• Member Since 6th Aug, 2015
  • offline last seen Sep 5th, 2020

SilverWind102


So, I usually don't write, buut after reading some of these awsome fan fics, I decided to give it a shot. Wish me luck!

More Blog Posts16

  • 225 weeks
    Getting My Shit Together

    I've come to a realization. The character I made up all those years ago has somehow become a symbol of myself at age 21.

    It's not really what you think. Silver Wind is in many ways based on myself and despite being something of a Gary Stu, he does have a personality. But there in lies the problem.

    Read More

    5 comments · 484 views
  • 334 weeks
    I'M BACK BABY!

    WHOOOO!

    Okay, so things have more or less settled down, the only thing is that I'm supposed to be switching from the night shift from where I work to the day shift this week so it might take a little adjusting until they get my schedule sorted out. Worst case, I'll just ask to be put on a set schedule.

    Read More

    0 comments · 338 views
  • 355 weeks
    I hate doing this

    So my family is in a pinch right now. A financial pinch. We can barely pay rent and keep the lights on, but I'm not sure about the cable. I've been trying to find a job to help pay the bills, but no such luck.

    Read More

    6 comments · 330 views
  • 361 weeks
    WAAAAY OVER DUE!

    Okay, so I know this is super late, but I'm not done writing yet. It's the end of my senior year and I'm about to graduate, which means there are projects and tests and exams I have to take. SO! I probably won't be able to finish writing and post until May 19th or some time after. BUT THIS STORY HASN'T DIED YET, I PROMISE!

    1 comments · 236 views
  • 374 weeks
    Onyx Character Sheet!!

    Okay, so the first character sheet is finally done! (I know, it took way too long, but hopefully, the next one won't be nearly as long.) But for whatever reason, I can't post the actual picture on here. I think it's too big or something. So I'll just link to my DA page.

    http://silverwind102.deviantart.com/art/Onyx-Reference-Sheet-659275027

    Hope you guys enjoy!

    1 comments · 345 views
Dec
3rd
2019

Getting My Shit Together · 10:36am Dec 3rd, 2019

I've come to a realization. The character I made up all those years ago has somehow become a symbol of myself at age 21.

It's not really what you think. Silver Wind is in many ways based on myself and despite being something of a Gary Stu, he does have a personality. But there in lies the problem.

I think, as far as story characters go, people usually make them up based on other people they've met in real life. Friends, family, co-workers, the random bus driver that's only on the route twice a week. But there's always a base or template of sorts for them to begin with.

But it wasn't that way with me.

I made up Silver and his pack when I was in middle school, and didn't tell anyone about it up until sometime in highschool. Even then, it wasn't anyone I knew in person, but a fanfiction for MLP; FIM. So the community got more of a glimpse inside my mind than anyone I'd ever met. Even my family.

I think it was around there that a personality began to take shape for me and Silver. I had already had an idea of what I wanted him to be before I started writing and where there were gaps and problems with him (Gary Stu) I could still call him my character. He was powerful, a leader, intelligent and above all he was wise. Wise beyond his age because he'd lived through more than most.

Now that's not exactly true for me, but hey, every person who has ever made a character knows that, to some degree, it represents how they see themselves or at least how they want to be seen.

But I realized at some point, that Silver didn't actually have any character flaws. He'd had trauma that influenced him, but as far as actual issues with who he was himself, there was none.

And I think it was about there that I started to project onto him. Subconsciously probably. I realized I needed to create a strife between Silver and his two lovers, Twilight and Luna. So I was going to have his oldest friends show up and make the two realize that they knew nothing about Silver.

That everything he'd shown them was hardly a glimpse, barely a peak into who he was. I wanted Twilight and Luna to confront his friends, to commit to forcing him out of his hiding and let out everything he'd held back. There was a line I took note of when I thought about the scene playing out.

“He's not okay! He can't ask for help because he doesn't know how!”

Hell there were even a few more.

“You can't keep all of this from us anymore Silver! You gave up the right to be left alone when you said you loved us! You can't make the decisions by yourself anymore! So yeah, I'm going to invade your privacy! I'll tear through your memories and ask everyone else about you and all the secrets you keep! Because if I don't, then you'll only hurt yourself more and just the thought of that terrifies me! To think that you'd suffer all alone for the rest of your life because you don't know how to ask for help!”

Yeah, a bit dramatic but it's out of context. But I think—well actually I know, that this is what I wanted to happen to me. I didn't want someone to just as ask if I was okay.

If they did, I'd lie and say I was fine, go home, eat sleep and bury it in the back of my head. I'd convince myself that I could handle the issue, and there was no reason for anyone else to know about it.

It wasn't like I was afraid of people seeing me be weak. Well, not that I wasn't completely afraid. I just didn't know how to admit it. And I always downplayed the problem. It was usually something small, but still meant something, like seeing a girl I like flirting with another guy.

“It hurts, but oh well, I guess.” Can't tell you how many times that's gone through my mind.

I'd just tell myself I'd be fine in the morning. Which was true, mostly. There might have been lingering thoughts in the morning but nothing too depressing.

But that's why I didn't want someone to just ask. I can lie. I do lie. To everyone, myself included. Which I why I wanted someone to force it out of me. Someone who wouldn't let me lie or wouldn't be afraid of making me angry for pressing too much.

Someone like Twilight.

I never really found someone like that though. It's kinda sad to say it out loud, or in this case, write it down. But it's also my own fault.

I'm a very private person with literally no friends. Well, maybe not literally, I have one friend that's a co-worker but we don't hang out outside of work (again because of me) and there's a girl I'm really into but she's....troublesome and I haven't quite figured out if she's good for me.

But aside from that. No one. Even the two I mentioned aren't all that close to me. And the more I write this out, the more you may realize the same thing I did literally the same night I'm writing this.

I am the source of all my problems. And I know what my problem is too.

I'm too much like Silver.

When I made him, I based him around the Wind. There's even a bit about it in the story. But it was sloppy and kinda basic. Not entirely accurate either, and I knew this because when I wrote it and re-read it, it didn't click.

It didn't feel like me.

After a while, I thought more about Silver as a character and more about myself. The conclusion I came to?

We are symbolized by the Wind. It's just for me, it's not about freedom.

I realized that, much like the Wind, I'm defined by the environment I'm set in. At work, I'm the perfect employee. I'm polite, quick and smart. I can handle most stressful situations and the only reason I'm not a manager is because I don't want the responsibility.

With co-workers, I'm funny and friendly. With the girl I'm crushing on, I'm awkwardly charming and attentive to her. With family, I'm the little brother and spoiled, occasionally picked on.

But all of these things aren't really me.

I don't have a base personality. I'm not “me”, because there is no “me” in the first place. I'm only “me” when I have something to react to.

When I'm at home by myself, I have no interest. I just watched youtube and played games. No friends, no texting. Nothing.

I'm just blank.

I realized it's why I never talk about myself. Because there's nothing for me to talk about. My interests and hobbies are typically passing, and with my limited social interactions, I don't have many stories to tell.

So I always have to keep others interested by being interested in them more. By reacting to what they like. By listening to their stories all the time.

I think that's why people always say I'm sweet. Because I always ask about them. I never thought that it was pretty much a defense mechanism to keep me from talking about myself.

But I think that's what this is whole thing is for. I wasn't told by someone that I should write this. I just really needed to put everything out on the table.

But I don't think it's all bad. There are some qualities of Silver that I really like.

As I recall, Silver is the worlds best thief, and from what I can tell, I've managed to lock myself away pretty fucking spectacularly. I'm thinking I might slip out sometime soon.

Now where's the fucking door.

Report SilverWind102 · 484 views · Story: The New Guy ·
Comments ( 5 )

I'm proud of you. A lot of people never make these kinds of realizations about themselves, and even fewer actually do anything about them. The question now is; what's on the other side of the door, once you find it?

When you finally figure out who you are, which path will you follow?

Will you take the well worn path of conformity, or the hard and brambled road of self-acceptance?

Will you cave into the pressure to change what you find, or will you stand proud in the spotlight and shout out "This Is Me"?

Holy th
At sounds exactly like me with the base personality

5163722
Well for the moment, I'm a brony, furry, writer and amateur artist. I think I've got a foot out the door and I'll just start from there. As far as which path I'll take, I'll take another page from Silver. He's got wings, so let's check out the view from above. Worst case, I don't see anything and just have to walk.

P.S. - I love Caleb Hyles! I don't know when I found him but I've been following him for a while now and This Is Me is easily one of my favorite covers!
And I'd like to thank you as well. Questions like that are more helpful than most people realize.

5163792

Welcome to the club buddy. Would you like your existential crisis now or later?

But seriously, if this does resonate with you, think about it a little more. Feel free to message me if you want to talk. I'm not a counselor or anything but I'd like to help if I can.:pinkiehappy:

Getting My Shit Together

You are not the only one who feels that way...
or who is that way...
but realizing it is the hardest thing already overcome!
:) I think I may be similar in many regards...
but enough from me...

Nice story! I love it!
I hope though Silver will have found in Twilight and Luna what you described... and I hope you will too!

PS.: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUC_AwTKLic
PSS.: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwTNH2gD3cI

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