Little help please?

I meant it, somewhat, when I said I'm getting back on track and wanted to complete the fics I've started to far. As such I'm asking for someone with the free time to look over the next chapter of "A Bad Egg in Equestria." and give me their opinions and corrections

Let me know if you're up for it and I'll send you the pass to see it.

And be brutally honest. No, I wont be able to take it. But if I don't know what I do wrong, how will I improve? A heads up I tend two write during the late hours so I make some mistakes. Those that spell check can't seem to find.