Rage Review: Resist and Bite (Chapter 13, Part A) · 2:39am Apr 26th, 2020
Chapter 13: Slavery in Canterlot (Part A)
TRAILER: Slavery in Canterlot, the new epic by Cecil B. DeMille and Michael Bay! See the thrilling tale of inequine cruelty and steamy passions from the Primal Plains! See a proud and lovely mare reduced to writhing servitude by the lash! See one brave stallion stand up and break his chains to fight for freedom!
In Twilight's castle in Canterlot. Twilight and her friends were in their jail cell in the dungeons and in cuffs, and the reason why they were put there instead of the throne room which has turned into the invader's office was because this was their repercussion from their temerarious escape, and their mistakes in building large walls.
(1) Why does Story think that "dungeons" and "cuffs" would plausibly hold "Twilight and her friends?" Keep in mind this includes Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer (both mistresses of teleportation), Applejack (one of the few Earth Ponies probably stronger than most Alicorns), Pinkie Pie (a reality warper), Sunburst (who knows all sorts of obscure magics), and Spike (who can burn, claw or bite through metal).
(2) "... mistakes in building large walls." I have no idea what this means. Did the Chinese screw up their "large walls" so they have nowhere else to put prisoners, or did "Twilight and her friends" mess up building the aforementioned walls so that the Chinese punished them by putting them in the dungeon. Greater specificity here might have helped.
"What are they going to do to us today?" Fluttershy asked petrified.
FLUTTERSHY: I mean, are they going to yell at me? Or tie me down on my back so that all my ... parts ... are exposed to their whips and their ... (*gasps, biting her lip and flushing*) wicked perverted lusts ... and I can't do anything cause I'm all tied up and helpless and all I can do is just ... mmm ... endure ...
APPLEJACK: Aw, sour apples, will somepony figure out where the Invaders stashed Discord already?
FLUTTERSHY (blushing): Sorry.
"I don't know." Twilight replied with a shrug "But one things for sure is that we have to be obedient or we will either get whipped or killed." She said.
APPLEJACK: Now not you too ...
TWILIGHT: Why has Story forgotten about dear Luna? She's not even in my dreams ...
"What kind of talk was that Twilight?" Rainbow Dash asked incredulously. "Are you trying to work with the invaders?"
All kidding aside, Dashie here raises a highly-valid point. Shouldn't Twilight be trying to find a weakness in the Invaders' security and figure out how to exploit it so that they can escape?
Show's Normal Heroes discuss the point, with Twilight arguing that the best way to keep them all safe is by cooperation, which would make more sense if the Invaders weren't (as we see later) addicted to random murder as a form of sadistic self-entertainment. Twilight is also ignoring her clear duty to Equestria, which is extraordinarily out of character for her.
Her friends tried to add something in but they were cut off when the titanium door to their cell was pushed open to the side by an invader. And the force of the invader's push made the door crash roughly into the side making a loud bang noise in the process which startled all of them. Twilight looked in front of her and saw that it was an invader in dark armour which is more stronger than the standard royal guards. Metal leg pads, and was wearing a helmet with strange words '警察' shown on the top of the helmet. It was also armed with a dark metal stick, a canister in his belt that can damage your eyes, and was wielding a round shield with two more strange words showing '防瀑'. And the invader was the same as the ones who enslaved them since the four days.
(1) Truly, Metal Pads is an amazing man, able to open a locked titanium door without unlocking it first! Because if he'd unlocked it first, wouldn't our prisoners have noticed him doing so? And if it's some sort of remote electronic lock, wouldn't they haven noticed when he walked up to the door?
(2) Equestria has attained "metal stick" technology, long before ever encountering an Invader.
(3) Likewise, we've seen Equestrians in Show employ smoke and gas bombs. Tear gas wouldn't be mysterious alien magic to them.
Then, the invader grabbed Twilight's cuff and threw her out of her cell.
"Ooof!" Twilight grunted as she collided with the brick wall.
Does Story not grasp that Fully-Grown Twilight Sparkle is roughly the size and mass of an actual horse? I mean, a very muscular man can lift a mare -- it's a classic strongman act feat -- but he can't just grab her and toss her around like a life-sized plushie doll. I doubt an Olympic athlete could do that.
Twilight looked behind her and saw that her friends were also being dragged roughly. Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Spike and Pinkie were being pushed by five dark suited invader's wielding their scary metal weapons. And Cheese Sandwich, Lil Cheese, Fluttershy and Applejack were being pushed by four dark armoured invaders wielding dark sticks and circular shields.
If we're meant to believe that the whole Invaders' force constitutes no more than a "platoon" strength unit, then something like one-half to one-sixth of their total number is being occupied right now moving nine prisoners.
Admittedly, these are nine very dangerous prisoners, but they are not the only seriously-dangerous Equestrians. How exactly are the Invaders holding down the nation of Equestria (or even the city of Canterlot!) while being able to spare Mooks to raid random settlements?
And one of the invader was holding Lil Cheese as if she was a small toy, Cheese and Pinkie wanted to help their daughter but, the invaders could instantly kill them so they bregrudingly had to corporate with them.
It's not as if either or both of them is a super-powerful Party Pony who can warp reality, including teleporting and summoning weapons, right?
Twilight is made sad by the aggression and brutality of the invaders.
NARRATOR (deadpan): Oh, if only there were some heroes to save the land.
Once the nine invaders have finished pushing and dragging and pushing the eight ponies and one dragon out of the castle and into the open.
Oh look, Spike's popped back into existence! (*waves*) Hi, Spike!
For reference, Adolescent Spike is larger than a full-grown man, clad in natural armor, super-strong, and has the ability to breathe hot plasma or tear through metal with his claws and teeth. Sadly, Story doesn't know this.
They uncuffed their hooves, but Rainbow Dash, Twilight and Fluttershy's wings were still cuffed, so there were no way for them to fly away. Even if they did, the invaders could instantly finish them.
There's like ten or so Invaders, and eight or so Equestrians, not counting any other Equestrians outside. The eight Equestrians to which I refer should each individually be far more dangerous than any one armed human soldier, unless the name of that soldier is Colonel Nick Fury, or his equivalent.
Too bad Story doesn't know this.
And Lil Cheese was thrown onto the ground by one of them making Cheese and Pinkie gasp in horror and rush over to her aid.
PONTIUS PILATE: Thwow him to the flaw!
CENTURION: Roughly, sir?
PONTIUS PILATE: Yes, wuffly!
"Get to work!" One of the invader's wielding the metal weapon demanded "And if any of you are disobedient, you will be transferred either to the torture room or the sparring headquarters!" It warned.
Advice to Author ... when a bad guy delivers a threat, it should be short and sweet. By which I mean, something like: "Disobedience will be harshly punished!" or "Obey, or you will soon wish you had!" or even just waving a weapon and saying "Do as you're told!" It doesn't need a lot of complexity.
This is also true in real life.
Once they made it to their working area. Twilight saw many of her subjects moving rocks, pushing carts filled with coal, destroying their own homes and using the materials to build large metal walls at the entrance of the capital ...
(1) For what is the coal being used? I'm guessing to run steam engines, but is Author unaware that Equestria already has a mature steam-engine technology and hence intact systems of mining and delivery?
(2) How are they building "large metal walls" by "destroying their own homes?" The homes are primarily made of masonry; even if some or all of the buildings are steel-framed, this is a stupid way to build a city wall, because the steel obtainable from each building would be rather small compared to the requirements of wall-building.
(3) If they are rendering down the steel girders etc. for the metal, then reforging the metal into fortifications, then they are wasting a lot of time and effort, much of it of necessity of experts. If they are instead just piling it up and going "Hur ... dur ... wall" then their wall is crap and will fall down if bombarded.
(4) When they've torn down the city, what exactly will the city wall be defending? The city won't be politically or economically useful to them absent residences and other structures. There are easier ways to secure a military base than "large metal walls."
(5)Why not just build a steel-reinforced masonry or concrete fortification? (Yes, Equestria canonically has concrete, and a lot of it, see their dams). This way they wouldn't be wasting so much time and effort stripping the buildings for so much steel.
(6) Just how well do they expect their wall to protect them against air threats, such
as Pegasi, Griffons or Dragons? Ironically, more normal modern military fortification practice would work better than this insane "large wall" (dare I call it the "Large Wall of China?" I think I do dare!), because they take air and airmobile attacks into account in their designs.
So the Blue Mean ... I mean Red Chinese ... put the Actual Heroes to work.
Twilight instigated her work as well. She picked up a large metal plate the invaders brought. She couldn't use her magic because she is still in weak condition from the beating she experienced yesterday so she had to use her hooves. So she lifted it up and began to bring the hulking object to the large metal walls.
(1) One reason why modern military fortifications are usually not composed of large metal plates (unless we are talking about face-hardened naval or tank armor) is spallation. Steels which are too brittle can spray fragments from the inside when hit on the outside, even if not penetrated.
(2) While an Alicorn is physically as strong as a very strong Earth Pony (and Twilight is canonically weaker only than Celestia, Luna, Cadance, Applejack and Rockhoof in terms of muscular might), Twilight's main capability lies in her mastery of Magic (which is literally her element). In magic, her only real competition would come from Celestia, Luna, Flurry Heart, Starswirl the Bearded and Starlight Glimmer.
Point being that any beating severe enough to render Twilight magically incapable would also be enough to render her physically incapable as well. Also ...
(3) Given Alicorn regeneration (canonical, watch the battle between Celestia and Luna), any beating severe enough to render her incapable either way would also be one that the Invaders should have assumed would kill her. Indeed, it's more likely that they would beat her, decide "Well, she won't resist any more," and Twilight would get up within no more than an hour or two, ready for more fight. And ...
(4) There's a very good reason why the Chinese would not want her dead. By analogy, she's the "Moctezuma" of Equestria. In their hands, her continued survival makes it harder to organize resistance. Dead, resistance can coalesce around another legitimate leader (probably Celestia, Luna, Cadance or Flurry Heart). Dead, it's time for Metal Pads to experience his own "La Noche Triste."
And Jin ... you're no Cortez.
General Jin and Colonel Lin watch our heroes work and smirk in satisfaction.
Maybe this story is an imprisoned dreamland paradise of Jin's after he failed in the first chapter, with Charlie being there to rain on his parade in such a fake course of eventsYeah, you're completely right on that one; my critique on what Rarity said was just being sarcastic, in my review (you can also see the author debating in the comments, so take that as you will). Hell, we saw them have a sadistic murder addiction in like, the Prologue, even aside from what happens in this chapter.
And this is a clear sign of the author not letting Twilight possess agency in the story. Trying to make for an escape on her lonesome with her friends would hinder that.
In general, characters in this story are unrealistically unobservant, not noticing things that they probably should have; you can see that in how Luster and Charlie were snuck up on multiple times. If the sound didn't fade into the ether of nonexistence to begin with.
It's yet another sign that the author is (unrealistically) thinking of the ponies, and dragons, and so on as being like humans in multiple regards, weight be damned. It was apparent when human martial arts flawlessly aided in fighting quadrupeds, and such.
Pinkie is a pretty nasty surprise if you don't know about her antics (which they decidedly didn't find out, in the Prologue); you run into the conundrum of "she's an Earth Pony, how the fuck is she doing that," even in Equestria.
Given how stupid the Chinese are in general, here, while I'm pretty sure it didn't happen in this story, it wouldn't be surprising if Jin literally threw her out of the city and left her to die, upon a severe beating.
Also, Younger Alicorn Twilight got back up again, no worse for wear, the next scene with her, after getting hit by this. And it's not like Cozy was a weak opponent.
It's ridiculous how easily they're beating up Twilight, considering that a horse weighs on average about a ton and I've never met anyone who can easily throw that around like a ragdoll. And my family has owned horses, we know how easily they can hurt us without magic and while being as casual as all get go (my sister once had her foot stepped on by a horse that was relaxing while being brushed).
5250441
If you have to explain that outside of your story, and it wasn't, far as I could tell, reasonably extrapolatable from what was written, that's a writing flaw (Charlie doesn't ever say, mention to Luster, or anyone that "these things are great, but their battery life kinda sucks"). And isn't it strange how Charlie is never portrayed as say, recharging his batteries at any point, when it was as much of a prominent issue as it was in his first one or two chapters? It came across more as "Charlie's battery problems are magically gone," and he's also been portrayed as having his scanner switched on before to detect incoming hostiles, when he didn't know he was being followed, has he not?
Why wouldn't he have them on if he's going through unknown territory? Why is their situational awareness repeatedly horrible, even aside from technological assistance or the lack thereof? Switched off technology isn't an excuse for them being brain-dead. You generally speaking don't get into "I have had weapons pointed at me" situations two, let alone four or more times without reflecting on "hmm, maybe we should've paid more attention, so we can maybe try to avoid that next time," unless they're too narcissistic and/or stupid to learn better. That's a sign of their character development being utterly stagnant, because they failed to learn a damn thing about being more alert, observant.
He's the same idiot who thought when a fireteam failed to work in apprehending Charlie and Luster Dawn, that sending in one guy would, and who charged into a castle alone to fight seven at once. So on the contrary, I think I'm allowed to (half-jokingly) say that about his lack of intelligence and common sense, when he's also demonstrably sadistic.
Why didn't any of Twilight's friends accompany Luster Dawn and Charlie, for that matter, not even like, one or two?
5250523
Couldn't some mundane horse kill you just by stomping on your head, rather easily?
5250615
Couldn't some mundane horse kill you just by stomping on your head, rather easily?
Oh yes. My father and uncles grew up on and around farms. They spent a lot of their time as boys working with horses and other livestock. A horse can kill you with tremendous ease if it wants to. Crush your skull with a hoof, kick in your rib cage or rupture your internal organs, etc. Even today I think that farm work is one of the most dangerous jobs in America partly due to the animals' occasionally losing their temper with someone and lashing out.
5250889
Yeah, looking at videos where uh... people get kicked by horses, I'm not sure how you could get the idea that you can just handle an alicorn like that, even without the inequine strength they should have.
There's more than a few instances of people being knocked right off their feet by a horse's bucking, so the only thing I'd have to say about dealing with a sapient equinoid like an alicorn of that stature is, regarding taking them on in a physical competition is as follows: "your funeral, punk."
5250979
Yeah but, at the same time, I've seen one or two people get kicked by a horse (presumably not at full strength) and get right back up. They were rather disoriented, but they recovered quickly. Humans aren't made of iron but we're still pretty darn resilient.
5250889
5250979
I've heard my share of those kinds of horse-related incidents. We've even got a similar incident, that technically no humans got hurt, but...
When I was a teenager, we had a horse (named Preston) that, during a sleepover at my uncle's field thanks to a flood at our place, got angry at said uncle's calf and killed the poor thing. Needless to say, Dad had that horse put down because you don't want that guy around people--especially if you have kids! Preston's attitude had always made us a little nervous, but that incident really told us something was wrong (we found out that he was... improperly gelded).
Thankfully, our other horses over the years were pretty tame, though they did have the occasional mischief, a bit of stubbornness on some rides, some times where they lacked the concept of personal space when we were cleaning up their crud, or the one time when my mom was riding and the horse decided to roll in some sand (Mom jumped off in time). We knew they could have easily squished us so we were careful when handling them. Still ended up with a few injuries over the years (like my sister's foot), but thankfully none that required a trip to the doctor.
But anyway, we all agree that having the invaders manhandle Twilight like they would a human prisoner is ridiculous!
5251005
And I suspect the Human version of Fully-Grown Alicorn Twilight Sparkle (not the Form You Are Comfortable With generated by the Mirror Portal) would be a seven-foot tall winged woman of superhuman strength and supernal beauty, crowned with a horn-like halo. In short, an Angel.
Not someone easy to physically push around.
5251006
But some people would still try. Some people can only learn their lessons the hard way.
5250991
Was this ever pointed out in the story?
How are either of them "cunning?" They failed in diplomacy in the same way no less than four fucking times, which, even if your social skills suck, you'd have probably learned what you did wrong after the first one or two times, or at least experiment with a different approach, if you had a modicum of intelligence. Charlie's supposed "tactical prowess" came down to telling Kirin how to not be brain-dead with spears, because it's not like he put forth any advanced tactics. And what's cunning about them destroying guns that the Kirin would have use for? They have magic, they can wield guns against them.
What's "cunning" about remembering that you can use magic against someone, like in the Changeling chapter?
And there isn't a justification for "four people failed to do it, then a Captain under my command died trying to deal with them, so I'll just send one guy to do it" that doesn't involve the words "Jin is a fucking idiot."
Wouldn't that be more of an incentive for them to go with them? Strength in numbers still applies.
Also, no, they aren't injured as a whole from escaping. As a matter of fact, Twilight is the only one who got shot during the escape, far as I can tell. There's no reason they couldn't spare Starlight Glimmer to go with them, or Fluttershy, or Rainbow Dash, or Applejack, or Rarity. Even if it would slow them down a bit, there's no reason not to drag Twilight Sparkle along while she recovers (she's an alicorn, so it's worth it, and she heals faster).
It would be better than just doing fuck all until they got recaptured, as is what happened in the story.
5251144
Kangaroos aren't relevant, and someone like Charlie would've probably never seen one in person in his life, being the type to hang out in the city.
Are you kidding me? How is that an excuse? Literally what makes Twilight Sparkle's reaction time worse than a human's? You mean to tell me that Twilight couldn't react in the entire time her friends were being curb-stomped by Jin in the Prologue, let alone before he charged at her? She's shown far better reaction times than that on numerous occasions in the show.
If alicorns inherently have bad reaction time, did Charlie's reflexes just get worse by becoming one?
Jin never shot at her in the Prologue, he did it unarmed. Also, even if it is slower, you still can't easily dodge magic, any more than you can easily dodge arrows or crossbow bolts (which, Equestrians do have), as a regular human and you do have to actually aim guns at targets, just like you would have to aim magic, so it isn't necessarily as much of an advantage as you think, outside of range, which in an urban environment, or where there's a lot of foliage, isn't that much of one.
Honestly, my reaction to this whole segment can be summarized in a single movie clip.
5251177
...Yes there is. There's no reason to say "I'm of the same species as the invaders, and I'm also one of the invaders" when that is both factually untrue, and they can't tell at a glance that you're anything other than an alicorn, that you were born as anything other than a pony, as opposed to saying "they told me what they were before we escaped from their clutches; their leader speaks our language." They'd probably buy almost anything of the sort, as long as it's plausible, and it has the huge benefit of no false association. Just claim to be "Equestria's newest alicorn, my parents/family gave unusual names by pony standards," leave it at that.
How do you not understand that? Why wouldn't Luster Dawn invoke "We're here on behalf of Twilight Sparkle, Ruler of Equestria, I'm Luster Dawn, her protégé, he's with me," as well?
For that matter, Thorax was horribly OOC (Out of Character) in the Changelings chapter, between being stupid, and a hypocrite (look at his debut episode [The Times They Are a Changeling], actually watch it, think of how he might find a lone, not evil rogue of another race relatable, and would not be inclined to get hostile, as per his general personality also).
Well, so can an alicorn the size of a horse if you think for a second if you can outperform them in strength.
You're not giving Starlight Glimmer any respect as a character. You're not doing that for anyone that isn't named "Charlie Lam," because then they might actually be more self-sufficient than you're portraying them as being. You're not catching her off-guard as riot police or whatever in over 99% of scenarios to the point of her just letting you beat on her. She will teleport away, she will self-levitate out of reach, she will blast you, lethally if need be (and don't give me that bullshit of "vests/shields can stop it," look at that rock bridge she destroyed in her debut two-parter in S5 and tell me that again, along with multiple episodes of hers), she will throw up a shield so you can't approach, she might crystallize you.
It's not that easy to take a Strong and Skilled magical unicorn down, if you don't possess a serious power advantage, skill advantage, or something to nullify magic, which humans armed with batons and riot shields do not have. The riot police (or soldiers... whatever they're supposed to be) didn't just teleport on top of them, so they should've had a chance to fight back, because they'd notice them coming up to them aggressively, so "element of surprise" isn't a probable factor.
...Then have them learn about the basics of gun safety? Marksmanship? It's not rocket science to learn that stuff (proficiency is another story, though, with marksmanship), because a lot of it boils down to "don't be an idiot," with gun safety. Source: I've shot guns before, and I'm guessing you haven't. You can give them at least a basic idea of how they work in one magazine or so, and I'd assume the Chinese would have brought spare magazines to the fight, before they lost?
I already told you: he didn't take a hit once that chapter, because none of the characters had functioning brains, and Jin is highly unrealistically strong. And both his armor and his physical strength are weaker than Twilight's magic, if she actually bothered to use it against him, which she didn't for some inexplicable reason. Unless you think Jin can survive against someone at least a third as powerful (minimum) as the three who effortlessly did this as a show of force, in a physical fight, when he's up against magic? (He's not even a tenth of being that imposing in physical prowess, period, I don't care what he's wearing)
And he wouldn't have a reason to think otherwise... because the author of the story is portraying the Equestrians as far weaker than they really are, far stupider than they should be, for a well-written story (that isn't a Comedy meant to be illogical) to work sensibly.
You don't care about how strong they're all supposed to be, you're only concerned about shoehorning in a Charlie Lam Saves the Day, He's So Great, Greater Than Twilight Sparkle and Everypony Else plotline, everyone else as mere set pieces to his amazing story. Logical concerns?" Psshh, you can brush all of them under the rug.
Twilight and her friends should've defeated the Lieutenant General, in the first chapter, in a Curb-Stomp Battle, in a straight fight, and there's no logical way to dispute that, and you'd be delusional to believe you can explain it away as is.
He would've only gotten stronger if anything, because alicorns are part earth pony, remember?
He's demonstrably the opposite of "wise" on multiple occasions. He's shocked on numerous occasions (along with Luster) that the Chinese are brutal, and he's too foolish to kill them when it's probably beneficial, when it's a war. He just let some Captain go free in the Changeling chapter, instead of capturing him, interrogating him, having Thorax hold him prisoner, anything else other than just setting him free, after he'd witnessed the fact that he'd murdered Changelings.
What person would do that? Realistically? Would you do the exact same thing under those circumstances? I sure as hell wouldn't. I'd at least detain him, let the ruler decide how to handle him for what he's done.
Just because you lack the perspective to know that being technologically savvy (unrealistically so) doesn't mean he's automatically making good decisions doesn't change a thing.
Two problems:
1. His body transformed, he is not human anymore, so how does physical exercise that happened as a human even matter? Also, how was he strong enough to kick Spike back, or whatever? He shouldn't be that strong, he's only human in that chapter.
2. How does he remain proficient in any human martial art when he's in the body of a quadruped? Why doesn't he regularly stumble around trying to relearn how to do basic movement like walking, and then after he gets that done, relearn how to run? Let alone fight with his new body?
And how did he do this? Did he study any magic books over... weeks, months? How much of a learning curve did he have on these things?
Or did it just come naturally to him, and he could do them as convenient for the story?
It's the latter, which isn't usually good writing, and it decidedly isn't in this case.
Actually, it was four, because here's what happened in the story:
Autumn Blaze (predictably) took that the wrong way, and negotiations were starting to break down before the Chinese showed up, specifically because he and Luster mentioned "I'm with the invaders, and was of the same species," when one, there's no way she could guess the latter, and two, "I'm with the invaders" is factually incorrect. If either Luster or Charlie were intelligent, they would've realized that it made the Kirin highly suspicious of them, and have decided to act differently in the future, and the question of if they were stupid enough to do that in the first place is another matter.
And "I'm from Australia, they're from China" is meaningless white noise to someone not on our world; they could be allied for all they know.
Which is why they're stupid if they didn't learn from that sooner, if they ever did.
That's not the time to start being intelligent, and walking right into their territory without say, some magical artifacts to boost Luster Dawn's power as a contingency, is beyond stupid. Weren't they going to Canterlot to "negotiate with the Chinese" or something?
Because that plan is beyond stupid, too, considering.
This entire story is an Idiot Plot, whether you can see the truth for yourself or not. The characters aren't intelligent, no matter how you slice it by any reasonable standard.
Why do you waste your time reading a badly-written story that you dislike? I don't even have enough time to read the good ones.
5251319
I like composing the review, especially the parts done as MSTing.
5251376
From where did Red China get suppressor rings? And are these Chinese-designed suppressor rings, or Chicom knockoffs of old Soviet designs?
What you just said is also true of Equestrian Earth Ponies. They are sapient (not merely sentient) creatures, and they are as strong or stronger than most real-world full-sized horses. Pegasi and Unicorns are physically weaker, but hardly helpless, given that the first can fly and the second telekinese.
So ... how do you explain all the scenes where random soldiers just beat them up?
5251376
Your reading comprehension is subpar, because I'm talking in the context of "how did they get that ring on her in the first place," how did they originally beat her down with batons, when they first invaded and originally captured her, when she's logically smart enough to stay out of range, has quick reflexes, and furthermore when to retreat if she's magically exhausted?
You didn't properly sell the backstory for the story. How do you plausibly take her alive? They're not like Chrysalis with a power advantage, or like say, Twilight Sparkle. I don't find it plausible they just up and overwhelmed her that way, when they didn't know of her existence before invading.
If you don't see how this relates to the story that you wrote, then...
That doesn't make him intelligent. And what were Luster Dawn's contributions? How did Luster Dawn help him in combat against any of Jin's men, while searching for allies? Did he deal with those four officers himself? Did Luster attack a single one?
How about at the Kirin village? (Charlie's contributions there weren't much there, either, now that I reread it)
Did Luster Dawn help Charlie deal with Captain Zhou Chang Min? Or did he get to do that all by himself, hit him, use magic on him?
Luster Dawn rarely if ever meaningfully contributes in fights, if you go back and read your own story. She didn't contribute to the fight in the Prologue, she didn't contribute to the escape meaningfully (oh, and now that I reread it, by the way, where and how did Charlie Lam get that Magical Healing Liquid Spray that he used on Twilight in the fourth chapter, far beyond any present technology, further undermining how they went on the adventure on their twosome, no backup, because a full-grown alicorn was healed up), she didn't help Charlie fight off four men supposed to apprehend or kill them, or whatever, she didn't help the Kirin fight, she didn't help Charlie fight that Captain...
Why is it that simple to do something you never even knew existed, not even a week ago, with that amount of skill? Can you not see how someone might consider that lazy writing, a copout?
That doesn't address the point of "Charlie can teach them about gun safety;" I mean, if he's supposedly smart for recognizing what guns the Chinese use, then... why not have him know about gun safety, teach them how to use them?
How did you read that and not understand that I mean "Spike is probably too strong and heavy to be affected like that by a human, regardless of strength?"
5251408
The only reason the suppressor rings exist, is because regarding that thread, where I first told you of this story, well... he took inspiration from this comment. I'm guessing he didn't consider the intricacies of the Research & Development of that, and just haphazardly applied Scotch Tape to the story, when well, this trope applies if anything.
5250523
Indeed. And Twilight, as an Alicorn Pony, is far stronger and more durable than any real horse who ever lived. Not to mention SMARTER -- and able to wield powerful magic, including numerous spells we've seen in canon that would be able to easily deal with multiple heavily-armed human foes, let alone one guy attempting to beat her with martial arts strikes.
In fact the only thing she's less than a real horse is savage in combat. She's slow to escalate to lethal force ... but that would change quickly if one started murdering her subects in front of her.
5251408
Also, another aspect of that whole thing occurred to me: the author seems to think that Spike wouldn't be doing some basic common sense thing, and, I don't know, try to carefully scratch a magic suppression ring off of Starlight's horn, or something, before or after escaping in the third chapter? The fourth chapter? Twilight's horn ring? If they couldn't be removed by other means? At least try to damage it until their magic can finish the job?
(It should go without saying that "common sense" is a character trait often associated with Spike, throughout most of the series, he isn't an idiot... and this is Older Spike)
I guess it goes back down to "don't consider the fact that dragons are supposed to be so much stronger," and "the only character allowed to do anything is Charlie, and ostensibly Luster," because they, again, didn't do anything until getting captured offscreen in the seventh chapter ("Prologue" being "Chapter One" in my eyes); they just waited basically.
5251896
Spike was always shown to be both intelligent and cunning; both aspects of Tolkienian Dragons, and unlike classic Tolkienian Dragons he's long since overcome his Greed (or more specifically, channeled it into caring for his friends). These friends include pretty much everyone being held captive with him: most especially Twilight Sparkle, Rarity Belle, and Starlight Glimmer.
So he should be exerting his mind and body to the utmost to help them. The fact that he's instead being utterly passive, save for the occasional ill-planned attempt at fighting, is very much out of character for Spike. He wasn't this passive when he actually was a child.
By now Spike would have thoroughly-mastered his Dragonfire, probably being able to narrow it to a precision cutting torch at need. LIkewise, he would have learned to control his strength, teeth and claws. It shouldn't be that hard for him to destroy a few rings, especially since there's no particular reason why those rings would have been made to resist Dragons.
As for Luster, all she seems to be allowed to do in the story is moon after Charlie's stallionliness, and "ooh" and "aah" at his amazing technology. Which is a shame -- she's a mostly blank slate but with some hints that she's both similar to and different in certain ways from Twilight Sparkle. She could be an interesting character, if Author would grant her some fundamental respect.
But he won't.
5251344
MSTing is rather fun, whether you're doing it yourself, or reading someone else's.
5251917
Freaking Season 1 Fluttershy was probably less passive than the whole lot of them are, I'm fairly sure.
And it goes without saying you'd be quite hard pressed to argue against the statement "Child!Spike several seasons before he got his wings could've easily killed Jin in the prologue."
It's annoying when they are above consequences because the author can't seem to consider the words "only human," in the literal sense of "physical strength."
Regarding plausibility: either those rings are strong enough to be dragon resistant, being such a (probably if I had to guess unrealistically for whatever resources the Chinese have, but I'm being generous) resilient metal alloy, or they block magic. Pick one. It being "both" would just be overpowered for no reason.
What makes that aspect even worse is that I'm not even sure the author consciously realizes or realized how he was writing her to be as useless she actually was on a regular basis, as can be seen by the following quote, from the above comment of his:
He may or may not have forgotten/not realized that Luster Dawn, up to and including Chapter 14/15 (probably more, on top of that), has never to my knowledge contributed in combat alongside Charlie. All she's ever done is teleport them out of botched diplomacy attempts... after he reminded her that she can do that earlier.
That's exactly what happens when you're consciously or subconsciously focused on having the Gary Stu outshine everyone, not having things happen in a remotely organic fashion, not making sure a character is more complementary, as opposed to implausibly domineering over the plot, like Charlie has.