Futures: Stories, Transitions and Occupations · 3:56am Jan 23rd, 2020
...seriously, have I not posted in here since October?!
I mean, Believers was a pretty awesome post. But still!
Friends, you deserve an update.
Okay, first and foremost. That little bombshell I dropped in Believers? One-hundred-percent-true. However, it's been a very hard road in the weeks and months after that post. To the surprise of no one, right? Sadly, I have very little in the way of family-based allies when it comes to me being trans. My relationship with Painted has become... complicated. Let's leave it at that. My mom's having issues. Haven't told my father. God help me if I tell my grandparents.
That being said, I've had some major wins. For the first few weeks after I posted Believers, I would come back here and read all of your comments. I'm sorry I never could manage to reply to all of you. I got overwhelmed. More on that in a minute.
I've also joined two support groups and made several new friends who are sorta-kinda mentoring me through this process. The good news is that I've reached a point where I've made a decision: that I am actually going to transition.
That's super scary. Like, crazy super scary.
But, I've put things in motion. And I won't lose my family because of it. I don't exactly have a timetable, more a day-by-day process.
So that's a win, right? Yeah!
The problem is, there's a lot of losses as well. The issues I mentioned at work (see Hiatus) continued after October. Incident after incident. Some about the pictures, some about objects on my desk, some unrelated entirely. Sadly, I'm now paranoid and fearful at work. I've been humiliated and emotionally devastated.
By the way, I recently managed to add pictures to my tiny little collection (6,700 down to less than 120). These are just four of the rejected pictures for being "potentially suggestive in the current environment."
However, the issue I believe is with my particular team or department, not the company as a whole. I still believe in my company. So, now, I'll be working hard to try and transfer/get hired to another part of the company. And to be honest, I need to do this. I need to get quite the raise because if I don't (or Painted doesn't land some big job), we're going to lose our house.
And if I can't get something within the company, I will sadly have to look outside, even though I've been here for five years. That's sad.
But wait! I have good things, too!
I'm happy to announce that in February, I will be releasing the next story in the Wavelengths Timeline, As the Raven Flies. Adge (AKA Little-Tweenframes) has done her typical amazing job with the cover art. I'm doing my final edits (and adding something, because I feel like it's missing that little extra oomph), but plan to have it out plenty soon. I'll either do it in weekly intervals or all at once (probably all at once?)
Second, I'm going to break my own rules. I've been working on an adorable little shipfic called Clear Skies, heavily inspired by the amazing visual novel, Highway Blossoms. Think of Clear Skies as the typical roadtrip/treasure hunt romance story, only set on an airship and starring Minuette and Moondancer! I'm about 51K in (because it's me) and I just finished Part 1.
Here's the rule-breaking: I'm going to be releasing Part 1 without having written the rest! GASP! I know, everyone else does this, but it's a big deal for me. Also, I'm sick of not having anything to show for all my hard work writing!
I also think I mentioned Infinity of Self at some point. It's Amber Spark's backstory, about her turning in an Equestria-girls type world that's at war with beings from beyond their dimensions. Oh right, and she has no memory of how she got there or who she is. It'll be a great military scifi piece, but right now, it's going to probably get shelved.
Because I'll be starting on the last story of the Dreamers Arc after Clear Skies goes live.
Anyway, the point of all of this is, that I've got plans, I'm still here and I'm super super super thankful for every one of you!
Thank you for being you! And thank you for your patience! With my personal identity in chaos and my work life in flames, it's hard to have enough emotional energy to even get out of bed in the morning. But you deserved an update!
Love,
Amber
P.S. The incredible JayTheMan and Adge did these next two pieces of Amber Spark! I love them both!
Thank you for sharing the steps of your journey with us, Amber. We're all rooting for you, and looking forward to your next update.
I am happy to see you are being true to yourself, and I am happy to know you are doing what you feel is right. Even with the setbacks, and hardships, you forge ahead. There is a strength in that, and thought we don't talk often (I honestly don't talk often enough to so many people) I can't help but smile seeing you are doing better.
Perhaps not 100% with some of the stuff you mentioned going on, but still forging ahead none-the-less.
I wish you luck, my friend, in all the endevors you are setting out on. And in finding a better, less stressful place to work within, or outside of, your current company!
Keep moving forward,
~Sylvian
All I can say is I hope it all goes well. Glad to hear you’ve found more support and were able to take a big step. Keep on going forward, we all believe in you.
I'm glad you're doing alright Amber. I wanted to write something pithy here, but everything I tried just didn't work. So, instead, I'll just say that I'm rooting for you, and hope things get better.
Thanks for the update Amber! As I've said before you have my support 100% of the way. Good luck!
Damn, I'm glad you're back. As for all the other stuff... stay optimistic. I can't claim to have faced any of these struggles, but facing them head-on seems to be the best way to defeat them.
You got this.
Sounds like a trying road ahead, but I believe in you. Best of luck
Best of luck to you in moving forwards!
Thanks for the update
You got this Amber
My condolences for all the crap you have to put up with at your workplace. The only theme I can really see with those pictures is that the higher-ups aren't comfortable with cartoon characters not wearing pants? No one tell them about Donald Duck; they'd probably try to charge him with public indecency...
Still, glad things are looking up in other areas. Definitely looking forward to seeing what you have in store for us in the future near and far.
A pleasure to probably meet you Amber, honest pleasure. I'm pleased to see you're staying truthful to yourself and despite some setbacks and a whole load of other shit, you're being you. I can wish you the best of luck, and I can only say keep on staying truthful to yourself. Never lose sight of that, okay?
My sympathies for everything that you have been going, but glad to hear that you've made some positive progress in moving forward. I'm very much looking forward to seeing what you have been working on.
I didn't read your last update for a silly reason - you mentioned S9 spoilers and I still haven't seen it! So I definitely am not the first person to welcome you to the club. But I am very glad you're finally here. I'm really sorry your family isn't supportive - I really hope they come around. It took my mum over a year to start using my new name, but we got there eventually. I hope your road up ahead is, if not smooth, at least well marked. Best of luck.
As someone for whom presentation as myself would be decidedly... unsafe at best...
Thank you for having the strength to be yourself that some of us lack.
Hey Amber thanks for sharing,
I'm a bit of a lurker (getting better) who's been reading your stories for *checks watch* quite a few years now?????? Anyway I think its so great to see other members of the community on this site and seeing all the love and support you're receiving from everyone else. Can't wait to see what's in store for the future.
Aaaaaah! Another one of my fave FIMFiction authors is also trans
You made this post the day I got my first dose of HRT lol!
I'm so sorry you and yours have been having such a rough time of it lately, I totally get the long hiatuses in between you popping up again. Most of the time I come back to FiMFic for like a month and then am gone again for half a year. Transitioning is not forgiving on your timetables!
Best of luck, dear heart. So lovely to meet the real you
Ohmygosh!
I noticed your profile pic had changed, then had to search for clues in your blog... just in case it meant something. One entry said "transitions", so I took a peek.
(Maybe I already knew, but my memory is bad for several medical reasons, so forgive this if it's just a repost or something weird.)
Congratulations on your bravery and self-determination! Even though I wouldn't wish being trans (or rather, wish the difficulty of dealing with being trans) on anypony, that part of you isn't something you can control. You can only push to make things better. There are bright spots on the horizon, and all but certainly times when you'll feel that it was worth the trip.
I know you haven't requested advice, but I always recommend https://www.transgendermap.com/ (it's ad-supported, but very good), and meeting with local transgender people in your area. You may not have much in common with them, but it helps to learn about diversity, to feel connected, and they can help connect you to other resources.
I'm here if you need anything.