A Little Original Fiction · 6:29pm Apr 19th, 2020
When Viking ZX brought up the LTUE Parliament of Wizards anthology, I was inspired to write a submission. However, I won't know if my submission will be accepted for a while, and if it is it won't be available for public reading until 2022! I've decided that's far too long to wait in either case. I don't want my entry to languish unread for years, I want people enjoying it!
And so I've decided to share a link to the GDoc version here. This will be the only way to reach the story publicly, as I don't want to post it on any typical site like fictionpress, not if it may end up in the anthology. It's the story of a little girl who really wants to be a wizard and decides to follow one into the wilderness in hopes she can learn something about magic. That's a significant simplification, but I'd really rather not spoil anything about it. This is intended to be a fun, whimsical adventure and I'd much rather you all experience it for yourselves. So, without further ado:
You should probably turn off suggestions on the gdoc so people don't mangle the readability.
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The whole reason I made a public copy was so people could comment. But I guess I see your point; comments off.
I've just read it and it's as good as the rest of your work.
Finished. What a fun little story about a girl way out of her depth pursuing her dream despite the obstacles. All the neat magic action and the glimpse at a cool setting was just a bonus. I did notice you called the gator Mr. Smiles a few times near the middle, though (as an artifact on an earlier draft, I'm guessing), so you may want to fix that before the anthology goes out.
Paul, I'm going to be straight. I don't like your intro. Now that can be "It doesn't look like something I would write" most probably, because I'm a picky person. It's not very 'hooky' and doesn't really 'set the stage' for the story until you get down to the third paragraph.
Here, let me show you how I'd write the first para to get the main character and the place interleaved. This isn't the *right* way, or a better way, just the way I'd do it.
Some time ago in the small town of Crooked Carrama, lived an otherwise quite ordinary young girl name Olive. Ordinary to anyone who gave her more than a sideways look, that is. You see, things in the Bubbling Marshes are quite often not what they appear, and to be ordinary amidst the oozing swamps and festering pools of the area is to be quite extraordinary indeed. Even the town suffered from an abundance of of the strange and unexpected, since it was not always called Crooked Carrama, and in fact, if one were to look at a map for the name, you would never find it. Many years ago, Old Man Carrama founded the small town and called it Honorsfield, although the residents preferred to call it by the more accurate name, despite his frequent protests of innocence. Ever practical, even if he were less than ethical, the old man met his detractors in the middle and officially renamed the town Carrama's Crook, thinking perhaps that future visitors would not notice. Then Old Man Carrama got eaten by an alligator, and the citizens never did update any of the maps, so the actual name of the place continues to vary to this day.
Unfortunately for Olive, her name had remained the same ever since she was born. Her father had always liked unpleasant things, bitter and pickled with brine much like himself.