Losing weight is so hard to do. I find it impossible to lose anything, no matter how hard I try · 9:13pm Jul 16th, 2020
I spoke to dad today about certain things. My situation, hunting for work, what my general plan is and what I'm thinking of doing once I'm back home. Face it, that's going to be the outcome whichever way I sniff it. I'll always come back home, by choice or not. It's in the script.
Then he showed me some photos on his laptop from the time we went to the tank museum in Bournemouth. Specifically, the first one I saw was of me in a tank hatch. I can't say I'm a fan of how I look on a photo, given I think I look like a cartoon character from Diary of a Wimpy Kid transformed into real life. In short, I look bloody hideous. One thing about me though: I was skinny. Like, the thinnest I've ever been since forever.
What's odd to me is that I know I used to be more active in them days as an effort to get thinner and in better shape for my health's sake and because I was sick of being so fat and ugly, so I lifted weights, went for dog walks more often with my dad, rode my bike more and I went outside a lot more. That, for a self-conscious fatty like me, always worried about how I look and how other people likely whisper over their should to others how fat I was (I've caught a few doing it, they shut up right after I looked their way) and for a guy with social anxiety, is an amazing feat. Today, I'm still like that, but I didn't care much about their opinions. Why should I?
That really got to me. I used to always think I was fat no matter how thin I got, and when I was looking at myself in these photos, it was very noticeable, yet when I see myself in person by standing in front of a mirror or looking down at myself, I never saw it. I thought I was fat for life and I'd never be as good-looking or as slim as anybody else around me. I'd never be beautiful or handsome like that; I was fat and that is that.
When me and my brother were a pair of lard buckets, we decided to take the piss some nights and pull our head back so our chins merged. One of us would go ahead and count how many chins we had going down our neck, or as he called it, my ''neckbeard.'' He actually referred to me a few times as ''Captain Neckbeard.'' 
I used to call our chins ''Drawbridge Chins'', complete with their own individual moats. (That'll keep the knights at bay during a siege. 
)
I don't even get it; when I hardly put effort into losing weight, I lost it. When I try different things to lose it, like now, I gain it. I'm related to my father, so that automatically translates into ''I can eat like a pig and still keep going'', like my stomach is a black hole. And yes, I could do that. Now I can't due to some certain health issues. I don't know what it is as of yet, but I can't shove things down my throat like I used to be able to do, nor do I really plan to in the future. However, some bad habits are bound to stay. And they have, such as with sugary stuff and takeaway habits. It's fine as long as you don't overdo it and you only do it in moderation.
''It's so hard to lose, but so much easier to put on'', is what dad used to say to me. He's right, too. He was where I was and am now. He's in decent shape for a guy his age, too. He's done more than good in maintaining himself, probably better than I'll ever be able to do.
Still, I don't know what to think about this whole mess. A whole lifetime of fatness leaves some rather...undesirable side effects on you, your health and your body once you shed the pounds. I wish I knew how much I lost so I could tell you, but trust me, from what I was to what I am now is a dramatic and very obvious difference. As long as I don't end up in that hunka-chunka range again, I'm good with that. And no, I'm still not going to switch to a salad. That's just gay. (Just joking. Or am I? 
Anywho, fat rant over, I'm going to go somewhere and be fat. And probably cry into a mirror. Yeah, that'll work. 
Believe it or not I have heard that the subconscious mind can work better on finding a solution/answer to a problem or any thought better than the conscious mind, so not thinking hard actually helps with that. Maybe the same is true with physical things?
Anyhow, I hope you can get to a satisfying weight.
5310644
Everytime I hear something like that, I'm reminded of that American Dad episode where Stan gets paranoid of being fat and exercises viciously to the point where he unknowingly develops bulimia. Not matter how thin he gets, he thinks he's getting fatter.
Are you saying my mind is working against me? Or I'm thinking about this too much?
I'm so jealous and longing to be as thin as most people I meet in life, and it really doesn't do my depression or self-conscious mind any favours. Trouble is, I can't stop thinking about it. I want it and it's stuck in my mind until I have a way of following through. I want to feel normal, worry-free and not ashamed or disgusted with myself, or feeling like others see me as a slob. (For the record, I'm not obese, I'm simply not happy with how the weight loss treated my body and left it in a sorry state.)
About two years ago, I was able to drop almost 20 Kg and get in pretty good shape (for the first and only time in my life) before my knees almost gave up from running, and I stopped. My initial method was to count and cut down the calories and walk a few Km per day. Basically I:
1. Made myself a spreadsheet on GDocs, listing all the food I ate plus their calories (by weight)
2. I began weighing what I ate and noting it in the document. The spreadsheet gave me a daily sum of calories I consumed
3. I set myself daily calories limit (something like 1200-1500) and followed it
4. Every day after work, I took a 4 Km stroll (then increased to 7 Km). After a month or so, I began running too, but that's a different story...
Three things I learned when I made that document were:
1. I ate WAAAAAY too much! My calorie intake was like 3500-4000, where an average healthy adult male should be around 2500 tops!
2. Some food that tastes great also has a great number of calories (I'm looking at you, red meat!). You should cut back on that
3. Our bodies can quickly (week or so) adapt to even a drastic cut down in calories. Although, you may get shivers and feel cold and week for the first few days
You may try something similar. Having some spreadsheet is a great way to motivate yourself and keep track of what you eat. Unless you live by french-fries and chips, you don't have to change the diet either (and if you want to add exercise to the mix, salads and veggies are not the most recommended base to go with that).
5314572
Damn dude, 20kg-worth of weight?
Not bad at all! 
It sounds like you've got yourself quite a handy system. It sounds to me like you were doing what I used to do, only on some parts. When I became a bit of a health-conscious maniac about what I put in my body, I used to weigh portions for cereal and anything else, or I'd simply pour a small amount in the bowl without actually measuring it. Aside from that, all I'd eat is chicken. I hate red meat, always makes me feel so guilty about eating it...
Thing is, even if you set yourself calorie intakes for a daily basis, you can still eat as much as you want as long as you do stuff that burns off the calories. Like if you were going out all day and were planning on going hiking or for a long walk, etc. I climbed Ben Nevis in Scotland and all I ate was a cinnamon danish and a flapjack. Not the healthiest option, but for the height we climbed and the length of the journey, all that sugar and calories will be burned off no problem. So it is fine to eat as much as you like as long as you have moderation and keep track of what you eat on that particular day. It depends on what you're doing in terms of physical activity.
To be honest with you, I never make schedules because I'm not the type to follow guidelines. I've always been lousy at that.
I have been thinking about keeping a journal on it like you've been doing, see if there's a system to be worked out. If you're interested, drinking protein shakes can help out. I began doing it and it's helped a lot. Low calories, too! 
Don't cost much either, probably less than £20 for the cup to mix it in and the powder itself, depending on the brand you choose.
Ugh, eating salad sounds like the most obnoxious dieting choice made by anyone.
Like eating a pile of leaves will make a difference when there's no nutritional value in them. If I wanted to eat a salad, I'd go into my garden and start eating my hedge. Bell peppers sound much better to me; better to cook with, too! I suddenly want to cook more enchiladas with peppers now...
5310696
I remember that episode
Mainly I was saying to just let it happen on its own, just do some healthy choices.
I understand where you are coming from, but you should be happy with yourself, it may not be easy, but confidence can help with improving.