Slow Fade · 2:57am Mar 4th, 2020
I left my husband today.
It felt like a long time coming. It's been a very hard day. We agreed to be friends, so I guess that's good. I'm just kind of trying to deal with this. It's hard, dealing with the death of a dreamscape you had for nearly nine years. I don't think I'm dealing with it very well, honestly. I'm just trying to get through it.
It's been a very musical kind of day, so I'm imparting some song lyrics to describe my feelings since I don't have the words myself. This one is first.
"Late nights, are you sleepless too?
Wide awake in the starless blue
Staring up at the ceiling
Do you feel what I'm feeling
Little fights at the weekend do
You love me better when I'm not with you
We were built like concrete
I used to know your heartbeatThe light has disappeared
The dust has settled here
But still I want you nearSo I been waiting for that slow fade (Ooh-hoo-hoo)
(Ooh-hoo-hoo)
Kinda hoping that you won't stay (Ooh-hoo-hoo)
(Ooh-hoo-hoo)
There's no color in us lately
And it's too hard to say
I been praying that we'll lose our love in slow fade." -Slow Fade by Ruth B.
The song that's really hit it on the head though, is the next one. Thank you Selena Gomez for giving words to my feelings when I can't with "Lose You To Love Me".
"You promised the world and I fell for it
I put you first and you adored it
Set fires to my forest
And you let it burn
Sang off-key in my chorus
'Cause it wasn't yours
I saw the signs and I ignored it
Rose-colored glasses all distorted
Set fire to my purpose
And I let it burn
You got off on the hurtin'
When it wasn't yours, yeahWe'd always go into it blindly
I needed to lose you to find me
This dancing was killing me softly
I needed to hate you to love me, yeahTo love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love me, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love meI gave my all and they all know it
You tore me down and now it's showing
In two months you replaced us
Like it was easy
Made me think I deserved it
In the thick of healing, yeahWe'd always go into it blindly
I needed to lose you to find me
This dancing was killing me softly
I needed to hate you to love me, yeahTo love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love me, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love meYou promised the world and I fell for it
I put you first and you adored it
Set fires to my forest
And you let it burn
Sang off key in my chorusTo love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to hate you to love me, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love me
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeahAnd now the chapter is closed and done
To love love, yeah
To love love, yeah
To love, yeah
And now it's goodbye, it's goodbye for us."
If you guys couldn't tell, the song inspired my fic of the same name, so there you go. Surprise. Or not. I don't know.
Sorry, it's not a good day guys. I'm just trying to do the best I can right now. Love you guys.
-Cloe
We're here if you need us.
5213796
Thank you. I really appreciate that.
I don't know jackshit about love, but I'm here to offer support and kindness. :3
5213802
That's really sweet, thank you.
5213805
*Hugs*
5213808
-Hugs-
If you ever need someone to talk to, we're here...
.
5213799
The loss of possibility is always a hard thing. For me, when my relationship ended with my ex, it was mutual and understanding. The solace I took was knowing that both of us still had other possibilities ahead of us for our future relationships with others even as we remained friends. When my ex passed away under a year later, it wasn't the loss of ever having the chance to be together that hit me, it was truly the pain of knowing that their possibilities were taken from them after all that had been thrown at them in life.
Just know that there is still more ahead for both of you, even if the path now looks a little different from before. You can still both share in each other's lives, just in a slightly different way.
*hugs* You can always send me a PM if you want to talk, my ears are always open to those in need
We are all here for you
:(
Mama...*hug*
Oh no! I'm so sorry!
I really, really wish I had something helpful or comforting to say, but.........I'm not good with words.
*hug*
It saddens me to hear of this tragic situation. Though the songs you picked make me think that it is going to be a bit tricky as you miss the companionship but felt like their was some degree of toxicity in the relationship. :(
My wife abruptly left me in 2018 and quickly started going out with another woman. She said she had been falling out of love with me for years but I never noticed. I suppose this makes me blind in two ways. *Shrugs*
The song I came to when she left to pursue other relationships was the one by 'The Script' wherein the main line "When a heart breaks it don't break even.".
***
It took me over a year to lose the sorrow. However, going on two years, I stillwish she hadn't given up on us. She's now looking for 'Relationship #5' since leaving me. I keep thinking that if I was that bad that you'd have a revolving door of male and female lovers than golly-gee-dang.
Please know that, if you'd like, you can always message me if you want someone to talk to. As I have gone through the pain, I do believe I'd be able to provide a good shoulder to lean on as you start the journey to the next chapter of your life.