Indigo Reviews Every "Secrets: A Swapped Roles Contest" Entry

Greetings, citizens of the internet! You can call me Nitro Indigo, and now that Secrets: A Swapped Roles contest is over, I’ve decided to review all of the entries. I’ve judged them based on two criteria - quality (storytelling and grammar) and originality (how unique is the roleswap?). These reviews will be in ascending order of how much I enjoyed each entry, so it won’t line up with the contest’s ranking, which was calculated by combining my scores with RainbowDoubleDash’s.

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#9: Book Day by Eonex (1 quality, 2 originality)
Twilight Sparkle ⇌ Spike
I see that someone wrote the roleswap I used as an example in the info thread! (Unfortunately, no-one wrote the Gallus ⇌ Silverstream roleswap I mentioned in an earlier draft.)

There are a few grammatical errors, but that’s small potatoes compared to my biggest problem with this fanfic: it’s all telling and no showing. Most of the fanfic consists of the canon Twilight and Spike looking at photographs and wondering what their currently-absent, swapped counterparts are like, but it would have been much more interesting to see what said counterparts got up to.

#8: Of Nerds and Bugs by Timelugia (1 quality, 4 originality)
Twilight Sparkle ⇌ Queen Chrysalis
This fanfic had some good ideas, such as making ponified Thorax and Pharynx into ponified Chrysalis’ friends, and focusing on the circle of friends from “Amending Fences”. Unfortunately, it has the most issues of any of the entries; it’s higher than Book Day because it’s more substantial.

First off all, it doesn’t feel like a roleswap. Duchess Chrysalis feels more like an OC, while Queen Twilight is Twilight in name only; while she talks about “research”, her modus operandi are exactly the same as canon Chrysalis’ in practice.

Second of all, the prose is dry. Most of the sentences are single-clause, there’s a lot of missing punctuation, and most of the dialogue consists of characters repeating things that were just mentioned. Said dialogue also feels unemotive due to its lack of exclamation marks, question marks, and contractions.

#7: Soaring Without Flight by Crystalchameleon (2 quality, 4 originality)
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon ⇌ Cutie Mark Crusaders ⇌ Mane 6?
This entry incorporates the “secrets” theme into the plot the most. Unfortunately, said secret doesn’t make sense. Scootaloo is too embarrassed to admit how she performed the Sonic Rainboom without being able to fly… except that everypony saw it, and they know she can’t fly, so why does she act like her classmates won’t believe her? The ending, where Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom reassure her, was cute, though.

Also, it’s not really a roleswap between the CMCs and the bullies, as much as it is the CMCs mirroring the Mane 6’s backstories, and Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are also there.

#6: Passing Storms Passing by The Red Parade (2 quality, 5 originality)
Daring Do ⇌ Spitfire
Having read several of The Red Parade’s fanfics, I can confidently say that their greatest strength is writing conversations. The body language and actions aren’t just there to break up the lines of dialogue; they also reflect the characters’ unspoken emotions. In this fanfic, Daring Do feels so betrayed that she lets her soup go cold; it’s also compared to a hurricane when she stirs it, which is a nice thematic touch.

Unfortunately, there’s not much to it. The roleswap aspect of this fanfic is only told to us, and the details are threadbare. Since the two characters already know each other well, there’s no reason for them to elaborate upon what Daring Do does as the captain of the Wonderbolts (though I do like the detail that lots of people are jealous of their position - that could easily work for a fanfic about the canon Spitfire), or what Spitfire writes about.

Also, I have to give this credit for being the only entry that doesn’t involve the main cast.

#5: Maudamoiselle by Vis-a-Viscera (3 quality, 3 originality)
Pinkie Pie ⇌ Maud Pie
Of all the entries, this is the one I had the hardest time ranking. It’s definitely the most unique - it’s the only T-rated entry, and I haven’t read many fanfics that take place in casinos or ship Rarity and Maud. Speaking of which, Rarity and Maud bonding over their shared interest in minerals makes a surprising amount of sense, and now I want to see it more often. The Pie sisters are characterised well: Pinkie’s concern that she’s being ignored is in-character (even if her talking about “the readers” was on-the-nose), and I loved the contrast between Maud’s internal struggle and the fast-paced casino.

So why isn’t this any higher? It’s because the typography leaves a lot to be desired. Pinkie Pie is called “Pike” at one point, and I got confused at least twice because it’s not made clear which characters are already present at the start of each scene.

#4: Farm Responsibility by HapHazred (4 quality, 2 originality)
Big Macintosh ⇌ Applejack
I love this fanfic’s insight into Big Mac’s character, especially his opinions on Rainbow Dash. It reminds me of the ending of “Brotherhooves Social”, which I really like. Overall, there’s not much I dislike about this fanfic besides a few nitpicks, but there’s nothing mind-blowingly good in it, either.

Also, the prose’s frequent use of ellipses gives it a sense of tiredness, and I can’t decide if that’s a good or bad thing.

#3: Dragon Swap by Trinary (4 quality, 3 originality)
Smolder ⇌ Spike
My favourite part of this fanfic is Twilight and Smolder’s dynamic and how it changed the outcomes of various canon events, such as Smolder goading Twilight to go to Moondancer’s party, Smolder liking Rarity’s dresses, or the two of them competing in the Sisterhooves Social. I also like the explanations for things that weren’t explained in canon, such as how Celestia’s School got a dragon egg.

Unfortunately, this fanfic gets weaker towards the end. Smolder’s reaction to Spike is amusing, but he also acts too similar to canon, and I think it was caused by the author misunderstanding the rules. When I said that the characters’ personalities have to remain the same, I meant that the nature part should remain the same. Spike’s more feminine interests were a result of him being raised by ponies - although, I liked the part where he says Garble isn’t so different from him.

#2: Runic Notation by TCC56 (4 quality, 5 originality)
Twilight Sparkle ⇌ Octavia Melody, Rarity ⇌ Vinyl Scratch
This entry has the most fleshed-out setting. The worldbuilding has a lot of creative ideas that fit well into the established My Little Pony setting, such as runes and horsehair being magic-resistant. My favourite character in this fanfic is Rarity; even though she has a different occupation, she still wants to stand out from the crowd and keep her artistic integrity.

As I was reading the last chapter, I was thinking, “this is decent, but what does it have to do with secrets?” Then, I got to the plot twist, and it all clicked into place. Without spoiling anything, this entry definitely has the most impactful ending, and the most potential for becoming a ‘verse.

The only reason my quality rating isn’t any higher is because of the pacing. I know that describing the travelling would slow down the plot, but just like Broken Stems, it makes a long journey feel small and the action feel too sudden.

#1: Ask Not the Sparrow by MagnetBolt (5 quality, 2 originality)
Fluttershy ⇌ Rainbow Dash, Celestia ⇌ Luna, Twilight Sparkle ⇌ Rarity, Applejack ⇌ Pinkie Pie, Ember ⇌ Spike
In terms of overall storytelling, Ask Not the Sparrow is phenomenal. Even though the non-pegasus members of the Mane 6 only appear in one scene, their interactions are so spot-on that it feels like an episode of season 1. The descriptions of scenery are beautiful, and so is its use of flight as a motif.

As a roleswap, it’s a fresh take on tired ideas. The Mane 6’s backstories began the same, but they took different paths that are still logical progressions of their canon skills. Fluttershy’s reclusive nature caused her to spend more time with birds than ponies, so she learned extreme aerial maneuvers from them. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash became a doctor, because… well, that would be spoilers. I will say, though, that Rainbow is my favourite character in this fanfic, because I really got the sense that she cares deeply about Fluttershy. 

Unfortunately, I had to give it a low originality score because the Celestia ⇌ Luna swap is so overdone that I considered banning it from the contest (I decided that “No reimaginings of the “Friendship is Magic” two-parter” was less restrictive), and Ask Not the Sparrow does nothing new with it. (Although, I liked a certain detail involving manes.) Also, Ember taking Spike’s role doesn’t fit into the “same backstories, different outcomes” theme; it feels like it was done for the sake of it.

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I can elaborate upon any of my opinions if you ask politely.