Time to Decide. · 9:55pm Apr 7th, 2020
I have already made it clear that in the past I have been more machine then human but I was brought back to being human again by my fiance. I have been happy with everything incept recently. I have watched my life get ripped apart in away that I can't repair. I have been dealing with my problems and my epilepsy. I have always remained strong and standing well the old me that is as I have been working as hard as I can and haven't been strong enough to do anything. Everybody looks at me and asks me for help and advice. I try to give it to them but I am not the same person. I am not sure what to do as it feels like I have been split into two. One is the cold and calculating person I was previously but the other is my usual normal self. I feel like there's a civil war with in me. I don't know what to do anymore and I need advice. I can't be both of them at the same time. I have fought for people so long that I can remember. I don't think I have the strength to do it anymore. I will be honest in saying that this as well goes far beyond even this problem as I have been talking to my fiance and she said to some degree that she was sorry about all the fighting but she said and did a lot of things that hurt me and I honestly love her but I honestly don't know how or if I can forgive her. One part says that I should forgive her but then the other part chimes in and reminds me that just because she sorry doesn't make it okay. I have been arguing with myself to the point where I can't get any sleep. Do I close off my feelings once again or do I keep going? I don't know what to do. I have watched my life and dreams get torn apart before my eyes. I love a person who I don't know if I can trust and to top it all off I am not sure what I can do. I need help and advice from someone.
5238086
Agreed you definitely need a break just Relax and think asking for help is the right thing to do I would suggest not closing yourself up that isn’t good
Man, I really, really, really wish I had something more helpful to say than...well, I'll be praying for you. I'm not experienced in this type of thing, so I can't say I know what you should do next. But I hope that everything works out.
I honestly say forgive her. if you truly love her with all your heart, and even if you don't, forgive her. Forgiving someone for a wrong done to you can help unload some rather heavy weights on your shoulders. you don't have to forgive her now, it can even come with in a few years from now. forgive and then let go of the pain. and believe me, it works