Life sucks, but I am trying my best. · 11:21am Aug 1st, 2020
I'm so, so sorry the next chapter of A Deer Named John is taking so long. I truly am. I hate that there has been such a long time between chapters but I can't do it when I can't focus. This isn't intended as a pity party or woe is me post. It is simply to explain the past couple of weeks and my continuing failure to get through this chapter.
After the psychologist session, I was actually getting everything ready for a weekend of writing and get the chapter final done. That went out the window the day before I could start, when my best friend's husband threatened to end their marriage because she dared to get a tattoo he didn't like. Spent a lot of time supporting and worrying about her over the past week. He has walked it back, but is going to need to regain the trust of all of us.
At the same time, I have been watching my father's mind continue to be eaten by Parkinson's induced dementia. It has got to the point where he is realising he will no longer be able to help tutor students at the nearby high school in mathematics, one of the few things keeping his mind active. Am very worried that I am watching the true start of his downward spiral now.
My mother is in another state and may have to somehow rush home to avoid Covid as it moves back into that state while there are no direct flights for her to be able to get. She would have to pass through an airport which is suspect for the virus. Throw in having an Uncle in a nursing home in the state in my country where Covid is running rampant through nursing homes without much information getting out from them and my anxiety is running at an all time high.
I am incredibly worried for my family's immediate future and somewhat further future from all of this. I wish I was able to compartmentalise these things and not worry about them all the time, but my brain refuses to let go of even the things I can't control no matter how I try. This even comes to the far off thoughts of, if my father passes away, how will my mother and I restructure ourselves to live? Would I have steady internet access to even post story chapters if that happened? Just a few of the wider things I worry about.
So, yeah, I'm still trying to get the next chapter done and prepare the ground work for the second main arc. I am just a living ball of anxiety and worry right now. Side note, thank you to all who have read Bride of Ironspines and caused it to pass a thousand views. I never intended or expected to achieve that much. Again, thank you. Also, thank you to all those still reading and maybe re-reading chapters of A Deer Named John. Seeing people still interested in it during this unintended, what I loathe to call a, hiatus keeps me picking away at the scenes I have so far managed to write for the next chapter.
Living perpetual motion machine of anxiety,
Tael.
Sorry to hear you are going through a lot of crap right now. I hope it gets better for you.
I was about to suggest being a sounding board to bounce ideas off which might inspire your writing, but what it honestly sounds like you need to do is relax. You might be surprised how a relaxed mind can solve real-world problems, for our minds and spirits are connected to the reality we write for ourselves.
Go to the park. Listen to relaxing music. Focus your mind on something peaceful. If you do, you can draw in that energy which, in turn, improves your reality.
Also, if you're one for prayer to benevolent forces, now is the time.
As much as I love the story and look forward to new chapters, your family and well-being come first.
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Thank you all. Yesterday, I think I reached the peak of stress exhaustion and physically crashed for part of the day along with a migraine. Finally able to stop and rest today. Definitely taking the opportunity.