem to involve living cakes? And her friends looking like they’ve been hung by the neck until dead?
I do appreciate the clock design. I know I’ve found myself at half past panic.
Fluttershy being overwhelmed by threefold foalsitting? Well, at least they aren’t turning her coffee table into abstract art… as far as we know.
Oh my. Even when dealing with the Crusaders, Fluttershy never sounded this close to straight-up ending them.
Huh. First time I’ve seen Pinkie use her confetti-phoenix powers to prepare baked goods. Obviously, she can’t use that for the Royal Jelly Juggernaut because that would hamstring the drama.
That said, feeding hyperactive foals cake to calm them down seems a bit self-defeating.
I appreciate how the episode acknowledges how Twilight really isn’t the sort of person to procrastinate.
Use your knee, not your hoof, Dash. And maybe wear a mask.
Hoo boy. Nothing quite like multiple obligations and not enough time to fill all of them. I actually run into this fairly often at work. Though Pinkie doesn’t have the benefit of pretending she didn’t see an e-mail.
And then Dash proposed she and Pinkie elope. Didn’t see that coming.
I was wondering if the others knew about the RJJ finale. Good to see some acknowledgement that they were, but let their own concerns overshadow it.
Ah. Canterlot does exist in this world. Largely the same, accounting for shifts in art style. Also, it seems like all water in this world is pink. My limited experience with Danganronpa has me concerned there…
So… are the contestants allowed to call in outside assistance? Especially on a cake that’s meant to represent them as a person? (Yes, we’re clearly going for the “symbol of their friendship” thing here, but… Well, I suppose I’ll find out sooner if I stop writing this and keep watching. 
)
Hmm. Applejack’s specialty being carrot cake does make some sense if Carrot Top/Golden Harvest is still her neighbor.
“Young sickling” feels very similar to “Padawan” for some reason.
… Nope, Tara Strong didn’t voice anyone in the Clone Wars series. Still, I like the idea of Twilight’s family having a killer chocolate cake recipe. I imagine baking is always in vogue in Canterlot.
Judging by the judges’ expressions, they’re too gobsmacked by the shenanigans to actually stop Pinkie and company.
Wait, wait, wait, Rainbow Dash can manipulate the flow of time!? I mean, yes, technically she can do it to herself because of relativity and speed, but giving Dash outright chronomancy strikes me as a very dangerous thing.
Huh. Wasn’t expecting the Season 4 Bearer spectrum to show up. Also, special shout-out to Fluttershy’s cakebomination.
I had to go back and look and… I’m pretty sure Pinkie slices the cake with her smartphone. Huh.
Seeing Celestia down a tower of cake six or seven times her own height in a single gulp feels… right. Like we’ve finally come full circle after “MMMystery on the Friendship Express.”
Ah. As I expected. Contestants are not, in fact, allowed to bring in sous chefs. Sizable oof.
It feels very strange to have a letter magically arrive from Celestia without Spike being involved. Kind of his central purpose, and we know he’s still a thing in Pony Life.
And a hope spot and callback to the scat-baking from the very first episode. Very nice. 
Plus a valuable lesson indeed: You have to take care of yourself before you can really help anyone else. Something Friendship is Magic did as well with “Health of Information,” but after over two hundred episodes, some degree of moral overlap with its spinoff is to be expected.
Pony Life continues to exceed my expectations… which, to be fair, still aren’t especially high. Still, good stuff to be had. I’m always a sucker for mindscapes. Now, let’s see what I can make without outside assistance:
Mental Lock 1W
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature can’t attack or block unless its controller pays 1 for each card in your hand.
Enchanted creature’s activated abilities cost 1 more to activate for each card in your hand.
Trinket Keeper 1W
Creature — Unicorn Artificer
Equip abilities that target Trinket Keeper cost 1 less to activate.
(wb)(wb): Transform Trinket Keeper. Activate this ability only if Trinket Keeper is equipped.
“Do let me try it on. It’s my birthday, after all.”
1/3
Twisted Wretch
(WB) Creature — Unicorn Mutant
Menace
Twisted Wretch gets +1/+0 for each artifact you control.
T: Attach target Equipment you control to Twisted Wretch.
Dragons aren’t the only creatures greed can change.
2/4
Chaise Summoner 2W
Creature — Unicorn Wizard
T: Double Chaise Summoner’s toughness until end of turn.
Some summoners are never without a weapon, a servant, or a helpful tool. The best are never without lumbar support.
2/2
Empty-Hoof Baker 2W
Creature — Pony Monk
Lifelink
Prowess (Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, this creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn.)
Kneading dough and breaking bones are just different levels of force.
2/3
Disqualify 2WW
Instant
Exile target attacking creature.
Overload 5WW (You may cast this spell for its overload cost. If you do, change its text by replacing all instances of “target” with “each.”)
The rules are clear, as is the punishment for breaking them.
Shameless Egotist 1U
Creature — Unicorn Noble
U: Change a target of target spell or ability to Shameless Egotist.
“Of course it’s all about me. What would be the point otherwise?”
1/2
Transitory Torte 1U
Enchantment Creature — Cake Illusion
Whenever another enchantment enters the battlefield under your control, return Transitory Torte to its owner’s hand.
Some recipes can really get away from you.
2/2
Steal the Recipe 2U
Instant
Counter target spell unless its controller discards a card with the same name as that spell.
“And that’s why I always have backups.”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Trio of Misfortunes 1BB
Sorcery
Target player sacrifices a creature, an enchantment, and a planeswalker.
Bad things always come in threes.
Diseased Devotee 2B
Creature — Pegasus Warrior
Flying
Whenever Diseased Devotee attacks or blocks, put a -1/-1 counter on it.
“It’s just a sniffle. I’ll be fine.”
4/4
Ponyville Privateer 2B
Creature — Pony Pirate
At the beginning of each end step, if you gained 3 or more life this turn, create a Treasure token. (It’s a colorless artifact with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.”)
Sugar isn’t contraband, but Pinkie needs as much as she can get.
3/2
Curse of Terrible Insight 3B
Enchantment — Aura Curse
Enchant player
At the beginning of enchanted player’s draw step, that player draws an additional card.
Whenever enchanted player draws a card, they lose 1 life.
Truth, once learned, can never be forgotten.
Hyperactive Foals 1R
Creature — Pony Child
Trample
Hyperactive Foals attacks each combat if able.
“In hindsight, asking Pinkie to calm ponies down wasn’t my best decision.”
—Fluttershy, Bearer of Kindness
3/1
Third-Eye Charger 1R
Creature — Unicorn Monk
Prowess
When Third-Eye Charger enters the battlefield, target creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each noncreature spell you’ve cast this turn.
2/1
Planar Transmutation 4RRR
Sorcery
Each player puts all permanents they own and all cards in their hand on the bottom of their library in a random order, then reveals the top fourteen cards of their library. Each player puts any number of permanent cards revealed this way onto the battlefield and the rest into their hand. Each player loses all unspent mana.
Play Against Type 1G
Instant
Until end of turn, each permanent you control with a mana ability gains “T: Add one mana of any color.”
Retrace (You may cast this spell from your graveyard by discarding a land card in addition to its other costs.)
Overbooked Aide 2G
Creature — Pony Citizen
T: Add one mana of any color.
T, Exert Overbooked Aide: Spells you cast this turn cost 1 less to cast. (An exerted creature won’t untap during your next untap step.)
“Just a second!”
2/2
Pinkie’s Guardian 4G
Creature — Crocodile
Flash
When Pinkie’s Guardian enters the battlefield, permanents you control gain hexproof and indestructible until end of turn.
His only certainty in life is that Pinkie is worth protecting.
3/3
Crystal Hedron 5
Artifact
T: Add two mana of any one color.
2, T, Sacrifice Crystal Hedron: Draw two cards.
In Ponyville, enormous, magically active gems sprout from the ground like weeds.
Slow Time WU
Instant
Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt this turn. At the beginning of your next upkeep, goad each creature that attacked this turn. (Until your next turn after that upkeep, those creatures attack each combat if able and attack a player other than you if able.)
The best defense is getting out of the way.
Kaalia’s Confection RWB
Enchantment — Cake
Whenever you attack with one or more legendary creatures, you may sacrifice Kaalia’s Confection. If you do, you may put an Angel, Demon, or Dragon creature card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking.
Angelcycling 3, demoncycling 3, dragoncycling 3 (3, Discard this card: Search your library for an Angel, Demon, or Dragon card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle your library.)
Meteor Striker 1GW
Creature — Pegasus Warrior
Flying
1GW: Until end of turn, Meteor Striker gets +2/+2, loses flying, and gains trample. Activate this ability only once each turn.
Many pegasus combat techniques boil down to either weather or dive bombing.
2/2
Bitter Truthspeaker 3UB
Enchantment Creature — Avatar
Hexproof
Bitter Truthspeaker’s power and toughness are each equal to the number of cards in your hand.
At the beginning of each player’s upkeep, that player loses 1 life and draws a card.
*/*
All-Star Round 4WB
Sorcery
Destroy all creatures. Then each player puts three creature cards from their graveyard onto the battlefield.
The crowd always loves seeing old favorites take the field again.
Canterlot Cataracts
Land
T: Add C.
2, T: Add two mana in any combination of colors.
The rainbows from the city’s waterfalls have long been a point of contention between Canterlot and Cloudsdale.
Cognitive Realm
Plane — Equitana
Each creature has base power and toughness equal to the number of cards in its controller’s hand.
Whenever you roll chaos, discard your hand, then draw seven cards.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: The "0 toughness equals dead" check isn't done until after a given check finishes resolving, so rolling chaos in the Cognitive Realm won't kill any of your stuff except under very strange conditions (ie. you have more than seven cards in hand and 7 damage marked on one of your creatures). That said, losing your hand without replacing it will be exactly as lethal as you'd expect. You know, just in case your opponent managed to have a board before you slapped the Narset's Puzzle Box lock on them.
Inside Baseball Alert: Hedrons, in the context of MtG, are strongly associated with the Eldrazi. While this one was calling back to a specific card, the eldritch abomination that happens to be a forest is probably still next door.
Bad Thing No. 3 may be weird as all hell but it's the kind of weird I love and it's still the second best episode of Pony Life so far, after How Applejack Got Her Hat Back.
Huh, I'd actually forgotten about how they'd brought that up then already. Or possibly missed it entirely. Once the season is over I'll go back and re-watch the whole thing to see how much else was mentioned in advance. Say what you will about PL, but I think its writing is more cohesive and planned out than FiM's ever was.
5336707
I'll agree that HAGHHB is probably still the best episode so far. However, if we're talking about single moments within an episode then Friendship Gems takes the top spot for me with that one Fluttershy line. You know the one. I'll probably have a clearer idea of what I think of each episode once the show/season is over and I can go back and look at it in its entirety.
So, where's Bauble Keeper to go with Trinket Keeper?
I think you've just uncovered a fundamental truth of the PL universe: this is all a chaos induced fever dream of Pinkie's. Given that we've seen the inside of her mind before, it's not surprising. If anything, it's tame.
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That's what I like to call a "CARDNAME error", after the way card-creation software solves the issue that causes it: you put in CARDNAME, and the actual card will have whatever the name is even if you change it later.
I think it's a cat skull, imho.
Also, does this finally confirm that RD is a Hero of Time? XDDDDD
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Maybe we'll see Capper and his feline buddies engaging in a life of piracy in the newly coastal Ponyville? 😺
Technical nitpick: Kaalia’s Confection, while a fantastic same hilarious design, has slightly incorrect reminder text. You have to announce which creature type you're searching for when you activate the ability, and you can't change to get a different type if the opponent uses something like Extirpate to remove the card you had intended to get.
Also, I really need to start watching Pony Life, because these sound bonkers in a good way. Not sure whether to try to get my kids to watch it or not though.