ITSHERE Lulu Discounts for Pony Books with Bookplates now (and Substitute Librarian peek) · 6:45pm May 2nd, 2020
Lulu.com has a 20 percent discount on book orders until May 8, (the code is ITSHERE) which counts for many books for sale by PonyFeather Publishing as well as my collection including the Sisters compendium. Now, I’m about to do something stupid. I’ve had several requests to sign books sold through Lulu, but oh God the cost of shipping. Thankfully, Estee gave me an idea.
In Estee’s story The Slipped Case, Twilight Sparkle has bookplate stickers for the inside of her personal library books. Stickers can be sent by US mail for the cost of a stamp. I have stamps. I have envelopes. I have Avery 94215 six-labels-per-page labels in abundance (I had to buy a whole envelope of them to test). I have Publisher, and enough artistic ability to click (barely). So here’s the stupid part.
If you bought a book from the bookstore or from Lulu and you’d like a personalized signature, DM me through FimFiction. I’ll need name and address, the book you bought (I have a little different signature for each), and any extra bits you want on the signature, like “To my cat Fluffles’ or ‘Try to keep it clean Georg because I’m giving this to my young niece’
I don’t want money, but if you feel obligated to send some cash, here’s Estee’s coffee fund.
If you want to print out your own labels, here’s a PDF of the labels document on Gdocs.
US postage is going to be easy. Foreign postage… we’ll see. If you live on the US Army base in Germany, I’ll ship them to my son and he can give them to you. Thanks for your patience, and don’t forget to put an adorable seapony on your list.
Now for the bonus bit. Drill Sergeant Emery Board is from Estee's story Like a Well-Oiled Machine. You do not have to read it before this story since it does not mesh with the events detailed there, but I'd advise it. You will notice a significant difference in the drill sergeant's behavior between the two stories, because 'Machine' covers Sgt. Board in two roles, addressing a superior officer and addressing recruits placed into his tender loving care, while 'Intermission' has him conversing with a potential candidate, which is where a drill sergeant will turn on the... um... Well, Sgt. Board has little charm, but he does have a lifetime of experience in bending others to his will with or without physical violence.
R. Lee Emory. Marine and great man. We will not see your like in this world again. Semper fi.
From The Substitute Librarian (upcoming chapter, probably Monday)
The Substitute Librarian
Intermission
Students in Canterlot, as a general rule, never saw Sun rise.
Military cadets did.
In fact, the best place to see the event was a long, winding road that swept around Canterlot’s mountain skirts which had seen the tread of countless armored hooves, providing a convenient route for said cadets to visit one of many training areas they would learn to loathe over their years of service. The road bore no real appeal for anypony else, even amorous ponies seeking a quiet place to amore, because at any time an entire class of steel-clad cadets could come tromping along, led by the stentorian bellow of a drill sergeant.
Very few romantic rendezvouses could withstand such interruption.
At night, the broad path was lit by a precise string of glowrocks to either side, so that trainees would not lose their way under light of Moon. It was, after all, a long way down the mountain, and arranging specific rocks as punishment had been a Royal Guard tradition ever since rocks had been invented. The glimmering guidance of lingering roadside glows was not needed this morning, since Sun was quite near to Rising and lit the horizon with a red glow like fire.
The young stallion trotting up the road this morning needed water more than fire. His pace kept much of the froth from dripping off his hefty frame, allowing the cool morning breeze to keep him from overheating, even at the slow trot that he was managing. To be honest, Emerald was not quite sure why he had begun his pre-dawn exercise routine. Perhaps it was more effective in starting his day than trying to chew his morning wake-up juice concentrate. Or when he found out the scent of actual sweat around his female physical therapy instructor raised his grades by multiple points.
Going through his family history to find how many of his ancestors had died of heart failure had nothing to do with it. At all.
For now, he was going to blame his new exercise habit on Twilight Sparkle. After all, if she had not left so many hopeless books around her library, he would not have wound up pulling a wagonload of them up to Canterlot to be pulped. From there—and the subsequent sore muscles the next day—the urge had evolved into a forced morning routine of trotting along various Canterlot roads, an exercise that his own father would not be caught dead doing in public. And if ‘Emerald’ was going to wind up librarysitting in Ponyville any more, a certain degree of practice in the art of running away would be useful.
Any further musings on the theoretical benefits of healthy exercise was quickly squashed for practical considerations when Emerald heard the precise tap-tap-tap of pony hooves on the road behind him. The noise did not come from not a class of cadets, because it was obviously only one pony, but the pattern was far too strict and machine-like to be another ordinary trotter out enjoying the early morning Sun. He moved to one side of the road, keeping up his slow but steady pace, and waited for the obviously faster military pony to pass.
The metronome of clicking hooves behind him did not change their pattern by even the tiniest fraction of a second.
Deciding that he did not particularly like being followed, Emerald picked his pace. With significant effort, he managed to step rapidly enough to match his hoofsteps against his unseen companion, but there was still no change in volume that he could hear over his own huffing and puffing. Exercising every morning was one thing, but Emerald had not yet managed the willpower to reach the clearing with associated cave that his father had shown him one lazy summer morning many years ago.
It was a comforting memory of his father that stood out for its relative rarity. They had left early in the morning before any of the household had awoken, and progressed at a fairly leisurely pace, with his much smaller self being carried over most of the journey. The sight of Sun painting the colorful leaves of the clearing had been… less than overwhelming for his youthful eyes, and he had found exploring a nearby shallow cave more exciting.
Father had merely stood to one side of the exercise area and watched the grass blow in the breeze while blinking away tears for what seemed like forever, before turning for home. Only later when they visited the Gardens had he realized the day had been the anniversary of Grandfather Pritchel’s death.
By heart failure, of course, probably caused by overwork at the company.
None of his woolgathering was helping to get any distance from Emerald’s unwelcome companion, but it was occupying his mind while his body strained. A sensible pony would simply stop and let the misplaced cadet or officer trot on past. Said sensible pony would then walk back to the fraternity house and proceed to eat ice cream until the morning calorie loss had been resolved, and most likely drop over dead before reaching middle-age.
Emerald was not feeling very sensible, particularly when he remembered a pertinent fact that his research had uncovered about Twilight Sparkle’s brother, who was a Captain of the Royal Guard. It made keeping up his pace remarkably easy, until he could see the curve that signaled the end of the road where the shallow cave still most probably remained. It would be a convenient place for a trained Royal Guard to pound on his sister’s disagreeable book-pulping not-coltfriend without anypony noticing, but also could contain some welcome witnesses to deter such a pounding.
All the more reason for Emerald not to look over his shoulder as he wheezed along, making remarkably good time. Or at least until a stentorian bellow right behind him.
“Son, what are you—”
Father had that same iron tone of command in his voice, and for one small fraction of a second, Emerald was convinced the bulky stallion would be trotting right there when he turned. Four hooves fought with forward momentum and a rapid rotation, leaving a generally unathletic student rolling along the hard-packed ground for a short but painful distance.
And Emerald looked up.
Thankfully, it was not his father, or an irate librarian-sibling. In fact, the military pony appeared to be far too old to still be in the guard, despite his immaculate uniform with razor-sharp creases and the odd flat hat with ear-holes. Perhaps he was some old sergeant out to reminisce about his times in the harness, although still in remarkable shape. The only wrinkles Emerald could see were not on the cloth, but on the pony’s craggy features, which looked more like they had been chiseled out of dark granite by a sculptor who left a dense web of creases and folds around a terrible frown and narrowed eyes, with faint tinges of white like frost on his shortened mane and bushy eyebrows.
I was so tempted to have this chapter titled "The Running of the NEETs" except that Emerald is in school
I just looked at the list of stories available, and was surprised that Letters was on there. I thought the story isn't finished?
5254880 It isn't, BUT I managed to get all the chapters up to 83 packed into one book, minimized margins, no headers, at the Lulu max book length. It's a hefty hunk of paper. I donated the only hardback copy I printed of Monster and Letters to the Bronycon auction, and I'd like to say there was a lot of attention to that auction item, but since an autographed original copy of Past Sins was in the collection.... It's that.
As someone who's last name gets misspelled to Emery by virtually everyone I can't tell you how annoyed I am by that... But not once did someone add board to that and that provokes even more emotions.
5255067 Worse, I vastly overestimated the demand for my autographs. I've had one (1) request so far. My poor ego is squished.
... I was hoping E.B. would make another appearance one day. Ever since you pointed me toward that story. Though Lord help Emerald should he get the FMJ Drill Instructor treatment. That one still gets me to shudder and field strip my rifle in record time.
5255072
Give it time. I might pick up a book in a month or so. You have to keep in mind that lots of people don't have the extra spending money at the moment.
Although to be fair I'm not a big fan of sticker autographs myself I'd probably still get it.
5255072
Well now you have two.
Woot, I'm up to four! I'm famous! I'm going to go shopping for a pool.
(Um... At Wal-Mart in the kiddie section, because the wife says we need something for the dog to lounge in. Hope it lets me share.)
5254880 I'm up to about four copies of Letters sold, because it's a giant brick. Can't tell for sure since Lulu is undergoing a website revision (and just in case, I have saved personal copies of the covers and PDF insides)
5255117 Even joining the Royal Guard would not help Emerald because his family can still marry him off, and get him out of his enlistment in case of a family emergency such as his father having a heart attack. He'd have to join the Klatchian Foreign Legion.
5257292
I'm guessing he's already tried the good old 'Change your name, move to Mexicolt and live in constant fear, looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life' move eh?
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