Fetish Writing with Professor Klamnei, Lesson 1: How to Accurately Portray Fertility and Virility

Professor Klamnei here. Welcome to the first in a series of talks I'll be presenting based off my own personal research. Take a seat somewhere and we'll jump right into it--I'll be taking questions at the end of the lecture.

I'm putting this together because I wanted to try and help some of my fellow clop writers out. I know most prefer to not think about the mechanics behind the topics we write, but I've always been of the mind that knowing how this stuff works irl (or could theoretically work) creates more believable and immersive fiction. I figured some of the stuff I found might be interesting for others to take note of, but then again, maybe I'm just a complete weirdo. Idk.

Either way, here are some details about how virility and fertility are measured in the real world.

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Virility

Semen analysis: A laboratory test that measures several factors about a male’s sperm and seminal fluid. These factors include:

• Morphology: The size and shape of the sperm. Measured by the percentage of sperm that are shaped normally. Average for humans is >50% (horses >60%)
• Motility/Velocity: How well the sperm can swim and how fast. Measured by the percentage of sperm that can move normally within an hour after ejaculation. Average for humans is >60% (horses >60%)
• Liquefaction: semen is initially thick, but its ability to gain a watery consistency helps sperm to move. If it doesn’t liquify in 15-30 minutes, it can affect fertility.
• Total volume: Amount ejaculated. Typical amount for humans is 1.5 - 5.5 mL (horses 30 - 400 mL depending on size, larger horses ejaculate more)
• Sperm count: Average amount of spermatozoa present per mL of ejaculate. Average for humans is 15 - 300 million/mL (horses 30 - 600 million/mL)
• pH: Measurement of how acidic/basic the semen is. Average pH of human semen is 7.2 - 7.8. 

Hyperspermia: the term for abnormally high volumes of ejaculate upon orgasm. In humans, anything above 5.5 mL qualifies. WHO has recorded amounts of 7.6 mL ejaculated, and while higher amounts are almost certainly possible, this means the range for hyperspermia is anywhere between 100.1% - 138% over the average.

-If we follow the rules and percentile proportions of hyperspermia for humans, we can figure out what this would be for horses. 
-Anything above 400 mL qualifies as hyperspermia
-Highest recorded volume would then be 552 mL (1.17 pints)

-A high sperm count is considered “anything over 300 million/mL” in humans, so a high sperm count in horses would be “anything over 600 million/mL”. An average total sperm count in horses then would depend on the breed.

You can likely ignore things like motility and morphology (aside from maybe saying those values are either exceptional or even perfect) but if you’re measuring overall virility, you’re essentially looking at sperm count and volume per ejaculation.

Now, if you’re dealing with a character that’s growing in size, you’ll want to implement the square-cube law to figure out how much they’d ejaculate at their new size. The square-cube law is often ignored in macro stories for multiple reasons, but in this case, it can actually work to make things more erotic. 

Let’s look at an example. Let's say there's a character that's 6 feet tall starting, and they then grow to 24 feet. This means they’ve increased in size by a multiplier of 4.

Starting Size: 6
Ending Size: 24

Multiplier: 4 

Now, let's say the character could ejaculate 500 mL per ejaculation before they were embiggened. Using the square-cube law for volume, we take the multiplier and multiply it to the old value by a factor of 3.

500 * (4^3)

500 * 64

500 * 64 = 32,000

This gives us a new value of 32,000 milliliters, or 32 liters (8.45 gallons). This is how much they’d cum assuming proportional scaling. However, what if you want the growth to be accompanied by an increase of proportional cum output? Well, that’s easy, too. You just have to plug in the increased cum output variable into the equation.

Let's say the growth increases the output by 20%. I like to portray percentiles in equations as decimals, so that means our equation is now as follows:

(500 * (4^3)) * 1.20

This gives us a new total of 38400 milliliters.

There’s one more factor of a character’s virility I’d like to point out. A character can cum like a firehose, sure, but that doesn’t matter if they’re shooting blanks. It’s important to point out a character’s sperm count if you’re trying to portray their reproductive capability. 

You can attribute this increase to growth or another factor altogether, but you don’t need to use the square-cube law to display it regardless. The value is always going to be locked to how many sperm are in a single milliliter now matter how large the character gets, which means you can just multiply the starting value by a percentage.

Here’s another example:

Character’s Initial Sperm Count (portrayed in millions per milliliter): 500

Virility Multiplier: 1.20 (20%)
 
500 * 1.20 = 600

And there you go. You can use these equations to show a character’s cum output increasing, their sperm count increasing, or both. You don’t even need to be writing macro for this to be useful; you could use it in another story so long as you know your starting values and the multiplier you want to increase things by.

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Fertility

I'll start from the beginning just so I don't make any assumptions. First off, women don't actually MAKE any new eggs throughout their lifetime. They just have the amount they were born with (around 2 million unmatured egg follicles) and gradually lose that amount over time. Contrary to popular belief, a woman doesn’t lose just one egg per month via ovulation, but somewhere from a thousand to eleven thousand depending on their age and other factors. When a woman is all out of eggs, the ovaries stop making estrogen, and this signals the beginning of menopause.

We can get an idea of how many eggs a woman has left with a simple blood test. However, one thing it DOESN'T tell us is the health of those eggs. We don't actually have a way to tell that yet save for how old a woman is (we know a woman’s average egg quality declines over time) but even that isn’t super exact because things like race, genetics, environment, stress-level, diet, and more come into play. 

These two things—a woman’s remaining egg reserve and average egg quality—are commonly referred to as the ‘biological clock’.

Here are some basic terms for you:

Ovarian Reserve: laboratory test that measures hormone levels in the blood. This kind of test can give a sense of a woman’s fertility timeline and potential success rate of certain reproductive procedures like egg freezing and IVF.

AMH (Anti Mullerian Hormone): Produced by cells inside the egg follicles. Serves as a proxy for the amount of eggs a woman has left. The lower a woman’s AMH, the lower their egg count. (>1ng/ml is low, 1.0 - 4.0 ng/ml is medium, and >4ng/ml is high)

FSH: Follicle-Stimulating Hormone: Supports maturation of the follicle. Low levels of this follicle MAY indicate a low ovarian reserve.

Now, as I said, we don’t ACTUALLY have an irl test to determine a woman’s egg quality; just the approximate reserves. For the purposes of fiction, however, I feel it’s more fun and interesting to say there IS a test like that. You can just chalk it up to magic and give it some made up name (Ovarian Arcanoscan or whatever idk) so you can then have the doctor say OMG HER EGG QUALITY IS 100% THAT'S IMPOSSIBLEZ! One thing to note, however: if you go this route, I’d recommend just sticking to the amount of eggs the woman has, and the quality of those eggs. According to the things I found, if hormone levels like AMH and FSH are too high or low, it can indicate some pretty nasty disorders. 

Tl;dr - if you’re trying to portray exceptional health, then it’s better to portray hormones within a certain range rather than overwhelming proportions.

The number of eggs themselves, though? Now THAT you can scale to Narnia. It’s actually another fun one to implement the square-cube law for, because it results in bigger numbers. If you’re the type that needs rationalization for this in macro stories, you can just say that while the ovaries THEMSELVES are scaling proportionately with the body, the follicles themselves aren’t.

In essence: more surface area = more follicles. Apply additional multiplier(s) for scaling fertility as desired.

Comments

[zoruatrainer66]

I feel seen, but then I'm not particularly good at math, it was my worst and most hated subject. Good on you for this blog though, it was interesting.

[The Eroticator]

Did you get David Silver to read this? Either way, this is very comprehensive. I almost feel like my sister dragged me into one of her graduate school genetics classes, haha.

[Klamnei]

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I did not. David and I have parted ways, and Dragonsblood Elixir has been transferred over to my account. I've kinda been at a loss on what to do with it now.

[Klamnei]

5264503
5264533

Well, maybe I should elaborate a bit more. I DO have an idea on what I want to do with it, which is that I want to commission another writer to continue it. I've been looking around to see if there are any writers I'd like to approach, but the ones I've looked at so far have either been too expensive, too busy, don't do commissions, or wouldn't be a good fit for the story.

I honestly wish you took commissions, Eroticator. I feel like you'd be a good fit. I'm still looking around to see if I can find someone, but right now the story is in limbo.

[The Eroticator]

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Maybe a year or so down the line we could collaborate on it? I'm trying to finally hammer out the rest of a novel at the moment. Not sure if I've mentioned this to you before, but my writing style is very methodical, so it's slow going.