• Member Since 30th Dec, 2018
  • offline last seen Nov 1st, 2021

Sarah Dino Runnerhoof


Hello everypony! My name is Sarah Dino Runnerhoof! I LOVE reading stories about MLP, loves cats, dinosaurs, chocolate milk, being cute, kind, and silly! I am on a robotics team.

More Blog Posts82

  • 124 weeks
    Happy Halloween and Nightmare Night!

    Happy Halloween and Nightmare Night Everypony!
    I hope everyone is having a great night and staying safe.
    I am having a great time as well. I had a few trick or treaters. I am currently hanging out at a Halloween party with my family so I can't be on here for long.

    I hope you all enjoyed all the music blogs that I did.

    Read More

    3 comments · 218 views
  • 124 weeks
    Just Halloween Music! Plus Ponies!

    Hello every pony! Halloween is tomorrow and I thought I would be doing some blogs on different Halloween music! I am super excited about it!
    Here's the Halloween and Ponies one!

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    0 comments · 172 views
  • 124 weeks
    DOOM and One winged angel (A Re-do)

    Hello every pony! Halloween is tomorrow and I thought I would be doing some blogs on different Halloween music! I am super excited about it!

    Here's DOOM and One Winged Angel edition! This has to be my favorite one!

    Read More

    0 comments · 191 views
  • 124 weeks
    Halloween Music: Requiem For A Dream

    Hello every pony! Halloween is tomorrow and I thought I would be doing some blogs on different Halloween music! I am super excited about it!

    Here's the Requiem For A Dream edition!

    Read More

    0 comments · 130 views
  • 124 weeks
    Halloween Music: Rock Edition

    Hello every pony! Halloween is tomorrow and I thought I would be doing some blogs on different Halloween music! I am super excited about it!
    Here's the Rock Music Edition!

    Read More

    0 comments · 118 views
Apr
18th
2020

Here it is! The blog you all have been waiting for a while: An interesting comparison, involving FF7 and my relationship. Plus, feelings about my relationship and other things. Brady, sweetie, you're going to HATE me for this and believe me on this 1 · 1:05am Apr 18th, 2020

You know that song "Weapon Raid" from Final Fantasy 7 and that moment where that song is being played?

Well, I actually thought of a very interesting theme of it: My relationship with my incredible, amazing, talented, and loving boyfriend, Bradybunch. I know his real name which I am not going to say to protect him and don't make him mad at me. He's probably going to be mad at me for doing this blog but I have to express my feelings and you all know that we're dating so it doesn't really make any difference. Some of you may refer him to Bradybunch or Brady which I have seen. Others refer him to his real name which I have also seen. I refer him to both names because I trust him, I love him, I care and support him.

I will also be talking about other things as well about our relationship and not about our relationship besides the comparison. Do look forward to that for those who are reading this blog.

This scene is where Sapphire Weapon attacks Junon. It represents the possibility of breakup and sadness for me in our relationship. The song represents uncertainty and uneasiness about our relationship. It's like a timer in our relationship and I don't know when we have to break up. I don't want it to happen and I am being very honest about that.

Let me explain how the scene represents my fear and how I am trying to deal with it.

The fear in our relationship for me is breaking up with him so please keep that in mind when you are reading the next paragraph. Also, keep the moments of the video in mind as well.

When the big metal doors are sliding upwards and covering up the buildings, that represents the fear covering up my hopes and dreams for our relationship. The first shot from the big gun represents the first sign of stress. Sapphire Weapon swims towards the gun to destroy it, after a few seconds of the first shot. Sapphire Weapon represents me trying to stop the stress and the uncertainty of our relationship. All the shots being fired from the soldiers and guns on the platforms represents all the little stressful things that bothers me and I am trying to stop it, preventing it from happening. I am resisting the pain and the fear of the breakup. Sapphire Weapon hits the wall hard and that symbolizes me trying to stop that fear dead in its tracks. When the Weapon raises up from the water, I am confronting that fear, trying to kill it and stop it once and for all. Trying to prevent the fear of breakup from becoming true. The first beam of light being shot from the Weapon represents me fighting it, hopefully preventing it from happening. When the Sapphire Weapon is about to destroy the gun, I am about to destroy that pathetic fear forever but that shot from the gun kills the Weapon. That represents the fear of breaking up with him coming true and destroying me in the process. When the light in the Weapon's tail fades away before disappearing into the water, that represents him going away from my life.

An interesting scene from Final Fantasy 7 to represent the fear in our relationship, isn't it? To me, it fits it perfectly.

Brady is like the rare light I have been searching for a long time and I don't want to lose him because I don't know if I will ever find someone else like him in the world just the way people act these days. I don't want to lose that light from my life. He said to me that I am also like a light to him as well. A rare light he has looked for a while as well and he doesn't want to break up with me either or lose me.

I just can't believe that he would talk about breakup with me since he said that to me. It breaks my heart and makes me so angry at him!!! Sometimes, I just want to scream loudly at him for talking about it but I control it and it's not easy for me to control it. I know that he is speaking the truth about what might or can happen and he knows that I don't like talking about it. I hide my anger and stress from him so he doesn't get concerned about me or fuss at me. I do that often with my emotions so nobody can be worried about me. Only a few people on here, and that doesn't really include my boyfriend much, that I tell how I am feeling about something that involves my relationship with him and other things that doesn't involve my relationship with him.

This song represents my anger and stress in our relationship. It also represents my anger at Brady a little bit.

For the last few months, I have been feeling stressed out about our relationship because I don't want to let go of him and it began in January and slowly, very slowly, it has been getting noticeable. It has been really noticeable lately because the Coronavirus crap had the schools shut down which I can't get the school WiFi anymore and I haven't been able to get WiFi a lot these past few weeks. This Coronavirus thing isn't really helping anything out, especially in our relationship which I am working really hard to keep.
Also, my boyfriend hasn't been really talking to me alot lately for reasons I will not talk about because it's personal but I understand the reasons pretty well. I know that he would get online to check on some things and then get offline for a certain amount of time. I know that he published a new story and a blog post. I sent him a message last Thursday the 27th in March and when I came back on either Tuesday or Wednesday, I never received a message. That kinda, not too much though (I didn't rage all day about it. Only for a few minutes I really raged then I calmed down.) ticked me off but I understand that he's busy and it's my problem. I feel like he doesn't want to talk to me and doesn't love me anymore and that's bothering me a little bit. I think it's really my problem and not his at all.

Not talking to your partner in a dating relationship for a while, like a few days or weeks, can be bad, unless you are taking a break or don't have the time to talk, because the other partner could feel upset, mad, sad, or bored. Sometimes, they can have these types of thoughts going through their minds; "Am I wasting my time and energy? Do they really and truly love me or not? Are they just saying that they love me so they can get me off their back? Are they trying to hide the fact that they don't love me anymore? Do they even think about me and do they even want to talk to me anymore? Do they even miss me or miss talking to me? Are they trying to avoid me? Do I really love them or not? Are they talking with someone else and they're not telling me? Are they annoyed, angry or bored with me?" The list can go on and on! I have felt all of those things and I don't like feeling and thinking about them one bit! To me, that's not how a relationship should work because if you don't talk to your partner a lot and you barely talk to them, the possibility of a breakup is probably going to kill the relationship.
How about this: If you get married, have children and then something really bad happens to your spouse and or children, like they died in a car crash or you get divorced, and you're very depressed because relied on them or loved them so much for a long time for things and then you don't have them anymore and you don't know how to deal with it because you didn't want to be reliant on dating partners before you broke up with them and got married without experiencing the pain of breakup?
Then it is your freaking problem because you didn't go through the process of getting over the breakup. In my personal opinion, if you don't talk to your dating partner, then that's what kills the relationship there. I have said that before and I am serious about it. I am concerned about that and other things in my relationship. I have been trying to talk to him as much as possible because I don't want that to happen.
I just hope he's not shutting me out on purpose and if he is, I am not going to be very happy at him at all and I do mean it! I'm going to be so fucking pissed off at him if he's doing it but I don't know if he is. He better not be doing that to me because I love him so freaking much!!!

You know, if Sephiroth was real and cared about me alot and he found out about this, he would probably mentally tease my boyfriend and tell him, "On your knees! I want you to beg for forgiveness!" I can definitely imagine Sephiroth doing that, just the way he acts. I, of course, won't approve of that because I would protect Brady, depending on how I am feeling about him. Yet, I would still protect him, no matter what. Sephiroth is the type of person that you don't want to mess with. He mentally teased Cloud Strife in the Movie "Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children" , the original game "Final Fantasy 7", and "Final Fantasy 7 Remake". He did it to Cloud without any feelings for him.

I wonder though; Who would win in a fight: Sephiroth or Brady. I am sorry to say but I think Sephiroth would win because he is very fast moving, has very good skills with his sword (his sword is very long), has magic (maybe), has a lot of experience with fighting, and is incredibly strong. And, maybe, he's immortal. The vs thing between them two just popped in my head one day and I thought it was really funny as hell!

Or who would win in a dancing contest!? XD

XD means laughing by the way, if you didn't know it.

Lately, I have been thinking about my boyfriend, but, sometimes not always, not in the way I want to.
I have been imagining that me and him along with people I know, our families, and famous people getting kidnapped and getting all of our clothes taken off by force. The kidnappers force me and him to get married and make love. Not only love but also a baby or babies because the kidnappers just want us to reproduce, like lab rats, to do experiments. I definitely don't approve of that. It's a little wild and my imaginations can be weird as hell but I am a very imaginative and creative young woman. Also in the imagination, the kidnappers have me beat him up and almost torture him but I torture the nearest kidnapper instead while the song "One Winged Angel" from Final Fantasy 7 is playing in the background. In the imagination, the kidnappers also want me to have sex with my real life crushes which are older than me and famous. I don't approve of that one bit.
Also, another of my wild imaginations is that me and my boyfriend are stuck in a bedroom with a single bed during another Coronavirus outbreak while we're at a religious camp for two months. We've been apart for two long years and we get back together in this imagination. The room does have a bathroom, a TV, a dresser, and a refrigerator in it. We're separated from our group and put into this bedroom together at a dorm like place. There, we're trying to figure out ways to keep us both busy, like watching movies, TV shows, reading stuff and other things to keep us both occupied. We both try not to get sexual with each other but we fail, we both lose our virginity, and long story short, he gets me pregnant and we kinda freak out about it! We both believe in having sex after getting married, yet in the imagination, we're not married, we lose our virginity, and I get pregnant! I am not going to go into anymore details than that because it's a little complicated and uncomfortable as hell! It's freaking weird as hell but sort of fun in a way but still uncomfortable.
I have been having alot of sexual thoughts about my boyfriend ever since we started dating in November. We have stopped being sexual with each other because of his porn problem since the beginning of January and that's when the stress began. I still have those sexual thoughts about him though. I have been hiding them because I know that he's going to be upset at me. Those thoughts would be off and on, depending on how I am feeling about my relationship and weather or not I am feeling horny about him.

Speaking of the second imagination, I thought of it non-stop for like a day or so because I was feeling sort of horny about my boyfriend and, of course, Sephiroth. I am thinking that the videos I have been watching, which are "Cloud x Sephiroth" videos, might have triggered the hornyness and some of the videos had sexual pictures in which I liked a little bit. The second imagination is definitely going to make me feel horny… I thought of something and I laughed about it so freaking hard when it popped up in my head but I know it's not really funny because it's weird. That thought is that my boyfriend and Sephiroth are in bed with me. I am so sorry my love and I know that you are going to hate me for that, but you do have the right to hate me for it.

If people are going to make a huge deal about me looking or thinking about sexual things, it's their f-ing problem because I can do whatever I want, alright Goddammit! It's freaking natural and just deal with it!!! If you can't deal with it, it's your problem. I have my needs and you have your needs. If other people want to be dirty minded and look at and think about sexual things, then let them be that way. Don't control other people for who they are. I have been dirty minded ever since I was a kid, so I am used to the kinky stuff, alright. I know a certain someone that tells other people not to do that and I don't like them doing that because they're just trying to control them, telling them what to do and what not to do, and I think that person needs to mind their own doggone business. I am definitely not going to name them or say if they have an account on here to protect them. I am not attacking the person at all.

I am just having really mixed up emotions about him right now and it's bothering me a little bit. Each time when I send a message to him, instead of me being relaxed, calm, warm inside, and happy, I am nervous of what his response is going to be because I don't know if he really does love me anymore and I don't know if or when we're going to break up. Also, I don't know what he is going to say because this, Pardon my French, Coronavirus bullshit is really screwing things up because I don't want to expose my grandparents to this disease and other personal things as well. I just… I don't know how to feel about this situation anymore. I have worked so, so, so hard on this relationship with him because some of you know that he has a problem with porn and I have been helping him out with that problem a lot because I don't want it to ruin his life anymore. And by me helping him out with it he has gotten better which I am very happy about.

Animal I have become - Three Days Grace

Monster - Skillet

The Devil Within - Digital Daggers

These three songs represent the pain of my boyfriend's problem with porn. I know that he is getting better but still has that problem and I am trying my very best and hardest to help him out with that pathetic monster of a nightmare. My curiosity is how did his porn addiction started in the first place and I only want him to answer that question in pm. The three also represent my slight depression in my life a little bit and my anxiety about our relationship.

Also, he said to a person on here that he wanted to find a "keeper" girlfriend and, no, I am not going to name that person. I did thank that person for believing in him that he will find one and I am trying to fulfill that wish of his. I am very persistent with this relationship because I want it to be the best and I do want it to last for a long time, like maybe a year or longer for my goal. My boyfriend might say I am being too hopeful but I know that we still have time together. We just gotta believe in it and work hard to stay together. I kinda, not all the time, treat it as if it's a hard school project and I want to get an "A" or "A plus" on it. That's how I am with my school work because I want to get the best grades. Sometimes, I can overthink it and I get very stressed out. I just don't want this relationship to fall apart and I am being very honest about that. I don't want it to go to waste whatsoever.

Some of you said that we're perfect and look cute together, and I have said that he's like my soulmate that I want to be with, maybe/probably, for the rest of my life.

But he also said that our online relationship can't go on forever because we need to think about our individual futures and I agree with him on that but I am very sad and slightly or more angry about our relationship because I worked so hard on it and I have gotten to know him so well. We have things in common, we are both honest with each other, and we love each other very much. We still love other each, even though we're in different religions. I love him so freaking much and it'll be very hard to stop loving him and thinking about him. That's how much of an impact my boyfriend has made on my life. I still love him so very much and I am still in love with him! I even have said this "May God forbid it and May God unite us in Heaven." and I said those 2 things quite a bit. I just hope that I don't get super depressed or become sort of like Sephiroth, all evil and mean, if or when we do break up which I don't want to happen. I still love him so freaking much and I don't want to lose him. April 19th 2020 would mark the five months that me and Brady have been dating, if our relationship doesn't fall apart before then. I hope our relationship doesn't fall apart at all and I do mean it.
I will let all of you guys know what happens next in our relationship and I am thinking it's not going to be good news.
I really and truly hate thinking about the possibility of a breakup damn it!

This song can represent me at times when I am a little upset, especially about the possibility of a breakup. I don't want to end up like Sephiroth.

I feel like I have sort of failed this relationship and I have lied to myself so many fucking times that I would meet him in real life and hang out with him but that's not going to happen at all apparently. I understand him but I just... I don't want it to happen at all.

Maybe, there's another universe that me and him do end up together for the rest of our lives and we have kids together. I am sure that other me in that universe is going to be very happy to be with him. I wish I was in that very same universe right now because I do really love my boyfriend a lot and he's like the perfect person for me. The perfect soulmate for me. I do believe in the multiverse theory because it does make sense to me and it's pretty interesting to think about.

Maybe, some of you guys who are reading this blog, can come up with some ship names for me and my boyfriend to keep yourself busy and not worry about the Coronavirus. Kinda like shipping Fluttershy and Discord together; Fluttercord.

For the paragraph below this one, I had to revise it quite a few times because I had a lot more sentences and included a little bit of too much information and details. I also didn't want my boyfriend to get very uncomfortable and I didn't want him to get very pissed off at me. I just didn't want any trouble and too much details in it at all.
He did tell me something that might happen sooner or later this year or next but I am not going to say what it is and not going to say any type of details because it's a personal and private matter. It could potentially make us break up. Just let him be and you better not ask him about it.
I just hope this blog post doesn't kill our relationship because I want to be with him until that "something" time comes.

He is probably going to hate me for this blog post big time and I do mean it. He has the right to be angry and hateful at me though, either I like it or not!! I am probably going to end up in tears and I am going to hate myself so f-ing much afterwards.
Or maybe, he's going to be sad and/or slightly angry at me.


On a side note, someone in my life and I am not going to name them or say if they have an account on here to protect them, but they said this to me a few weeks ago, "You make a huge deal out of a lot of things." Well, I'm sorry! If you don't like that about me, then you don't like the way I am, Goddammit! Maybe that person doesn't understand me fully and just assumes things about me without thinking. It's a part of me and I know I have to deal with it. I know that it's the truth about me but I don't really care because it's apart me! If they don't like it, then they can unfollow me and freaking block me, if they have an account on here, for all I care!! I asked the same question to my Mom and she said to me that I really don't make a huge deal out of things. Same thing with my Dad. My best friend told me that she didn't want to answer it because she didn't want to hurt me with her answer. I told her it's a part of me and she said that she loves me for who I am. All I can say is and I am quoting this from Richie saying this to Pennywise from the movie "IT" , "Welcome to the Loser's Club a**hole!" I am like a Loser from the club because they're outcasts and I am proud of it. I am an outcast person in real life and I have been mistreated for who I am. The Losers club is made of outcasts and I can relate to them quite well. They've been mistreated for the way they are but they don't really care because they love themselves for who they are and they have each other. When that person said that I make a huge deal out of a lot of things, I did agree with them but I also cried so much that night because I am being told the hard truth but maybe the person was being mean towards me unintentionally or intentionally.

You just gotta be careful about what you say around me because I am an emotional young woman. I have been like that ever since I was a little kid. I just really hate people that make fun of me because I have dealt with it almost every day since I first started school in kindergarten and I am getting so sick of it.

Also, I have been called Slut before and I hated that so freaking much because I am not a person that just sleeps with guys and have sex with them all the freaking time!!
I do not act like that because that is dangerous and unwise to do that, especially with someone that you barely know. I am not going to say the person's name or say if they have an account on here to protect them but when they called me a Slut, I felt like I was just being bullied and used. I felt like they didn't really care about me and for who I am. I felt like they were just calling me that for the hell of it. I felt like I was being degraded to a cow or a mare that just makes babies and just breeds. Nothing more, nothing less. Even talking about it makes me a little angry at them. I am sort of still pissed off at them for calling me that because I am too nice of a lady to be called that and I don't act like a Slut at all. In my personal opinion, that person should not be respected for calling me that but they probably didn't know that I didn't like being called that. I did ask them not to call me that while hiding my hatred at them from them and they did stop calling me that. I am not happy with them for calling me that still. I don't think they have apologized for calling me that ever or I might not be remembering correctly.




For this blog post, I wrote it in Google docs because I knew it would take me awhile to type everything down that I wanted to write about. I did take a great deal of time on this blog because I wanted to make sure that I get everything in it and I didn't want any personal things about our relationship in it because he has fussed at me about it before. I really did think it though because I wanted the truth in it. I know that I did rant in it, but I don't really care because this blog belongs to me and me alone. Also, I worked very hard on this blog because I started to type this blog post up on Thursday the 2nd of April and constantly made a lot of changes to it over the next few weeks. Adding and removing things to it alot, stuff like that.

I did finish this blog post up first before I finished a story about me and my boyfriend. To me, it felt more important to do the blog post before finishing up the story so I am sorry my love. It's not really my first time doing a story. I have done others but not on here. Those stories are on paper. The story is about me and him, I am going to share it with him though pm.
I am most likely not going to do it in a blog post or publish it because he probably wouldn't like it. It doesn't involve ponies in it after all.

I have already sent the story to him because the story is good news for him but this blog is probably going to be bad news for him. I planned that out before I finished writing this blog post because I wanted him to read my happy work of art first before my sad and negative work of art. I also did tell him to look for my blog, take his time reading it, and warned him that it's going to be a little gloomy. I just don't want him to be hurt so badly after reading this blog while he's reading my story about us two. Happiness comes first before sadness.

I rather not make him so freaking pissed off at me anyway. He's probably going to be angry at me when he is done reading this blog post. Maybe, sad as well.

Probably right after I publish this blog post, I am most likely not going to be online for a few days or more, depending on how I am feeling about this blog post and what the comments are going to be like. If they're decent, I might reply immediately. If they're not, I am probably not going to reply immediately. Especially what my boyfriend is going to say because I have a feeling that he's not going to be happy but I could be wrong about it. I am most likely going to be looking at your comments to my blog post or pm but I am probably not going to be online though. I will be probably going to be receiving notifications on my phone that you have commented on my post so I will be looking at them. So don't expect an immediate response from me, alright. I just want to take a small break from here because I have things in my personal life that I have to do.

I am so sorry Bronycommander, Little Wingy, and Viper Pit! I am not avoiding you guys at all! Same goes for all my followers and my loving boyfriend!

To my one and only loving boyfriend, I know that you are probably going to be pissed off at me for doing this blog post about our relationship and you do have the right to be very angry at me. I just… I wanted to express my feelings about our relationship, how much it means to me, how it has changed me, and other things as well. If you could and wanted to, you could smack me across my face so hard that a red handprint is on my face, you could tell me how much I am a pain in the ass, and make me feel so horrible about myself. I don't know if you'd go that far with me sweetie. I still love you so very freaking much, Brady! You bring happiness into my life and you mean so much to me babe! I am being honest about that with you. I just don't want to lose you and I want to be with you. You'll probably won't forgive me for this blog post anyway, no matter how much I declare that I love you. You can degrade me in any way you want to, if you want to sweetie. I probably deserve it anyway, since you're maybe going to be sad and probably going to be so fucking angry at me after you're done reading this blog.

Well, anyway, I hope some of you guys are doing ok after reading all of that. I know it's really emotional and hard, but I wanted to do this blog to show you how this year has changed me and how I feel about certain things. Especially how my relationship has changed me and how I feel about it. This blog has taken a toll on me because some of the things in it are really hard to talk about.

I put so much effort into this blog post, that I did stay up late doing it each night, crying a little bit, and not feeling sure about my relationship. The latest I have been up working on this blog was 4:00 o'clock in the morning on Monday the 6th of April and I felt like total crap all day long. It makes me so upset because I don't want to lose him but I know it's going to happen eventually and I don't if or when it's going to happen.

Please do take it easy on me because I put a lot of thought and effort into it. I don't think I have ever put this much effort and time into a blog post in my life so far. I probably won't put this much effort and time into a blog post for a long time. It's like an emotional work of art that is full of sadness and negativity. I don't know if my boyfriend will be crying while he's reading this or getting very angry at me. I have cried while typing this blog because it is so painful and heartbreaking for me. Maybe the same thing my boyfriend will feel, painful and heartbreaking. I had so many mixed emotions during the process of writing this blog because of the heartache.
Brady, you don't have to take it easy on me if you are feeling very angry at me. You have every right to degrade in any way you want to babe.

I did listen to "One Winged Angel" and "Weapon Raid", but I mostly listened to "One Winged Angel" the original version of it, because I thought it fit this blog quite well, especially the mood and theme of the song and of this blog. I listened to that song so many times that it is not funny. Probably a thousand or more times. The number of words in this blog post is over 6,000 words. I wanted the blog post to be much shorter but it gradually kept on getting longer and longer because I wanted to put everything in it and I don't leave anything out.

Here's the original version of the song.

I listened to this version of the song while I was making the last edits to this blog post and proofreading it before publishing it and finishing the story about me and my boyfriend up.

Well, I hope everyone is being safe and staying away from people that seem sick. I am doing those things.
Have a fabulous day everypony or at least try to!

I do not own the videos in this blog!!! They belong to their respective owners!!!!

Comments ( 4 )

Very well Made! And i agree in every aspect, we all have our Fantsies and Bad Moments.

Me, i had a Bad Dream once About a OC colt of my Friend Patch, which was simliar to what You discribed.

And Slut, Really? Some People are just stupid.

Though, had some Trouble with that recently

Don't think you're the only one who's ever felt insecure or uncertain about the fate of one's relationship. Believe me, not just women fear the possibility that their partner no longer shows the affection they hope to receive, but us guys, even though we hide it nearly well, have our own fears that we try to keep hidden. I've been in two different relationships in my lifetime, in the beginning they were both great. We had common interests, we could find things to talk about, we'd make love in a way you can see in nature films, and we talked about a future where we'd have a future together, getting married, and having children. The classic example of a fairy tale romance brought to life and I was determined to be the example of a man who treats a woman with honor and respect.

But like all relationships, not everything was all sunshine and rainbows. We'd have those rare moments when we do get into an arguments, my own partners would suddenly act emotional for no reasons and even I would admit I was no better when I get stressed. We try to work things out, we both admit we can be dramatic at times, and we do say we're sorry at times. But little did I even know, the compassion we had for each other started to fade and eventually the arguments would get so personal, so hurtful... I would never realize how it was truly ending until it came too late. And they all end the same... No matter what circumstance, next thing I know the moment a woman breaks up with me, suddenly everything I had ever done for both of them was never good enough... They would start saying so much hateful things about me, calling me names worse than what they call aspies, that suddenly the love we had didn't matter to them anymore. Only then did I finally learn the truth about 'who' they are and 'why' my parents knew that women like them would only hurt me no matter what I do.

That's why I've been very uncertain about getting back into dating because there's only so much disappointment that a man like myself can take before I start asking myself, 'Is it still worth pursuing for?' My life is still good with or without love: I got my dream job, I've paid off my car, the fact that I'm able to drive anywhere is a miracle, I graduated from public schooling, and I've become a respected member of the community through hard work and passion. None of those have changed, I know I am a good person and until otherwise I've stopped the feeling of ever needing anyone because any person that I did want would probably be the type who's too cool to notice a guy like me. But at least in your case, in YOUR case, no matter how this all ends you are still young, you are still beautiful as you are, and there will always be hope that things will get better regardless of the circumstance.

If you can work this out, good for you. And if it doesn't, don't blame yourself. Just because you two may no longer love each other anymore doesn't mean there isn't someone who will love you no matter what (Even if it will always be your family). Better to let out your emotions in the only way you know how, rather than bottling them up and then later regretting it when it comes out at the worst moment of your life. I just only hope, at the end of the day, it works out for you.

I have to say Sarah (may I call you just "Sarah"?), that this blog right here has to be the most honest, vulnerable and heart-wrenching account that I have ever read. Just the way that you convey your feelings as well as your struggles is so very real and brave of you. To be honest, at the end of reading this, I'm tearing up right now and I don't tear up easily. The last time that I got misty-eyed was at the end of The Green Mile. But I digress. Anyway, I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles and those of your boyfriend. The fact that you choose to open up about it to complete strangers shows not only your own self-awareness of your flaws and issues but also an inner strength and spirit most people wish that they had. All I can say is thank you for sharing this with us and I wish all of the luck and happiness in the world for you. Stay strong.

Miss you, and hope the future holds better things for you soon Sarah.

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