What I'm like in real life + quiet place to open up about insecurities · 6:05pm Jun 22nd, 2020
I ain't mature, I ain't smart, I ain't as humorous as younger me, I ain't a wise man, and I certainly ain't a good vocalist. However, I do my best and try what I can, even if I enter a period of very low self-loathing afterwards at the results that ensue.
I hate the sound of my own voice, I hate my own appearance, I hate my personality with a vengeance, I despise the concept of family that I've come to know as my definition of 'normal', and I undoubtedly hate being in crowds of people for a few factors. One: I can't mind my own business without someone gawking at me for how I look or the way I dress. Two: Given some past experiences with others who weren't good people, I'm anxious and on-edge most of the time to the point of strong discomfort. Three: When I do converse on the rare occasion that it's necessary, i.e, if I'm at the till at front, I can't help but be quick about answering and probably sounding like I'm having a nervous breakdown. Four: I generally don't like being around crowds of people, nor do I like having them walk behind me. I don't know what they're liable to do!
What I'm like in real life: You've all heard my voice, read my work, gotten an inside look at who I am and what my mind is like. Basically a shattered mess of broken dreams, heartache, hopeless romance, horrific visions, ghostly voices and anything that might be considered NSFW. The comedic side is a main part of me, but I rarely write it in my stories. My whole time here, I've only written approximately three or four comedies.
Because I'm behind a keyboard and microphone where I can't be seen physically but heard, I have free reign over my insecurities. They become completely void. I don't have to care about them, and I try not to. Consider it therapy, if that's the way you'd like to see it. I guess it makes more sense than what I'd call it. Without these means of self-therapy and trying to introduce myself to the world manually, I'm anti-social and a misfit reject. I'm not the type to approach you with wit and confidence; I'd more than likely hand back at the far corner of the room, out of sight and out of mind, where I'd likely gaze into the distance in thought. I would only speak if spoken to, and I'd even then only say a few words and not have much to say past a simple sentence.
I'm quiet and shy, which some might be surprised to know. I don't socialise much because I'm simply afraid to. Anxiety, fear of the outside world and those in it, the concept of rejection and being thrown into a den of wolves liable to eat me as I am when they see my weaknesses pierce the veil? Not for me. I want peace and quiet while simultaneously wishing for a significant other / someone to talk to that understands these insecurities and the trials they bring. I know I'm not the only one. This is the case for most everyone in this time and age. It's horrible, yes, but we get on with it. It's very lonely.
I don't know where I was going with this, seeing as I just wrote on an empty mind and let it take me wherever my mind lead me, but I think it's more or less a callout to those like me. Whether you want to chat, open up, have a friendly and no-judgement space to share your own insecurities, this blog is for you. Everyone has a voice that deserves to be heard, whichever way it calls. If my voice is your voice, then don't be shy to say hello.
Welcome home, dear Brethren. What's on your mind?
We have a few things in common there
Sometimes we just want to talk about something, or just talk in general.