My Top 10 Worst Films of the 2010s · 2:50am Jan 5th, 2020
I’m shamelessly stealing this idea from Phoenix Heart 20. Here are the ten worst films of the decade. Well, in my eyes. Though a forewarning: this will be rather rant and snark heavy.
#10: Clash of the Titans (2010)
I actually didn’t hate this movie. Well, much. I didn’t like it, but I don’t think it’s irredeemable tripe. It has some fun moments in it and being half Greek, I just admit that seeing anything related to Greek mythology always makes me giddy.
Where the film collapses is in its lead. Sam Worthington will forever be someone I loathe. Not as a person, but as an actor. He lacks any sense of emotion whenever I see him in a movie and in this film and its sequel—Wrath of the Titans (the only time Jonathon Liebsman ever directed anything of merit that I saw)—he looked like he was trying to hold back crying. Maybe that’s just how he is or maybe I’ve just never seen him act, but it bothered me so much watching this film that half wished the Kraken ate him so the hero could be passed down to Homer. Bring in Atlantis!
#9: Slender Man (2018)
This movie was silly. The idea of a feature length Slender Man film was comical, but actually seeing it was a whole nother league.
This movie was… dull. Not really bad, just really dull. I’ve seen people label it as one of the worst films ever, that it’s super duper mega ultra special bad. From an ethical and artistic standpoint—producing a Slender Man after two girls nearly murdered their friend and years after the character’s popularity has waned—then yeah. Slender Man is truly awful. As a film though? Slender Man is inoffensively bad. It’s a dull film that offers nothing new or special. It’s a workmanlike horror film that could’ve featured any other character—be it The Rake, Jason, or Shaq—and have been equally as dull.
I will give it credit though: it was leagues better than The Fourth Kind, which I watched the day prior.
#8: Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (2010)
I love the 1987 film Wall Street. It’s one of my favorite films of all-time and has one of my favorite performances in cinematic history (Michael Douglas as Gordon Gekko).
The 2010 sequel, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps—which gets its subtitle from a line in the first film—on the other hand… oh dear God why!?
Oliver Stone in recent years the time since he made Alexander has, in my eyes, become a shell of his former self. Money Never Sleeps is further proof of that given he tries many of the same tricks as in the 1987 film to less success and without any of the charisma that Charlie Sheen brought to the role of Budd Fox. Instead, we get a character played by Shia LaBeouf. His screen presence is as wooden as most of the other roles he’s ever had that wasn’t in a Lars von Trier film I won’t mention due to the NC-17 rating.
As a final note: the film presents a redemption arc for the character of Gordon. A man whose entire point was the epitome of Wall Street’s greed and self-destructive nature. It feels like it undermines the entire point of the first film, which closed perfectly fine and didn’t need a sequel. I recall Oliver Stone also mentioned that he may one day make a third film. Given this movie thankfully tanked at the box office, I hopefully won’t have to see them further butcher the series. Then again, this is Oliver Stone
If there’s any bright side to this film: it’s that Michael Douglas and Josh Brolin were both great. Without them, I don’t think this film would’ve made it out of the top five.
#7: Alien: Covenant (2017)
It’s been over two years since I saw this film in theaters after getting about six hours of sleep and having drank vodka at a wedding. I danced with family until my legs and feet were sore. I didn’t want to wake up to see this in spite of being stoked as I loved Prometheus. So I begrudgingly got up and went to see this movie.
Now a side note: the vodka tasted dreadful, though it was better than the salad I had moments prior that made me regurgitate the lettuce as it didn’t cooperate with my stomach. Nonetheless, I vowed never to have vodka ever again. Never ever.
Yet, watching Alien: Covenant, I wished I’d drank a lot more the previous night. I wished I’d asked for the strongest liquor they had. I also wished that salad had given me food poisoning.
I still hear rumors that Ridley is going to make his third Alien prequel tentatively titled Alien Awakening. I hope if he does, he amends for the faults in Covenant, but I’m extremely doubtful. Maybe I’ve grown pessimistic, but this movie burned me more than the vodka burned my taste buds.
#6: Sinister II (2015)
Jason Blum had this knack for finding really great films. Whiplash and The Gift come to mind. Both are amazing films; the former is in my top three favorites of all-time!
The 2012 film Sinister was delightfully scary, intense, brutal, and kept me up the night I saw it. I loved it. It also ended on a perfect note. No need for a sequel whatsoever…
Blum doesn’t know when to stop though.
Sinister II is everything the original wasn’t. While the first film had gore, it wasn’t a splatter fest. It used it at times to very effective results. It wasn’t an in-your-face gorefest. Sinister II is however. It’s a very violent, grisly film. That’s all fine and dandy. I’ve enjoyed a fair few gorefest films. Those films are often tongue-in-cheek though. Sinister II isn’t. It’s very much a straightforward horror film that plays it straight from start to finish. The end result is a self serious film that doesn’t really accomplish anything other than offering some CGI that stands out like a sore thumb thanks to the snuff films in the movie being Super 8 (or 16mm, I can’t recall) footage contrasting with the CGI—badly. Honestly, if you ever want a laugh, imagine old timey movies. Think 1930s movies. Now imagine a Sy-Fy original movie tier budgeted CGI alligator jumping out and biting someone’s head. If you can’t: take a rubber alligator toy, grab a Barbie doll, and have it bite her head. It’s about as realistic—and about as scary as Sinister II.
#5: The Thing (2011)
This film pissed me off. I was the only person in the theater who didn’t like it and I felt like an outcast. When I got home, I learned most people hated it. I felt betrayed by the audience.
Oh, and the movie was bad too. Like, really bad.
The CGI for this movie is PS1 levels of terrible and somehow it got released theatrically. Supposedly, the film had practical effects, but the studio decided it was too expensive late into production and they had to scrap it all and scramble together the CGI dumpster fire we got. If this is true: the film would still not be that good, but it’d at least be scarier than whatever happened to that man’s face above. Seriously, why does it look like he’s a hollow shell? I digress. This… really wasn’t a good movie. I’ve admittedly never seen the original 1950s Thing From Another World or John Carpenter remake. I really should. I’m just lazy though.
My sister owns the latter…
Maybe another year.
#4: The Pyramid (2014)
Let’s play a game. I call it: “how The Pyramid was proposed.”
Take Egyptian mythology. Now take the found footage footage. Merge them together. Gold, right? Well, first, we just butcher Egyptian mythology and have camerawork that makes Cloverfield look stable.
This movie was one that I was rather amazed by. It’s just shocking how easy it is for people to just not get how movies work. I’d go into detail, but you have to see this in order to believe it. Its that messy of a film. If you want a good example though, I recommend looking up the scene when Anubis is first revealed. The CGI makes the Sy-Fy channel look like the newest Planet of the Apes films.
#3: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016)
This is the only film I’ve ever legitimately wanted to walk out on. The only reason I didn’t is my father was with me and he’s very strict with spending money. After it ended, I outright told him I wanted to leave, but I didn’t as I knew he’d be mad. His response to me was: “I wouldn’t have cared; I would’ve been right behind you.”
It’s quite amazing when a film with a premise as royally silly as adding zombies to Pride and Prejudice is remarkably dull. Seth Graham Smith’s book—which I hear is more or less as good as the film (which if that’s the case, I hope the only time I ever find a copy of it is in the dumpster being used as toilet paper for a homeless person)—is somehow the dullest film I’ve ever seen. It’s not thought-provoking like the novel it’s supposedly parodying and it isn’t funny. It’s also rated PG-13, so any scene involving the zombies is boring. Those scenes are also badly lit. So much so that I wonder if the experience would be enhanced if I wore night vision goggles while watching it.
I’m extremely doubtful of that the more I think about it as that still won’t make up for the script. Though let’s move on before I lose my temper.
#2: Silent Hill: Revelation 3D (2012)
A confession: I’ve never played the Silent Hill games. I only watched this film as I had a friend on World of Warcraft who was interested in it. I decided to give it a shot out of curiosity. I subsequently had to consult another friend who was a fan of the games to ask just what the heck I saw.
From what I know: this film isn’t very accurate to the games. Which is a relief as I would be very confused as to how the series became as popular as it is if this was the quality of the games. This film seems to be based in Silent Hill 3, though it incorporates elements of other games in for variety. It’s also a sequel to the 2006 Silent Hill movie which I never saw. That’s okay though since I don’t think it really went anywhere.
The movie itself has some admittedly neat visuals. Pyramid Head was a neat looking character and an imposing figure to see—something I believe is a staple of the games (correct me if I’m wrong). I also enjoyed some of the atmospheric shots. There’s also this really tense moment with these nurses who can’t see, but react to sound (another moment from the game if I’m not mistaken). The problem is that those moments are an exception to the truth—big time. For the most part, Silent Hill: Revelation is reliant on jump scares and exposition to fuel a story that’s as convoluted and baffling as can imagine.
I once again must confess: my knowledge of these games is limited. It’s atrocious actually. Though this movie conveys a story about a demon baby, a chosen one who must be born for a cult, and other stuff that’s reminiscent of something like Rosemary’s Baby and other demon possession/demon cult films that somehow got crossed with Silent Hill. I think this story is a part of the games, but as I said: this film uses elements from multiple games rather than adapting one. It’s messy and it isn’t scary. The only reason I’m not reaming into it is thanks to how genuinely confused I am by it all. Silent Hill always struck me as a genuinely frightening game. I’m amazed that a series so beloved for its atmosphere can’t be made into a film that’s good.
Hopefully next time, they’ll do it right…
Oh wait, Silent Hills was cancelled.
#1: The Devil Inside (2012)
William Brent Bell shouldn’t be allowed to direct movies. Like, at all. Between 2007’s Stay Alive that made the notorious Hungarian countess Elizabeth Bathory into a video game ghost (seriously, fuck you for using her of all humans for your low-grade slasher film, Bell) and this… thing, I’m not convinced this man isn’t trying to emulate Uwe Boll in some capacity.
Okay, let me be positive for a second. To its credit: The Devil Inside isn’t all bad. Its premise—a pseudo documentary that’s centered on a woman whose mom was allegedly possessed when she murdered some people—is pretty cool. This is much like the aforementioned Stay Alive, which is about a video game where, when you die in the game, you die the same way in real life.
The problem is that Bell—who wrote and directed both films—cannot bring his ideas to life in any meaningful way. He has the visionary skills of Helen Keller. This is why some folks stick to writing over writing and directing. Bell had the mind for some interesting stories that could, in theory, make for a fun, trippy ride, but he bogs them down by not having any meaningful vision. Instead, he aims for the lowest common denominator and hopes that’ll save the film. It did in the case of The Devil Inside, but it also suffered a gargantuan second week drop and had people outright boo at the screen when it ended.
Ah yes, the ending. This film’s ending is one of the worst in history. It’s also a major reason why it’s on this list. I’ve seen some bad endings in film, but this was… magnificently bad. So bad that—
And that’s the ten worst films of the 2010s. I’m sure I’ll get some flak for being quite harsh, but this is one of the few times I’ll ever get to really vent about these movies. Most of them I never speak about and have never found a good time to do so. Hope you enjoyed the list and if you didn’t: sound off below. I enjoy receiving comments of all kinds. :3
As soon as you listed Slender, I started nodding and going 'yep, yep, yep..."
But number 3 should have been number one. I have no fucking idea why that was conceived. At least 2 and 1 are horror films, very basic ones but still horror films. Number 3 is just genetically bottled WHAT.
5180318
In the way of miserable experiences, it was the worst. In the way of basic film making though, The Devil Inside is inexcusably bad. For a film to not have an actual ending and to instead cut off and basically say, "Want an ending? Go do this!" I cannot in good faith fathon how anyone looked at that and said, "This is good enough to he produced!"
That said, Seth Graham Smith deserves to be beaned upside the head for writing such an asinine book. Fun fact: he was attached to direct a film centered on The Flash for the DCEU!
Honey I'm not even mad you shamelessly stole this! I been doing these Top 10 lists for years! I always keep it short-ish but salty af! You? You were full blown snarky and cynical.... That's why I loved reading this!
Out of all those, the only one I saw was Clash of the Titans, and, honestly I don't remember it. I only remember being disappointed and wouldn't have seen it otherwise except that I like the original 1981 film.
I did enjoy Percy Jackson, which came out two months earlier.
Ohhh Slenderman... why did your film have to suck.
They actually made Pride and Prejudice and Zombies into a movie? I have to admit to borrowing the book from the library and being terribly disappointed there. Glad I didn't pay money to see it. Thanks!
(Zombieland Doubletap, though. Boom, boom!)
5180326
I'm flattered you enjoyed this. Thank you for reading! :)
5180329
I never saw Percy Jackson. I kinda want to though. I hear the movies are fun.
5180330
Incompetent writers.
5180333
Good to know the comments that the book is tripe hold up. Also, yeah: don't watch the film. It's bad. And tedious. And just... it sucks. It fucking sucks. I don't like being so harsh, but there's no other way to put it. I warned a former WoW friend not to watch it as it sucked. She did anyway and then came back saying, "Wow, that sucked."
Don't make the same mistake, bro.
5180336
No worries. Although your reactions had me laughing a bit.
5180336
The movies are fun, but the second one is aggravating for the book lovers.
I saw the first movie before reading the books and saw the second movie after bingeing on the books.
So, in short, the movies are good fun, but the books are more so :)
Adding “Cats” to this list.
Personally, I liked Abraham Lincoln, vampire hunter, the book, moreso than Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Oh yeah, Stay Alive, a horror movie with Elizabeth Bathory, or Carmilla, could work, but yeah, that was...eh
5180322
I mean, Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter was cheesily good. Also, apparently some think Stay Alive Elizabeth could be based off https://www.historicmysteries.com/madame-lalaurie-female-serial-killer/ and just given Bathory's name for more recognition
5180356
Tha........ Oooooh, that so should have been on top of the list.
5180457
Production budget over 100 million. Global box office 10 million. Best review for it on RT: “Woof.” Move over whatever the last one was, there’s a new face for complete bomb.
5180491
Yep. So many yeps.
Honestly enjoyed reading this more than I thought.
5180349
Well, again: I'm glad you liked it! Thank you very much for reading. :)
5180350
I'll keep this in mind if I ever opt to read the books. Thank you. :)
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5180457
I would've honestly added it if I weren't focusing on films I've personally seen. Cats looks and sounds like a nightmare of a film, but I won't see it because I cannot stand Musicals (though there are songs from movies that I liked; I sure as heck wouldn't have ever bothered to watch Friendship is Magic if I didn't enjoy the song numbers it had). I've also had enough fever dreams to not want to see one from a Hollywood visionary.
5180365
This makes it all the worst. Not only is he trivializing the story of Bathory—a woman who was an absolute monster of a human being who deserves nothing but contempt (not that Hungary seems to think that way given they built a winery where she tortured and murdered young girls), but William Brent Bell might've decided to fuse her with another horrible woman. Nice work, Bell. You talentless hack.
5180543
What were you expecting, Temni? :P Something akin to that review I did for King of the Monsters last year? If so: I admittedly could do that for Pride and Prejudice and Zombies given how much I hated that movie, though I won't because I can't remember as much as I wish I did beyond a select few scenes. Though my energy has been expended on recently writing endeavors. Whatever the case: I'm glad you read this. I'm glad to see you're still reading what I put out. :)
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cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/599255190603956253/663430970568867881/4313a37dbc68a87e319cc12b515e4099.png
5180593
Yet this begs the question: What are your best films of the 2010s (if you saw or not, I also have a list for the best)?
5180593
Yup, Bell fucked up. Also yeah, Percy Jackson series is pretty great
5180621
That'll be up in an hour or so. ;-)
5180646
Nice.
>first place isn't The Room
5180873
>The Room wasn't released in the 2010s
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>The Room doesn't transcend space and time
5181097
>he thinks Tommy Wiseau can transcend anything
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>an artist cannot be separate from their art
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>he replies to me when I'm literally just shitposting at this point
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>implying I haven't been shitposting from the beginning
5181287
Read the new blog post now kthx.