Friendship is Card Games: Princess Probz & The Best of the Worst · 11:01am Jul 5th, 2020
Yes, we’re actually doing this. I know I said one week’s content wasn’t enough, but then I actually gave it a shot. Strap in, folks; this one’s gonna get weird.
Before we delve into the episodes themselves, let’s take a moment to consider the theme song:
• No idea what the background's meant to be in those first frames. Looks almost Twilight Zone-esque. The dream realm, perhaps?
• Most of the cast gets shapes that at least resemble their cutie marks, but Pinkie gets hearts and Rarity gets… music notes. Weird.
• The different cutie marks feel so wrong.
• As I’ve noted before, Pinkie appears to be the only one working at Sugarcube Corner. No sign of the Cakes whatsoever.
• No idea why Rarity’s the only one who gets a voice line in the opening. And it sounds like something I’d expect from a finishing move in Fighting is Magic. The piles of clothes feel off as well; I’d expect better organization from her.
• No issue with Applejack. Still kicking trees. Though I’m not sure how Gummy got up there, and judging by his expression, neither is he.
• The Cakes may not exist, but Owloysius does. Nice to see. Also, really not sure what to make of Twilight having a flask full of dragon eyes, though it is good to see her doing more science.
• Interesting how Dash is just moving in a field. There’s a treehouse that could be Golden Oaks or the Crusaders’ clubhouse in the background, but no sign of her cloud mansion.
• The floating islands with massive chunks of crystal raise a number of questions. Is this pony Zendikar? Which Eldrazi turns the world into a rough sketch?
• Fluttershy doesn’t get a focus moment. Weird.
• Applejack’s wink at the camera’s a nice subtle hint at how she’s the meta character this time around. Ah, earth pony magic.
Princess Probz
Hey, I don’t make the episode titles. I just work with what I’m given.
Very interesting establishing shot. This Ponyville is coastal to a pink ocean, Sweet Apple Acres has enormous apples—whole and sliced—scattered about the property, massive gems and carrots pepper the rest of the landscape, the town hall is still recognizable as such, Sugarcube Corner’s cupcake penthouse has a bite out of it that makes it resemble Pinkie’s forelock… There’s actually a lot to take in here that I missed in my first watch.
“Did you miss this? I missed this.”
I certainly missed you girls. Still not sure if this is how I’d like more of you, but more is always welcome.
“The Ice Cream Sundae of Towering Importance” sounds like a Team Fortress 2 cosmetic. This is by no means a complaint.
Pinkie’s ability to explode into a pile of candy and reconstitute raises some uncomfortable questions. That the characters just roll with this sort of thing only adds to the feeling that I’m missing something. I know the MST3K Mantra applies much more to Pony Life than FiM, but still.
That goes double for the potions. Casually downing magically active liquids like they’re ginger ale just feels irresponsible, even before wondering how Pinkie makes them. Also, Andrea Libman’s “drinking something” noises hang on the razor’s edge between cute and annoying.
So, television is a thing in this world. As is reality TV.
A potion that recreates the effects of Sunset’s geode. Huh.
Interesting that the Royal Jelly Juggernaut only has contestants from Ponyville. Narrowing the scope, or just Pinkie being Pinkie?
Celestia being the same size as everypony else just feels weird. And her existence in this world raises a number of questions: Does she still rule the nation? Does she still raise the sun? Did she still teach Twilight? (Who, to be clear, is an alicorn.) Where’s Luna in all of this?
Oh dear, Twilight can project her anxieties directly into another pony’s mind. Also, pretty sure she stabbed Dash in the forehead in the process. That horn has to go somewhere.
Rarity can summon her fainting couch at will. So, you know, no change from Friendship is Magic.
Pinkie scatting and ending on a deep “PASTRIES” is amazing.
Nice demonstration of the cushioning properties of Pinkie’s mane. Frying pan? No big deal.
Hearing Dash talk about grabbing the advertisers feels like the worst kind of self-awareness. The kind that says “Yes, we’re aware of how this spin-off feels like a callous cash grab/flagrant attempt to maintain the brand’s momentum,” but doesn’t actually do anything to address those concerns.
I have often been in Twilight’s shoes, especially with my RPG group. Many is the time I’ve said something and accidentally inspired a horrible idea.
No idea what to make of the cat-Twilight reaction. At least it doesn’t seem to be a frequent gag.
I do enjoy a good noir Rarity, but I do have questions about that alleged “suntan.” Though, to be fair, ponies can get sunburned, so…
That said, Pinkie providing diegetic sax music for the monologue was delightful.
So… were there meant to be cosmetics in Rarity’s hooves, or does she just secrete them herself?
… Flan isn’t sticky. It’s a custard. Yes, it’s usually topped with caramel, but the flan itself is mostly eggs and condensed milk. They should not be trapped by the stuff.
“She seemed really sad. This feels… not good.”
The good news is that this doesn’t reflect the overall quality of the writing I’ve seen from Pony Life thus far.
Teleportation hasn’t been established in this universe, so we can’t say for certain that the conflict’s manufactured.
One more question for Celestia: Does she know the Mane Six? This ties back in to the Luna matter.
And now we get to the part where I didn’t think I could make this work with just one week’s worth of Pony Life content. There’s only so many ways I can frame a failure montage.
Seeing Celestia eat with her hooves just feels wrong.
Twilight literally falls to pieces when panicking. I’m honestly fine with that.
It is a good message: Trust your friends when it comes to their area of expertise.
Ah, Polyjuice Potion. A classic. Though now I'm wondering whether changelings are a thing in this setting.
The Best of the Worst
Wireless earbuds apparently exist in this world… though there’s no indication of what they’re hooked up to. Is Dash keeping the player in the trophy?
Having a gushing Rainbow Dash fan who isn’t Scootaloo feels like a missed opportunity.
Ah yes, nothing says “doing it for the fans” quite like crushing them beneath your trophies.
So… he’s going to pay for those broken glasses, right?
“Dishwater Slog” does make for a good pony name. Though I imagine it was a rough pregnancy. And I can only imagine what led him to discover a cutie mark of a moldy slice of pizza. (The Crusaders do exist in this universe with the marks we know, so cutie marks presumably work the same way.)
He pressed the competition button. He shouldn’t’ve oughtta done that.
“Failing at emotions” raises some questions.
Lifting an entire building raises other questions. Especially if it was hooked up to plumbing.
And here we get the crux of the conflict: Dash just can’t process “loser wins” rules. She can’t help but give 120%, while Dishwater can succeed while not putting any effort into it.
Twilight admiring “perfect randomness” feels a bit off… though if it’s mathematically beautiful, I can see it.
So… he’s going to pay for the vandalized picture of Pinkie, right?
Ah yes. You know something’s an aesthetic failure when Rarity can’t even bear the sight.
Ah. Complete inability to express one’s feelings certainly qualifies as emotional failure.
And Fluttershy can change size at will apparently. This one’s a lot harder to roll with.
“There are too many colors in the rainbow!” Controversial take.
I can’t imagine Dishwater grooming himself is a pleasant sensation. I’m not sure if he’s bathed this month.
Ah, a hint of vulnerability. Dishwater can dish out rule-bending bullhonkery, yes, but he does not take it well.
Rarity holding the flag may be the first bit of unicorn magic we’ve seen in Pony Life. As I’ve said before, a surprising amount of hoof use from the unicorns.
Oh. Pinkie can teleport. That…
No, wait, that tracks. The puff of smoke probably smells like cotton candy.
“Let me spoil the ending.”
And after the iris out, the girls pummeled Dishwater Slog to within an inch of his life, and nothing of value was lost.
And the moral of the story? Don’t feed the trolls, and definitely don’t race them to the bottom. Wrestling with a pig gets you both muddy, and only the pig enjoys it. Better to be your best self and let them wallow in their own filth. The episode does a great job of shifting its presentation of Dishwater from insurmountable threat to pathetic figure once Dash goes for the aggressively polite approach.
I can’t deny that Pony Life makes a horrendous first impression, but it swiftly improves. The writers were still finding their stride with these two, but there's already an upward trend. Now to see what I can make from them:
Solar Triumvirate 3WW
Creature — Noble
Alicorn (This card is also a Pony Pegasus Unicorn.)
Flying, vigilance
Whenever an opponent casts a spell, you gain 3 life unless that player pays (2w).
As pitiless as a desert summer.
3/3
Ablative Makeup 1U
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature you control
Enchanted creature has hexproof.
Totem armor (If enchanted creature would be destroyed, instead remove all damage from it and destroy this Aura.)
Liquid Likeness 1U
Artifact
1U, T, Sacrifice Liquid Likeness: Target creature you control becomes a copy of another target creature until end of turn.
Pinkie calls it “the Thorax Special,” but refuses to say why.
Gem Scatter 2U
Instant
Creatures you control get +0/+3 and gain hexproof until end of turn.
Rarity always brings enough to share.
Glass Alicorn 3UU
Creature — Elemental
Alicorn
Flying
Spells that target Glass Alicorn cost 2 more to cast.
Whenever Glass Alicorn becomes the target of a spell, sacrifice it.
4/5
Potion Brewer 4U
Creature — Pony Wizard
When Potion Brewer enters the battlefield, you may search your library for a noncreature artifact card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle your library.
“‘You can’t drink a sword’? More like you’ve never tried.”
2/3
Kitchen Flies 1B
Creature — Insect
Flying
Whenever an artifact is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, put a +1/+1 counter on Kitchen Flies.
“I don’t see what the problem is. I have little friends with me as I bake!”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
1/1
Batterbeam 3B
Sorcery
Create a Food token. Then each opponent loses X life and you gain X life, where X is the number of Foods you control. (A Food token is a colorless artifact with “2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”)
Pinkie doesn’t have a splash zone. She has a blast radius.
Aesthetic Horror 3BB
Creature — Horror
Menace
Whenever a creature blocks Aesthetic Horror, that creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn. If it’s an enchantment, it gets -2/-2 until end of turn instead.
The stars dim in its misshapen wake.
4/2
Stronger Than Ever 4BB
Sorcery
Return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield with an indestructible counter on it.
Whimsy trumps death.
Noir Filter 1R
Instant
Devoid (This card has no color.)
Permanents you control become colorless until end of turn.
Draw a card.
The Eldrazi used their magic to consume reality. Rarity uses it for ambiance.
Burning Gaze 1RR
Instant
Target creature you control deals damage equal to its power to any target.
On any other world, Pinkie Pie’s potions would be weapons of war.
Restrained Fury 2R
Enchantment
At the beginning of your end step, if no creatures attacked this turn, put a fury counter on Restrained Fury.
Creatures you control attack each combat if able as long as there’s a fury counter on Restrained Fury.
Whenever you attack with one or more creatures, remove all fury counters from Restrained Fury. Those creatures get +2/+0 until end of turn for each counter removed this way.
Splattershot 3R
Instant
For each color, Splattershot deals 2 damage to up to one target creature of that color.
“At least it’s not that one plane where krakens have guns.”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Emotive Director 3RR
Creature — Unicorn Advisor
Inspired — Whenever Emotive Director becomes untapped, gain control of target creature an opponent controls. Untap that creature. It gains haste until end of turn.
“You there! How would you like to be a star?”
4/3
Treetop Snapper 2G
Creature — Lizard Crocodile
Reach
Protection from blue (This creature can’t be blocked, targeted, dealt damage, or enchanted by anything blue.)
Whenever an opponent casts a blue spell, untap Treetop Snapper.
2/3
Slovenly Boor 4G
Creature — Pony Rogue
Slovenly Boor can’t be blocked by more than one creature.
Whenever Slovenly Boor blocks or becomes blocked by one creature, until end of turn, exchange its power with that creature’s power and its toughness with that creature’s toughness.
2/2
Tower Terror 4G
Creature — Pegasus Warrior
Riot (This creature enters the battlefield with your choice of a +1/+1 counter or haste.)
Reach
Whenever a nonbasic land enters the battlefield under an opponent’s control, untap Tower Terror.
Some pegasi perch on tall buildings. Some weaponize them.
3/5
Royal Jelly Juggernaut 6
Artifact Creature — Juggernaut
Royal Jelly Juggernaut attacks each combat if able.
Royal Jelly Juggernaut can’t be blocked by creatures with defender.
Sacrifice a Food: Royal Jelly Juggernaut can’t attack this turn.
6/4
Magnimancer GU
Creature — Pegasus Shaman
Magnimancer can’t be blocked as long as its power is 1 or less.
X(gu): Magnimancer has base power and toughness X/X until end of turn.
Little problems can quickly grow out of control.
2/2
Unstable Confectioner 1BR
Creature — Pony Citizen
Lifelink
1, Sacrifice Unstable Confectioner: It deals damage equal to its power to target player or planeswalker.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay 4 life or sacrifice an artifact. If you do, return Unstable Confectioner from your graveyard to your hand.
2/2
Prismatic Victor 3RW
Creature — Pegasus Warrior
Flying
When Prismatic Victor enters the battlefield, gain control of target monocolored or colorless creature until end of turn. Untap that creature. It gains haste until end of turn.
Everyone loves to see a rainbow.
3/2
Psychic Inception 4UB
Sorcery
You gain control of target opponent during that player’s next turn. After that turn, that player takes an extra turn. Exile Psychic Inception. (While controlling that player, you see all cards they could see and make all decisions for them.)
“Here’s what I think you should do… ”
Crystal Geonimbus
Land — Island Mountain
(T: Add U or R.)
Crystal Geonimbus enters the battlefield tapped unless you control two or more basic lands.
Gravity is more of a suggestion for chunks of condensed magic.
Haven't seen Pony Life yet, so I can't comment on that aspect of things.
Royal Jelly Juggernaut's last ability looks like it's intended to have "any player may activate this ability."
Splattershot could deal 10 damage to a single WUBRG creature, right?
Slovenly Boor is interesting in that it is likely to die to chump blockers but will often kill larger blockers. I like it.
You italicized too much on Tower Terror.
Rules question: would you gain life from using Unstable Confectioner's sacrifice ability because of lifelink?
Psychic Inception is missing an "of" in its text.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed that, it really bugs me! I might not even mind if it wasn't such a vapid line. Is Rarity a jeweler rather than a seamstress this time around? Why are we being invited to inspect her wares? Shouldn't it be Pinkie who gets the line, seeing as this is more her show? It feels like such a weird thing to put in the intro.
I'm still trying to get used to the "chibi x CalArts" art style, but at least the writing sounds entertaining. I'll be checking them out once they're on NetFlix.
Actually, if you look into the lore, Splatoon takes place on Earth in the future, after global warming melted the ice caps and the resulting flooding led to humankind's extinction. The final boss of the DLC is actually a human military AI that laid dormant for centuries.
I was expecting all your Pony Life cards to be silver bordered, what with the wackiness.
Fluttercord. Or draconequine Fluttershy pretending to still be normal Fluttershy because she's Fluttershy and doesn't want anypony making a big deal about the fact that she's a goddess now.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Yes, the ability "can block any number of creatures" is something you can grant. Giving it to Slovenly Boor and then having other creatures that can double block with him is how you make combat math too difficult for most opponents to bother attacking into.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: contrary to your (by which I mean 5301627's) first impression, Royal Jelly Juggernaut being forced to constantly attack means that its controller is the one who might want an option to make it unable to. To answer his other questions here, yes Unstable Confectioner's lifelink applies to all damage it deals even if it's left the battlefield, and I don't actually know about Splattershot but suspect not because of Comet Storm rulings.
I cannot help but feel you are looking too deeply into this show. ._.
Right, I've been terribly lax about responding to FiCG comments. Let's fix that.
5301627
"Dies to minimal effort" was an interesting design challenge.
Also, note that lifelink isn't the only ability that applies in every zone. Deathtouch does as well. It won't come up very often (Pestilent Spirit and Selfless Exorcist fighting a dead deathtoucher are pretty much the only cases,) but it's still neat.
5301633
"It feels like such a weird thing to put in" describes a good third of Pony Life, so at least it's on theme.
5301644
Fully aware, actually. I specified a world where krakens have guns. The sidearms (sidetentacles?) alone are the size of the average Inkling.
5301649
Works for me. Honestly, I could see Fluttershy and Discord creating this whole world as a honeymoon project.
Also, I'm not sure, but I think you actually could target a multicolored creature multiple times with Splattershot. The key phrase with Comet Storm is "another target."
5301666
Oh, without a doubt. But overthinking is half the fun!
Doesn't Zecora's Potion from 'Princess Twilight Sparkle' count?
5301673
Oh. Okay then.
It does, but at the same time for a pony supposedly with her own fan club Scoots sure seems to be the only member most of the time.
Considering how meta some of the jokes are, I think this is another one of them. Like, she was riding her high horse at the moment and her word usage even mentioned how "big" Slog was trying to make himself, only for her to almost literally deflate when Slog casually dismissed her.
Something that just occurred to me while I read your summary/observances... why was the first episode titled "Princess Probz"? It was a Pinkie episode. And if I remember correctly, all five of the others gave Pinkie bad advice, not just Twilight (correct me if I'm wrong -- I'm not going back to watch it again).
I assume this is the show's way of demonstrating that it's only going to be concerned with the Mane Six, and we shouldn't expect to see the many, many secondary characters that Friendship Is Magic—
...oh. In that case, I have no idea. Other than maybe "they didn't want to pay Madeleine Peters"? (Tabitha St. Germain voiced the tiny pony who I remember had a name in the closing credits, but again, I'm not going back to find out what it was.)
I'll take your word for it, but I'm still not going to go out of my way to find the episodes. I suppose I'll try watching a couple more when Discovery Family gets around to airing them, but I still don't think I'm going to care about the series.
And to the first half of that sentence: These episodes do not appear to be serialized. If Pony Life has already produced better episodes, then why would somebody choose to lead off with these two?
Just wanna say I love Noir Filter. Perfect flavor text, and a fun storm deck inclusion.
Then we get to the third episode, which is... unironically excellent and probably my favorite MLP episode to ever feature Applejack in the lead role. It's pretty tight.
5301673
5301649
Thank you both.