• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen February 2nd

The Bricklayer


Slow down, you're doing fine, you can't be everything you want to be, before your time... -Vienna, The Stranger: Billy Joel. (Any Pronouns)

More Blog Posts919

  • 153 weeks
    Happy New Year

    And let's make it a good one eh?

    4 comments · 441 views
  • 153 weeks
    Happy New Year

    And let's make it a good one eh?

    0 comments · 364 views
  • 162 weeks
    *eye roll*

    me checking the dislike ratio on my new story

    Glad to know bigotry is still alive and well in this fandom.

    It's glad to see some of us didn't watch the same series as I did.

    8 comments · 747 views
  • 165 weeks
    So where I've been

    Okay, uh... how do I begin this? Well, I suppose I should start with the obvious. Yes, I've been distracted. If you follow me on Archive that should be obvious. And if you don't, you totally should btw. Yes, I'm shameless.

    Read More

    1 comments · 600 views
  • 171 weeks
    Final chapter up

    Been a hell of a ride, honestly. I just apologize for dragging it on for so long.

    1 comments · 458 views
Nov
15th
2019

Story Review: Kamen Rider Scarab · 5:10pm Nov 15th, 2019

Right, right, so I should explain a few things first. First off, happy birthday to RuinQueenofOblivion. Love you sis.

https://www.fimfiction.net/user/262631/RuinQueenofOblivion
(So you can give her your love from me, and because I can't actually link this story directly.)

Right, now that I've got that one out of the way... I feel I should explain exactly what Kamen Rider is. You know, for the uninitiated. Now, Kamen Rider is a long running tokusatsu series, approaching fifty years old actually. Now, the basic premise is simple. One man gets kidnapped by a or gets involved with by pure happenstance a large and mysterious organization and given strange and sometimes horrifying power. He rebels against this organization and wages his war alone until a secondary or sometimes even a third Rider comes along.

It's always a point that the somewhat unfortunately named Cross of Fire is involved. This refers to the concept created by the now-legendary writer Shoutaro Ishimori -and if I spelled that wrong, please forgive me, I've never been good with Japanese names- that the Rider and his foes must always draw from the same exact power.

"It doesn't matter if I'm not human. Even if I have the same powers as you, I'm not like you. And if you say you want to destroy the world, I will use this power for love and peace. That's the kind of Kamen Rider I believe in!"
―Ryuga Banjo defying Blood Stalk and summing up the concept in a nutshell.

So, yeah, Kamen Rider has always been the sister series to Super Sentai or as we know it here in the west... Power Rangers. It's just almost never been localized except for two times, the first time bombing so hard it prevented any other adaptions for a decade. Hopefully, with Bluefin getting the rights to release the merchandise here in the west that may change.

Yes, some of them are based on bugs. Bear with me on this okay? Anyways, this fic is a branch off of Season 2's finale. And no, before you ask, it doesn't do those same old routes of Twilight giving up on her friends for that. Thank the Orange Fruit God for that, eh?

Twilight’s eyes fluttered open. She blinked in confusion as she looked around, she was in some strange place that looked more like an insect hive than anything else. It took her a moment to realize that there was a face staring back at her, the familiar face of Queen Chrysalis.

“What the… what are you doing here? How did you capture me?” Twilight said as she struggled against her bonds. She couldn’t even use her magic right now, something was suppressing it as she tried to escape.

“Why my dear Twilight, you’ve been in my grasp for quite a while,” Chrysalis said as she stroked the Unicorn’s face gently. “I found you and your friends a few weeks ago. You have been asleep for a long time.”

“Why are you holding me here?” Twilight demanded as she tried to escape again. “I swear once I get my hooves on you I’ll…”

“You’ll do what?” Chrysalis laughed. “Your friends aren’t going to help you. They’re in no state to after all. But I’m glad you’re awake, I was afraid that you wouldn’t be awake in time for the rebirth.”

“What are you talking about?” Twilight demanded of the Changeling Queen. “Let me go!”

“Oh I will in time, but first you must see what I’ve done,” Chrysalis said with a wicked grin. “After all, the world is about to change. You’re about to see the future, Twilight. And you’ll soon be part of that future too.”

“What are you…” Twilight started to say when she realized that there were five large green orbs on the other side of the room. “What are those?”

“These are cocoons, my dear, we have very special uses for them,” Chrysalis said with a grin as she walked towards them. “Come out my children, you have waited long enough. Let us show Twilight what you have become.”

The cocoons cracked and were pushed open. Twilight’s eyes went wide when she realized what was getting out. They looked like smaller versions of Chrysalis, with the black bodies and eyes and everything. However, they also looked like her friends. They looked like her friends if they had been born Changelings.

“What have you done to them?” Twilight demanded.

“I’ve made them part of the Hive,” Chrysalis said with a smile. “And look at them, they make such beautiful Changelings don’t they?”

“Please, snap out of this… this isn’t you…” Twilight said as her friends approached her. “You’re not these… things!”

“Don’t be silly, Twily,” Pinkie said with a giggle. “We’re still ourselves. We’ve just joined the Hive.”

So...........Um........ Yeah... Bad things just happened. And this sets the tone up for the entire story really. It's pretty unnerving as unnerving things go. So, job done there. Well, that was monumentally disturbing. Certainly sets the tone for the story though, and I'm definitely getting Kiva and Kikai flashbacks already... Very nice work, I have to say.

Now, this is me just theorizing for a moment here, and uh, it'll probably be proven wrong in upcoming chapters but I'd like to think Chrysalis only... started the Mane Six's descent into madness if it were. Now, when we see them in the next chapter they've crossed so many lines we can't call them Twilight or Pinkie or Rainbow anymore. Bear with me on this. See, what I think happened in those unchronicled years was that they realized that they'd crossed those lines -maybe this is wishful thinking here- but they realized they enjoyed it to their horror But because of how many lines they'd crossed they knew they could never go back and be forgiven so they just continued to do the only things they knew now. Serve the hive.

Again, this is me just spitballing here.

Now, let's flash forwards just a bit here. See, eventually Twilight gives in to the hive and walks up to Celestia and Luna still looking like Twilight. She drops her disguise, and the changelings reveal they'd converted Luna as well. Caught her off guard during her daytime snooze.

....which is a bit of an issue I take with this really, considering if Canterlot was on high alert and the Elements had gone missing I'd have thought to have woken up one of the more powerful forces in magic before anything could happen.

But... I'm not the writer here, am I? See, this prologue requires quite a few contrivances -I hesitate to use that word- and a few coincidences to make happen.

“Good, I have the utmost faith in all of you,” Celestia said with a sigh of relief.

“Yes, but Canterlot is going to be in much worse shape,” Luna said with a wicked smile as suddenly she transformed into Chrysalis and licked her fangs at Celestia. The guards around them suddenly shifted into Changelings as they bore their teeth at them. “Did you really think that I was going to let it be that easy?”

“Where is Luna?” Celestia demanded. “What did you do with my sister?”

“Oh, she’ll be waking up soon enough,” Chrysalis said as she leaned in close to Celestia. “She was so easy to overpower. She’ll soon be ready just like you will be.”

“Twilight, everypony, help!” Celestia said in shock.

“Yes Twilight, help your teacher,” Chrysalis said with a wicked smile. “Show our dear Princess just how committed you are to helping her.”

“Yes your majesty,” Dusk said as she bowed her head a little. Celestia’s eyes went wide as the six of them transformed into their new Changeling bodies. “We have joined the Hive already, as has many of your subjects. And you are next.”

“No…” Celestia said weakly as the cocoon formed around her as she cried out.

See, one question I like to ponder is this. What would exactly happen if Celestia was turned into a Changeling Queen? See, the truth is... we just don't know do we? Of course, my guess is, given how beloved she is -there is no more pony beloved than her in canon- she would have usurped control from Chrysalis or at least have been able to fight back with an army of her own.

Again, that doesn't happen here. Okay, yes, this can be sorta forgiven as Celestia's subjects are too shocked to do much when they learn both of their Princesses are now Changelings but it still requires a hell of a lot of suspension of disbelief on my part.

The problem is with this prologue, there's a lot of telling and not enough showing. We don't see Celestia's transformation into a Queen and instead we cut to this.

“Come, let us greet our new subjects,” Chrysalis said with a smile as they walked towards the balcony that overlooked Canterlot. Ponies looked up at her in confusion as more of them started to gather. “Ponies of Equestria, you are now under the rule of the Chrysalis Hive. Your princesses have fallen, your heroes have joined me.”

She nodded back to the six Changeling Princesses who walked forward. There was a gasp from the crowd as they recognized them as their once heroes turned into Changelings. They exchanged long terrified looks as they tried to figure out what was going on.

“Your city is surrounded, and most of you will be brought to the newly constructed conversion camps,” Chrysalis continued with a wicked smile. “Those who make it to Ponyville will be spared of this fate, however. You will now all be under the leadership of myself and my new Princesses. Dusk Shadow, Prism Flash, Elusive, Crab Apple, Joy Buzzer, and Wind Whisper. To resist is to be converted without question. Starting… now.”

A cry went up from the crowd as Changelings that had been hidden among them formed the Cocoons around most of the crowd members. The Changeling rulers laughed as they felt the panicked ponies start to join their Hive. The cocoons broke as more Changelings burst out, their conversions were easily finished as they joined their hivemates.

“The rest of you, run, run as fast as you can,” Dusk said as she hissed at them. “To be outside of the safe zone is to become part of the Hive.”

The ponies screamed as they ran for the gates of Canterlot. They would not all make it to Ponyville, that they knew, but as long as there was enough to feed on they would be fine.

“Princesses, your majesty” two voices said from behind them and they turned to see two tall Changeling Drones standing there bowing before them. “What is the will of the Hive?”

Celestia and Luna had fallen to the Hive. And soon, all of Equestria would fall into line with them. This was the future of Equestria and of ponykind.

The Hive had won the day.

00000

Decades had passed since Canterlot fell. The cities of Equestria had fallen under Changeling control, being molded into the great Hive Cities ruled over by the Princesses. Ponyville was the last place in Equestria where Ponies still lived in a safe zone.

It all happens too fast, and Ruin said to me Chrysalis was a lot more powerful than in canon here... but you know what? I don't actually believe it. Instead, the way this is framed is showing she got very lucky and if even one thing went wrong her plan should have been foiled from the get-go. Again, it's a lot of coincidences and a lot of contrivances.

Look, I'm sorry if I sound harsh here, but this prologue is nowhere near as good as it could have been. See, what I would have done is cut right to a changeling ruled wasteland -Open to In Media Res- and then give us little hints and flashbacks from maybe the Changeling Six as to what really happened. Ruin, I know you can do better with both Rider and post-apocalyptic wastelands, I've seen it in both Firebrand and Kamen Rider Justice. As it stands... this prologue didn't leave me with much of a good impression. It started out well enough, but then you floundered it.

Look, the next chapter is better, and where your writing really started to shine with this story. And I will get to that chapter soon enough, rest assured. But this prologue... needs work.

Comments ( 4 )

Strangely I never got into Kamen Rider despite it would surely interest me.

I think it's because I never saw as a kid, though I don't think it ever aired in my region. I had the Power Ranger for sure, but otherwise I only remember other similar shows like Space Sheriff Gavan, UFO Robot Grendizer and Beetle Borgs.

Anyway, I got some "interesting" Youtube recommendations as of late. Among them a clip of a Kamen live action movie, leading to the full movie. After some research, I found out it was an adaptation from a Shonen Jump manga from the early 90's. The movie was from 2013 and it had a sequel in 2016.

I admit, I'm not very good at prologues so they're not always necessarily the best frame of reference for my story to come. I basically use them to set things up, and then go into the story proper the next chapter, so, yeah, probably not my best work, but I am happy with the rest of the story so far.

5156157
Happy birthday, but yeah, as someone relatively familiar with KR, this seems intriguing, I'll give it a read

5156167 I hope you like it and yeah, don't worry it does get better after the prologue.

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