• Member Since 1st Apr, 2013
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Heartshine


Smol green pega that writes lots of words about ponies.

More Blog Posts58

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Jun
15th
2020

Anger · 12:21pm June 15th

I was gonna start this off with a quote from someone older and wiser than I about anger, but I quickly realised that I didn’t want someone else talking over my own voice. I feel that it happens often enough in my life offline that I’d rather not repeat the experience in my own blog.

The past six months have been fucking trying. I don’t think anyone is gonna argue with that, but I’m going to be a little selfish for a few paragraphs and get into why I’m done with this year. Why I’m done with the fact that we have subsections of the population of my nation who are actively okay with systemic inequalities, why I’m done having to justify my existence to people, and why I’ve been desperately wishing I could channel my anger into some sort of facemelting power because fuck that would feel good right about now.

On Friday, the US Department of Health and Human Services finalized a rule that had previously offered transgender people protections against discrimination. The ruling was largely pushed by Roger Severino, the present head of the Office for Civil Rights at HHS. Effectively, the ruling was made because Mr. Severino has very strong religious convictions, and felt that by removing these protections, it would save the government money on paperwork.

So effectively HHS ruled that it’s okay to discriminate and potentially refuse to fucking treat transgender and LGBT+ people because it is bureaucratically convenient.

I had to reread the ruling about four times before I finally stopped seething because not only was this ruling publicised 1. during Pride Month, 2. on the anniversary of the Pulse Nightclub shootings and 3. while the country is currently experiencing massive social unrest due to inherent racial inequalities, but it was also such a blatant example of institutionalized discrimination that I had to make sure I wasn’t reading an Onion article. 

Unfortunately, this is the reality we live in, and quite frankly, I’m fucking angry about it.

Several of my friends have pointed out that I’ve been downright testy of late, and to be quite honest I have been. But if there’s anything that COVID19 has done well, it’s revealing the sickly, disgusting rot that exists within the structure and inner workings of the United States. The death of George Floyd has once a-fucking-gain shown a spotlight on systemic problems that have existed for centuries and, as someone who has to work within ‘the system’ because of my job, I am only too painfully aware of them.

But do you want to know something else? As always there are layers to this sort of shit, and the fact of the matter is that I get so tired of trying to explain to people that Black Lives Matter and Trans Rights Matter ARE NOT EXCLUSIONARY FOR FUCK SAKE! IT DOESN'T IMPLY A NEGATIVE. I have torn my hair out when I see people responding with ‘All Lives Matter’. Fuck you. They do matter, but the reason people say things like Black Lives Matter is because it sure doesn’t fucking seem like they do. We need Trans Rights because of shit like what HHS pulled, oh, and the little fact that you can legally get away with murdering a trans person because the ‘Trans Panic Defense’ is still on the law books — it hasn’t been removed despite years of effort to get rid of it. How is it still a legitimate murder defense? I am not saying that trans people deserve better rights, I am saying please treat us like we’re fucking humans. As a transwoman about to be affected by this healthcare crap, and as a young woman who makes her life’s work to help others and give them dignity, I would really fucking appreciate being shown a basic bit human rights back in response. Thanks.

Because it often feels like being trans means you don’t matter and your rights are a joke uttered by the mouths of bigots. Fourteen trans* identified men and women have been murdered in 2020. The majority of them were transmen and women who identified as Black, but others were Hispanic and white. Last year, the number of trans* people lost to violence was twenty-six, with the majority being transwomen of colour. Being trans shouldn’t be a death sentence, but for some it becomes one. Being Black shouldn’t be a death sentence either, but for many - too many - it became one long ago. 

This is fucking wrong, and when I’ve been confronted by cis-het, and usually white, folks saying ‘well, not my fault’, that desire to facemelt rises a bit. I’m not saying it is your fault as an individual. However, you are, whether you want it or not, part of a country with too many problems and in which you have the privilege to look away from, not take part in, or suffer in its underbelly. If you’re feeling uncomfortable, maybe it’s time to look at your beliefs and actions, and at what opportunities your status affords you.

When I was in college I read Martin Luther King Jr.’s Letter from the Birmingham Jail. At the time I was young and stupid, and yet it stood out that Dr. King highlighted that the biggest obstacle to Black equality wasn’t the KKK or blatantly racist fucks in politics, but the white moderates who valued order over justice. A friend of mine brought the letter up again when the protests over the death of George Floyd began, and it hurt how the words of Dr. King still ring true today. It still hurts today and will keep doing so if things stay the same. 

We still have systemic racism, and we still have moderates in the US screaming: “please stop protesting, it’s too loud.” This doesn’t hide that there clearly is a goddamned problem in this country.

I mean, fuck, we’re still where we were in the 60s. And even worse! Schools are more segregated now than there were back then. Hell, there was even an incident of police beating people leaving the Stonewall Inn. You know, the place where the 1969 Stonewall Riots began? 

Meanwhile, someone also tried to point out to me that we have legalized gay marriage — that is a victory, yes — however, things like HHS’s decision on trans* healthcare really makes me feel like the few inches taken in the right direction are being eroded. There were no massive leaps and bounds for us. Instead, it’s a long fight against people who would rather we go back to a mystified 1950.

I have a hard fucking time writing shit like this, mostly because I hate writing things that make my Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria sing like a canary. But at this fucking point, I am sick and tired of holding in how angry I am with where the world is going. I am sick and tired of playing a good little transwomen who will patiently listen to every fucking bigoted thing a transphobe/homophobe/racist/moron will utter. I am done with trying to create a teaching moment because god fucking damnit I have wasted myself on that chopping block for too long. I am fucking angry right now, and if that breaks the impression of me being ‘one of the good ones’, all the fucking better.

This country has so many fucking problems, and I will not stay fucking silent any longer.

Report Heartshine · 669 views · #Heart Is Angry
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Comments ( 48 )
PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Yes! Do it!

I keep saying that we need to stamp out sexism once we finish with racism, but apparently the situation is just as dire on that front, unfortunately. I fully expect Lily Orchard to release an equally scathing video essay about this soon.

People retorting "All lives matter!" really boils my piss, because it inevitably comes either from a place of profound ignorance, or wilful nastiness; indeed, I understand it was some far right dipshit who tried to make that the standard response to BLM, disingenuously changing the implied statement being challenged (from "Black lives don't matter" to a straw man). I dearly wish that the original phrase had been "Black Lives Do Matter", because that would make the subtly evil subversion of opposites and meanings unusable, as well as making the meaning clearer for the genuinely thick at the back.

Oh, and :heart:

It legitimately angers me that there is still transphobia, and all kinds of LGBTQ+ prejudice and discrimination, still around at all and still ruining lives in the 21st century, not forgetting all the other kinds of -isms (racism, sexism, ageism, ableism, and so on) infecting modern society like a leftover plague. I'd have thought humanity would have woken up to real life by now and gotten its act together. Sadly, I have been woefully naive.

Frankly, I wish I could snap my fingers and make it crawl back into the dark ages where it belongs, but since I can't, I'll just say: good on you, Heartshine. No one should be treated so disgracefully, not by the law nor by any other means. You have every right to be angry about this. This ignorant, anti-human stupidity is pure rot and doesn't belong in any civilization worthy of the name.

Pessimistically, I'm not holding my breath: all I can hope for at this point is that the US - and many other countries doing the same thing - finally get their act together over the coming years. All this unpleasantness might at least become the much-needed wake-up call.

I dearly wish that the original phrase had been "Black Lives Do Matter", because that would make the subtly evil subversion of opposites and meanings unusable, as well as making the meaning clearer for the genuinely thick at the back.

It's not just the 'genuinely thick at the back' that are discouraged by it; there's plenty of examples in history, even a very recent one, where different parts of the same movement have viewed things very differently, using the same ambiguous words, and people are... concerned. A crystal-clear, defined message would certainly cost the movement some followers, but attract many more and be an extreme net positive.

racism, sexism, ageism, ableism, and so on

You produce, means your life has value. You stop or slow down, the value goes with it. That's the underlying core of all these issues, at the end of the day no life truly matters under the system, black, trans, gay, or the hated cis 'normal'. But, nah, that's too complex. Burning stores is much easier.

As one who has always lived in that moderate, middle-class section which prefers to plug our ears and hum whenever the voices of others get loud, I can admit that I was once one of those people who actively contributed to the discrimination of the LGBT community. I was never violent, but I was openly hostile to many people and groups in my younger years. People whom I came to admire, trust, and care for, despite my old ways, changed all that, and I credit those individuals with saving me from a downward spiral of bigotry. One of those people was you, Heart. I know it does so little in the face of such pain, but with all sincerity, thank you.

:heart:

Well, now the US government is sending mixed messages. Less that a week after this horrible change that lets hospitals leave LGBTQ people to die if they feel like it, the Supreme Court ruled it's illegal to discriminate against them in the workplace.

Very well said.

:heart:

Fuck this transphobic nonsense. Trans rights are human rights.

Black lives matter.

It's all right to be anger face to all this shit coming from the governement and you have all our support.

:heart: :heart:

First off, Heart, I wish I lived down the street so I could give you a hug, you need one. Second, I agree with you, the segragation, phobia, and generalized idiocy of the people in charge and the ones in control needs to stop. I don't suppose I could try and get you to run for office could I?

This is fucking powerful, as are you. You're a wonderful person, Heartshine! :heart:

Transpeople of colour have always been hit hardest; but seeing the murder and violent assault rate jump so high and so quickly in the last 4 years, at the same time TERF rhetoric has been increasingly common, has been beyond aggravating. Especially when it's quite clear that the reported numbers are much lower than the real numbers, thanks to the government and news agencies misgendering so many victims.

Anger is pretty much my default state these days. I've had to quit several forums that I used to love, that I used to consider home, that I used to find so many like-minded individuals in that they were a respite from the constant flood of horribleness. But those places have become so overrun with TERFs and reactionaries and head-in-the-sand "moderates" that it's just not worth wading through the garbage to find the tiny bit of remaining good. Glad to see this place still has enough good people left in it to make it worthwhile.

5284962

Heh, then you're going to love hearing this... "All Lives Matters" was started by the same neo-Nazi chud who coined the term "alt.right"; and did so specifically to ridicule and dismiss the Black Lives Matter movement. It's frightening to see how well it's worked, and how many so-called "moderates" have latched onto it as a way to avoid having to address their own complicity and racism.

Really great blogpost, Heart. :heart:

5285000
I just woke up to this and holy fuck 2020 please stop toying with my emotions like this holy fuck. That decision is awesome!

If not for the fact that face melting would likely lead to having to clean up the mess yourself, I’d be right behind you on this.

This is a serious thing for all marginalized people, and I’ve experienced it at previous employers who just couldn’t get it through their thick skulls it’s wrong because it’s tough to remember.

Look, if you can remember all the Pokémon from Ruby, you can get a pronoun right.

Black lives matter is important because if we can’t get that through people’s head, how will we get any progress in this country?

You’re not the only one mad, Heart. I’m there with you.

Schools are more segregated now than there were back then

As an outsider, out of curiosity: wasn’t the ‘second’ school segregation started by the black community itself in the early 90s after the decline of the 80s?

The 60s were over 50 years ago and yet so much progress that has been made feels more and more like a fancy rug laid over a giant pit. Assurances that make us feel okay until somebody steps on the rug and people look the other way or worse place a new prettier rug (certainly this "reform" will fix the problem) to set it up for the next person. I wish I didn't have to wake up every morning to see that once again someone was gone. And not even a person I can't relate to, though their life is just as precious. But someone I can relate to. Someone in the community I personally belong to. Someone just like me. Another morning where we are "making progress" but another 50 years goes by and the 2070s looks like the 2020s that looked like the 1960s.

Yeah, I'm angry too. And I don't care either if someone thinks I'm being impolite or uncivil. Trans rights are human rights. Black Lives Matter. We live in a world where some people actually argue over that. You are not alone, Heart. You, me, and every person that refuses to stay silent proves that we are not comfortable with the way things have been and still are. There is no "silent majority" that is okay with the violence, brutality, and death. It's not okay and we won't be silent.

FYI, in good news on this front, the US Supreme Court ruled 6-3 today that discrimination against homosexuals/transgender people was illegal under the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civil_Rights_Act_of_1964

https://www.cnbc.com/2020/06/15/supreme-court-rules-workers-cant-be-fired-for-being-gay-or-transgender.html?__source=iosappshare%7Ccom.apple.UIKit.activity.CopyToPasteboard

Gaby #26 · June 15th · · ·

Where is the agree button? :heart:

I’ve been desperately wishing I could channel my anger into some sort of facemelting power because fuck that would feel good right about now.

1. Get a gun
2. Become an insufferable commie like me
3. ?????
4. Profit!

Anyway, when my dumb racist (and adulturous!) dad asked about why we only care about policy brutality when black people are the victims, and I told him I'm in favor of dismantling the police entirely and asked him how much stink he's raced about white victims of police brutality, because it feels like I only ever hear about that from when as a whataboutism.

5285252
Not that I want to start a shit show, but you're someone a lot of individuals on this site feel, backed by credible evidence, is a bit of a reactionary when it comes to marginalized individuals.

5284962
Boiled piss sounds like a great way to execute murderous cops.

I feel sincerely sorry for all that is happening and compassion to you. Worse, our country seems to always mimic what US does on minority rights and I feel like we might be losing what little protections we had as well.
Hope you will be alright. Hope these things won't ruin your life.

5285292

1. Get a gun
2. Become an insufferable commie like me
3. ?????
4. Profit!

So I read this wrong the first time, and so to me the first line said "Become a Gun. Followed by Get an insufferable commie" and I was afraid that you were telling me I needed to find a Stand.

5285417
JoJo says trans rights.
(I may or may not try watching Jojo at some point since I’ve heard A lot of varying opinions on it, but I certainly love how it has introduced a new generation to tons of amazing classic rock.

The issues of discriminatory actions based on very strong religious convictions is a thorny one in the private sector.
In the public sector, though, in a secular country with explicit separation between church and state? I would argue that someone joining the public sector is taking on a duty to treat the country's citizens fairly, even if they don't live according to the tenets of that worker's faith, and if that worker believes they cannot do that, they should not accept the job.
Though I suppose things probably look different to someone convinced that their faith is the One True Good Way, which... seems a fairly safe bet here.

Ooh! Hey, I have a great idea for saving money on paperwork: just kill everyone! If every American is dead, the American government will have no paperwork at all! What's that? That's a terrible and crazy idea and how dare I suggest it? Hm. I wonder if less extreme versions of the same idea might also have problems, then?

"this ruling publicised 1. during Pride Month, 2. on the anniversary of the Pulse Nightclub shootings"
...
[facehoofs]
Okay, so, we can add to the list of things the people behind it have done "horribly clueless" and/or "...I don't even know what to call that if it was deliberate, good grief".

"and quite frankly, I’m fucking angry about it"
You don't say? Yeah, you know, for some reason, I'm having a hard time blaming you for that.

"We still have systemic racism, and we still have moderates in the US screaming: “please stop protesting, it’s too loud.”"
And, you know, I think it's clear by this point that this probably isn't the Protest Effort To End All Protest Efforts. Just crushing these but keeping the problems in the system is only going to keep it quiet for a little while. Maybe... perhaps... quiet down the protesters by actually reforming the system? Because while I'm still not with the people saying all police are bad, uh, yeah, we have and overall terrible "justice" system in this country at the moment.

"Instead, it’s a long fight against people who would rather we go back to a mystified 1950"
Well, hey, from what I've heard, the mystified 1950 was pretty nice! No gay rights problems, because gay people just, you know, didn't exist, along with anyone else too abnormal (which of course includes having certain physical features, like skin of a strange non-light-pink color). No poor people, either, or religious minorities; everyone's a happy middle-class protestant, except the token Jews we put in because the Nazis are still in recent memory and made anti-Semitism too uncool for even us to ignore (What's that? They sent gay people to the camps too? Nah, I'm sure they got that one right.)! Only problem in the world, really, was the Commies, but America would definitely beat them and be wonderful forever. After all, all you need to do to survive all-out nuclear war is crawl under your desk! And every other country in the world would praise and serve us for bringing them Freedom(tm).
Mind you, I do have doubts about how our government is going about pursing this worthy goal. For a start, they seem to be thinking they can get there with laws, instead of taking the obvious necessary step of providing a team of scientists with a laboratory complex built into a convenient volcano and telling them to get to work on a reality-breaking machine.

And since it seems to be a thing in the comments here, :heart: :)


5285292
"why we only care about policy brutality when black people are the victims"
I mean, the thing is, why on Earth would that mean this isn't a problem? Because the police brutality against black people is then still just as bad (if maybe less racist), but then there's supposedly also significant police-on-non-black-people brutality which doesn't even raise an outcry? Doesn't that mean that, holding that view, he should be even more eager for massive police reform? But, of course...
"because it feels like I only ever hear about that from when as a whataboutism"

5285740

Maybe... perhaps... quiet down the protesters by actually reforming the system?

Forgive me for being a bit curious here. When the reforming of the system is urged by people, how do they mean it should be done? Like, what exactly?

5285783
Abolish the police and replace them with medics, social workers, firefighters, LIMITED state or federal level units for dealing with extra bad dudes, and community defense committees (anarchocommunism in action!).

5285902
Quite a bold move. The idea surely seems tempting, but changes of such scope would need a way more re-structurisation of society as whole than just the institute of police. That's more about a long evolution than a quick revolution if we want it as much painless and bloodless as possible.

:heart:
<hugs>

I’ve been desperately wishing I could channel my anger into some sort of facemelting power because fuck that would feel good right about now.

There was an exchange in a fic, can’t remember which one, that went something like this:
Twilight: Rarity, you’re really being a bitch right now.
Rarity: You know what’s worse than being a bitch? Indiscriminate stabbings.


A large part of my life has been discovering new people and learning things about them, chief of which is that they’re people, just like I am.

I was going to say more, but upon reflection I don’t think that more needs to be said.


EDIT: also, in the next couple of days I ought to have something ready I think you’ll get a chuckle or two from.

5286289
Indiscriminate stabbings. I love it. I may need to get this monogrammed. XD It'll go well with my plans to get "I need you to provide a distraction, Captain. Preferably one that is loud and violent."

5286344
res.cloudinary.com/teepublic/image/private/s--L63X_m09--/t_Preview/b_rgb:c62b29,c_lpad,f_jpg,h_630,q_90,w_1200/v1551328548/production/designs/4303145_0.jpg

One Christmas, I got my mom a mug that had a picture of a unicorn that said: “She is beauty, she is grace/She can stab you in the face.”

Also, another random quote, this one from Crichton:
“Is the fire always right?”
“No, but it is always hot and compelling.”

5285783
Well, I don't know about by everyone, which is something I do kind of worry about, how much people are actually agreeing with each other here, but I think demilitarization, actual penalties that are enforced for abuse by police, and better community integration (Officer-So-And-So in their blue uniform who's long-term assigned to this area and regularly rides through on their bicycle, knowing and known by the locals, rather than Faceless Enforcer #X cruising by in their car, that sort of thing) would be good starts, combined with making a lot of things not the purview of the police at all and instead forming or bringing back various social services to specialize in them instead.

5285902
My concern with complete abolition of the police and the institution of fully local community defense committees is, well, for example, what sort of policies do you think the defense committee of the rich white district would vote into local effect concerning poor minorities?
I do definitely see the appeal, mind, and I think it could potentially work; I just worry about the height of that "potentially" that'd need to be scaled and the consequences of failing, and, of course, I don't have your, uh, noted extreme antipathy to police in general rather than just the current badly flawed system.

5287650
That’s why I need a socialist revolution as well, to destroy class consciousness. And massive educational reform as well, because the best time to convince white people to not be shitty is when they’re young and their brains are malleable

For now I'll keep my opinions on the matter to myself largely because there's so much conflicting information its hard to get an acnurate read on the matter. Now, mind, I do have my biases, but again, for now, the matter needs further study on my part.

Of course, then again, my personal doesn't really matter unless I'm espousing for one side or the other so I turn to the Bible and simply say

Job 40:4 (KJV) what shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my mouth.

5285292

1. Get a gun

As an American citizen you are granted the legal, and in fact arguerd ethical, right to defend yourself and your home and loved ones. As such, you are more then welcome to have a gun or ten in said home

2. Become an insufferable commie like me

Freedom of speech. Feel free to espouse whatever ludicrous and omnicidal form of half baked governance your mind conjure love

Luckily I wont have to spend that much time eating crow when Utopia does come around

3. ?????

Your a communist. Don't feel to bad for these odd moments of befuddlement, we understand.

4. Profit!

Which you'll no doubt greet with purchasing bigger guns to fend off those pinkos with smaller guns when they show up for their "fair share"

5287717
We're not just talking about police reform, then, though, are we?

5287650

(Officer-So-And-So in their blue uniform who's long-term assigned to this area and regularly rides through on their bicycle, knowing and known by the locals, rather than Faceless Enforcer #X cruising by in their car, that sort of thing)

That's kinda ironic. In the USSR and Russia of 1990–2010th, instead of police there was the institution of militia (e.g. basically the same police, just by the other name, 'cause in socialist rhetoric, police is the instrument of oppression while militia is a self-defence organization of workers) — and there was the post of 'uchastkovy' (sorts of district officer) who was tasked with observation of a district and usually dealt with minor stuff like petty theft and domestic violence. Now there is no militia because they've changed it back to police, and uchastkovys slowly dim into obscurity. Duh.

5288305
No, but even police reform alone would massively help.

5288374
On, interesting; thanks. And sorry, since it sounds like you did like the system.

5288411
Right, but if we're just having police reform alone, it needs to be reform that can stand on its own, without needing such major changes to the society around it to work.

5288911
Oh, still good news, though; thanks!

5288970

On, interesting; thanks. And sorry, since it sounds like you did like the system.

Yeah, though I cannot say they do a bad job in general. Currently, internal security is one of the topmost priorities of our government, even if sadly it means security from political opinions.

5289002
Ah, well glad there's good in the mix for you, at least.

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