Ten (and How To Make a "Man" Cry)

Ten by Pearl Jam, huh.

One of my personal favourite albums, and one that had a big impact in shaping me into the “man” I am today.

The album’s shaped me in many ways I can’t even describe, and also many ways which I’ll make a (not so) glorious attempt at describing right here.

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Once is a fantastic first track to start out on.

I admit it...what's to say...yeah...

I'll relive it...without pain...mmm...

Backstreet lover on the side of the road

I got a bomb in my temple that is gonna explode

I got a sixteen gauge buried under my clothes, I play...

Almost certainly focused around a murderer that can’t help but keep venturing down the path he’s found himself on. Though, it does have a greater meaning to glean from, and that’s the story of being too far gone, or what we see as such, rather.

Once upon a time I could control myself

Ooh, once upon a time I could lose myself, yeah...

How is one supposed to not delve deeper into their own psychopathy if they have no way out?

Still, I’d advise against murder, as a general rule of thumb.

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Even Flow is another spectacular track, but you definitely already know this. This is a song everyone’s heard, whether it be from the radio or Guitar Hero. I love it, you love it. We can move on.

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Alive is a song that’s very near to my heart. 

It’s a very autobiographical song for Eddie Vedder, but I also feel it on a very personal level.

Son, she said, have I got a little story for you

What you thought was your daddy was nothin' but a

While you were sittin' home alone at age thirteen

Your real daddy was dyin', sorry you didn't see him

but I'm glad we talked

My father was not a good one, and left my life years and years ago, when I was only a kid. 

My father never died, but my mother did always try to protect me from seeing how much of an alcoholic he really was, how much he really didn’t give a shit about my existence. Maybe I was just a cheque in the mail every month to him. Who knows.

I, I'm still alive

Hey I, but, I'm still alive

Hey I, boy, I'm still alive

Hey I, I, I, I'm still alive, yeah

Ooh yeah...yeah yeah yeah...oh...oh

I love the chorus a lot. It’s incredibly simple, like many of their choruses are, but takes on a lot of emotional spirit when you hear it for yourself. It’s not an inspiring chorus, and not a sad one. To me, this is a chorus that’s simply matter of fact. He is alive, and that may be all he is, but god damn it he’s alive, and so am I. And maybe being alive is reason enough to keep going.

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Why Go is a song that is, both, a jam and a hard listen. Tells a very clear story of someone locked up in a mental institution, clearly not mentally unhealthy (at least not enough to be quarantined from the rest of the world) and repeatedly kept against her will. 

I feel this is a pretty real fear for a lot of people, including myself; the idea that you could be locked, and never let out until you admit to something you know isn’t true.

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Black hits hard enough to make anyone erupt into tears if it hits you at the right time. The feeling of falling out of love with someone you gave everything to, someone who gave everything to you.

Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay

Were laid spread out before me as her body once did

All five horizons revolved around her soul as the earth to the sun

Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn

Ooh, and all I taught her was everything

Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore

Nothing hurts quite like knowing the person you resent so much for breaking you doesn’t deserve it. Sometimes good people can emotionally destroy you and not do a single thing wrong, and that’s fucking terrifying, honestly.

I take a walk outside, I'm surrounded by some kids at play

I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?

The recognition is the biggest part. The fact that they know it isn’t right, but they can’t help but feel pure anger at other people’s happiness around them. That feeling of misery where you just want everyone to sink down to your level, is really dark, and really scary to know that we’re all capable of thinking like that, in our worst moments.

All the love gone bad turned my world to black

Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll be... yeah...

Uh huh... uh huh... ooh...

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life

I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky

But why, why, why can't it be, can't it be mine?

They were good. They are good. But that fact that they can’t be good for you.

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There’s literally nothing I can say about Jeremy that cannot be said much better by the song itself. Please, please listen. And watch, too, preferably. It’s beautiful.

Also, CW: suicide.

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Oceans. Wow. Oceans. One of the most underrated songs on the whole album.

Hold on to the thread

The currents will shift

Glide me towards you

Know something's left

And we're all allowed

To dream of the next

Oh the next... time we touch..........

Just look (and listen.)

You don't have to stray

Two oceans away

Waves roll in my thoughts

Hold tight the ring...

The sea will rise...

Please stand by the shore...

I will be...

I will be...

There once more.........

Two souls lost at sea, with a thread that binds them. Perhaps it will be enough, but perhaps not. The only thing they can have is hope, and hope can take you. Perhaps even through the distance. 

Whether figurative or literal distance, the song is a work of beauty.

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Porch is a pretty malleable song. I don’t know if I feel comfortable sharing what I feel the song means, so I’ll just say listen. It’s good, and probably much more relevant today than when it was released.

What the fuck is this world

Running to?

You didn't leave a message

At least I could have

Learned your voice one last time

Daily minefield

This could be my time

How 'bout you?

Would you hit me?

Would you hit me?

Another song very much up to one’s own interpretation, Garden. This one, I feel appropriate to give my own feelings on.

The direction of the eye

So misleading

The defection of the soul

Nauseously quick

I don't question

Our existence

I just question

Our modern needs

I feel these lines ring pretty clear. Philosophizing is a luxury, and those without don’t have the privilege of questioning the meaning of their existence, their priority is existing.

The reorienting of our priorities as a society is what I take away from this. We went to the fucking moon, but we still have homelessness, child labour, indentured servitude, prison slavoury. The people should progress as a people, and individuals shouldn’t progress on the backs of those made to hold them up.

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Deep cuts. Shit really hurts, man. Especially if you’re someone that’s ever lived with the subject matter, or had a loved one go through it.

On the edge

Windowsill

Ponders his maker

Ponders his will

To the street below

He just ain't nothin'

But he's got a great view...

And he sinks the needle deep

Remarkable performance and writing on this piece, and makes me feel a lot of negative emotions, and in that respect, it’s nigh unmatched.

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Release is an absolute spectacular song to go out on. It doesn’t even feel right to call it a song. 
It’s an experience, like an auditory short film, almost.

I see the world

Feel the chill

Which way to go

Windowsill

I see the words

On a rocking horse of time

I see the birds in the rain

Oh dear dad

Can you see me now

I am myself

Like you somehow

I'll ride the wave

Where it takes me

I'll hold the pain

Release me

These lyrics coupled with the anguish pouring out of Eddie Vedder’s voice conjures swells of emotions. I want to cry, I want to sing, I want to curl up and just go to sleep. Maybe I’ll want to never wake up again, for hope that nothing in life will ever be like what I was told my life could be. 

Oh dear dad

Can you see me now

I am myself

Like you somehow

I'll wait up in the dark

For you to speak to me

I'll open up

Release me

Release me

Release me

Release me

But I will wake up. It’s a nice fantasy, all the pain going away, but it’s not possible. Death isn’t a cure for problems, death is death. Life is suffering, sure, but it’s all I’ve got.

The darkness I feel sometimes, wondering how all the people who’ve hurt me would feel if they knew the pain I felt. It’s not fun. 

Entertaining the idea of ending your own life isn’t something anyone should have to subject themselves to. 

But we still do.

This album serves as a grim reminder, to me, that life is exactly what it is, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Life isn’t beautiful, but I, the ones I love, the experiences we’ll have… they just may be.

And I hope other people can take away just a bit of the emotion that I get out of this album. Without it, I don’t know what type of person I’d be, or what type of life I’d live.