To My Friends, I'm Sorry · 3:32am Nov 22nd, 2019
Just to preface things, this is going to be a long rambling blog post. I'm not going to do anything drastic, so don't worry about me.
Those who know me have probably noticed by now that around the 3rd of November, I deleted or disabled most of my online accounts. Discord, Telegram, Instagram, Twitter, etc. I even toyed around with the idea of deleting FiMFiction, in the end I'm glad I didn't. Alongside deleting those accounts, I've pretty much pushed most, if not all, of my friends away. I got a few angry texts about how that was a stupid thing to do, that I was pushing away my support group, and that's partially true.
I don't think that it was a stupid thing, I think it's what I had to do. A large part of me feels like I'm someone who doesn't deserve friends, or rather someone that other people shouldn't be friends with. Not because of anything bad, but because I can't offer anything at all. I'm not interesting, or funny, or talented. I can't bring any stories to the table about things I've done in the past, I can't even physically hang out with any of them. Being friends with me, is just pointless.
This is a recurring theme for most areas of my life. I can't get a job, I'll probably end up on social security benefits. I'm betting most of my family thinks I'm just lazy. I have nothing of any value to offer anyone, not even myself. I'm simply a pointless person. There is no reason for me to be alive other than simply existing just because.
And I'm okay with this, it does suck, and it does make me sad and lonely at times. But that's how it'll always be, no matter what I do. No matter how many people I talk to. I'll always be a pointless person.
I don't expect anyone to read this, or even care. I don't really personally know many people from FiMFic. If there are any comments, I'll reply to them if I can.
Stuff happens in life, it is important that we never stop trying even if it seems to be taking forever