Just an update on my status · 8:00am Feb 23rd, 2020

Ill try to make this brief, so bare with me.

The surgery went off without a hitch, it turned out great, and from my most recent MRI it shows that the cancer/tumor is completely gone, thank god.

However life is not without its bumps. Over the past few months since my release from the hospital I have faced many different dillemas. It was all due to the medications they had me on so I had to completely stop taking them. The only bad part is now I have nothing to take that can make siezures go away. I am in kentucky so getting marijuana is a no go at the moment, but they just recently made it legal for medicinal use. So im looking forward to that.

The depression really got to me though and honestly for a period of just a few hours, had made me feel like i was going insane. Uncontrollable fits of crying and laughter due to pain, suffering, sleeplessness, bad medications, among just the main reasons. Suicidal thoughts were the worst. Although im smart enough to know better and would never hurt myself, I did feel the strongest urge to just end it all.

But I pressed on, through the pain, the suffering, the absolute torment that life was putting me through. It was the worst period in my life that could possibly exist but I did it. I made it through.

Then I get off the meds entirely. Im in constant pain and have seizures anywhere from 0 to 5 times a day depending on multiple triggers that cause it. Stress, anxiety, loud noises, music, screaming, strenuous activity, high heart rate, pain levels, and a few more. I can no longer listen to music without having a siezure. and if you guys have kept up with me all these years youll know that i was a big audiophile and always listened to music. Hell I have music listed in my stories.

Now though its just a sad memory until I can find something to take to curb my siezures.

For those of you wanting to know, I started having siezures around may last year that were auditory only. Not the kind that makes you convulse and flop around on the ground. I can feel them coming on and can prepare myself but i only have a 20 second window max. Then about another 90 to 120 seconds of a siezure, and then im fine, sometimes a headache, but fine. I cant drive a car now because of this. Im stuck at home. But thats ok because i get to spend all day with my 4 year old and teach him everything he needs to know about life. his current progress is working toward potty training. good lord thats about as fun as it sounds.

Other than that I just sit around doing nothing but playing video games. If you guys want, add me on xbox. Same name as here, FurStreak. I also stream from time to time, so you can interacts with me and chat.

My health insurance covered everything since I became fully disabled due to the tumor/cancer. So thank god for that one too. Im looking forward to getting in shape as well since i was released to do light duty work and exercise only. Ive already lost 65 pounds in 3 months time. Most of it was due to lack of eating from depression. But ive kept it off and im feeling better.

For those of you who want to know, I am still not coming back to write anymore pony stuff. I havent watched the last 2 seasons and dont plan on it. My mental capacity has been severely damaged due to the entire operation and removal of the tumor/cancer. It was in the area of my brain where most of my memories were stored so ive taken a hard hit to my mind and its capacity to remember things. Its bad honestly. Ill be truthful here. After the operation and on several occasions I completely forgot about many things. FIMFICTION was one of them. but it would come back. although I dont remember a lot about my stories, or where they were going, I still remember a little every now and then. I think its best to just let bygones be bygones on the pony thing. As I doubt I could rekindle the love i once had for the series.

I just wanted to thank everyone who has liked my stories and enjoyed them for all this time. Your dedication and comments helped to make me a better writer in the end.

P.S. I cancelled my novel. I had made it to around 65% complete before I found out I had cancer then put it on hold. After the surgery I couldnt remember where the story was going so I had to cancel it as my imagination is a dangerous place now. It is no longer gumdrops and lolipops. Its tattered with death destruction and misery. I could write some serious horror shit but tbh that isnt me. I hate putting anyone through any type of pain. Just because I know what its like being in pain. Ive been in severe pain for 21 years now, everyday due to gout, arthritis, health problems, etc. I just dont have the stomach for it. plus id probably have a mental breakdown if I tried.

So, until next time. I wish you all the best. Im leaving my story up on here, but dont look forward to updates. You might get a blog post in the ffuture detailing more crap ive gone through. especially if my cancer comes back within the next 6 months. because if it does i can honestly say I will NOT go through with another operation to have that shit removed. Ill just let it take me this next turn. I cant handle the depresson crap again.

so good luck to everyone. i wish you the best. I wont be back to respond to messages, but i will read them. leave them if you like. or not, thats fine too.

Report Furstreak · 699 views ·

Comments ( 5 )