The Joy and Anxiety of Conventions

So this is way, way overdue. It really has been such a long time, hasn't it? Life just flies by nowadays.  Sometimes you just have to try something new and it ends up completely messing with your expectations, and Everfree Northwest 2019 was one such experience. Infuriatingly, EFNW has been cancelled for this year, so I should finally post this. Conventions are kind of infamous for how easily people pick up diseases there after all. This damn virus and our government’s inept response just have to fuck with everything, don’t they?

I was in Seattle at the time and thought to myself that I should go, but I figured I'd end up bailing after less than an hour because of anxiety. If you were there, you may have seen me there trying not to be noticed. But to my surprise, I ended up enjoying myself, despite being a hopeless wallflower.

Upon arrival, I wondered for a bit if I had even arrived at the place, which was instantly shattered by the sight of a Rainbow Dash cosplayer. EFNW says their convention is like Equestria came to Earth, and it sort of felt like it. Walking into there it made it feel like the internet had come to life, as if Derpibooru had vomited its many pastel ponies into a hotel.  At one point, someone sat down at the piano in the main area and started playing Megalovania, and then it really felt like the internet. There were ponies on the walls, ponies on the floor, and in the vendor hall there were even ponies up to the ceiling. Everything was ponies! I can only imagine how the regular hotel residents felt. All these people walking around in MLP regalia and the many cosplayers felt so weird, even after being in the fandom for years. Among others, there was one perfect Starlight cosplay which was pretty much exactly how I’d expect a human version of her to look; and  “Princess Deadpool”, which was weirdly well-done. There was even one guy in full Fallout NCR Ranger Armor who I thought had wandered into the wrong convention until I noticed the pony stickers and Velvet Remedy plush. 

I did not expect there to be so many people. Attendance was down by ~30% from the previous year (worryingly...) but it still felt packed, especially the writing room. But there were other people there! People that I knew about and appreciate, many of them from this site! There were people like Vivid Syntax, Cynewulf, Monochromatic, and Roundtrip, among many others. I tried to get Somber’s signature but he disappeared into the ether if you looked the other way, so oh well. This might sound dumb, but for a first-timer, it's surreal to see and even meet these people in real life who are usually just a username and profile picture. Not that talking to anyone would have done much more than stress me out, mind you. With so many people comes so many sources of stress, unfortunately. At times, I felt like getting out as fast as I could to escape it. Everyone there seemed to be having a great time, and I was afraid of everything. And I'm not exactly a writer, an artist, or a contributor either, which would make it even harder to hold a normal conversation. I have all these story ideas that have been bouncing around my head for months or even years, but it just takes forever to write anything. Ugh, I’m just rambling incoherently now. Oh well, maybe I’ll have written or drawn something and gotten over my worries by next year, right? In any case it was overwhelming; I wish I had had a friend there.

This is an accurate depiction

Still, I had a good time at EFNW, even if I couldn’t gather the courage to speak or do much at all. Kelly Sheridan was wonderful, with her voicing Starlight, it's no wonder I eventually came to like her. There were tons of great panels, with Roundtrip’s being one that really stuck out. And of course, I have to mention Fiaura, who was the best panelist and presenter there if I do say so myself. Her stuff was always great and entertaining. The story she told of getting one of her stories published was something I didn’t realize I needed to hear until then. The thought of a federal judge having to read a Fallout Equestria story is just hilarious. Elsewhere, the vendor hall was the most concentrated amount of pony I’ve seen. There was so much stuff I wouldn’t imagine being on sale right in front of me. I wish plushies weren’t so expensive, but I still managed to get some sweet merch. ...And I rather awkwardly tried to tell one of my favorite artists how much I loved their work while barely refraining from tripping over my words. Master conversationalist right here.

I can't post pictures of it, but the vendor hall was a lot like this. Artist is jowybean.

In (very long) retrospect, that convention was special. At times it felt like everyone’s eyes were boring into me, judging everything. If I had participated in the night activities I might just have curled up and died... But surprisingly often, I was still able to enjoy myself, even as I wish I could be less nervous. The energy and enthusiasm there seemed infectious. I think I'll be at ENFW in 2021 unless real life proves to be an insurmountable roadblock. As things came to a close, it felt sad, but somehow encouraging at the same time. I really wish I could have made it to the final Bronycon, but scheduling and money constraints got in the way. From everything I’ve heard, it was quite the event. Even so, I think EFNW helped me realize that ponies still mean a lot to me, even if it took a while for that to sink in. That the show may be over, but this fandom isn’t over, even though we’re not what we used to be.

As you can see, I wasn't the only one there worried about the end of the show.