If you're feeling suicidal and / or are depressed and feel alone, you should read this - a friendly message and a reminder that you aren't alone in this <3 · 9:42am Jul 24th, 2020
From a while back, my mind has ben thinking about a few things I've been reading about. I don't read anything online due to credibility reasons, but you see these little motivational / real talk messages or art flying around, about serious topics like suicide, self-harming and depression.
My cousin shared one of those posts in question about suicidal tendencies, and it read something along the lines of; ''Being suicidal doesn't mean constantly wanting to slit your throat, put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger or throwing yourself off a building or jumping in front of a car. Sometimes, being suicidal means smoking a cigarette in the hope that you'll get cancer and eventually die, or purposely putting yourself into harm's way by doing dangerous activities, or starving yourself to the point your develop bulimia and die from malnourishment, or spending hours in the bathtub until you fall asleep and you hope that you sink beneath the water and drown, or taking narcotics in the hope you'll become a heavy addict and OD from it,'' And so and so. You get the idea.
I think about that particular stuff in general, more so than usual. One thing that gets to me is that when people who suffer like this ask for help, they don't get it. Instead, they get laughed at and get knocked to their knees in a tight ball until they cry themselves to sleep. I know someone who said that those who suffer with suicidal thoughts and depression are ''taking the easy way out'', and that really, really pissed me the hell off. That one line more than struck a nerve with me.
I want to tell you straight that in my life, I have done most of those things up top in that post. When you get hurt by people who are meant to love you no matter what but all they do is tread on your toes, push you back when all you want is a hug and spread lies about you that are believed to be true by others, it does make you want to end your own life. There's nothing much worse than the feeling of not being wanted or cared about. Think about how much a person is hurt and scarred horribly emotionally already, whatever might have caused it, add them asking for help by a person who should love them and they get rejected. Now intensify that by one-hundred percent and what you have is a person who's lost the will to live. And all they did was ask for help. It's a damn shame. That's the typical scenario in today's world. Nobody cares about anybody. It's so wrong that to say it disgusts me would be the understatement of the millennium.
Personally, no, I haven't lost anybody to suicide. I worry about a few people that I think and / or know are suffering somewhat with depressive mental states, but none of them have yet taken their own lives or harmed themselves enough to be hospitalised, thank christ. Nobody should feel like that, and nobody should have to be made to suffer so horribly because others are too arrogant and non-caring about what happens to them, including family members. It makes me sick and makes my blood boil.
Myself, I have survived a suicide attempt, but very narrowly. When I passed out, if I didn't wake up, well, that would be it for me. I could have very easily died, but I didn't by some slight chance. I'm here to tell you that it's an incredibly frightening experience that will leave you shaken, scarred and hurt for life. Do I feel ashamed? Yes, of course I do. For the way I acted, how I fought back against friends who were telling me not to go through with it when I was so distraught to refuse reason. I don't want any of you reading this, of whom are in the same mindset, to end up where I was that night and do something so irreparably damaging to yourself and others around you. The impact a death of a close friend can have can be beyond devastating.
Right now, I urge anybody suffering with suicidal and depressive thoughts to talk to somebody you trust, whomever that may be, or call any national suicide hotlines if you want to get something off your chest. You shouldn't be alone in anything. There is always one or two people who care about you. I mean that, from the bottom of my heart. Trust me, there is always somebody there who's willing to listen and help you. I strongly advise you to take that offer.
You'll feel better about it in the end after accepting a shoulder and a friendly ear to listen, I guarantee you. Nobody is alone if we're all together.
Here's some quotes from Robin Williams, if you'd like to hear his take on the topic.
"Don't associate yourself with toxic people. It's better to be alone and love yourself than be surrounded by people that make you hate yourself." - Robin Williams
On a final note before I end this, I know what it feels like to be alone and suffering through rejection after rejection, how badly it can impact your life and put a dent in your self-esteem and your mood. It does more damage than most people realise, and they are the ones mostly responsible for it happening in the first place. Yet they refuse to accept that fact. Whatever it is that's troubling you and driving your mind into that black pit of depression, DON'T be afraid of opening up to it to the right people. Like I've said, there is always going to be one or two people willing to sit with you and listen to be there for you. Don't go and pour that chance down the drain by ending it all. It's NOT worth it. Hell, if you want to, you can go ahead an PM me if you want to talk, no judgements! 
Please promise me you won't do anything irreversible and throw away a chance. Only you can make that choice, and throwing it away will be a huge waste to those who do care about you, so I urge you to consider it strongly that you'll open up to somebody you trust still. Life seems bleak now, but you better trust me when I tell you it does get better. It'll take time, but things will get better eventually. I promise. 
National Suicide Hotline Number: 116 123
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With all my love and more, from England,
- FireRain š
An admission: although my brush with death scarred me mentally and more than likely caused irreversible, permanent damage to my body, I have concluded that I am still somewhat suicidal. I don't actively try and end it all, but I'm so far beyond caring about myself or anything anymore. I do try and press onwards, even when I want to collapse and give up. But I don't. Tendencies will more than likely prevail, but only you can make that choice to do something about it. Please take it if you can. Don't give up, not yet.
Iām one of those people that try to help.
Despite not being suicidal myself, this echoed my thoughts on the topic better than I couldāve put them out in writing.
But another argument Iāve seen those with suicidal tendencies use, that I want to add, a few mention that,āNobody cares until you die, then they all care,ā and use it as a justification.
At least me, I donāt cry because you died, I cry because of how you died. No person should commit suicide.
I can't say I know what you're going through or what anyone who has suffered through an attempted suicide but I can say that I used to have what I can summarise as depressive thoughts.
I remember opening up to my parents about it and while they had good intentions it only made me feel worse and then I sought a professionals help but that once again again only made me feel worse and finally I opened up to a close friend who I remember distinctly laughed in my face about it.
Tbh looking back I can't rightly say if it was just my teen angst or me genuinely feeling depressed but regardless I found out later that some of my other friends were feeling the same way and so I went out my way to help them and to say that helped would be an understatement.
Before hand I constantly felt worthless and unwanted by the people I cared for most and while from time to time I can still feel like that I just remember how freeing it feels to see those I love and care for happy after seeing them down for so long but that worked for me and I'm able to handle that by myself because I can accept that part of me now after such a long time.
Obviously everyone is different and will need different methods of dealing with this, for example, my dad opened up to his friends recently and got the support he needed, from them, a professional and me.
The way I see it, as a non professional, is that the first step to getting out of the whole is to accept your feelings and acknowledge them, which you have done, and then get the help you need, whatever that may be.
5320502
Yes, this is sadly very true. It irks me because it's like people who know they've contributed to a person's death by needling them, provoking them and hurting them emotionally finally understand that they are responsible for the damage that's been caused. They only act like they care afterwards to make themselves feel better about themselves. They, like everyone else, accept the responsibility for their actions after the person finally committed suicide. That's my read on it, anyway.
And no; no they shouldn't commit suicide. It's a terrible way to die. I'd rather not think about it. My dreams still haunt me, and my own attempt. It was a bad choice.
5320528
It's good that you tried to let somebody in when you thought it was the time to ask for help. My guess is that the majority of people have no clue how to handle a serious topic or problem a person is having, so they try to brush it off with a joke or insensitive remarks. It's never easy to find the right person to open up to, believe me on that one.
I'm actually proud of you for helping others when you found out they were in the same place as you, and for assisting your dad with his own issues.
Talking about something so serious isn't an easy feat, as we all know. Accepting how you feel emotionally and then getting the correct amount of support and help you need is never easy to do, but when you do find it, life doesn't sound as bad as it did as before. Things do get better as time goes on, but the pain will still be there. It only gets easier to deal with with time, getting more numb.
Stay safe and as happy as you can be. Having others around you who understand will do you wonders when you need a friendly ear.