Been looking through some of my past blogs, and well... · 5:43pm Jan 12th, 2020
I'm sorry, y'all. What I have been doing on here has not been healthy, it hasn't been fair to anyone following me to hear about how suicidal I've been and whatnot, and it hasn't helped any of the issues that I have the responsibility to try and work out with, if possible, professional help. Posting about all of my mental health problems on a public forum is fundamentally not a healthy thing to do for myself, or especially for other people who I burden with all this heavy shit. Monologuing about my issues and basically turning this place into a venting station for my mental health problems is not responsible behavior.
Yes, I was in genuine distress and didn't feel like I had anywhere to turn to. But nonetheless, in hindsight, what I've been doing on here is just not healthy or fair to anyone. And I know some people might want to say "It's okay, we're here for you!" and things like that out of the goodness of their own hearts, and I really do appreciate that, but... no. Just, no. This is not your burden. My mental health is not something I should be so readily dumping onto real live people on a public internet forum when I SHOULD be seeking out professional counseling. I started two months ago and I won't stop anytime soon.
Moreover, at some point, I need to stop using my mental health as an excuse for my complete lack of discipline in life. It didn't start out that way, but especially last semester when I had to take a break, it started to turn into that. I gained another 20 lbs and weighed 262 on December 14, 2019 (now 235 and another 60 lbs to go... counting calories works, y'all!) because, among other things, I was making childish decisions about my food, my overall health, and the ways I spend my time. It'll be an adjustment this semester and beyond, but it's one I'll have to make.
Sorry, everyone. I'm gonna change things.
~Arwhale
We're so proud of you, Arwhale. We're so proud of all the progress you've made. But on one point, you're wrong. This is my burden. I've taken it on willingly, and I make an effort to watch over those in my life, especially since I know what it is to be where you've been. It is the battle I fight when others feel too weak to fight it for themselves. And I know it feels like I'm glorifying it, but let me tell you it's the worst feeling in the world going to bed not knowing if you'll ever see that green "Online" indicator ever again. I. fucking. fight. With all that is in me. And I'd do it all again for any one of them if I had to, with absolutely no regrets.
Always a joy to see you around.
Congrats, dude! That's always good to hear! Keep it up
Remember, we are here for you if you need help.
If it weren't for the friends I made on here, I would have precious few people to talk to. We're here for you!
Talking about your burden is a healthy way of going about it. We're here for you alright? Keep up the awesome progress alright?