Princess Twilight Takes A Walk - HIWHE · 5:11am Nov 25th, 2019
Howdy, folks! First and foremost, as always, Adorable Applejack:
dis iz appul... but not appul... i confuz...
Now then, as the title implies, this blog will be spelling out How Princess Twilight Takes A Walk SHOULD Have Ended. I am putting in a page break, not because of, "Oh, I might write the story some day, so I don't want you to be spoiled!" It's more because, "I think you might have enjoyed what I posted... and I don't want you to lose serious respect for me due to how badly I would have fucked it up."
If you want to fall into the abyss, click through!
So... Royal Purple Smart Engages in Quadrupedal Locomotion.
When I first started this story, I was pumped! The initial idea was completely self-developed, but the style in which it would be written was inspired greatly by the Austreoh series by The Fantabulous Mister Lemur. It was meant to be an exercise in daily writing. That is, I wouldn't be actually releasing a chapter every day, as the seminal action/adventure series did. It was more that I would be working on the story every day. Even if it was only a few words, I resolved to write something every day until the story was finished.
We saw how that ended up, didn't we?
Still, when I first conceptualized the story... I was excited! I felt I had a great story on my hands, one that would explore a theme that interested me greatly, and that would lend itself to a fun read. I thought that what I came up with was compelling and engaging, and that y'all would love to read it. However, as the days stretched into weeks and into months and into years, I realized that... I had no idea how to make it work. Even so, to this very day, I believe that it was a case of having a great concept, but not being able to shape it into a coherent idea. I am very proud of the themes of the story, and I felt I had a very interesting take on a rather worn-out idea—even way back then—but I never could make it work. I just couldn't develop the "connective tissue," if you will. The plot was great, but the actual story just never materialized.
Still, like I said, I am very proud of the story, and what it could have been, had I been able to make it work. So, I decided to type up a very rough outline of how it would have played out, so you can judge it for yourself. Now, I know that some, if not a lot of you, will read this and be let down a bit. Hell, I know of one specific person who will read it and be all like, "Yeah, this sucks, and I would have been severely disappointed. You should never have even started it." You know who you are, and I love you, boo. 
SO! Let's get started! What follows is a basic chapter outline for how it would have progressed. One note: interspersed would ahve been a few chapters of Twilight walking through the wasteland, approaching the mountain range. The initial plan was to have every flashback chapter be followed by an, "In the now" chapter, but that would have been a bit much. For now, just imagine that every now and then, we could cut back to the "present," unless I specifically say we do so. We would pick up on Chapter Five:
Forty-Five Years Post-Accession
We open in a massive cave, Spike sitting in the middle. This is Spike about to start his first 100 year sleep. It would be an emotional scene, with the middle-age/bordering on elderly Mane Six all saying goodbye, since they’ll be dead by the time he wakes up. Everyone is shedding stoic tears... except for Twilight, who is very taciturn and snippy with the others. It would end with just Twilight and Spike in the cave. She would say something to the effect of, “Spike, I will be right here when you wake up, do you hear me? Right here!”
Spike would curl up into a ball, and through a yawn say, “Yeah, yeah, Twi. See you in the morning.” He falls asleep.
Twilight walks out of the cave to her friends. She collapses into Applejack’s arms. The chapter would end with, “There, at the mouth of the cave, faced with the rising sun and in the arms of her friends...
“Princess Twilight Sparkle cried.”
Eighty-Seven Years Post-Accession
We open in a hospital room. Laying in the bed, hooked up to countless monitors and machines keeping her alive, is Pinkie Pie, the last of the Mane Six. She is surrounded by countless family members: kids, grand kids, even some infant great-grand kids. Twilight is there, too. Sensing something like she always does, Pinkie dismisses her family, leaving she and Twilight in the room alone. Some dialogue, and Pinkie would say something to make Twilight laugh... but it quickly morphs into tears. She says something along the lines of, “Pinkie... please don’t go. You’re the last one. I know the princesses will be there, but Spike won't be back for so many years, and... you girls are the entire reason I achieved anything close to what I did. I... I can’t do this alone.”
To this, Pinkie Pie would issue her very last giggle-snort, and say, “Silly filly. You’re never alone.” She dies, leaving a softly weeping Twilight whispering, “Pinkie... please come back...”
Present
Now, we would cut back to the present, where Twilight is in trouble. She stepped into one of the “dead spots,” and it is quickly draining the magic and life out of her. She struggles, but in her weakened state, she can’t escape. All seems lost... until a massive shadow passes overhead, and something rips her from the cursed ground. It lands a bit away, and we see it’s a dragon, even larger than the one in Chapter Three. But while that one was stoic and proper, this one is grinning like an idiot. He eagerly greets Twilight with, “Hey, Aunt Twi!”
She greets him, and we find his name is Scamp. They talk, and Scamp says that he is sad about what they are going to do, but understands that it is, “for the best.” He flies off, and Twi beings her walk again.
Two-Hundred and Thirty-Six Years Post-Accession
A shorter chapter, it starts with Twilight having finished a... “bedroom tryst” with a stallion named Scribe. There’s some pillow talk, but she soon grows quiet. He asks what the problem is, and she confides that she’s not sure if she can do this, that being a relationship. She saw how Shining’s death affected Cadance, and notes how she hasn’t taken a lover since he died. She isn’t sure she should get involved with a mortal. We end with him taking her hoof, and telling her that this will last as long as it is supposed to last.
Two-Hundred and Thirty-Eight Years Post-Accession
Incredibly short chapter, not even a proper chapter. Instead, it’s the top of a newspaper clipping. The headline and following snippet of text talk of an “accident” that claimed the lives of both Prince Scribe... and the infant Princess Shine...
Two-Hundred and Thirty-Eight Years Post-Accession
We open with Twilight harried, muttering, “I can fix this. I can fix this.” Beside her is... what I only ever envisioned as a mix of Tetsuo from Akira and the Blob: a massive, amorphous lump of pulsating flesh, bellowing out pitiful, wailing cries as it snatches ponies off the street, absorbing their biomass and growing larger.
Suddenly, Spike lands on the street before them, now a fully grown dragon. He tells Twilight to get out of the way, but she refuses. He rears back his head to breathe fire, but she suddenly shrieks, “Don’t hurt my baby!”
Spike blinked. “What?! Twilight, what are...” All color drains from his face as horrified realization sets in. “Oh... o-oh, goddess, Twi. Wh... what have you done?”
She would mutter something along the lines of, “It wasn't fair, so I made it fair.” Spike once again breathes deep, and her horn blazes with light to stop him. The chapter ends with a wall of rainbow light slamming into her and the creature...
One-Thousand, Five-Hundred and Sixty-Two Years Post Accession
We open with a small colt, maybe eight or ten years old, standing before the maw of a cave. He’s shaking, but steadfast. As he begins to step forward, a deafening roar comes from behind him. He whirls around to see an absolutely massive green and purple dragon hovering in the air. The dragon roars again, and demands to know what he’s doing here. Shaking like a leaf in a storm, the colt stammers out something to the effect of, “I’m here to ask the question.”
The dragon blinks, then the faintest ghost of a smile passes over his face. “Kid, maybe you’ll finally be the one...” He flies off, and the colt walks inside.
The stone tunnel is pitch black, the sound of water dripping from stalagmites echoing loudly, but he can see a faint light ahead of him. As he approaches the entrance to a cavern, a voice calls out. “Come closer, child. I won’t hurt you. Not that I could if I wanted to.”
The boy enters the cavern to see a purple alicorn chained to the wall. He gasps. “You’re... you’re the Twilight Princess!”
She chuckles. “That’s Princess Twilight, actually. Though I’m not surprised that she has let my actual name be forgotten. Oh! Tell me... am I a holiday?”
He doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She starts to talk again, but he suddenly interrupts her, shouting at the top of his tiny lungs, “Why?!”
“Why what?”
This is when we get the backstory. The boy explains that all the fillies and colts across Equestria grow up with a nursery rhyme, or fairy tale, about ‘The Twilight Princess.” It ends with:
And should you ever stand before her, do not run and hide,
But in your loudest, proudest voice, simply ask her “Why?”
The bound alicorn chuckles mirthlessly, then begins to explain, calmly at first, what happened. After the accident, she sacrificed twelve ponies to bring her daughter back to life. When it obviously didn't work, she realized she needed thirty-two lives to “maintain the balance.” She begins to scream, frothing at the mouth, about how after all she's done, that seemed like a pittance. “How many of you little shits were able to fall for your mothers’ cunts because of me?!”
And this is where... I never knew what to do. The boy would say something simplistic and profound, as children in fiction are wont to do. He then storms out. Whatever it was, it would lead Twilight to some sort of revelation. The chapter would end from Spike’s POV. He watches the little colt trudge off when suddenly, in his mind, he hears a voice that has not spoken to him in centuries.
“Spike... take a letter.”
Six-Thousand, Four-Hundred and Twenty-Five Years Post Accession
We see Twilight in her castle in Everfree City. What was once the humble village of Ponyville is now a sprawling metropolis, where Twilight lays her head. She’s just hanging out, when all of a sudden, the ground shakes with enough force to knock her off her hooves. She rushes to the window to see Spike. He is now factors larger than even the massive castle, nearly a mile long from snout to tail. He is taking deep, gulping breaths, as he is so big that even his over a mile-wide wings could barely lift his impossibly heavy body off the ground. He rests his hand on the ground, which takes up the entire massive courtyard behind the castle, and opens his claw to reveal a limp pony’s body. In a voice so booming and powerful it shatters every window in the castle, he bellows, “Help her!”
Eight-Thousand, Five-Hundred and Eighty-Seven Years Post-Accession
A pegasus guard standing watch outside Twilight’s bedchamber hears something fall to the floor, and weeping. She rushes in to find Twilight on the ground, muttering something like, “It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. I hatched him, and it’s my fault. It linked our magic. When I became immortal, so did he, but dragons were never meant to be immortal. He grows every year, and so...”
This is when we cut back to the present, and we finally get a date:
Ten-Thousand, Nine-Hundred and Twenty-Three Years Post-Accession
Twilight now stands before the eastern most end of the mountain range. She now resembles a simple unicorn, with the same proportions as before she ascended. Her horn glows a dull lavender, and she touches it to the side of the mountain. A tiny spark passes between them. Suddenly, the ground shakes so violently she is thrown to the ground. Hundreds of yards away a blast of wind, more powerful than the mightiest hurricane, gushes from the very edge of the mountain range. Trees and earth for miles are blasted into oblivion in the path of the tempest. The mountainside next to her begins to shake, and eventually slides upward... revealing an absolutely massive eye with a slitted pupil.
The chapter ends with Twilight offering a small smile. “Hi, Spike.”
The next beings, and we see the full scope of things. Up to this point, the reader has likely assumed that Spike was in the mountain range doing something. But no, Spike isn’t in the mountain range. Spike is the mountain range, spanning over a dozen miles from snout to tail. Because, as Twilight said, dragons grow every year until they die... but now Spike can't die. This is why the wasteland has been expanding for years: his body has been absorbing the magic, the very life force, from the earth around him to keep his impossibly large body alive, all the while growing ever bigger.
Spike speaks telepathically to Twilight, but even that effort makes his mental voice pained and slow. “Hhhhhhhhow... long...”
“About seven-hundred years,” Twilight sheepishly admits. “A lot has happened. I-I got married again! Heh, I must seem like some sort of hussy. Eight husbands, one wife. Hehe, Rarity must be so scandalized!”
“Agreed... on... two... hhhhhundred...”
“I know, Spike. B-but I know I'm close! If you would just give me a few more centuries, I-I-I’m sure I could—”
“Twi.... hhhhurts t-to breathe... to th-th-think... k-killing... eeeeeeverything...”
Twilight nods. A pair of loud roars come from above them. The two dragons from before are hovering in the air above them. Scamp is openly crying. “Goodbye, daddy! I... I-I promise I’ll look after the ponies, and protect them! L-Like you always taught me...”
The female dragon is more stoic, but Twilight can see a single tear falling from her eye. “Brood-father. I, She of The Ruby... I-I, Syrax, promise to honor your final breath for as long as my breast draws mine.”
The two dragons roar again, and beams of magic shoot from their mouths, converging on Twilight. She once more leans in and touches her horn to Spike. The epic tremors on the ground abate as, starting from the tip of his tail miles away... he begins to turn to stone.
As the stone consumes him, a single tear falls from Twilight's face. Spike notices. “Nnnnnoooo... tearssssss...”
“Oh, Spike. I'm not sad. It's just that... I-I know that in a moment, Celestia will lower the sun, Luna will raise the moon, and Cadance will be waiting for me when I return to Everfree. I-I know that life... will go on, and... I’m fine.” She sniffles. “Spike, you’re... you’re my everything. My oldest friend, my first friend, my little brother, my... m-my so—” She hiccups. “You’re dying... and I’m perfectly fine with that. What kind of monster am I?”
“Poooooooonnnyyyyyy.......”
The stone is steadily creep across his body, now covering more than three-quarters of his body. He struggles out, “A-Any... mmmmmmessagesssss....”
“Oh, Spike. We don't know that...” She sighs and smiles. “Give them my love. And tell them I’ll be along... just not for a... very long time.”
By now, only Spike's head remains flesh, though the stone is quickly consuming that. “C-C-Cold...”
Twilight sniffles again. “Spike, please know that... I love you. I have always loved you, and... I will always love you.” As the last bit of his head is turned to stone, she offers a wane smile. “Goodbye, Spike.”
“Sssssee... you.... i-in... th-th-the.... Mmmmmooooorrrn—”
Spike dies.
Wiping away a tear, her body rapidly growing and filling out and her wings returning, Twilight turns around. Before her, she sees a slow yet persistent wave of green approaching her, as the magic, the life force, slowly returns to the wasteland. In the sky, she sees a chariot rapidly approaching. It lands, and Captain Stalwart leaps out, rushing to her and embracing her. The story ends with, “There, at the foot of the mountain, faced with the setting sun and in the arms of her beloved...
“Princess Twilight Sparkle smiled.”
So... yeah. As you can see, the entire point of the story was Twilight dealing with loss and going through the stages of grief. However, since she is not only an immortal but also a demigoddess, it would be quite different than what we normally see. I think the biggest problem was when I realized what you are all likely thinking right now:
"Twilight wouldn't react that way."
The whole thing was just... out of character for her, especially given the series finale where we see her totally at peace as her friends are aging around her. I just thought it was all a really cool idea. That Twilight would react harshly to the stresses of being an immortal. But, this was all based on a very Seasons 1-3 idea of the character. Given what we know about her now and how she has developed, she just wouldn't do what she does in this story.
Still, I think it could have been an interesting read. This story is one I still re-read every now and then. I am really proud of what I accomplished with the chapters I published, and even with the basic concept of where the story would have gone. I love the idea of "Immortality Blues," as the say. Being a mortal myself, I think it's fun to think about how one would react to the realities of not being able to die.
Either way, I hope you got at least some enjoyment out of this... even if it was just, "Wow, that was stupid, you suck, go fall in a hole and die." I'm still plugging away at my big story idea, and who knows... maybe some day it will see the light of day!
Never forget that I fucking love you all. Til next we meet stay safe, stay free, and stay metal! Jake The Army Guy out!
Yeah, we were inundated with all the sad immortal Twilight stories when she first became a Princess, then we got a second flood of the stuff when the series ended. The whole Spike bit is an interesting take, though one must question that if Spike is linked to Twilight and he’s absorbing magic to stay alive, why wasn’t he absorbing hers? You’d think she’d have noticed this situation too before he turned into a colossal+++ advanced dragon with a thousand hit dice and a breath weapon that either teleports you to Princess Celestia or deals 500d10 fire damage in a ten mile long cone. Some scholar Twilight turned out to be.
I might have to do one of these for Undone by the Blood as I focus solely on Upheaval related stories.
Hm. You know I'm not a Dark writer, so I can only give advice on How I Would Do This.
I'll see you in the morning is a wonderful key phrase. Keep it whatever you do.
I would not have Twilight *kill* X number of ponies to bring back her lost foal, but something evil but recoverable. You *might* be able to bookend this by having Twi turn them to stone to extract out their magic, then turn them back over the next few months as she recovers. That lets the very end be Twilight draining all the magic out of Mountain Range Spike, and ascending until she passes into Another Place Left Undefined, perhaps to use her newfound galactic power to create a world like Equestria.
Thanks for letting us know how this would've gone. Definitely one of the more creative takes on Twilight's immortality blues. I don't think I've seen another one that makes it all the more horrible by having just one friend live alongside her.
I do understand the choice to drop it; Twilight fought long and hard to achieve the serenity she has in the finale. Still, a very cool idea.
5160158
Yeah, that was another plot hole: there's no way it would have taken Twilight that long to figure out something was wrong, and then wait as long as she did to end it all. As for the "linking their magic=hers being sapped quicker," I guess I just explained that poorly. It wasn't so much their magic was physically linked, more... their essence, I guess. Some kind of intangible force that conferred immortality to Spike. Again, probably a plot hole.
nuuuuuuuu....
5160309
Perhaps it doesn’t need to be. People are very good at self-deception, and the ponies of MLP are essentially horse-shaped humans. “She’s not cheating on me, she’s just very good friends with that guy.” “This isn’t cancer, it’s just a weird lump.” “I’m not an addict, I can quit this any time.” “There’s nothing wrong with Spike, he’s eventually going to stop growing. He’s just an unusually large dragon with an unusually long lifespan. All these dead-magic zones are an entirely unrelated problem.” I imagine that alicorns and other long-lived beings are very good at settling into a routine and just letting the centuries wash over them.
Or make the growth more rapid. It could be more tragic and sinister. Maybe Twilight tried to make Spike immortal in a desperate attempt to keep at least one companion throughout the centuries. She tried some stuff out and he ballooned into that size in the span of a few months.
5160170
Meanwhile in the Beyond.
"Wait... who are you."
Lot of names kiddo. But I think you know me.
"Yeah... umm, sorry. I'm kind of muscling in on your racket aren't I."
Sa'right, all good in the hood baby girl. Wondered when one of you was gonna show up.
"Oh my... whats all that noise over there? Another of your creations? My, they certainly seem... angry."
They are. But they're precious to me regardless.
"It can't be easy, watching that."
No. But I'd give the world for them.