Review #6: Unstoppable - The Blue EM2 · 10:21am Jan 15th, 2020
I read: Completed at 7 chapters, 14k words
I rate: 6/10
I recommend: Read if you like Sunset Shimmer, Lightning Dust, or trains and train accessories.
First things first, apologies for the long delays between reviews. For what it is worth, I’ve had a fairly uncomfortable year so far and the painkillers have only just worn off to the point that I’m capable of coherent and analytical writing - hopefully my killer fashion sense will also soon return, preferable before Friday’s party. Anyhow, enough about me. It's time for trains.
Ever seen Unstoppable? No? Awesome, we’re both going into this blind. But, in case you’re interested and I do hope you are, its apparently a movie concerning a runaway train and the crew’s valiant attempts to defeat both it and their personal demons. Due to sharing the same name, this story shares the same premise - sabotage causes a train full of explosive… stuff to drive off sans a driver and it is up to Sunset Shimmer and Lightning Dust to stop it crashing and killing everyone in Canterlot City.
So far so good. Then we reach the characters. Well, they’re there. Past that, I have relatively few honours to give. A benevolent Lightning is a nice touch and Sunset’s own insecurities are handled well for the most part. However, the same cannot be said for the rather bloated supporting cast. Honestly, I cannot tell you how many characters appeared in this or what effect they all had - and this is after reading the story three times. The perspective cuts frequently and focuses on various characters but, apart from our leads, none really receive the needed screentime to develop them properly and so we’re left with a forgettable herd of vaguely train-related names, descriptions, and occupations. The writer also attempted to jam a few OCs into this - not just original characters, but self-insert characters for him and his friends - and the result is not pretty and its also damn obvious which really does break immersion, seeing gothic lolita engineers and displaced Britons and whatnot.
The Blue EM2 did, however, write this decently. Snapping perspectives and jarring scene changes and constant character introductions notwithstanding, his style is relatively enjoyable and I did not see enough grammar or spelling issues to distract from the actual story. Furthermore, the story does have references to other fics on site and, for once, they are actually inserted well enough to be subtle and appropriate - if you don’t know them, you won’t see them and, if you do know them, you feel proud of yourself for noticing. The dialogue is also competent and gives the characters a degree of realism, even if much of that is wasted by spreading it too thin.
All in all, the story is okay. It has room to improve, certainly, but I found it easy enough to read and the main characters and their issues easy enough to become invested in. All railroad terminology is also explained well or simple enough to infer and that does also make great strides in making this relatively niche story accessible to a larger audience.
Plot: 3/5. No points for originality considering this is an adaption of a film but all the train elements are explained well enough to make it a coherent one.
Characters: 2/5. A sympathetic Lightning Dust is a pleasant surprise and she, along with Sunset, make for solid protagonists. The supporting characters feel fairly indistinguishable though and the insertion of the OCs is clumsy at best.
Style: 3/5. Writing is competent but the rapid scene changes and large amount of characters can become distracting.
Execution: 3/5. It's a workable thriller but is by no means tense or disturbing enough to constitute actual horror.
Overall Rating: 11/20 = 6/10
To The Blue EM2: My first piece of advice would be to cut down on the characters and focus on further developing a smaller selection of them. Reactions of townsfolk and whatnot is appreciable but it does also become quite distracting as it detracts from the actual drama unfolding on the rails. Furthermore, I’d say to remove the “Horror” and “Dark” tags here and replace them with “Drama”. I don’t know about the original film, but this really isn’t that scary or disturbing considering that nobody actually dies on this runaway train. I’d also foreshadow the actual villains of this story; as is, it feels like a cop out to just say “Oh, it was them” in the epilogue rather than letter an attentive reader actually figure that out for themselves.
For something like this: Well, if you’ll excuse the shameless self promotion, the Similar tab of FimFic itself recommend Paper Girl so I will too. My story does actually have Lightning Dust and stolen vehicles both in prominent roles, so you might find something you enjoy there.
As always, thanks for reading the review. If you’d like one of your own stories critiqued by yours truly, either PM me or submit it to the My Little Reviews and Feedback group.
I guess in Hollywood Dead man's vigilance devices don't exist. Or maybe it was somehow explained, I didn't see this movie either.
5186739
Its explained in the fic that the train had been sabotaged. I can't say for the movie though.