Feeling Comfortable(Despite many things going on in my head lol) · 2:05pm Jan 31st, 2020

What I hate most about winter are the colds and wearing jeans. Everytime I go out into the cold with jeans, it takes FOREVER for my jeans to warm up. That's why I wear a hoodie and sweatpants. And, whenever I run out of sweatpants, I grab my pajama pants because they're just as warm and comfortable. And, yeah, I wear my pajamas to school. I really don't care what others think about my attire in the winter time. Well, most of the time. I like to get dressed up every now and then.

When I was younger, I had a few crushes. I would get all weak in the knees and hot all over. I would constantly glance over to my crush, and then quickly look away before I was caught. Nowadays, I don't have those feelings anymore. Like, I find people sexually attractive, but for some reason I don't feel any romantic attraction. I don't really know what falling in love feels like. I'm better at making friends than a romantic partner. I don't know if I can't fall in love. People say you have to love yourself first in order to love someone else. I don't exactly love myself, but I don't hate myself... mostly. And then there are people who are aromantic. They don't feel any romantic attraction. I don't know, I'm just trying to figure out how I suck at relationships. Like, whenever people get lovey dovey with each other I wanna puke. It's so cliche and annoying, but at least they are happy. I don't like to be called babe, love, munchkin or whatever pet names people come up with. I don't like being super emotional about another person. It makes me vulnerable, and I know that I would never be able to change that part of me. I don't understand why I feel this way. Mom expects me to give her grandchildren. I just wish that parents weren't like that. It should be my choice. To be honest, I really don't like children. I don't hate them, I'm not a monster. I am not fit to be a parent, and I'm fine with that. I don't want children. I know what I was like as a child, and I'll tell you right now, if I had a child I'd end up in an insane asylum lol. I wish it wasn't expected of me to find the right woman. Or man. Everytime mom suggests finding a partner, she always mentions a woman. Never a man. She knows I'm exploring my sexuality, and she supports it, which is great. I honestly don't think I need a romance to make me happy. In fact, thinking about being in a relationship with someone is scary. I just do. Today, people break up and get divorces everyday. I don't need that emotional rollercoaster. Getting married and someone taking MY name? How about no. I guess talking about this and typing it out on this blog really helped shed some light on my problem. I think I'm aromantic. I mean, the longest relationship I ever had was about a week. One was 3 days. Another broke up and got together with me 6 times before I gave up on her. When I'm with someone in a romantic sense, I'm naive. Or, maybe it's just the fact I don't know what I'm doing. I guess I like some friends more than others, but that's just it. It'll never cross that boundary. Ironically, I'm writing a romance between Princess Luna and Lunar Glow. A self insert. In the story, Lunar identifies completely as a female. I'm genderfluid, and I'm a writer/poet, not a gardener. And, yeah, Lunar gets her cutie mark by transforming a rose using lunar magic. Anyway, just thought I'd be social. Or at least try to be. Sorry this blog was so long. You know how I am. I like to get every word out. It's almost that time of year again(Valentine's Day🖕)

With love, Lunar_Glow

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