Another Retarded Short Story · 9:13pm Mar 4th, 2020

Jessica Wu was thinking about Andrew Vader again. Andrew was an intuitive lover with skinny lips and feathery abs.

Jessica walked over to the window and reflected on her quiet surroundings. She had always loved derelict Upper Boggington with its panicky, purring parks. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel ecstatic.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the an intuitive figure of Andrew Vader.

Jessica gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a cute, gentle, beer drinker with ginger lips and beautiful abs. Her friends saw her as a queenlike, quarrelsome queen. Once, she had even saved a dizzy blind person that was stuck in a drain.

But not even a cute person who had once saved a dizzy blind person that was stuck in a drain, was prepared for what Andrew had in store today.

The snow flurried like boating monkeys, making Jessica stressed. Jessica grabbed a crumpled rock that had been strewn nearby; she massaged it with her fingers.

As Jessica stepped outside and Andrew came closer, she could see the robust glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want affection," Andrew bellowed, in a brave tone. He slammed his fist against Jessica's chest, with the force of 3474 cats. "I frigging love you, Jessica Wu."

Jessica looked back, even more stressed and still fingering the crumpled rock. "Andrew, I'm in love with you," she replied.

They looked at each other with confident feelings, like two delicious, defiant donkeys drinking at a very hilarious dinner party, which had orchestral music playing in the background and two optimistic uncles swimming to the beat.

Suddenly, Andrew lunged forward and tried to punch Jessica in the face. Quickly, Jessica grabbed the crumpled rock and brought it down on Andrew's skull.

Andrew's skinny lips trembled and his feathery abs wobbled. He looked lonely, his body raw like a plain, panicky piano.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Andrew Vader was dead.

Jessica Wu went back inside and made herself a nice drink of beer.

THE END

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